The Question of the Third Person

I do a lot of reading on the forums here, and with regards to card meanings and readings, I'm finding it disturbing how many people seem prepared to read about the thoughts, feelings and intentions of a third person, and how many are willing to comment and give advice on those types of questions - for example - does he want to see me again - does he love me - is he cheating - does he prefer her to me.

Personally I feel questions framed this way overstep boundaries and are an intrustion of privacy. This third person has, after all, not asked for a reading, nor given permission for their thoughts, feelings, intent to be read or mis-read!

Of course it's all in the question. IMO the question should be focused on you if reading for yourself and the client if reading for others (- not John, Jane, Peter, Paul or X, A or B). EG: Does X love me? would be better put Do I have a loving relationship with X?

Questions focused in this way, I think, give far better readings with deeper clarity about situations anyway. Ok it seems without intention I've focused on the romantic/relationship area but the majority of these intrusive types of questions seem romance orientated. I think framing the question firmly around yourself/client is more beneficial as it encourages taking control and responsibility for ourselves.

In any given situation aren't we better asking what we need to know and how our actions affect a situation?
And shouldn't it be the readers responsibility to help and advise their clients to form questions that that:
a) will enable the clearest reading and b) don't intrude on a third person's privacy?

irisa

This was mentioned in another thread, the idea of reading about another person as a "third party" reading. Asking how someone thinks about you, how they are doing, how they are feeling, etc. as it relates to you yourself as a person; as long as you have a vested interest or relationship with the other person; is not a third party reading.

I am not sure where this idea came from, but there is some confusion: A third party reading is when the querent asks, "How does Dick feel about Jane?" not "How does Dick feel about me." In the former example, the querent is the third party; in the latter example, the querent is the second party, not the third.

Very seldom can one do a tarot reading without involving someone else in the reading. We do not live in a vacuum.

I have issues with how does Dick feel about me, actually..... Leaving aside the privacy thing (Dick has his right not to have anyone else ask about this; not to be asked ABOUT) - there is also matter of the vibes that may easily mean what is picked up is what the sitter hopes, or believes, or fears Dick feels.....

irisa said:

Personally I feel questions framed this way overstep boundaries and are an intrustion of privacy. This third person has, after all, not asked for a reading, nor given permission for their thoughts, feelings, intent to be read or mis-read!

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This issue recently came up in a tarot class I am a part of and it was very debated issue. It is my opinion we are out of bounds to use the Tarot as a psychic spy cam into the private thoughts and feelings of others. The golden rule applies here. I have had at times secret crushes, and feelings for people that were off limits. LIkewise I have secretly despised a few people and kept it to myself to maintain workplace or family harmony. If I am not willing to share those feelings with that person, then I would not want them getting a reading to determine those.


The situation get cloudy when there is a relationship between too people. When you are in a close relationship there is a sense that you have more rights to know how the other is thinking and feeling. But still it is looking inside their private thoughts and feelings.

I think that as relational people we often will look to our friends to confirm what we think is accurate. Asking our best friend if they think that attractive someone likes us is natural. It is my belief that tarot works in an altogether different fashion. If we believe that tarot can tell us what someones thoughts and feelings are we have a responsibilty to ask the right questions. My best friend can't read anyones mind. So asking him if he think the new cute co-worker likes me is still harmless.

irisa said:

In any given situation aren't we better asking what we need to know and how our actions affect a situation?
And shouldn't it be the readers responsibility to help and advise their clients to form questions that that:
a) will enable the clearest reading and b) don't intrude on a third person's privacy?

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I think that as readers we have a responsbility to not intrude on other's private thoughts and feelings. We also must work to empower the seekers to act in their own power and energy. Encouraging them to act based on their own knowledge and feeligs is the most authentic way to progress in my opinion.

Onyx.

Kilted Kat said:

Very seldom can one do a tarot reading without involving someone else in the reading. We do not live in a vacuum.

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Yes I can see that...

Kilted Kat said:

I am not sure where this idea came from, but there is some confusion: A third party reading is when the querent asks, "How does Dick feel about Jane?" not "How does Dick feel about me." In the former example, the querent is the third party; in the latter example, the querent is the second party, not the third.

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I didn't say third party I said third person because that's how I see it - a reader, a client asking questions about Dick or in a personal reading I take the role of both reader and client asking questions about Dick either scenario makes Dick the third person involved unknowingly in a reading -

but this brings me back to the question in that example why should it be "how does Dick feel about me" Why should Dick be the focus of the question or reading rather than me surely a better question would be what do I need to know about my relationship with Dick... how can I improve my relationship with Dick. Approaching the issue that way seems to pave the way for a clearer reading, makes me the focus and as Onyx said encourages me to act using my knowledge my feelings.

Onyx said:

When you are in a close relationship there is a sense that you have more rights to know how the other is thinking and feeling.

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Maybe this is where the feeling it's alright comes from... (although often the questions seem to come pre any type of relationship let alone a close relationship) even so that opens another can of worms for me being in a relationship with someone doesn't give rights over their thoughts, feelings, intentions. It does give the right talk about these things with them. Relationship is not ownership.

And I do agree that we all asks friends, family members about our relationships and I don't see Tarot on that level at all. While I might ask friends and family I wouldn't knock on a random door and ask whoever answered it what they thought and if I did I would have any expectation when I knocked that door.

irisa

irisa said:

Yes I can see that...


I didn't say third party I said third person because that's how I see it - a reader, a client asking questions about Dick or in a personal reading I take the role of both reader and client asking questions about Dick either scenario makes Dick the third person involved unknowingly in a reading -

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EXACTLY !

-but this brings me back to the question in that example why should it be "how does Dick feel about me" Why should Dick be the focus of the question or reading rather than me surely a better question would be what do I need to know about my relationship with Dick... how can I improve my relationship with Dick. Approaching the issue that way seems to pave the way for a clearer reading, makes me the focus and as Onyx said encourages me to act using my knowledge my feelings.

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Again - my feelings exactly !

Maybe this is where the feeling it's alright comes from... (although often the questions seem to come pre any type of relationship let alone a close relationship) even so that opens another can of worms for me being in a relationship with someone doesn't give rights over their thoughts, feelings, intentions. It does give the right talk about these things with them. Relationship is not ownership.

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And to this in SPADES ! you've articulated what I have said so often about this but better than I did !

irisa I agree.

In any case I think that what happens is people can end up finding out what they think person X feels about them when the question is worded this way. What do I need to know about X's relationship with me is a different question - and has been known to come up with a 'nothing, none of your business!' type answer.

I guess I don't know Dick

Kilted Kat said:

I guess I don't know Dick

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Never mind

irisa said:

In any given situation aren't we better asking what we need to know and how our actions affect a situation?
And shouldn't it be the readers responsibility to help and advise their clients to form questions that that:
a) will enable the clearest reading and b) don't intrude on a third person's privacy?

irisa

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Maybe we are better off. But Im at least honest in the sense that I admit reading up on how people that I take an interest in feel and think about me. I do it fairly often. I also like to ask what is going on in the lives of those I care about without their permission BEFORE I call them to catch up. It's just something I enjoy. Some people do it but wont admit it. Barely anyone is off limits (from my friends, to supervisors, to co workers). And yes, I occasionally ask the cards how this person feels about that person. I'm not sure how accurate it is though, without feedback.

I enjoy it though, so I dont think I'd ever stop. I dont think its bad, especially if they dont know about it and I dont do anything malicious with is (such as tell everyone their secret feelings or use how they feel to my advantage such as acting out their worst fears or making fun of them). In fact, sometimes, I think some readings are very helpful.

For example, if I know that X is going through a tough time and is rather irritable, I would know to either not contact that person or if I do ,to be extra patient and understanding with them. I credit these types of readings with saving me from lots of potential misunderstandings and being more sympathetic towards others.

I just assume that people would read up on me, too, if they had a chance or were able to. And I dont mind. In fact, I'd be kind of flattered that someone would take an interest. Unless someone specifically tells me not to do it, I do it. So far only one person is off limits to me and that's my boyfriend. At first he didnt take my tarot reading seriously until he realized that I was actually being accurate. Then he became upset and has asked me to never read on him again. So I dont.


Most people who know I read jokingly ask me if I ever read up on them When I tell them truthfully that I dont, they almost seem offended...or like they dont believe me. oh, and I also read up on events that will affect me AND other people without asking the permission of the other's involved (i.e "what will be the outcome of a competition between me, x, and y?" or "what should I know about this project that x, y, and I are working on?"). Those readings can also be very revealing. If reading on others is wrong, I guess it is a blessing that I dont really take enough of an interest in many people to want to read up on them.

I think my mentality stems from the fact that I am new to reading. As a result, I haven't really experienced anything bad from reading on others so I see it as harmless. However, when I notice that it starts to hurt people then it would definitely affect my views on reading on others .