Reading for Third Parties

FionaT

This topic came up on the professional tarot forum but I didn't want to get the discussion off track so thought I'd post it here.

I'm a professional reader both for my own site and for a psychic site. I have always refused to answer questions about other people who have not given their permission as I feel it is unethical. You know the kind of thing "Can you tell me if my sister's boyfriend is having an affair?" You are 'spying ' on someone without their permission. The site owner is fine with this and always checks with me now beforehand and recontacts clients asking them to rephrase questions!

Early on I didn't know this and did a quick reading for a lady (who was herself a psychic) without her giving permission. I just asked 'Tell me what's going on in X's life at the moment" Afterwards I told her what I had done and the card I pulled for her (which turned out to be totally accurate) but she gave me a resounding telling off and I have never done it since.

What are your thoughts?
 

nisaba

I'm on her side. If she wanted you (or anyone) to read for her, she would have asked. The fact that she didn't, says something straight away.
 

FionaT

Exactly! I have never forgotten it.

I also meant to add that I feel if you move the client away from the 'other people' thing it is more empowering to them, although how far we want to go down the road of telling our clients what to do is debatable, but I've found most clients immediately 'get it' and want to rephrase.
 

shadowdancer

Hi Fiona

I think you will find most here do have that as a sort of personal unwritten (or in my case written up in my code of ethics) rule.

I was never really told about the rights or wrongs of this when I started out, and possibly like you it wouldn't have occurred to me.

I think you may find at times there may be what can be classed as a 'gray' area, where the dynamics of a relationship can't help but bring in peripheral issues involving a 3rd party. I think as long as you maintain focus on the person asking for the reading or asking the question you won't go far wrong :) You say you read professionally, so no doubt you know what I mean with that.

Davina
 

FionaT

Thanks Davina, great reply. Yes, I know exactly what you mean. It's in my code of ethics too.

I don't want to give the impression that I never mention people's friends, partners etc - of course they come up all the time :) , but just that I won't answer a direct question about another person who isn't the client, I suppose the tarot equivalent of 'gossip'.
 

Major Tom

I'd wish to warn anyone against 'hard & fast' rules. True ethics exist in the moment - in the now.

If someone asked me "Can you tell me if my sister's boyfriend is having an affair?" I'd answer by asking "Why do you want to know? What would you do with that information?" Depending upon the answer, I might flat out refuse or I might work at rephrasing the question.

On the other hand, I've only once refused to answer a mother any question about her children. ;)
 

Nevada

Major Tom said:
I'd wish to warn anyone against 'hard & fast' rules. True ethics exist in the moment - in the now.

If someone asked me "Can you tell me if my sister's boyfriend is having an affair?" I'd answer by asking "Why do you want to know? What would you do with that information?" Depending upon the answer, I might flat out refuse or I might work at rephrasing the question.

On the other hand, I've only once refused to answer a mother any question about her children. ;)
I don't like black and white rules about this either. Sometimes, as Major Tom points out in mentioning doing readings on children for their mothers, there is a valid reason, if not for the question as given, at least for a revision of it.

Someone mentioned on another thread doing practice readings about celebrities. This has been an accepted way to practice or demonstrate astrology for a long time (ETA usually dead celebrities, mind you). I don't see it as too awful, myself. But I think one needs to be mindful of ethics even then, for instance not sharing anything from the reading that isn't already public knowledge and is deeply personal.

But yes, third party readings raise a lot of ethical questions. I usually do my best to make the reading about the person asking for it, and their relationship to the other, not about the other.
 

FionaT

I realise that I didn't differentiate in my post between person to person readings and email readings and so your replies made me think. In 'live' readings I feel there is plenty of scope for rephrasing and gently guiding the topic back to the client, but in email readings a third party question sticks out like a sore thumb and it's those that I ask to be rephrased.

In fact, just this week I got a q from a mother asking about her teenage daughter and I asked if she had the daughter's permission to ask - she did - so no problem. Obviously if the kids are younger it's different. I think really the kind of readings I am talking about are the 'snooping' ones like 'Tell me if my boss is having an affair with Jane in the office'!

Thanks everyone for your input, it really helps clarify things and usually I am not a 'hard and fast rules' person. Ethics is such an interesting area.
 

Rasa

I do readings about other people for clients, sometimes.. but usually I redirect it back to the querent if possible, and if things get into iffy territory, I remind them that the person they're asking about is not here to disagree with me, so they need to take anything I say about them with an extra grain of salt.

I think it's ok to do cards about other people, if the situation the querent wants read about involves their relationship to someone else, and phrases the question in a pro-active manner.
So like,
"how can I help relieve the animosity between my sister and my mom?"
would be alright. I would draw cards for all 3 parties, seeing what comes up about the nature of the conflict, and then how the querent might assist.
or "what is developing between ____ and I in our new romatic relationship?"
I might draw cards for ____'s role in things, but the main focus would be on the querent, and how they are shaping the relationship.

I don't do cards on accusing questions, though.
eg: "is so-and-so cheating on me?"
"is so-and-so back on drugs again?"
"did so-and-so steal from me?"
are all WAY off limits.
 

gregory

I don't like to do them anyway - as I have said many times. But one thing I would think relevant would be - am I being asked to do something comparable with reading the other person's diary - i.e. snoop. If so - no way.

I will try and rephrase questions so that they are about the querent.