what are your boundaries - what would be a no-no?

shadowdancer

I have just had a two day reading festival and it went well. Quiet (compared to all previous festivals) but I was happy. A friend of mine went to see another reader at the festival and told me afterwards he felt unhappy.

Basically he was told some intense stuff:
He would become seriously ill
His daughter would have a heart attack
Another family member (daughter or daughter in law) would have an unplanned pregnancy.

He said there was some positive stuff but he came away feeling very negative with the above comments really sticking in his mind.

I am not judging or commenting on the reader or the info. It would not be professional for me to do so, especially as I was not privvy to the whole reading. After all, he may well now be forearmed to be careful regarding health. Others may see that as being inappropriate - that it has crossed the line of our limitations in such matters. We all have different styles and different ways of working. It just made me wonder: what are our boundaries? How do we put across issues as shown above whereby we don't cause distress? Or do we not mention them?

No right or wrong answer - but I am curious as to how we all feel about our personal ethics etc.

Personally, I would not have picked up specifics like that. It would have to be an amazing combination of cards to get all of those issues, and if I had - I would perhaps not have been so blunt, but that is just me. Would I be in the wrong if I didn't lay on the line what could be seen as serious issues? Or would I be doing the right thing by softening the message?

Davina

ncharge

shadowdancer said:
He would become seriously ill
His daughter would have a heart attack
Another family member (daughter or daughter in law) would have an unplanned pregnancy.

Personally, I would not have picked up specifics like that. It would have to be an amazing combination of cards to get all of those issues, and if I had - I would perhaps not have been so blunt, but that is just me. Would I be in the wrong if I didn't lay on the line what could be seen as serious issues? Or would I be doing the right thing by softening the message?

Davina

No way would I see, let alone say, this stuff. Details this - about other people - is more like a reading for person who is NOT the querant and I find that inappropriate. I also don't pick up these kind of details because I focus entirely on the querant. In my case, I might see stress arising from a daughter's need for a high level of support and worry on the querant's part. I might see that he needs to take care of himself during that time because the stress could cause physical issues. And I might pick up on a pregnancy, but not whether it was unplanned or not (unless he's the one getting pregnant, then I might pick up on it). ;-}

I'm not sure I would tell him that a family member would get pregnant unless I also thought that he would have to take care of the child. I'm not really sure about that one. It would affect him, so he might need to know. I'd have to wing that one. Anyway, I want to empower the querant, not scare them. And I want to give a realistic picture of the energy surrounding the question and things they need to think about, not wow people with my grasp of details about future events.

shadowdancer

good point. The reading did touch on events around other people, and you are right - no permission was given from the 3rd party and for me that would cross a boundary I would not venture into. I think it puts him in a difficult position - does he tell her or not about the possible heart attack? Should he have even been put in that position of having that quandry to deal with?

Davina

eta: I don't want this to just talk about the reading as I can see this would cause the thread to be moved. I guess I am more looking at where we put our individual boundaries and discussion about how an inappropriate (if it is deemed to inappropriate - some may not see it as being so) crossing could affect the querant.

Libra8ca

I've had psychics / tarot readers tell me bad things like that too and none of it came true... The important question is how accurate and reliable is this reader?

I think it is quite possible for a good psychic / tarot reader to pick up on disasters and I think they should warn their clients but the warning should be worded carefully. Emphasis should be on the positive things they see. I would never use the word "heart attack"; I mean you really need a doctor to diagnose that but might say heart problems / issues; and only if that came through very strong and clearly.

Years ago (and I wasn't doing any tarot readings at that time) the thought of a viral infection kept popping into my head when I thought about the coming year. It was just a feeling I got every now and then; it's hard to explain. I kept saying to myself that I'm just hysterical (after all I just had a bad virus!). I kept pushing it out of my head and telling myself I need to be positive. Well, I did end up getting a very, very severe and serious virus infection later that year..... No psychic had said anything about it or warned me but I had my own warning -not that it was of any use

except maybe to teach me a lesson! So it is possible to pick up on those things -sometimes.

ETA: I would always focus on the querent and not read about other people unless the querent was directly affected by something they did. I would never predict death or disasters- only perhaps warn someone to be careful as I believe accidents / illnesses can be avoided or mitigated.

canid

A friend of mine recently asked me to read for her. OK. But while shuffling I thought about her 17 year old daughter who is VERY ill & she's been in & out of the hospital, seen many specialists, yet they can't discover what's wrong with her. Still shuffling, I asked my friend if this reading was to discover what's causing her daughter's deterioration & she nodded. I gently but firmly told her I won't read for that type of question, explained why, & even though she was dejected, she understood. I'm not qualified, nor do I want to be, & certainly would have felt very uncomfortable getting, say, Death, 9, 10 of Swords, anything along those lines. I just don't want to go there. But instead I did a reading for HER, & her daughter still popped up...

Filipa

My aunt went for the first time to a reader and she said her husband was going to die soon, it would be a surprise for everyone. My aunt was really shocked because he had cancer and a few days prior to the reading the doctor said he was no longer in danger.
She obviously didn't believe her but 3 weeks later he was rushed to the hospital complaining of pain in his legs and he died that night of an heart attack.
From that time on we've been consulting her, she's not always right but she aways picks up on very specific stuff
She said she would teach me her method but I haven't had the time for it yet, I am very curious about this too

DaughterOfDanu

Every once in a while I'll get a sitter who wants a reading about something health related. And I'm just not comfortable enough to read for that. That's something for a doctor to discuss with you. Not a tarot reader.

Things health related, I won't do. I won't do "How will I die?" because again, I'm not comfortable.

I remember once a lady was asking if she should divorce her husband. That one I grimaced through the whole reason. The only reason I did it was because I said I would get better information doing a "Two Choice" Spread and she agreed.

I had a girl get the same reading done by me and by another reader. The reader told her she was going to get pregnant. The girl was paranoid about getting pregnant and asked me three times if I was SURE she wasn't going to. I just told her I didn't have the ability to see such details. I wondered why a reader who's only been working with the tarot for a year could come up with those details and why she'd even feel confident/comfortable enough to give them to a person over the internet (Specifically a teen site). I was slightly disgusted over the whole thing (And the fact that the reader had ordered from me twice and was nothing but pure rudeness and disrespect)

I don't get how people can get such details like heart attacks and pregnancy from using just a tarot deck. And if they do, is it really wise to say those things?

nisaba

Libra8ca said:
I've had psychics / tarot readers tell me bad things like that too and none of it came true...

Some of it comes true a lot later.

I openly scoffed in the late 1970s or very early 1980s when another reader told me I'd be moving into a house with a broken red letterbox, and in about 1988 when another reader again told me I'd be moving living with many golden cypress pines (a tree I don't like and wouldn't ever choose to plant).

2002 rocked around. I was in a relationship which was starting to become very dodgy indeed. We moved into a house of her choosing. I wouldn't have chosen it, myself - it had two golden cypresses either side of the gate, and one next to the front door. And a broken red letterbox, that in six years we never got fixed.

The second reader had died, so I was unable to apologise and give her feedback. And the first reader - I barely remembered him as an individual, and didn't remember his name, so he would have been hard to trace. Again, no feedback. Both of them must have gone away thinking that the images their intuition had thrown up for them when they looked at their cards was wrong.

nisaba

TreeLeafe said:
Every once in a while I'll get a sitter who wants a reading about something health related. And I'm just not comfortable enough to read for that. That's something for a doctor to discuss with you. Not a tarot reader.

I both agree and disagree. As a Tarot reader, I can't either diagnose or recommend treatment, but I can make comments about health.

In this spread, there are three cards for health. This is what I do. <grabs Tarot deck, shuffles for sample cards>

Okay, just say I had a client in front of me and these three cards came up in that spread, for the client. In the "now" position we have the Six coins. In the deck I picked up, I can see a man distributing stuff to two people who are worse-off then him. So right at this moment, the client seems to have reserves of good health and energy to spare. The card in "the way forward" position is the Eight Swords, so I'd suggest that over the next while, they might feel a bit restricted in their health - have they a touch of arthritis in their joints or muscle stiffness, perhaps? they might want to see their doctor and attend to it *now* before it becomes a problem. Of is their gym membership about to lapse? Better renew it, because it seems they'll really miss it if they limit themselves by not renewing it, and it will have health implications for them. In any case, there will be some kind of limiting factor involved with their health even if it's not one of the two suggestions. In the further future, the Nine Swords came up. I'd suggest that perhaps at some time in the future, depending on their circumstances, clinical depression may (or may not) become an issue - there's no shame in seeking treatment for it and asking for help in managing it. Otherwise, there might be some kind of clinical problem with sleep disturbances, either as a problem in itself or as a reflection of some other problem. Again, they will need to discuss it with a practitioner.

In no way have I overstepped the boundaries. Twice I have suggested that *if* a particular something comes up which I rather think it will, they should seek QUALIFIED help. I have not diagnosed - I have suggested areas where the person may need to ask a professional for a diagnosis.

I have no problem at all doing health readings.I just don't actually offer a diagnosis or recommend a course of treatment. That's where my bottom line is with health.

DaughterOfDanu

nisaba said:
I both agree and disagree. As a Tarot reader, I can't either diagnose or recommend treatment, but I can make comments about health.

In this spread, there are three cards for health. This is what I do. <grabs Tarot deck, shuffles for sample cards>

Okay, just say I had a client in front of me and these three cards came up in that spread, for the client. In the "now" position we have the Six coins. In the deck I picked up, I can see a man distributing stuff to two people who are worse-off then him. So right at this moment, the client seems to have reserves of good health and energy to spare. The card in "the way forward" position is the Eight Swords, so I'd suggest that over the next while, they might feel a bit restricted in their health - have they a touch of arthritis in their joints or muscle stiffness, perhaps? they might want to see their doctor and attend to it *now* before it becomes a problem. Of is their gym membership about to lapse? Better renew it, because it seems they'll really miss it if they limit themselves by not renewing it, and it will have health implications for them. In any case, there will be some kind of limiting factor involved with their health even if it's not one of the two suggestions. In the further future, the Nine Swords came up. I'd suggest that perhaps at some time in the future, depending on their circumstances, clinical depression may (or may not) become an issue - there's no shame in seeking treatment for it and asking for help in managing it. Otherwise, there might be some kind of clinical problem with sleep disturbances, either as a problem in itself or as a reflection of some other problem. Again, they will need to discuss it with a practitioner.

In no way have I overstepped the boundaries. Twice I have suggested that *if* a particular something comes up which I rather think it will, they should seek QUALIFIED help. I have not diagnosed - I have suggested areas where the person may need to ask a professional for a diagnosis.

I have no problem at all doing health readings.I just don't actually offer a diagnosis or recommend a course of treatment. That's where my bottom line is with health.

Ah, I see what you're doing in your reading.

and I can see that as being a very acceptable reading without overstepping boundries or scaring/upsetting the customer. I never really thought about the cards interpretations health-wise. I'll have to practice that as I look through the cards tonight.

I'm always scared of possible lawsuits over something like that.

what are your boundaries - what would be a no-no?

shadowdancer

ncharge

shadowdancer

Libra8ca

canid

Filipa

DaughterOfDanu

nisaba

nisaba

DaughterOfDanu