Sour Grapes Feedback

I'm talking about people who ask you for a reading and the cards tell them "No, you're not going to get your way." in the clearest ways possible; they leave little useful feedback or become irritated with you IRL.

- Is it considered just flat out rude to ask for more elaboration as to why they feel it's "got to be wrong"? Hell, is it better to just leave the issue alone and ignore it? (And never read for them again?)

- How do you deal with the people you've read for IRL who suddenly become bitter or irritated?

- Have you had anyone come back and say "Hey, your reading was right and I'm sorry for being a donkey about it?"

I think LOADS of people get a message they don't find it possible to accept for some reason - either denial or simply that it feels wrong. I well recall the corker I did for myself once... TOTALLY off.

Till three weeks later.

If I had got it from a reader somewhere - I doubt if I would have bothered to go back - I suspect by that time the reader would have forgotten all about me.

I did ask myself why it was so wrong. I would have asked a sitter that too, if they had said it was all wrong. But if they got irritated - all I would say is - look I just say what I see, and I'm sorry of it doesn't resonate with you; maybe it will later - and I'd leave it at that. What else is there to do ?

This just happened to me last weekend. I had a reading which clearly said "you can't and won't know right now - this needs to remain an unknown mystery right now." The person was pretty pissy about it. What made me feel solid in my conduct was that I had repeated a strong and clear caveat before having her shuffle and draw cards.

Since we are both in 12-step recovery, I had had us both pray, separately, beforehand. I asked that Divine Spirit would show her exactly what she needed to know and that I would be the translator, as clear a translator as I could be, of what the cards said. I still got the feeling she blamed me, but, hey, I feel pretty okay about how I went about it.

I've never had anyone get bitter or irritated, but in denial? YES. One friend (who is my roommate and whom I refuse to read for ever again) would ALWAYS ask me about her previous relationship with a couple (a man and a woman she had a relationship with)...how the guy felt about her leaving, how the woman felt, how the couple's relationship will end up now that she's out of the picture. Every time I read for her it always said the same thing: they moved on with their lives. She was never satisfied with my answer; it was always because it was something she didn't want to hear. Even though the cards revealed that the couple didn't have the best relationship and that the man thought about her from time to time, I think she wanted me to tell her that they regret how they treated her and the man longed for her back.

I finally flat out told her (out of frustration and irritation on my part) that if she really wanted to see a change, she should just call him (which is what I've gently told her from the beginning prior to ever reading her cards). She finally stopped asking me. She hasn't bothered to make contact with the guy, but I know she still thinks about them from time to time. Thankfully she's never asked me to read for her at this point, although I don't bring out my cards anymore.

I will say there were TONS of times when I heard things I didn't want to hear, but I tried to accept it, especially if I intuitively knew that the cards were right. The only time I can recall when I was genuinely irritated with my reading was when a Tarot reader/psychic told me I was going to have kids and that I should be open to the possibility. I've never wanted children and have made it clear that I will do whatever it takes to not become a mother. I did become frightened for a while, though, that the cards were right, but later on I got confirmation from different readers that I would never become a mother of any sort. I know that it's not a good idea to ask the same question over and over again and from different readers, but at the time I was incredibly worried that the Tarot reader was right. Thankfully I've put my mind at ease about the whole idea.

I see more of this here,(in Your Readings), than during my actual face to face readings. I just remind myself and sometimes tell my clients: Always tell the truth. You don't have to be blunt, let your client know the message of the cards. You are not there to make their decisions for them. You are there to help them see more possibilities, to open up their own abilities, their intuition, their own connection with spirit. The truth is there for them to grow, do not withhold it, knowledge will set them free, or at least give them the opportunity to do so.

I always tell my clients only ask questions that you want an honest answer to. A lot of times once I say that the question may change. If your clients want to, let your client talk about what they see in the cards. Remember you are always a student, "Everyone" has something to teach you, wisdom has no boundaries, "if you think you know it all, you know nothing". This was one of my grandmothers favorite sayings when I was a teenager.

Just this week,, I had a client who told me they couldn't identify at all with what I was saying (reading the cards). She really began to rattle me, because EVERY trio of cards that were layed out she had NO idea what I was saying and kept telling me that it didn't mean anything to her. (I must have layed out 15 cards then had her take the deck, reshuffle the cards and I spread them face down on the table and her select about 12 more in hopes it would help. It didn't per her. I felt bad about it, but as I was reading in a store, I couldn't give her the reading for free.

Afterwards, I had mentioned to the owner of the store that she was very difficult to read, and that she didn't get a good reading from me as a result. I felt bad about it, but didn't know what to do.

Then, the owner told me, "well, she has a very closed off personality and she just went through a huge scare in her life. Perhaps this is why she was difficult. The difficult period has only just ended for her.", (she preceded to tell me the scare) and I was shocked as it was EXACTLY what I read for her in her cards!

So I came to the reason that the client just didn't want to acknowledge what had occurred in her life and maybe perhaps thought she just might be able to get a free reading to boot!

Sometimes they just want to ignore it and there is nothing you can do or say to change it. So, just hope they don't come back for another reading in the future, and if it was done here on AT, if you decide you do not want to offer them a reading, be honest and tell them so and even tell them why. Might sound a bit drastic, but I think here you can be a bit choosier if you have had previous issues with the person. Out in the store, I can only pray I never see this woman again. lol!

I don't understand the "never read for them again" thing. You're not really saying that if someone disagrees with your reading or are a difficult person to read for, that you'd never read for them again, are you? If the sitter overturned the table or threatened you in some way, I could understand that, but surely not for just disagreeing with your reading.

I just shrug it off and go on if somebody disagrees with my reading because I know that, later on down the line, they may find that the reading was right after all. They don't need to come back and tell me so, but sometimes they have done just that.

I know that I'm not always going to be right, anyway. There's no such thing as 100% accuracy, after all.

And if someone comes back for another reading after disagreeing with the last one, I figure there must have been something they saw in it or they wouldn't be back.

No, I don't ask for more elaboration as to why they feel it's wrong. They don't really owe me feedback unless I specifically asked for it prior to the reading as a means of exchange for the reading, which I haven't done in years and years.

I don't expect any feedback when reading in real life because I'm reading for someone else, not for me.
I think you have to remember that it's their reading and it's about them, not about you; you're just there to deliver a message and you may have even been wrong.
When I read for someone else I just hope that the reading is of some use to them. Sometimes they may find something useful in it when they've had the chance to think about it and digest the message a little even if they initially think that there's nothing of use there.

I wouldn't get cross with someone who doesn't agree with or like a reading I've given them; it's their reading about their life and they're entitled to think what they like about it.

Grizabella said:

I don't understand the "never read for them again" thing. You're not really saying that if someone disagrees with your reading or are a difficult person to read for, that you'd never read for them again, are you? If the sitter overturned the table or threatened you in some way, I could understand that, but surely not for just disagreeing with your reading.

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Of course not. Difficult is just a challenge waiting to be beaten- difficult people don't deter me but make me try harder. Even disagreeing is fine, as long as it's still polite. But I mean if they immediately become hostile and cop an attitude or curse at you, would you ever read for them again if they asked?

Sulis said:

I don't expect any feedback when reading in real life because I'm reading for someone else, not for me.
I think you have to remember that it's their reading and it's about them, not about you; you're just there to deliver a message and you may have even been wrong.
When I read for someone else I just hope that the reading is of some use to them. Sometimes they may find something useful in it when they've had the chance to think about it and digest the message a little even if they initially think that there's nothing of use there.

I wouldn't get cross with someone who doesn't agree with or like a reading I've given them; it's their reading about their life and they're entitled to think what they like about it.

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Of course it's about the other person. There's just some people that are deep in denial and become verbally antagonistic after you say what you've seen if they don't like it. I think I'm more talking up Celticnoodle's alley.

Ah well. So the verdict is- FB only if online and as a condition of the reading, otherwise you're sure out of luck.

Grizabella said:

I don't understand the "never read for them again" thing. You're not really saying that if someone disagrees with your reading or are a difficult person to read for, that you'd never read for them again, are you? If the sitter overturned the table or threatened you in some way, I could understand that, but surely not for just disagreeing with your reading.

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well, if you are referring to my post, I never said I would never read for the again. I just stated I hope that they do not come back to me for a reading. difference there, I think. She was difficult and a bit nasty with her remarks about not understanding anything or able to relate to anything I read. Why should I await another customer like that? no way! so, yeah, I hope I don't EVER get her again. period. If you think that sounds awful then that is your opinion. if she does show up for a reading when I'm working, I will read for her, as I do not have the liberty in the store to turn customers away. Just hoping she chooses another reader instead of me, which she probably will, if she comes back and remembers she didn't identify with my reading at all. If you are not referring to my post, then my apologies.

No, I don't ask for more elaboration as to why they feel it's wrong. They don't really owe me feedback unless I specifically asked for it prior to the reading as a means of exchange for the reading, which I haven't done in years and years.

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I never asked for any feedback from a paying customer.

I just mentioned to Kosjitov that IF she offered a reading here in exchange for fb and didn't receive it, then she can mention to that person if they come back for another reading about them not living up to their end of the exchange, and so she doesn't want to read for them again. that's all. she also doesn't have to do that--up to her. an exchange is an exchange. you have to give something in return for what you receive. IF she doesn't get what she asked for in exchange, then yeah, I think she can refuse to read for them again.

I also never said I was angry with my client for not identifying with the reading I gave. I felt badly about it and mentioned THAT. I prefer to give good readings to all my clients. It is a shame if I cannot get something for them that they can identify with, especially when they have to pay for the reading. I like to try and give them their monies worth.