feedback on my letter approaching businesses?

Hi, everyone..
I just wanted to get opinions about this letter I am sending to some cafes and pubs, before I send it out... wording you think I should change, anything missing that should be added, etc.

I'm interested to hear how other people have approached businesses they were interested in working with, and the responses they received.

I am moving back to my hometown in Canada for a few months, and really hoping to make a living as a full-time Tarot reader while I'm there.
Previously, my homebase has been in a Pagan-oriented store, with other events on the side, and a brief stint in a tea-house... this time, I want to try to extend myself a bit, being somewhere different each day of the week, and am approaching cafes, pubs, stores, and spas. (This is the generic cafe /pub email, which I will probably personalize a bit more to the individual businesses I am sending it to, with something about why I think that particular space is appealing.)
If I were in Canada, I would just go and speak to someone at these businesses in person, but since I'm currently in South America, it isn't possible, and I would like to have some business set up before I arrive.... but it's important to me that my email not seem like SPAM...

Your thoughts?

Here is the email:

`Hello!

My name is Rasa, and I have worked as a professional Tarot reader and teacher in a metaphysical shop, as well as doing readings for private parties and functions, at psychic fairs, and at the Fringe festival. I have been enthusiastically working with the cards for more than a decade.
I see the Tarot as a valuable tool for introspection, to gain perspective on various life situations. I focus on how our attitudes and choices can help to make the most of our present, as well as consciously creating our future, aiming for my readings to be empowering, upbeat, insightful, and practical.

After living abroad for the last 9 months, I'm planning to return to Edmonton in early July, and staying until early November, and currently seeking some cafes and pubs where I can do readings for the public on a regular basis, during those few months. This can be a mutually beneficial arrangement, since in addition to offering your venue a percentage of what I earn, my presence may be an interesting feature which could draw in clientele for your business.

What I am looking for is a venue where I could use a table once a week on a regular day, for 4-6 hours (probably late afternoon, or early evening, but this is flexible at this point), and place a sandwich-board outside and/or put up a small poster inside, to advertise my presence.
I would like to be doing 15-minute readings, for $20 each, and I can offer 25% of what I make to you, the hosting business.
I would not require you to take appointments for me, provide change, or expect you to advertise my services. Really, all I need is space.

I would be happy to do a free sample reading for someone at your business, once I arrive in Edmonton. This is in order for you to better see what I am offering, before you make any arrangements with me, if you are interested in my doing so.
Additionally, if you would like a reference from another business who has hosted me before, where I will continue to be doing readings and teaching classes, you can feel free to contact (NAME), owner of (STORE NAME) -a metaphysical store, at (PHONE NUMBER).

If you would like to know more about me and what I do, you can visit my website, at (ADDRESS).

Of course, you can contact me at this email as well, with any questions you have, or to discuss any arrangements you might be interested in.
I have not included a personal phone number, since I am still in South America, but will be happy to give you additional contact information when I arrive in Canada.



Thanks for your attention, and I look forward to receving your reply,
- Rasa Tarnowski-Mudry -
(MY EMAIL ADDRESSES)“

Hi Rasa.
Here's my opinion, for what it's worth, and it probably is not what you are hoping to hear. I think your letter is well-written, and does cover the basics. It sounds very professional and I think it is good that you provide references right off.

BUT, honestly, I don't think it is likely to go anywhere, especially as an email. I really think you will do better to wait until you get back to Edmunton, then go to these places in person and follow-up with a letter. I know you are far away, and your purpose is to make contact now, but especially in something like Tarot the personal touch counts.

If you do proceed to send an email, I think you should put the paragraph that tells your Tarot philosophy later in the letter. Most people want to know right away what you want, and may not bother reading the whole letter through, so I think you should put that and how they will benefit later in the letter, and get to your point, what you are specifically asking, sooner. Move up the paragraph that starts "after living abroad..." If the store where you previously read and will be returning to has a good reputation, use its name more prominently and sooner. Also drop the name of the owner/manager if there is a chance the person you are writing might know him/her personally. Something like, "I presently read at 'Edmunton Tarot Emporium' and Esmerelda would be happy to speak with you about..." etc etc. (Obviously not those exact words, but that idea.

Hope this helps. And good luck!

I'm in agreement with pasara. As I was reading through your letter, I was wondering when you would start to tell me what it was you were after. So, I would say to mention how you came across the place of business, what you like about it, and then tell them what you would like to do- pay them for space and all that. You can put your credentials/experience following that.

Thank you pasara and Amanda for your responses!

I was questioning that first paragraph also, so I'm glad to hear your opinions. I was struggling with how to introduce myself without being too wordy, and I think it makes sense to cut to the chase and put the bio later.

I will include something specific about individual venues, and why I am attracted to them... I was planning to send this to 5 or 6 different locations, so I thought I would write one letter and then just tweak it to send it out to each one.

pasara, you are right that I may not get a good response from emails, and the personal touch sells things better... but I would like to have some sense of stability that I have a few things lined up before I arrive, if possible. Additionally, if I don't receive a response, I will check in with the businesses in person once I'm there.
Also, in the other shop I worked in, it drove the owner nuts when someone showed up unannounced to meet him and talk about doing business with him, so I guess it depends on the person whether or not they'd rather be contacted first or meet in person.

i agree with Para.
i have ADD so i have a tendency to scan through letters and if its too long , sometimes i throw away letters and never to read them.
i guess to make it short , catch their attention of how they can benefit from you .
Make them wanting to ask you more questions .

When you do email them, make sure it doesn't show who you're also sending it to.

I hate when people do that and then I get replies. I'd send each one separately just to be safe and professional.

Sinduction said:

When you do email them, make sure it doesn't show who you're also sending it to.

I hate when people do that and then I get replies. I'd send each one separately just to be safe and professional.

Click to expand...

UGH! me too! BCC for the win!!

Thanks again everyone...
I will shorten things up a bit, change the order, and send them out tomorrow... I'll let you know what kind of response I receive, if any.

I like your content but I would say that the very first thing they will want to read is "What's in it for me?" Start with that.

"Hello,

Having a tarot reader at your shop will significantly increase the rate of returning customers..."

Also, sometimes the best technique is to start with a question.

Do you want to increase the rate of returning customers?

or

Do you want to attract more customers on your slower business days?

or if these statements sound a bit iffy to you begin with an anecdote they will relate to

When I read tarot cards at the XYZ coffee shop, they saw an increase in the number of beverages sold every day that I was there.

Face 2 Face has power.

Email gets deleted, snail mail (direct response marketing) gets tossed in the trash.

There's this pub I go to when I'm on the road, one of my destination cities, where the owners have seen customers literally line up for readings.

That's advertising showing results that work.

Free readings can be your best advertisment...

But as to the letter...it's good. It has good content. However I'd try to boil it way down. Use bullet points. That said, I do like the personal touch approach. Mix the two! I'm a busy owner, make me want to read the personal touch stuff with some attractive bullet points!

i agree with the bullet points, noone wants to read alot if they are busy, grab them in the first paragraph. Also perhaps offer to give them a demonstration or come in for a talk so they see your not a freak
i personally prefer face to face, thats much stronger for me, because personality is a strong positive.