Tarot, personal problems and sexuality

Warmest greetings to all of you!

I've been a part-time professional reader for quite sometime, although I do not have my own "mystic" circle of friends whom I can discuss certain matters with like those concerning my profession. So I suppose this is the proper forum for it.

Although my day job is somewhat quite mundane, I'm quite used to being able to balance the two things I loved to do. However, these past few months my readings have been greatly affected by the problems and disappointments of my day job (which is from a quite different world). It seems that since I had my problems, it seems that my confidence in doing readings have been gravely affected. It's like if I can't help myself now, how can I help other people? I feel like a shrink needing another shrink.

Although somehow I know that refusing clients at the moment will keep me (and my clients as well) safe from bad readings.

The thing is do need your advice.

ALSO, I have a confession to make. I find myself somewhat uncomfortable with my sexuality. I have this feeling that if I'm horny and engage into sex, my capabilities seem to "wear off" after. I know this is funny or even pathetic, but somehow I feel too ashamed to give readings if I feel "unclean" - meaning if I just had sex today, no client calls. (Oh my...I swear this is so humiliating. To be honest, sometimes, I don't want my decks "looking" at me when having sex so I keep them in a separate room.) Really guys I need some insight on this.

I think this is just my morality pulling me down. Of course the cards and basically the universe allows all of us to have sex, but it would be lovely to know that somewhere in this planet are good tarot readers who are comfortable in their sexuality.

All in all, how do you treat your tarot and readings based on such concerns?

Heartfelt thanks!

If you identify your cards with your spirituality, maybe it's how you view your sexuality within your spirituality you need to think about (why do you see sex as dirty?). If it's really getting you down, it could be a good idea to talk to a counsellor. I don't think you'll get the resolution you seem to be searching for from a message boards - that comes more from face to face work.
Hope you find a path to resolution.

waterspells said:

It seems that since I had my problems, it seems that my confidence in doing readings have been gravely affected. It's like if I can't help myself now, how can I help other people? I feel like a shrink needing another shrink.

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You probably do need another shrink? Why not ask for a reading?

But this is a common problem. It's hard to maintain energy, confidence, objectivity even 24/7--and most especially when outside problems are on your mind and weighing down your spirit. You may simply need a vacation from the cards, a time to deal full time with these problems and so regain your energy and confidence.

I feel too ashamed to give readings if I feel "unclean" - meaning if I just had sex today, no client calls. (Oh my...I swear this is so humiliating. To be honest, sometimes, I don't want my decks "looking" at me when having sex so I keep them in a separate room.) Really guys I need some insight on this.

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Don't be embarrassed. Has it always been this way with sex, you and the cards, or only recently?

A couple of things to do:

1) There are decks and then there are decks. Some are very "saintly." That is, they have a lot of Christian iconography and have the feeling of being in church. But then there are others that are full of naked bodies and sexual symbolism. One way to help yourself over this is simply to get a sexual deck--because you need to rediscover that tarot is all about ALL aspects of life, sex included. Tarot is not some holy scriptures that you only read in church. Tarot does have a place in the bedroom.

So find a deck that you can talk to about sex, if you will, one that not only understands, but will revel with you in all that you do. In short, it's not the sex, it's how you view the decks. They know everything about life and nothing is above or below them--if the worst deeds a person can commit are able to be seen in the cards, to be presented without judgement, why should sex be hidden?

2) Do a reading with the decks. Ask them why you feel this way about them and how to get past it.

I think, in the end, both problems point to reconnecting with your decks. Take them out, arrange them in order, and go through them, card by card. Get reacquainted. Renew your connection with them and your understanding of what they're all about on all levels. That's the first step in getting past both problems, I think.

Thirteen said:

You probably do need another shrink? Why not ask for a reading?

But this is a common problem. It's hard to maintain energy, confidence, objectivity even 24/7--and most especially when outside problems are on your mind and weighing down your spirit. You may simply need a vacation from the cards, a time to deal full time with these problems and so regain your energy and confidence.

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I would like to second this (well and everything else said.) Also, on another point, I'm in the field of Social Work. It's very common for a S.W, or therapist to end up going to another S.W or therapist for help with issues. Working with people on finding solutions to their issues highlights our own and so the need to take care of them comes up. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's very common. The Tarot are functioning in the same manner with you.

Hooked

There's no reason to be humiliated or ashamed, in my opinion. Actually your honesty in this matter is pretty courageous.

Anyway. I'll echo the suggestion that seeing a counselor might be a good idea. When it comes to sexual guilt and the like, rest assured that you are not alone, and a good counselor will know the best way to help you work through that.

One trick you can use is, when you find yourself thinking thoughts about being unclean (or whatever), you can catch yourself and then think something else. Try to replace the bad thoughts with good thoughts. It sounds corny, but it really works.

As far as your job stress affecting your tarot reading, that's perfectly natural as well. You'd have to be a robot for it not to. One thing that might help with that is meditation. And again, counseling will help with this as well.

I think I've rambled on enough now. Best of luck, and be well.

waterspells,

Sorry to hear about your difficulties! And sorry to hear that posting about them was a humiliating experience. For what it's worth, I think it took no small amount of courage for you to post about this. Be proud of that.

As for your situation, wouldn't it be better titled "work problems and sexuality"? Or are you problems at work "personal problems" maybe? Obviously, I guess they must be at some level for them to affect your reading ability. But, that doesn't necessarily tell you where the root cause lies, I don't think.

My intuition tells me that you should address the issues you have with sex and sexuality first. None of us is perfect and free from all hangups, of course, but if you feel as if your decks are looking at you when you are having sex, somewhere in your psyche you have something that is crying out to be given attention and energy. Find out what it is. Probably, just understanding will be enough to dissolve the situation, but understanding can be difficult in this area (!). Is it possible that your Tarot decks themselves might be able to help you with this problem? In addition, you might check out Thomas Moore's book "The Soul of Sex" and Ginette Paris's book "Pagan Meditiations" (the section on Aphrodite is amazing and a pro pos).

As for your desire to know that there are Tarot readers who are comfortable with their sexuality, how can you doubt it? Many Tarot readers are also practitioners of sex magick or tantra, or just generally rather free and comfortable with their sexual and sensual side. I'm not a good tarot reader--not yet anyway--but I am comfortable with that side of myself. I wasn't always. I used to be a Catholic (LOL!). It might take a little time and effort, but you are an inherently sexual being. It's natural and normal, so hangups are unnatural, and will tend to spring back into place once the mental pressure holding them aside is released.

Start with sensuality--it's easier and less intense. Good food, small pleasures, the feel of your own body. Many of us treat our bodies in a way we would never treat someone elses! We force them and are rough and demanding with them, and then get annoyed when pain and discomfort result. Be affectionate with yourself! Be gentle with yourself. Let your intellect go and just experience, just focus on sensation. Try meditation of one sort or another.

You're only human! Drop the intense demands for perfection and flawlessnes. You are who you are! Who else could you possibly be? As much as many of us would like to be other than we are, we aren't. The most important step in the process of transformation is to accept who you are, where you are. You are beautiful, you are perfect, you are wonderful . . . just as you are. And you will also be those things again when you are different, further down the path of transformation.

It's all good. It's just not all pleasant! Don't reject those things that make you uncomfortable. Don't reject your feelings and failings. These are the base material necessary for any true transformation. Treat these things as honored guests--just try this--and see what happens.

Take care, waterspells! Brightest blessings. All will be well. All is well.

I get the notion that it is your "day job" that is the real problem here.
If you cast a spread asking something relating to your job or even future occupation and the Devil appears, then it might be time to makes changes in your employment or work patterns. Best luck to you -

One trick you can use is, when you find yourself thinking thoughts about being unclean (or whatever), you can catch yourself and then think something else. Try to replace the bad thoughts with good thoughts. It sounds corny, but it really works.

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Yes, excellent advice in any situation where negative thoughts occur! Cognitive Behaviour Therapists use it with great success! It's good in depression situations, too!

Well... you could spend ages in therapy trying to figure out the 'why', the 'wherefore' and the 'what-to-do' about it all... Or... you could just go to a hypnotherapist and change the tape that's looping in your head...

I think this also touches upon the balance between body and spirit. Like Catholic priest not being allowed to have sex as it should interfere with their divine work. Says Catholic church. I think it's a load of b*ll*x. Now I do think there's a difference between men and women. Men are usually drained after sex while women tend to get energetic. Soldiers aren't supposed to have sex during war either, as it would take the fighting spirit out of them. Like priests, soldiers were and are mainly male. I don't believe in this abstination, I think it's more important to find a balance. One cannot deny the physical needs and desires and I don't one should even try!
I can only speak for myself, but sexual desire for me goes up and down. And when the body screams for attention, I cannot do spiritual work and vice versa.
Find a balance between the two and believe in this balance too. You don't need to live like a monk just because you happen to do spiritual work.

Ravenne