A Question About Questions

I just recently started doing exchanges, which I'm thoroughly enjoying, but I'm confused about something. Many of the questions I've gotten are about someone other than the person asking the question: "What does so-and-so think of me?" "How is A going to feel about my gift?" "Will my ex find happiness?"
My understanding is that questions have to be about the person asking the question and not about someone who hasn't asked or given their permission
for me to do a reading about what THEY think or feel.
Yet that kind of question seems to be so common as to almost be the rule rather than the exception.
Am I missing something? Am I being too literal? Maybe I should just rephrase the question along the lines of "What should I know about A's meaning in my life" or something like that.
Help!

Dr.Girlfriend said:

I just recently started doing exchanges, which I'm thoroughly enjoying, but I'm confused about something. Many of the questions I've gotten are about someone other than the person asking the question: "What does so-and-so think of me?" "How is A going to feel about my gift?" "Will my ex find happiness?"
My understanding is that questions have to be about the person asking the question and not about someone who hasn't asked or given their permission
for me to do a reading about what THEY think or feel.
Yet that kind of question seems to be so common as to almost be the rule rather than the exception.
Am I missing something? Am I being too literal? Maybe I should just rephrase the question along the lines of "What should I know about A's meaning in my life" or something like that.
Help!

Click to expand...

No, I don't think you're missing something.

I don't like most third-party readings (that's what many readers call those kinds of questions) -- unless there's some kind of distinct caretaker relationship -- such as parent/child, child/elderly parent, spouse -- and then I'm only comfortable with questions that come under the heading of a caretaker's valid concerns and need to know, and aren't probing into things they shouldn't.

When someone wants to ask a third-party type of question for a reading I offer, I try to get them to reframe the question. Even if it's a caretaker's concern, I prefer something like, "What does [the person in question] want me to know about...?"

But I mostly try to keep the topic on the person asking the question rather than anyone else.

ETA: I think what bothers me most about third-party readings that go into probing for information that isn't really anyone's business, is how much good it does the querent, after all is said and done. It may not hurt the person being read about. But it just seems there are more empowering ways of using Tarot to help people. That seems for the most part to be more about understanding themselves than about knowing what's going on inside another person.

This is very much a personal boundary subject, IMO.
It's up to you whether or not you'll do an 'absent' reading or not. Personally I see no harm in it...we're looking at the other person with regard to the querent. Having a better understanding of the other person helps the querent.
However, I do understand how some readers see this as unethical.
I don't.
Only you can decide what you think is right and will work for you

Hawthorne said:

This is very much a personal boundary subject, IMO.
It's up to you whether or not you'll do an 'absent' reading or not. Personally I see no harm in it...we're looking at the other person with regard to the querent. Having a better understanding of the other person helps the querent.
However, I do understand how some readers see this as unethical.
I don't.
Only you can decide what you think is right and will work for you

Click to expand...

Exactly... if the querent has a relationship with an individual, to me a question like "what do I need to now about BOBBY SMITH as he relates to me?" is a very vaild question for the querent because the querent's life is impacted by BOBBY SMITH.... However, if the questernt asks "How does BOBBY SMITH feel about his first date with JENNY JONES (not the querent), then that is basically spying because it's likely not the querent's business/right to know.... and that to me is were alot of this spying debate is rooted.... Definitely a personal ethical/moral decision on the part of the reader

RiverSpirit said:

Exactly... if the querent has a relationship with an individual, to me a question like "what do I need to now about BOBBY SMITH as he relates to me?" is a very vaild question for the querent because the querent's life is impacted by BOBBY SMITH.... However, if the questernt asks "How does BOBBY SMITH feel about his first date with JENNY JONES (not the querent), then that is basically spying because it's likely not the querent's business/right to know.... and that to me is were alot of this spying debate is rooted.... Definitely a personal ethical/moral decision on the part of the reader

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Yep! You summed it up better than I did. I totally agree.
It's impossible, IMO to do a relationship reading for the querent and his/her partner without reading the partner's energy. But going outside the querent's relationship, that's what I consider to be unethical

Hawthorne said:

Yep! You summed it up better than I did. I totally agree.
It's impossible, IMO to do a relationship reading for the querent and his/her partner without reading the partner's energy. But going outside the querent's relationship, that's what I consider to be unethical

Click to expand...

No not better, just differently

Hawthorne said:

Yep! You summed it up better than I did. I totally agree.
It's impossible, IMO to do a relationship reading for the querent and his/her partner without reading the partner's energy. But going outside the querent's relationship, that's what I consider to be unethical

Click to expand...

I don't think it's impossible, but it won't happen with a lot of relationship spreads I've seen without some changes. One can read about the partner's or intended's behavior and outwardly visible attitude toward the querent, and how to interpret them as they affect the querent, without getting into information that isn't the querent's business. It requires a little more care, but I think it's ultimately much better for the querent.

Haven't read the other responses, but just because someone asks you a particular question, doesn't mean that you have to read on that question. If you're not comfortable (happy/willing/whatever) with reading that type of question, let the Querent know. So instead of asking, "What does X think about me?" you might suggest "What do I need to know about X's feelings for me?" or "What do I need to know about the chance of a relationship with X?"

Rodney

Thanks, everyone. Most helpful, truly.
And Rodney, that's PERFECT: that wraps it all up for me and was the exact piece I was looking for. Thank you.

The only question I hate to hear is "is my spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend cheating?" I'm not infallible when reading the cards and I'd hate to be wrong, read the cards as a "yes" and destroy a relationship and/or a whole family because of it. That kind of question I'll steer way clear of if and I hope other readers do, too. I'm inclined to rephrase that question into "what can I do to open lines of communications with my partner?" or "what can I do to strengthen and renew my relationship?" or something to that effect.

As far as "what does X think of me?" and such things, those are some of the most frequent questions a reader will get and I don't see anything wrong with them. I think they're just a natural questions that people have. However, I do tell people that "I read the cards, I don't read minds" with a smile and a wink. Clever, self-righteous rewordings and such really aren't what we're being paid to do so I do my best to answer what's asked without infringing on the rights of anyone else. That really is possible, after all, if we try.

Reading cards and telling fortunes is an ages-old tradition and although I do understand that we need to clean up the image and unethical practices of scam artists in the business, I still like to keep as close as possible to the old ways to keep the fun and mystery alive. At least as I see them. I'm not a professional counselor nor do I want to try to be or pretend to be. I'll leave those things to other people. For what I choose to do, I might be looked down on but what other people think of me isn't my problem. What I think of me is what matters.