Sitter had zipped lips, causing rote reading

I did many celtic spread readings last night at a Girl's Night Out event. For one querent in particular, I flipped over the first card and it was 2 of Cups. The first thing I said (or asked) was, "Oh! How's the love life?" as sort of an ice breaker.

She said, "YOU tell me!" (typical reply)

From then on, the total spread was unconnected and rote. "This card is in your past and it means blah blah blah....this is how other people in your environment see you and it means blah blah blah....this is your final outcome and it means blah blah blah."

I didn't have a clue what was going on, as I'm not intuitive (well, maybe I AM if I know what the situation is....do you know what I mean?) But with having no idea, I went into rote-mode.

Long story short, after she said nothing made sense, she reshuffled and we did it AGAIN. There were so many reversals and, again, nothing made sense, that I up-righted the deck and she reshuffled AGAIN.

She FINALLY uttered "That hit!" (Card 10) and explained what happened in her life. By golly, the cards weren't lying after all <roll eyes> and I was able to go back to Card 1 and read the spread. And after all of the spreads, I still did questions with 3-card spreads.

There are and always will be sitters who won't say a word. It makes it hard, but that's not really what bothers me here. What bothers me is the rote, book-memorized explanations that I have to resort to. Even the next sitter after, I felt stuck in that rote, robot-like position and then taking their money.

What am I doing wrong?

Nothing.

You're not doing anything wrong.

I guess some people read tarot like they're in front of a camera--no audience participation. For me, and I guess for you, tarot reading is more like reading stories in the children's corner of the public library. It's a collaboration.

HighPriestesss said:

There are and always will be sitters who won't say a word. It makes it hard, but that's not really what bothers me here. What bothers me is the rote, book-memorized explanations that I have to resort to….

What am I doing wrong?

Click to expand...

Nothing – yet. LOL

I agree with your first statement (above), there will always be sitters with whom rapport seems impossible, they provide little feedback (note – I did not say no feedback).

Often, the diffident posture they exhibit is a bilateral defense mechanism. For starters, they believe they are preventing phishing by a cold reader (History – the word Phishing made its debut in the cold reader/con man arena years before computers were invented), they believe that any and all questions you pose, are an effort to ‘pump’ them for information, and judge ‘hits and misses’.

Second, they think the whole reading thing is like a mind reading event on TV. You’re there to guess their life, their question – pick facts out of the air and demonstrate your skill and amaze them.

How to diffuse the attitude without conceding it is our goal.

Reading Tarot is a carefully constructed conversation. Boil away all the fol-der-ol and that’s what it really is.

So if they are expecting one thing (the magic mindreading maven of the mystic) you’ll have to create something different. After all – if you’re doing “rote, book-memorized explanations”, then in reality you have put on the clothes of a cold-reader.

There’s a two-pronged solution for you.

First: Chuck the books and begin to journal. What do those cards mean to you? Not the book meanings, the personal meanings. Sure the book says, “Memories and past – nostalgia…” but when it comes up for YOU, it says something different! Write it down so you remember it! Make the meanings yours!

Second: (this will sound really silly – until you put it into practice). Learn to read for folks who don’t provide feedback (HOW?). A part of the construction of the conversation is to build it with absolute confidence (HOW?), so that you know (and sound like you know) what you’re talking about. You may even want to add on a historical angle to the ‘meanings’ of the cards (what this spread may have meant in 1790)(or you may take a Briggs-Meyer stance, or Jungian, or witchy…). Find the twist on Tarot that resonates with you and make it yours. Then...(but HOW?) head down to your local second hand store and buy a life sized doll. Set it up and do readings for it. Over and over till they sound like you know what the hell you’re talking about (LOL).

See – at the end of your post, it was obvious you did a good reading. But you didn’t believe it – until after. The only issue in the reading was the reader (LOL).

Book meanings suck (can kill a reading). And you're on the correct path as you've recognized it...(that parroting is not the same as reading).

ETA: No feedback is feedback. Keep reading, and you’ll even learn to dance with those who fear leading.

My recommendation to you would be to practice reading for others online. As the reader, you have to go through the entire spread without feedback. This may help you become acclimated to offering readings that contain a certain fluidity without being dependent on what the querant has to say. Regardless of anything, you shouldn't second-guess yourself. You gave a good reading, and the responsibility rested within the querant to accept what you offered .

Umbrae said:

Often, the diffident posture they exhibit is a bilateral defense mechanism. For starters, they believe they are preventing phishing by a cold reader (History – the word Phishing made its debut in the cold reader/con man arena years before computers were invented), they believe that any and all questions you pose, are an effort to ‘pump’ them for information, and judge ‘hits and misses’.

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My God,...you are describing my relatives,...how did you know???

Umbrae said:

Find the twist on Tarot that resonates with you and make it yours. Then...(but HOW?) head down to your local second hand store and buy a life sized doll. Set it up and do readings for it. Over and over till they sound like you know what the hell you’re talking about (LOL).

Click to expand...

I can think of another doll,................ I am bad!!!


Seriously, Umbrae makes good points. It drives me crazy to have someone sit there and not say anything, but then,.....I think of when I get a reading from someone face-to-face I say nothing, but not to be bitchy. A lot of times, I will take out my own pad and pen (yes, a pen lol), and take notes, which at times has been known to put the reader off. But I want to ask questions and go deeper into the reading.

Readings online will work too. Just keep going out there and read; soon you will look back on this and have a chuckle.

Sebavin said:

My recommendation to you would be to practice reading for others online. As the reader, you have to go through the entire spread without feedback.

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Exactly what I was going to say.

Do readings here in the exchanges. That way you can still get feedback; however, you will not run the risk of doing cold readings (i.e. in-person readings where you are actually reading the seeker's physical clues more than you are reading the cards.)

Umbrae, of course, is right. Rote, memorized regurgitation of book "meanings" is just that, and anyone can pick up a book and look up meanings and repeat them to a sitter. You need to be able to look ONLY at the spread and see how the cards interact without looking at the sitter's "clues", IMO. And you can get pretty good practice by doing online readings.

Umbrae said:

Second, they think the whole reading thing is like a mind reading event on TV. You’re there to guess their life, their question – pick facts out of the air and demonstrate your skill and amaze them.

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Thank you, Umbrae, for your lengthy post and great advice for me! I surely will have to devote time here to do readings. I admit, I've only done a few; spending most of my online time reading threads to learn as I go.

Having said that, it occurred to me that online readings are always based on A Question. Or maybe I've just missed the random "What-the-Universe-Wants-You-To-Know" reading exchanges here?

I'm trying to pin-point what it is, exactly, that I keep stumbling over...Is it the lack of a querent's question that leaves me in rote mode?

HighPriestesss said:

Thank you, Umbrae, for your lengthy post and great advice for me! I surely will have to devote time here to do readings. I admit, I've only done a few; spending most of my online time reading threads to learn as I go.

Having said that, it occurred to me that online readings are always based on A Question. Or maybe I've just missed the random "What-the-Universe-Wants-You-To-Know" reading exchanges here?

I'm trying to pin-point what it is, exactly, that I keep stumbling over...Is it the lack of a querent's question that leaves me in rote mode?

Click to expand...

Putting on my serious hat, (scary). Now personally, I don't want a question per say, I just want to know what I should concentrate on, what subject if you will. Sitters for some reason, will clam up when they have to ask a question, at least that is what I have found. What you could try is to suggest perhaps something to concentrate on, like romance, finances, home, kids. Sometimes if you open the door, the sitter will go through and start talking to you.

Great advice given already...but I have to throw in my pennies here, too!

Don't let your "querent" intimidate you. If you're comfortable with this, explain why and how it can be a cooperative effort.

I've only had two experiences similar to what you describe, and both times I just blurted out that the reading doesn't mean anything if they don't want to participate, and that yes, my questions are intended to lead them in a certain direction, but that direction is determined by them and so on and so forth. It actually worked both times. Who knows what the next stubborn querent will do

When someone doesn't have a particular question on the Reading Exchange, they ask for a "general" reading. The reading exchanges have weekly and monthly pairings of all sorts, and you can either watch for them or sign onto a "pm" list so you don't miss any one of them. And there are individual exchanges also, where you and your respondents decide how and when the readings will be done. Very helpful practice opportunities!

HighPriestesss said:

I'm trying to pin-point what it is, exactly, that I keep stumbling over...Is it the lack of a querent's question that leaves me in rote mode?

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or is it the rote mode's built in safety net?

Cuz with no feedback it sure is scary to dance out there in the land of beyond logic - isn't it?

Sometimes, you just kick off the meanings and tell stories. The key is learning to say it aloud, the vocalizing…

Ain’t that the key? Our mind knows what to say, but what comes out of our mouths…?

Isn’t that it?

It’s a thing that terrifies folks.

Our mothers taught to “Never talk to strangers” and then we spend the rest of our lives learning to talk to strangers – and sometimes tell them real personal stuff (and they stand there like a statue), and we wanna move away from the recording (but that’s safe, they don’t even have to listen…) but that’d be really “talking to strangers”, and how do I say this stuff without sounding like a complete moron?

That’s kind of all about finding your own voice. Ya can’t learn that doing internet readings. You can only learn that face to face (but you can start to learn with the doll). Talk aloud. Read Dickens aloud. Just a thought. Couldn’t hurt.