Why are you an IDS dropout?

I dropped my IDS for the first time. I've changed decks in the past, but I never went more than a few days without a primary deck that I intended to study intensively. I never thought I needed to be exclusive, just intensive, as it wasn't an EDS, just an IDS.

It's not that I don't still have the goal to intensively study the deck that I signed up for my last IDS to study. I just don't want to be accountable to do that. And lately, I keep feeling bad if I am not pretty much exclusive to the deck, which I didn't worry about so much before.

It came to a head last night, when I realized this severe sleep deprivation I'm suffering from, is going to be long term, although not quite as bad as it has been. I have no plans to go back on the drugs that it takes for me to be able to sleep, as I cannot handle the judgmental attitudes that medical professionals have as a gut reaction to seeing what I was on, without knowing WHY. Without asking and checking, they just think they have the right to say anything they want to me and it just sets me over the edge. Major overreaction...but I can't help it. Trauma background links present and past situations together and I just don't process certain present moments entirely in the now :-0

So...anyway...knowing my ability to read is compromised due to loss of problem solving skills and my need to ground and self-soothe is at an all time high, I knew I needed the freedom to do whatever I think I need to do in the moment to do good self-care, and not worry about what someone else is going to think about it.

And I realized even if the whole sleep thing wasn't happening...I was not really entirely setting my own priorities, but kinda drifting over to something close, but not truly my own. I was like, "Wait a minute, what are you doing? and why?"

I'm curious about the story of other IDS dropouts. And what put you over the edge to quit. And how you view that event now with some distance.

I've never done an IDS or EDS (?) I lose track of the abbreviations. I just don't want to castigate myself and feel like I'm back at school.

I've found that what I most love about tarot is learning it in a way which is totally unlike anything I have ever learnt in my life to date. I let my passion take me wherever it wants to take me. Once I start setting myself rules and obligations, and forced monogomy, the magic just evaporates. Sure I devote myself to a few decks (I probably appear frivolous by other standards), but I study in a different way. We all study in a different way. I rotate decks and for the short period of time I'm obsessed with a deck, I feel I'm scraping away another layer. Then I move on and the whole process starts again. I do this with approximately 10 or so decks, and alternate between Marseilles, RWS and Thoth and each time I'm with a deck, I feel that I will want to use this deck for the rest of my life and "what was I thinking of studying that other deck last week?" then I move on and the whole process starts again. But generally, my decks list is pretty defined now...

The potential of the tarot is so great, our potential of learning is so great. No need to beat yourself up over it. I just avoid putting myself in situations where I might be tempted to feel I "failed" further down the line.

Rule number one; tarot has to be FUN. Rule number two; tarot has to be stimulating. Nothing else matters. Not for me anyway...

(Sorry, Im not an IDS dropout, so shouldn't really be responding, but I just wanted to put my 0.02-cents-worth in. Don't feel bad...)

I guess I would dropout due to the fact that I have over 25 Tarot and Oracle decks and I can't find myself studying one for 3 month and neglecting the other 24. My mind can't stay still.

"dropout" and "quit" are not in my vocab list, but "choice" and "flexibility" are.


I'm still **exclusively** reading with my original intensive study deck but I have decided to put less pressure on myself by changing it to a primary deck. Semantics, sure, but as Le Fanu said, I don't want to castigate myself for failing to live up to my commitments. I knew that I had some non-tarot related deadlines coming up and I wanted to be realistic with myself.

Tarot isn't a job for me, it's an enjoyable, rewarding occupation so I want to be as flexible as possible and go where the energy is.

I found that reading with 1 deck exclusively has been insightful, revealing, and worthwhile. I will continue to rotate the decks that I wish to learn in this fashion. This practice is the valuable nugget I have taken away from having been in an IDS.

I also dropped out of IDS status because I just coudn't keep up with all of the posts in the Lounge. I felt overwhelmed, swallowed by all the conversations and cross-posts, I felt it wasn't serving my best interests and I felt intimidated half the time. I'm not blaming anybody, everyone is doing their own thing but I just didn't feel as engaged with many of the discussions, I felt very much like an outsider. That is not a criticism of anyone in the group, the moderator is amazing and so is everyone else there, this is my own perception.

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles with sleep and the medical profession. You ultimately know what's best for your well-being so if leaving an IDS will relieve some of the pressure, I think it was good you did so. You can always pick up again. All of the different study groups here seem to be very open and fluid when it comes to commitments and being authentic and honest with yourself. Take care of your health so that you can attain a state of being that allows you to enjoy your cards again.

So that's why I **decided** to leave IDS in...5 nutshells.

I don't think you should feel bad..you are doing what's best for YOU, and after all that's what Tarot is about!! It's for you, your growth, your learning. Not mine, not someone else's. If you feel you need to share your growth, you don't have to IDS to do it -- put it in a blog, share it on individual deck study threads (not to be confused with IDS) If there isn't a thread for your deck and card, why, you just make one! (and let the forum moderator know so they can link it with the rest of the postings for that deck)

I myself have wondered if I'll stick with my original dedication -- an entire 78 weeks. I am good with it for now, but it's not hard to be dedicated to one deck when nothing else you own calls to you! (granted 8 decks isn't exactly a plethora of cards to avoid..lol)

However, I have recently been gifted with an awesome deck, whose main purpose seems not to be read as a divination/insight system, but as a storytelling system..as an aspiring-writer-of-old, that deck is calling to me in a major way! I'm okay for now, because I have too much school work to really put myself into beginning writing again. But, I know I will want to use that deck extensively some day. And, that deck is technically a set of cards, which would break my IDS...

But then there's the Shadowscapes too..due out in May or June. Wow, that set has really caught me. I look at the website daily, wistfully, eager for the day it comes out. It's not a card set -- YET. But when it is indeed a card set...I think I'd give up breathing for a while to have that deck..it may well end up being my soul deck. The beauty, yet the depth...*sighs in awe* I think I will always cherish my Gilded, it's my Heart deck...but I think the Shadowscapes may well be my Soul deck. (Here's hoping I'm not majorly disappointed to see the actual prints...hehe)

I suppose when that deck comes out, I'll be making a choice myself And, I won't feel guilty about it either! My tarot learning is for me, and if using two decks is best, that's what I'll do If not, then I'll make that choice -- but for me. (this is why I'm answering -- I haven't broken my IDS yet, but I am fully aware a choice is coming upon me in about 6 months)

~Yira

I dropped out of an IDS...was it 2 years ago (shortly after I first joined AT)? I think I was attempting to study the Daughters of the Moon Tarot, a deck that I'd picked up again after 10 years.

I had a very difficult time with that deck this time around, and I realized that I was in a very different place (gratefully) than I was 10 years prior...and accordingly, my relation to the deck changed. So I put it down.

Also, I'd just finished a successful and eye-opening IDS with my beloved New Orleans Voodoo Tarot about a month or so prior. So perhaps it was a bit too soon to jump into another IDS.

I haven't gotten into any other IDSs due to time constraints (work, school, etc). Most of my decks deserve further delving into, but it'll have to wait until I can breathe again!

T.

I'm also loosing track of abbreviations...
Anyway, long time ago i signed up for something that was i think Primary Deck Study or something like that and later on i decided it wasn't a good idea and left.
Why "dropout"? It sounds sad somehow. I see it simply as changing my mind.
I remember couple of friends here asking via pm's why i quited so abruptly and i couldn't really answer eloquently back than - now that i am reading everyone's reasons - i can relate to at least half of all that are listed in this thread!

(I didn't feel it was fun anymore, there were way too much posts and blogs etc. to keep up with, it got too time-consuming, i am not into blogging myself, didn't feel like posting my readings publicly and there were more, these are just some reasons that i remember from the top of my head. Anyway. )

Sorry for the confusion. There is no such thing as an EDS I made that up as an IDS is supposed to be intensive, but often people expect it to be exclusive.

You all are really helping me get my thoughts straight. Thank you so much for your posts!

I was surprised at the relief I felt at quitting.

I'm going to read over these posts a couple more times. All of you have said some things that really caught my attention, and I'm going to want to respond to them.

I wanted to post right away about the EDS though, as didn't want to cause any more confusion!

The only time I ever tried to do one was with a deck I had to have, but didn't bond with at all once I got it. (Tarot of the Sweet Twilight)

I started the IDS, but kept looking lustfully at the decks I loved sitting in that huge basket, all alone. I couldn't do it.

In all fairness to Sweet Twilight, I did make it through the Major Arcana and most of the Cups, and it truly did give me a better bond with the deck, but I will never feel the same way about that deck as I do many others that I have.

So, basically, I quit because I decided I was doing it for the wrong reason. I don't really believe I should have to work that hard to bond with a deck. If I don't relate to one deck, there are others that I will relate to, and have no need to do an IDS with.

I think Le Fanu summed it up best for me...It's all about the passion you feel for tarot. All paths lead to the same place if that passion is there.

And, yirabeth, I'm with you on Shadowscapes...It may be 'the one'!

I never really understood the whole IDS thing. Not sure I ever even attempted it.

I did do the PDR (primary deck reflection) last year and that was really helpful to me.

I don't like rules put on me especially involving tarot.

I'm doing the 78 weeks with a particular deck that I've been wanting to study further and one card a week is enough time for me to devote to that deck while leaving me time to use my other decks for other things. For instance, I also am thinking of doing the PDR again with the same deck I used last year. But only because I really like working with the deck and it doesn't bore me.

It's really up to you how you want to study and what time you have available. There's nothing that says you can't do any of these your own way, with your own "rules."

I think we do it as a group so that we are not alone and have someone there to kick us in the behind if we're slacking.

Don't feel bad, life always gets in the way and there are other things that need doing. There's nothing wrong with saying, "Hey, I don't have the time/feel the need/want to do this anymore." No shame in that hon! Do what feels right for you and then you won't have to make yourself do it. You will want to do it and it will feel good.