Help me help a fellow reader

Lilija

Maybe you folks can offer some insight on how to diplomatically help a friend out.

Mo is a close work-friend has been coming to me for readings for about two years. We're tight at work, but we don't hang out after hours. I know about her boyfriend, and I know he reads the cards, too. I've chatted with him on Facebook a few times, and I've answered some questions for him through Mo, but we've never officially met. (Ever do readings for and about someone for 2 years solid, without actually meeting him? I feel like we've known each other our whole lives...)

Anyway, he has a deck, and he reads solidly by book meanings. As in, every time he consults the cards, he lays out a CC, and whips out the old lwb. I know from doing a reading for Mo today, that it's giving him an ego-driven limited view on the things he asks, and fueling his insecurities. Could be potentially damaging to their overall decent relationship.

I would *REALLY* like to reach out to him, and help him better use tarot. I've already invited them over for a casual barbecue type of get together, and he's eager to come over, meet me finally, meet the fam, and talk cards. Mo has asked me, too, to help him learn more.

If I knew him well, I'd say "strip the ego, toss the little white book, if you like reading, here's a few insightful books to get you started, and here's a link to Aeclectic"

What would you do?
 

tigerlily

Ooh... I really think you have good intentions, but in my experience people rarely appreciate advice they haven't asked for (and sometimes even advice they did ask for, but don't like to hear). His style works for him. He surely wants to talk shop with you, but how would you feel if someone told you you've been doing it all wrong and you should "toss your ego"? Who's ego is deciding that his ego should be tossed? His girlfriend's? Yours?

And even if you're right - there's a saying that you can lead a horse to the water, but you can't force it to drink. He has to have the desire to change something, or the feeling that his way of reading isn't giving the results he needs. Otherwise you'd just alienate him.

I know you want to be diplomatic about this, but I'd advice against sneaking suggestions ;) All you can do is show him how you approach your readings without even thinking to yourself that yours is the better way. Even if you don't say a word, it will somehow bleed through, and will be met with resistance.

And of course, give him the aeclectic link :) the more, the merrier!
 

zephyr_heart

You know, I've been thinking to buy Mark McElroy's book named "What's In The Cards For You?-Test The Tarot".

Been reading one in a local bookstore. I'll buy it soon enough after I had the money.

Anyway, the book's good, has 30 useful exercises that each can be done for 15 minutes. The book also recommends that each exercise to be done in the span of one month, meaning exercise 1 for day 1, exercise 2 for day 2, etc.

Trust me, it's a good book. Ask other AT members who had it, and most will probably agree with me.

Why is it good?

  1. Because it helps you to breed a new meaning that is unique to your own understanding, instead of using meanings adopted from fixed texts. It also guarantees you to understand the cards without being literal, as the book has no written meanings about each card, and emphasizes you to develop your own meanings for each cards.
  2. It is also useful for neophytes, as there is no requirement for you to understand tarot before reading the book. Really beginner friendly :)
  3. It promises you to be able to read just about any images, not only tarot cards, and in doing so springs forth ideas into the mind.

Hope that helps,
zh

ETA: Sorry to post about a book here. If inappropriate, any moderator may delete.
 

zephyr_heart

As for being diplomatic, I think you should tell him that doing it in such a way will only limit and restrict his readings. Tell him also that if it doesn't change then he's just in a loss. If he heeds it, fine. If doesn't well, leave him, it's his loss.
 

MareSaturni

tigerlily said:
Ooh... I really think you have good intentions, but in my experience people rarely appreciate advice they haven't asked for (and sometimes even advice they did ask for, but don't like to hear).
Click to expand...

I completely agree with Tigerlily. Unless the asked for your help, you should consider that he believes his reading style is wonderful, thank you very much. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

So, if you really think that his reading style is damaging, give him the Aeclectic Tarot forum link. Say that you are a part of this community in which people practice and study tarot together, that you are learning a lot, that he can share his ideas and help other people too. If you just say "go there and learn" he may understand you think his readings suck (even if it's true you don't have to say it). But if you tell him that he can also help other people to become better readings by sharing his ideas and knowledge, he may feel more open-minded about this.

In any case, all you can do is suggest. If he really thinks he's the next Nostradamus, there isn't much you can do :(. Your intention is good, but some people (most, i daresay) like to do it the way they want, and aren't interested in a second pinion until they eventually crash and burn. Tsk tsk...
 

rosebud_a320

How about just start off with a few light hearted games whilst your sat around having drinks.

Things like, thinking of a question, each turning over 2 cards and getting everyone to simply say what they see.
Start simple - describe the scene, then everyone say how they feel looking at the card, then what the card reminds them of, then how they relate the card to the question.
This way it keeps it FUN and Mo can join in and the above exercise is really the basis of reading Tarot.
 

SunChariot

Lilija said:
Maybe you folks can offer some insight on how to diplomatically help a friend out.

Mo is a close work-friend has been coming to me for readings for about two years. We're tight at work, but we don't hang out after hours. I know about her boyfriend, and I know he reads the cards, too. I've chatted with him on Facebook a few times, and I've answered some questions for him through Mo, but we've never officially met. (Ever do readings for and about someone for 2 years solid, without actually meeting him? I feel like we've known each other our whole lives...)

Anyway, he has a deck, and he reads solidly by book meanings. As in, every time he consults the cards, he lays out a CC, and whips out the old lwb. I know from doing a reading for Mo today, that it's giving him an ego-driven limited view on the things he asks, and fueling his insecurities. Could be potentially damaging to their overall decent relationship.

I would *REALLY* like to reach out to him, and help him better use tarot. I've already invited them over for a casual barbecue type of get together, and he's eager to come over, meet me finally, meet the fam, and talk cards. Mo has asked me, too, to help him learn more.

If I knew him well, I'd say "strip the ego, toss the little white book, if you like reading, here's a few insightful books to get you started, and here's a link to Aeclectic"

What would you do?
Click to expand...
I don't think you can tell him directly, as you could imagine how it would feel to be told that your way of reading is all wrong and you need to relearn how to do it right. Imagine how that would feel if someone said that to you.

If you have a good book on how to read more intuitively you can lend or suggest that book to him. I think that is as far as I would go anyway, to tell him you know of a great book on Tarot (or a few of them) that really helped you and that you know he would really love.

To do more, unless he directly asks for your help would be hurtful and likely you would lose his trust.

Babs
 

Kimberlee

Another way to casually bring up the topic is "I just read a tarot book that really changed my way of thinking about tarot. Would you like to check it out?" That way, he can decide for himself whether he wants new insights into the cards, or stick with his "tried and true" method.

Good luck!

~Kimberlee
 

Amanda

Next time he wants a reading from you, let him pull the cards, but then you interpret them. This will allow him to see the connection more-so than the card meanings.

Here's a first time over the net like this for me:

http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=135681&page=1&pp=10

My second try:

http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=135873&page=1&pp=10

I *think* the sitter's liked this method, it seemed a little more interactive. I wish someone else would do this here, so I could see what it's like being on the opposite end of it- not only do I think it would be a good reading, but it would prompt me to look at my own cards differently (I think anyway- that's what I would hope for).

Then, your accuracy would speak for itself, and might prompt him to ask you more questions along the line of "How did you do that?"
 

Lilija

Lots of great insight here, stuff I never thought of. Every single reply here has wisdom.

I was thinking of steering him towards Mary K. Greer's Tarot for Yourself, for starters, but I like a lot of the games, reading suggestions, and book tips. Honestly, this is a great way to get any one with tarot tendencies active with cards.


One thing, though....regarding ego. It's my rule number one, when I sit down with the cards, to shed my own ego, my Self. I, Lili, am not the message, the message is not coming from my head or my heart. I am only absorbing it, and vocalizing the message. That's the wisdom I hope to (directly, or indirectly) pass along, since in their case, that's what seems to be damaging their relationship. He reads the cards laden with insecurities, the Self (or ego, if you will) interferes and clouds or totally alters the message.

Hey, anyone can read any spread using any LWB they wish, and that's peachy, but when you pull cards thinking "was she cheating on me while she was in California? The Empress! She WAS and she's PREGNANT!!" that's a potentially dangerous behavior, that might warrant some gentle correction.
 
About missing cards... tandem readings?