Softening the impact...

There are certain cards-Death, the Tower-that tend to frighten sitters. As a reader, I've always sort of disliked the tendency to soften the impact of these cards: Death is "change", the Devil is "creative energy" etc. I am not saying that these meanings are necessarily inappropriate...a card can have any number of meanings depending on the circumstances. It's just that I think that certain cards should have impact. When those particular disturbing looking cards hit the table, their impact should not be stifled immediately by the reader quickly stating "Now don't worry about that card...It just looks scary" unless the reaction by the sitter is of utter panic such as would cause them to end the reading and run away. We don't soften the blow of The Sun or The World. We let the sitter have their happy reaction to those cards. I think the reaction to these certain cards by the querent are so important. If you immediately interrupt their emotion about the cards they have fearful reactions to, you have robbed that person of an opportunity to explore a part of themselves, or to think about something they haven't really thought of before. You have also reduces the excitement of the reading. Part of the excitement of getting a reading is the fear of a "bad" card.

Thoughts?

Splunge - I don't know about your practise, but in mine, most people are already pretty unhappy - if they weren't, they wouldn't be coming to a fortune teller. As a rule. We still have arranged marriages and such here, and yes, I'll look at those too - which can sometimes prevent a world of pain for someone, and so much the better if it does. Personally, though, I'd much prefer to give happy news - I think all of us would. And sometimes I get to, and I love it when that happens.

So whilst I won't soften a reading (usually - there's only so much people can take and I have occasionally seen absolute world-of-suck layouts, and you need to be able to gauge your querent's ability to cope, too), or trivialise their situation, I will do my damndest to find any way to make it better that I can. Granted, my readings are more on the predictive than psychological side (psychological readings don't fly where I live), but folks usually know what kind of trouble they're in. Once in a while they don't.

I won't sugar-coat, but I won't brutalise, either - and I will do everything I can to help. Because really - the help is what they came for.

First off, I'm one who believes there are no bad cards, but there are some times that a reading is pretty obviously off. In that case, I'm not convinced it's always a good idea to soften the impact -- at all. In my readings for myself, I tend to be in denial when something difficult is coming up, even if it's fairly obvious in the cards, and only later do I tend to realize in just how bad a light I should have seen it -- and I'm not all that much of an optimist, believe me. But if another reader were to tell me, "oh that's nothing to worry about" I'd want to believe them, when in fact perhaps I needed validation of a troubling situation and needed to bolster myself, or at least be on my guard and get some help figuring out how to deal with it.

I think the impact does need to be handled with caution if the sitter is particularly superstitious or clearly already distraught and incapable of handling their life at the moment. But then I have to wonder why would they go to a Tarot reader instead of . . . doctor, lawyer, therapist, etc? Are they also in denial and do they need a firm nudge into professional help?

Maybe a good opener would be, "Well that doesn't look very good, does it?" And see how the sitter responds. Whatever the card is about may already be at work in their lives or they may already be having odd feelings about it, and perhaps they just need some validation and guidance from the cards as to how best to handle the situation. Making everything look too cheerful might make them internalize or be reluctant to get at what they really need out of the reading.

I also wonder, if a reader softens the impact of a reading, is the reader protecting the querent, or herself? Doctors don't like to deliver bad news either. But if it's one's job . . .

I have at times said, "Well, my first impression when I saw that card was . . ." and state the worst thing that popped into my mind -- in as diplomatic and gentle a way as possible. Then said, "But that's not always what this card is about, of course." I think if there is something awful in their lives at the moment they'll be quick to say so. Then we could go on from there. I remember one person, asking about a date, said she did have funny feelings after I mentioned my misgivings about the card that came up, and then we went into some of the ways she could ensure her safety going out with this new person. If I'd been too quick to soften the card's impact, I might not have been doing my job responsibly. (It wasn't a paid reading, mind you, but I consider every reading I do for another a responsibility.)

The times that I haven't come out and said what bothered me, I regretted it, and kept wondering afterwards if I should've said more about what bugged me in the reading. Would that have been more helpful? These days I tend to think so, that the more said about negative aspects the better.

Splungeman said:

Part of the excitement of getting a reading is the fear of a "bad" card.

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I disagree that this is usually the case. I think people go to readers wanting to know what good will come, even if they're troubled. Maybe especially if they're troubled.

Nevada

When those 'bad' cards appear in a spread for someone I'm reading for, and I have to say I too don't see any of the cards in a tarot deck as being wholly bad or negative, and they, the querant/client, take a quick deep breath or sit up a little straighter on their being laid and shooting me a worrying look, I do try to reassure them with words to the effect of "it's not as dire as it might appear to you to be, and we'll see what it might suggest when we get there". (my method is to have all the cards laid out before I begin my interpretations of them.)
Their interpretation is wholly dependent on the query of concern and the definition of the position in which they have been drawn. So, while the appearance of a particular card might be alarming to the querant/client, once you get to it, the impact might well be a whole lot softer and it can be interpreted as a 'red flag', so to speak, suggesting that perhaps in that area of query/concern there is a need for a new approach, a change of attitude and mindset, a demand for greater consideration of some particular aspect.
Their interpretation is also affected/influenced by the cards that surround, precede and follow them also by my method of reading, so I'm not really looking at a 'bad' card in isolation to or exclusion of the other cards that have been drawn and laid in the spread I am using at the time.
I should also say that I don't do 'predictive' readings, I use tarot for self-improvement and empowerment of the querant, interpreting it so that they are more aware of what their options are in life and their issue of concern, hopefully bringing an awareness of matters they should/need consciously consider and act upon according to their conscience and with an awareness of the consequence of actions. They ultimately have to decide for themselves what to do with the information that tarot provides them and I'm quite clear from the outset that, according to my beliefs, tarot will not tell them what course of action they should/must take once they leave my table.

editted for typos and spelling mistakes, I'm anal about correct spelling!!

I don't necessarily agree Splungeman. My objective is to help the person across from me however I can. I want them to understand what is going on around them. For me it never is about one card but the whole layout... the combos. Sometimes my readings are only predictive but most of the time they are combined with getting into the person's head - where most people are uncomfortable so I need to be careful.

That said, I have had some tough layouts lately. I deal the cards facing me and I have found most of my querents are watching me and my reaction to the cards with baited breath. I remain calm and friendly. I don't believe in bad cards per se .... I think certain combos are ROUGH and I do pussy foot. I pussy foot until I know who I am dealing with and what they can handle. There are many ways to say something and I can get the message across without being brutal and sometimes without speaking. The sitter is across from me because they are looking for hope - I would never crush that - when the cards are particularly rough I look deeper and longer until I can find a way. There is ALWAYS a way.

I had a reading 16 years ago from a nasty dark person. Her reading for me was full of doom and gloom - everybody was dying and there was disaster everywhere - or so she said. She brought me to tears! I was at a particular low time in my life and she tried to suck the little light in my heart right out of it. I was just learning to read and I do not remember the cards - wish I did. I walked out of there so sad and down! But I am an optimist and always full of hope! So I got my sense back and ignored her reading! Thank goodness I have a strong spirit - some one less sure would have been in trouble! I also figured it was about me not about the cards - she had an agenda. Nothing she predicted came true, I am happy to say! From then on I steered clear of her.

I would never and could never do what she did! No matter how rough the cards are. It is unconscionable!

Last week I had a bad combo and I knew what it was about. I told the person that something pretty awful happened when this person was young and it is time to deal with it and let it go and it was poisoning the present. I danced a bit because I didn't want to put them on the defensive. I looked into their eyes until I knew they knew what I was talking about and let them reveal it on their terms. I told the person it isn't important for the two of us to talk about it but it is here and it is important to deal with it. I think that is consideration. There is no need for me to blurt something out. I know what I know and if I can look them in the eye and know they got the message then I have done my job.

I had one person a couple of weeks that was extremely defiant and obtuse! She had her arms crossed in front of me and I pulled the cards and they were ROUGH and going to get far WORSE. I told her as gently as I could (but I wasn't as gentle as I usually am because she was challenging me and my ego got in my way - I was also exhausted and she was my last reading after a long night!) so she argued and I got direct. I said this is the situation and it isn't something you might not know and it is serious! Then she fessed up but said it is minor and I said OH no it is not! It is dire and if you don't do something fast there is going to be a crash and it will be huge! Her response was tell all! I pray she heeded my advice but she was not a nice person.


Anyway that is my opinion for whatever it is worth.

I'm going to come at this from a different angle ... someone who would rather be read the truth than softened a blow.

I read for me and almost me only. If I have a very serious question, I go to someone else.

Because the Tarot can give advice and does not set the future in stone, I tend to take a lot away from readings. If things look bad, I want to know about it, so I can do preventative maintenance. If my thoughts are dark and deep, and I'm not realizing how destructive they are, I want that pointed out to me.

Softening a blow would certainly not help me any!

I would never let a sitter leave me crying. How horrible for you.

While I do think it is important for my sitters to realize the impact of things coming, I always make sure they feel up to it. And I always end on a good note.

These are real people we're dealing with. They deserve to be treated in a kind manner.

The sitter is across from me because they are looking for hope - I would never crush that - when the cards are particularly rough I look deeper and longer until I can find a way. There is ALWAYS a way.

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I nominate that one for quote of the month, Franniee.

Franniee ... I think the dark person who read for you must not have been very good. I think there is a difference between softening the impact and scare tactics. I don't know what that person was thinking!!!

I'm a newbie (one day I won't have to post that ... LOL) and I still think every card can have a positive side. I've had the Tower card stalking me lately. It turns out I have had issues at home (which have been resolved), and my hubby and I had an issue with a car that turned out much differently than I expected. But not bad. Just different.

Thanks Gavriela Sin & Dragon-Capricorn

That person that read me was a tarot teacher - she wanted to spook me - she wanted me gone. My drive to learn overpowered my intuition which was screaming at me! Here is the really disgusting part .... it cost a lot of money!!!! $300 or $350 and that was a long time ago. Now you think I am a moron! I was! LOL But it was a very good lesson - one that I am still learning from - first and foremost ALWAYS trust your instincts!

I have a lot of bad readings over the years but that one definitely takes the cake!