When they don't respect your boundaries!

OK so how many times do I need to repeat myself!!! I am speaking to an adult! I am lost! I have a few clients who don't respect my boundaries. Before you start..... yes I have set them! Trust me I have! They constantly ask for a card here or there and I respond with the same..... if you would like to set up an appt please let me know..... but yet they still ask! I find this annoying and insulting.... do you not understand? Sometimes when they get me on the phone the are very difficult to get off the phone. i find it all disrespectful! i would never be that way with someone .... I know it isn't about me but then yet......


I ABHOR this NONSENSE!!!

Ok Franniee, do you mean when people just arbitrarily come up and ask for a reading? I am not sure what you mean by your boundaries. Could you elaborate please? Sorry, my thinking cap has been demolished by a course I am taking.

Thx

I hate to say, because I know you're ranting, but I think you need to be a bit firmer.

If they catch you on the phone, start booking the appointment. "Well, I can't speak right now I have a client coming in/booked/whatever. When is it good for you to come in/get a call/etc." If they wander on. "I'm sorry, I have to go now. Call me later to schedule an appointment. Good-bye."

It is quite easy. If they think you are rushed then you don't come off as rude. That should re-establish the boundary for you.

Or are you talking about in person? "I'm sorry, I only read by appointment/don't have cards/don't have time/etc."

I'm sure I can come up with more if you want to go into more detail.

Oh I get it now,...thanks Sinduction I am a mo-mo. And yeah, maybe a firmer hand. People think that you have to acquiesse to whatever they want at that moment and that time and that's not the case.

Imo, it's all about control, Fran and people do that all the time. They want to exude control. But I think Sin's idea's are good. Don't let them take control of you, always have the reins firmly in your hand so you can guide the chariot, my friend.


*(so you can guide the chariot over their necks if you have to, hee hee)

Yes, over their necks!

I do not let anyone overstep my boundaries. It's one of my things. I like to read and I enjoy reading for others, most of the time. I decided early on that I wouldn't allow anyone to act in a way that made reading less enjoyable for me. It is more difficult if we become friends with clients. Of course, I have friends that became clients but I was always sure to differentiate between the two. They get free time with me but they pay for the reader and they know the difference.

I mean, yeah we get paid, but we are our own boss, not them. We say when and where and for how much and how long. And really, I don't want a client that can't respect my boundaries. They couldn't pay me enough to put up with it!

This one client constantly asks me to pull A card.... OH will you pull a card and tell me how my xyz went or will go? She does this thru e-mail. I have responded and said if you would like an appt lets schedule one. I have also responded and said it isn't fair to ask me to do this all of the time. This last time she said money is tight could she schedule 10 minutes for half my rate of the usually 20 minutes etc..... but she will be very difficult to get off the phone, I know it!!! Also she e-mailed me a slew of questions! I refuse to go over 10 minutes.

Another person catches me on fb and starts a chat!!! She has called me in the past crying etc and YES I feel awful and I don't get off the phone immediately because she is pulling my heart strings but still! I would never do this to anyone!!!

YES I am generous with my time but some of them don't appreciate it and are gluttons! A couple of times a year I will offer a contest or a free reading to try out a new deck. Maybe they get the wrong impression.... I also give extra time. I have 20 minute, 40 minute and 1 hour options and I give a little extra time on all of them. I prefer to pay it forward if I can.

I do tell them I have to run or I have an appt or whatever. YES setting stronger boundaries is probably what I need to do I just get angry when people push me like this. I think it is RUDE! INCONSIDERATE!!! SELFISH! It is about control and I despise it when people try and control me! I don't do it to others and I expect that it NOT be done to me!

I'm with you on this Franniee! It's constantly, and it can be very annoying especially when I'm in an off mood. I charge 5 bucks The worst tho is when a student does it...that burns me up, and there is 1 in every crowd, every reading...what does this mean?? ugh, go away

How about this? They send me their questions ahead of time so I am up to speed! I think they think I concentrate on their questions beforehand. It is about control!!! YUCK!

I hear you franniee and I really sympathise.
I was at Borders yesterday looking at the tarot decks and a perfect stranger asked me if I read??? And on gut reaction I said yes...big mistake...
"Oh, do you have any cards on you, can you read for me right now!!!!!!!!!??????"
Are you buying some cards you could use those..."
(A side note here I should spend money to read for her! )
This took place within a matter of 2 minutes.
I think I was standing there looking like a deer in headlights that just had a bucket of cold water thrown on it.
I was so unprepared for such a response.

Now other people might come along in this thread and say..."OH, well you missed such a golden opportunity to have a wonderful experience reading for this person."
Blah blah blah.
Oh, you should read at every opportunity...
Blah blah blah
And to those people I say fine you do what you want, but me I'm putting up some boundaries...
And business has actually been hopping so I don't see that honoring myself and taking care of my needs has hurt in anyway, if anything it has helped...I'm a better reader for it.

I came to Borders to relax, get away from it all, and have a little me time.
And I felt accosted...like my personal space was w-a-y invaded...
I kept thinking gee, if I was a doctor would she show me her funny wart with the hair growing out of it?
If I was a lawyer would she pull her divorce papers out of her purse and ask me to have a look see?
If I was a Chef would she ask me to pop into the cafe there and whip her up a snack???
OMG no...that would be rude, and off the wall, but I guess tarot readers have no boundary..or so people think.

I have no wise words...I just told her I read by appointment only and gave her my card...
She looked surprised and I don't think expected a professional response like that...

But I do know if we don't place boundaries at least for myself, I get burnt out and that's not good for anyone around me.
And I don't know about you, but I'm damn grumpy when I'm burnt out

I would be concerned that with this growing resentment you have toward these few clients, you might reach a point where you *can't* objectively read for them. Have you thought about ending the business relationship all together with them?