the querent disagrees with the cards??

ok, I haven't been reading tarot for so long ( a year and a 1/2) and I've only read for myself and friends (not so close friends sometimes) but there's something I've got to resolve before going any further...
what do u do when u're reading the cards and the querent stops u to say : no, that's not true at all actually (especially when talking about a person or the past) ?
does it destabilize you somewhat and u start doubting every word u say for the rest of the reading?? and start wondering who's at fault? are the cards wrong? are u wrong for not seeing the right interpretation? but shouldn't u go with what ur gut is telling u? is the querent just afraid or unable to admit something? (I noticed that when someone says something very true but unpleasant to me, i sometimes have the reflex of denying it, without thinking about it first)
I don't know, this really affects the rest of my reading, and I think it would be even worse with strangers. I don't want anyone to think i'm tryin to force a meaning on them so I ask them to look at the card sometimes and tell me their impression..
so for the people who've been reading tarot for a long time, does it ever go away? (the doubt)
how do u react when the querent strongly disagrees with what u said?
should u always formulate ur interpretations as questions rather than statements?
do u keep asking them questions till u get the right meaning for the card?

so many questions, i know.. but u can see I've been thinking about this a lot. Please, HELP!

As is oft repeated: the cards are never wrong. That being said, you as the reader have a gift to discern a message from the card. Sometimes--SOMETIMES--it's the wrong message; or, it's the right message, but a different aspect of it.

When the querent is on the "you're wrong" train, usually that means that you hit a nerve or three and they don't want to admit it; denial is not just a river in Egypt.

There are times, though, when the reading may be addressing something that the querent did not ask and needs to know. Other times, the reading may be addressing something in YOUR life as the reader; it takes time and practice to figure out when these scenarios are applicable.

Above all, don't doubt yourself or your skills as a reader. No reader is 100% accurate and if they say they are, they're either lying or havent' come up against a missed reading yet.

Just my $.02. Keep reading!

T.

"what do u do when u're reading the cards and the querent stops u to say : no, that's not true at all actually (especially when talking about a person or the past) ?"

I stop and look at the card deeper with the querent. It could be that i've mis-read it, it could be that the querent doesn't fully understand, or a umber of other reasons. If it still doesn't make sense, I finish the reading (and often a new card will come up in a different place that explains the first one). If it's still a mystery, or still feels wrong for the querent, I draw a clarifyier card.

"does it destabilize you somewhat and u start doubting every word u say for the rest of the reading?? and start wondering who's at fault?"
Not at all. Sometimes the card can relate to something that the querent isn't even aware of, something subconscious or hidden.

"are the cards wrong?"
The cards are never really wrong. They can be muddy and unclear, but not wrong.

"are u wrong for not seeing the right interpretation? but shouldn't u go with what ur gut is telling u?"
There is no 'right' interpretation. Whatever your gut or instinct is, it's usually correct. So yes, you should go with what your gut is telling you. It's highly probable that the querent simply doesn't see the link, but it is there.

"is the querent just afraid or unable to admit something?"
Quite possibly, and some are simply shocked that you managed to unearth something about them that they don't want to know about themselves, and so deny it.

"so I ask them to look at the card sometimes and tell me their impression"
That's a very good way of doing it, and it's what I do when I look at the cards deeper with the querent. I ask them what imagery they're drawn to on the card first, and what they think the imagery could stand for. Then i link it in to what I know about the card, and if possible do a revised interpretation.

"should u always formulate ur interpretations as questions rather than statements? "
I don't. I tend to phrase them as a mix, really. Say the querent pulled the Ace of Swords in the past position (for a past, present, future spread, for example), I'd probably phrase it like "OK, so this card is telling me that you've probably started afresh in the past, that you've perhaps come through a difficult time, but you've beaten the odds through your own strength and determination". Note the use of the words 'probably', and 'perhaps'. That way they're tentative statements, and they're more open than a fixed statement. That allows the querent to apply the interpretation to their own experiences, as opposed to telling them "this definitely happened", which is bound to put them on the defensive (and that's when you get people disagreeing).

"do u keep asking them questions till u get the right meaning for the card?"
No - we look at the card together, try to work it out together. Sometimes it works, sometimes I draw a claryifing card, sometimes I just have to tell the querent to meditate on the image when they leave.

I understand totally! I posted about this exact dilemma (I think it was in the Professional Tarot forum).

I have always known that the cards are right, even though they don't make sense or if the client says NOPE, you're wrong!

I have been one to suddenly draw a blank whenever there is a difference of opinion. After I posted here, I realize that it happens even to the best, most experienced tarot readers! I am now really confident to just keep saying, politely and respectfully, that "this is what I'm seeing and sensing in the cards - it may not make sense and I just need to tell you nothing but what I see."

Say this even though a client might get offended and deny the cards. (That is usually a sign that the cards are right, you are right and they don't want to admit it - those who replied on my thread say the same thing!) When they say NO, that's wrong, just smile and say, I'm just telling you what the cards are saying, I will leave that with you and we can go on to the next topic...

That's a great way to keep your credibility as a reader AND to respectfully tell the client that you're sticking with it and would like to respect his/her privacy; AND that you'd like to move on so there's time for the whole reading.

Well...This is coming from someone that is considered a "hard read". Not too many people can actually "see" what is really going on. I'm not in denial either and trust me, if the reader is "close"..I'll jump on that part and go with it. But, it does happen that the reader is just not "getting it"....I can sit for days on a reading and still not be able to relate to it. It does happen to all of us one point or another. Nothing wrong with that either, really. We are human, with our imperfections....all of us.

Interact with your querant...they will help you see which avenue you took the left turn on. Something like feedback here in the Reading circles.

I would be horribly offended if I paid someone for a reading and, not only did they give me a reading that did not fit my life, they got defensive with me and told me to shut up and listen.

You can't be serious.

The reading isn't about you. It's for your client. Your job as a reader is to relay that message as clearly as you can. If the client insists that you are wrong, instead of judging them as being in denial (how do you know?) why not take another look at the cards. Every card can be interpreted in any countless number of ways. Ask your client what specifically is wrong with your interpretation. It may be something very minor and most likely it is something you didn't outright say but that your client assumed.

Sometimes they really are in denial, sometimes you can sense it and sometimes you can't. But the truth is, you don't really know. You haven't lived their life and you don't know all that they have been through. It just might not be your job to "help" them out their denial. It might be necessary for them to stay in this denial until they are ready to face whatever the issue is. Who are you to say when that is?

Treat your client with respect and if you feel you cannot continue the reading because *gasp* you got something wrong, say so. And return the money if you charged them. I only stopped a reading once, after reading for many hours and I just was getting nothing. I returned her money and apologized and explained that I was just too exhausted. She wanted to pay me anyway but I wouldn't let her. I asked her to come see me again some other time.

Let go of your ego, your job here is to serve.

The cards might always be right but we are human and quite fallible. So we do get things wrong. I get cards wrong all the time. But I smile and laugh and soon my client is laughing along with me. But I keep learning and I keep trying. And my customers are always right. They may go away remembering that I messed up, or they may go away feeling inspired. At the very least, I want them to go away only after having a good time. That is all up to me. That is my job.

Anyway, the answer to all your questions is a question back at you: what kind of reader do you want to be?

Sinduction said:

I would be horribly offended if I paid someone for a reading and, not only did they give me a reading that did not fit my life, they got defensive with me and told me to shut up and listen.

You can't be serious.

Click to expand...

I wouldn't be paying for such reading either - as much as the imaginary reader would be telling me that i was in denial - it would simply mean the reading does not resonate with me. Personally, i love 'harsh truth' readings, but please - do not bring your own agendas into the reading and do not bully me via the reading. (ETA: That's generic 'you' of course. )
I had last night in a reading for someone RWS 10oW and Death... not very optimistic, huh? I did say carefully what i thought the cards were saying and my sitter absolutely could not relate to that, what i was supposed to tell her: "Shut up, i know better than you what's going on in your life and how you feel about it?!" I don't think so.
The cards can't be wrong, we all know that - but we, as readers, can be quite wrong in interpreting them - so lets proceed carefully from there.

afrosaxon, yeah, that the cards could be wrong is just my initial response but I immediately feel afterwards that no actually that couldn't be the case! as I was typing that, I thought : no, silly, that's not true. u're just not looking at them from the right angle thanks for the encouragements!

celticdruidess, thank you so much for taking the time to answer every question. your post made a lot of sense. the only thing that I still feel unsure of is when I want to revise an interpretation but the querent rushes me a bit so I go to the next. I mean, if they feel the card is a minor thing, I don't insist, I do whatever they want, but later I can't help but feel guilty and the card which meaning I didn't get haunts me and I wonder what it could have been and wish I would have talked about it more with them...I noticed a reading for myself takes approximately an hour and a half (including writing in my journal) but others start getting up after 15 minutes (my mom can't even stay in the same spot for 5 minutes! lol ) so my readings become rushed and I don't feel satisfied with them or like I have truly helped the other person... It's not up to me how much time someone wants to spend on the cards but if i'm not a good enough reader to grasp the card's meanings quickly, isn't it pointless for me to read for others? it rarely feels like I helped... but maybe those things come with practice,I dunno.

cactus, you can't imagine how glad I am to know i'm not the only one who feels this!

whiteraven, this is it though. I feel that I can't ''see'' what's going on , that it's right there but I'm ''missing'' it somehow!! then I wish I could interact more with the querent because they know their situation better and one thing they say can lead me in a whole new direction but that depends on the time they want to spend with me and the cards. But if this is true, that no one can really see what's goin on in other's cards, what's the point in reading for others at all? wouldn't it be better if we taught everyone how to read the cards and let them make their own interpretations? how can we be helpful?

sinduction, I'm not sure if u read my post carefully... Like I said, I'm a beginner, I only read for friends, so of course I'm not making anyone pay!! I'm usually practicing with my cards and someone sees me and asks if i can read for them so I say yes. it's mostly my roommate. and I would never ever tell someone to shut up and listen! my problem is the opposite actually.. I'm too hesitant, too unsure about my reading abilities, so if the person tells me I'm wrong, I ask them what their first impression of the card is and try to go from there.. I don't always succeed though and when that happens, I think ''I'm screwin up, I must not be a very good reader, I'm not helping my querent...'' and that makes me even more unsure of myself during the rest of the reading. so I wanted to know if this is just a phase u go through when u're still starting out in tarot or if I should get used to it and learn to live with the doubt. and I don't judge people as in denial. it was one of many possibilities ( I know it's possible but i wouldn't assume it is so, and never would tell someone that) but the n 1 reason in my head is always, like i said now, that I'm ''missing'' something, that I haven't seen the message of the card yet... the problem isn't with my ego, it's that i really want to help but when I feel i'm not, i get discouraged and don't know if i should be even reading for others. maybe I should wait more. but i have a hard time saying no when someone asks if i could read for them they know I'm not a pro and what to be expecting but I still feel bad when I could have given a better reading then I did.. what kind of reader do I want to be? I want whoever I read to to feel as satisfied after a reading as I feel after I read for myself. that would be great. but I don't think I'll ever charge for a reading. I can't imagine being THAT good that my readings would be worth money. but that's just me.

moderndayruth, well i think I've said it all above.. so to resume, cards come up, u interpret them, the querent disagrees, u think about what u missed, u talk about it with them, u still don't know, then what? that was my essential question really. but I think I might have said some unnecessary things that have caused people to misinterpret what I was saying.
but I appreciate the feedback guys!

Sever said:

moderndayruth, well i think I've said it all above.. so to resume, cards come up, u interpret them, the querent disagrees, u think about what u missed, u talk about it with them, u still don't know, then what? that was my essential question really. but I think I might have said some unnecessary things that have caused people to misinterpret what I was saying.
but I appreciate the feedback guys!

Click to expand...

(((Sever))) It is just a phase, indeed, it shall pass too. You are learning, i think, and building selfconfidence... and maybe not only building selfconfidence as a reader only, but in other areas of life too. The more you practice, the more you'll beleive in yourself as a reader. It can happen that you are picking up something that has not happened yet, also, it can happen that your sitter is "busy" with some other area of their lives, and Tarot actually can tell sometimes what they need to know, not what they want to know and most probably they'll relate to the reading later on... all of it happened to me more than once. I think the best way is to say - if the two of you can't make sense of the reaing - "that is what i see " and simply let it be; Tarot works in misterious ways and, most probably, in time the reading will make sense.
And, Sever, indeed - that was generic 'you' i was reffering too and i personally had readers imposing themelves on me with something negative and inaccurate and i can't stand that.

ETA: pm-ed you

moderndayruth said:

(((Sever))) It is just a phase, indeed, it shall pass too. You are learning, i think, and building selfconfidence... and maybe not only building selfconfidence as a reader only, but in other areas of life too. The more you practice, the more you'll beleive in yourself as a reader. It can happen that you are picking up something that has not happened yet, also, it can happen that your sitter is "busy" with some other area of their lives, and Tarot actually can tell sometimes what they need to know, not what they want to know and most probably they'll relate to the reading later on... all of it happened to me more than once. I think the best way is to say - if the two of you can't make sense of the reaing - "that is what i see " and simply let it be; Tarot works in misterious ways and, most probably, in time the reading will make sense.
And, Sever, indeed - that was generic 'you' i was reffering too and i personally had readers imposing themelves on me with something negative and inaccurate and i can't stand that.

ETA: pm-ed you

Click to expand...

yes, it could be any of those things and I'm hoping that with practice I'll get better at telling the difference. sometimes it might only be a minor detail in the reading but I still like to know what's the meaning of the card.
I'm sorry about those bad experiences you had
Thank you for your Pm I pm-ed u back!