How do you get them to talk?

OK, I've been doing readings for folks around my day treatment program, and there's this problem I have whenever I give an in-person reading. The problem is this- my sitters don't talk.

It's not everyone, a few people will give me feedback as to what the cards are relating to, but most of the time, they just sit there. And I start to babble, giving any and all possible meanings of each card that I can think of, and they sit there. And I move on to the next card and start giving my interpretation of that one, and they sit there. Often, there's not even a facial expression or a nod (or shake of the head) to let me know I'm on the right track.

I often feel like they don't see Tarot as an interactive process, like they just want answers handed to them rather than talk to me about the issue that the reading is about. Often a five-card reading lasts less than five minutes, I have no idea how I did, and don't feel like I've done my job as a reader (I'm not getting paid, but I still want to do justice to my sitters, and to the process of the reading itself).

I know I'm capable of this- the feedback I get here in the RX is overwhelmingly positive, but, well, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing when I've got an unresponsive sitter.

How do you draw a sitter out, and get them to talk? I have on occasion asked direct questions, but when I do that, I feel like I'm cheating, even though it does confirm that I'm on the right track.

oh , yes I have the same problem , do they shuffle the cards?
are they friends of you or random strangers? sometimes they are just shy.

I ussualy start asking questions while they shuffle the cards , about the issue at hand or just how their day was etc.

sometimes they are scared and so I ask them that , are you scared? is this your first time?


one time this guy though I was a psychic and so he wouldnt tell me anything , ever since, when I do readings for friends of friends , I tell them how it works.

or when I lay down the cards before I say anything else I ask about a card wich may seem important in the overal reading for example , ( reversed empress) how has been your relationshop with your mother lately? and go from there etc.


of course I have only had practice with friends and friends of friends , Im sure many ther mroe experienced readers will have much better advice XD I look forward to reading them. or maybe experienced readers dont have this problem and dont need them to talk D: haha

My clients LOVE when I ask questions...
Before I start a reading I always give a little pre reading pep talk.
I tell them my readings are interactive they can stop me and ask or explain anything they want to at anytime.
And I will be doing the same.

I can not tell you how many people have gotten a big smile on their face, and really loosened up after I've said this...
Because many people have the notion that they can't interrupt you or make any comments because they will some how disturb your intuitive flow/process.
So they sit there like scared little bunnies.
So the pre reading pep talk puts in all in perspective and works well for me.

I do still get a few of those testers...that will not make a peep, but, oh well, read the cards and let it go is what I do...
But I think that people get a much more enjoyable reading experience when they get to participate in it.
And I actually tell them that at the start.

People who come to you for a reading want answers to their questions so many times, they're just expectantly waiting for you to weave the cards together to give them their answers. Many don't realize you want them to interact. Or other people think if you do want them to interact, you're trying to cold read them. It's not at all unusual for some folks to just sit quietly, not show emotion, and just listen to what you're saying. This happens a lot if they're new to having their cards read.

It does make you feel disconcerted, though, when you're new, I know. Especially if you have to pause for a little bit to think and decipher what the cards are trying to tell you. It can make you sweat bullets, for sure. But you do get used to it and you learn to just patiently deal with that kind of sitter without taking it personally.

You use the term "feedback" but if you mean feedback in the sense that we use here in the Reading Exchange forum, you're not entitled to that in a public reading from a sitter. It's always nice to have some so you can judge how you're doing, but you won't usually get it from your sitters. If you're reading for friends or acquaintance who know you're new to reading, you can ask them, but you might as well get used to just not getting any most of the time from the general public.

Minotauro said:

or maybe experienced readers dont have this problem and dont need them to talk D: haha

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Heee that's funny...
I think when you've had more experience it's not that you need them to talk...
You get very comfortable with the cards and you know what you are seeing...so the questions come because you want then to "get it."
Like last night I did a reading for a woman who was asking about her husband in a round about way...
I got the 8 of Coins and facing it was the Queen of Wands.
And in an instant I knew.....Internet hanky panky.
So I asked her, "Have you been concerned about his computer use lately?"
And a torrent of concern about what she had been finding on his computer, very flirtatious stuff with another woman.

So asking questions is a tool a good reader can use to gently approach tough subjects they are seeing in the cards.

Some good suggestions for my "toolkit". I think I will be less shy about asking questions. I think most of them are at least somewhat familiar with Tarot- they approach me for readings (the fact that I read them has come up in group, because I've mentioned that I do readings for myself to self-soothe when I'm having anxiety). They're not complete strangers, I'm in groups with most of them, and they ask me for readings (one lady asked me how much I charge, and I told her I don't- I'm expecting she may be asking me for a reading in the near future).

There have been a couple of readings where I didn't need the feedback, or just minimal. I knew quite a bit about the girl's situation before she even asked me for a reading, so I knew exactly what the cards were talking about.

Thanks for the responses, guys, I think I'll throw all the suggestions into my mental bag and pull them out as they seem appropriate.

I like doing Tarot readings during lunchtime- lunchtime is an hour and thirty-five minutes, (the case managers use part of that time to have one-on-one meetings with the clients), so I can eat my lunch, run a brief errand, go for a walk to get some exercise, and still have a bunch of time to kill before my last group. Doing a reading or two for another client helps pass the time in a pleasant way, and if the reading goes well, I get the good feeling of having helped someone deal with their problems.

I think others have summed it up well. it is a case of making it clear from the outset you see it as a two way process.

I always say it is their reading, and as such they are part of it. It is NOT about me just spouting off and they have no input.

I always say if they see something in a card that jumps out at them as being something they resonate with, to say so. They know themselves better than I do, and as such if it is important enough to appear (albeit it might be a small detail often overlooked in an image) I can expand and look at why it appeared etc.

Get them to shuffle with no hard and fast rules how they do it. Straight away they are part of the process.

I rarely just lay cards and spout off. I offer three types of reading: a) general, with explanation of how it may pan out. b) potential 6 month path, again explaining nothing is set in stone etc c) offer to look at any issue they have that is important to them.

Most go for c) and I make suggestions as to how it is broken down. e.g. relationship strains. I will offer to look at what has led to this, where they are now, what they can do to effect change, what may be beyond their control, and what to expect short term.
Once they agree to this they again realise they are very much part of the process. Suffice to say they open up immediately.

For sure I get the odd "I am going to fold my arms and tell you naff all to test you!" type but I NEVER let them intimidate me. I say I am not psychic so if they were expecting me to pull stuff out of the ether it isn't happening. At the end of the day if that is their aim and they go away dissatisfied it's their money not mine. With those, you are onto a loser. If you tell them stuff they already know they will complain they didn't learn anything new. And if you do tell them new stuff that at that time is not easily verified they will again say you didn't pick up on anything about them.

Good luck. I know it is much more rewarding when the sitter is part of the process and they go away feeling they have a handle on something they didn't beforehand. One reason I use decks they can understand themselves due to the imagery being quite contemporary or self explanatory. (Deirdre of Sorrows, Bright Idea and Granny Jones).

lark said:

I can not tell you how many people have gotten a big smile on their face, and really loosened up after I've said this...
Because many people have the notion that they can't interrupt you or make any comments because they will some how disturb your intuitive flow/process.
So they sit there like scared little bunnies.
So the pre reading pep talk puts in all in perspective and works well for me.

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Goodness, I can't say how much I really dislike people giving me this look! It's like deer in the headlights and they sit frozen looking at you almost as if you're going to tell them something horrible. It's so silly. I hate it. I really do!

Grizabella said:

You use the term "feedback" but if you mean feedback in the sense that we use here in the Reading Exchange forum, you're not entitled to that in a public reading from a sitter. It's always nice to have some so you can judge how you're doing, but you won't usually get it from your sitters. If you're reading for friends or acquaintance who know you're new to reading, you can ask them, but you might as well get used to just not getting any most of the time from the general public.

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As Grizabella mentioned, getting feedback from the gen public is very unlikely. Sometimes people will volunteer information when you say something, like a gut reaction to something that resonates with them, BUT aside from the sandbox here in the Reading Exchange where it's specifically required and socially acceptable it is not something we are entitled to.

shadowdancer said:

I think others have summed it up well. it is a case of making it clear from the outset you see it as a two way process.

I always say it is their reading, and as such they are part of it. It is NOT about me just spouting off and they have no input.

I always say if they see something in a card that jumps out at them as being something they resonate with, to say so. They know themselves better than I do, and as such if it is important enough to appear (albeit it might be a small detail often overlooked in an image) I can expand and look at why it appeared etc.

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I'm going to try and incorporate this into and other ideas from the thread into my readings to try and help people feel at ease. I haven't had to do many readings in person but I'm willing to try anything to get rid of the "scared bunny" look as lark called it.

Personally, I don't expect everyone to want to talk. It is their reading, and they are allowed to experience it any way they wish. I have had sitters who don't even want to ask a question out loud. If that's the way they want it, I go with it.

grizabella- no, I don't mean feedback in the same way that we mean it in the RX. I mean feedback in the terms of looking at the Page of Cups and saying "I see a young person, someone who's really imaginative and places a lot of value on how things make them feel emotionally" and them saying, "yes, that's my niece/daughter/younger sister/new intern where I work". I usually get them just sitting there.

There's one guy in my apartment building I've read for a couple of times and as I was going through the interpretations, kept nodding and saying, "that's true, that's true", but that's all I got out of him. He really wasn't engaging in the reading. At least I had a sense that I was on the right track, but in the end, I didn't feel satisfied that I had given a proper reading.