How to convey an overly negative reading without scaring your querent to death!

A_n_t

I hope I have posted this in the correct forum, if not, moderators please feel free to move wherever is most appropriate.

A month or so ago I did a reading for a friend I work with. Her cards were particularly negative, her partner's present was represented by the 10 of swords, her present was the hanged man and her future the 8 of swords.

Last week I did another reading for her which had much more positive cards, 4 of wands, 9 of pentacles etc. etc. afterwards she breathed a huge sigh of relief and said thank God they are so positive and thanked me.

I asked her about it and although she felt my last reading had been completely accurate, the negative "feel" had made her deeply concerned. I had tried (as I always do) to put as positive a perspective as possible on the reading but she had still felt the need to dwell on negative aspects, even going so far as to double check the meanings of the cards online, which very much undermined any positivity I had tried to entwine in to the reading. I was disturbed to think I had caused her any undue concern.

My question is basically this; When performing a reading in which you get particularly negative cards, how do you convey the content without deeply upsetting the querent? I know you can do little if they already have knowledge of the cards meanings or decide to research them elsewhere and I do not see outright lying as being a sensible option, however I am sure much can be done to avoid them feeling the need to question it further (externally) in the first place.

nb - I did try to search but could not find anything that fit with this, if somebody can point me to a previous thread covering this I would be very much obliged.
 

scarlatina

I hope I have posted this in the correct forum, if not, moderators please feel free to move wherever is most appropriate.

A month or so ago I did a reading for a friend I work with. Her cards were particularly negative, her partner's present was represented by the 10 of swords, her present was the hanged man and her future the 8 of swords.

Last week I did another reading for her which had much more positive cards, 4 of wands, 9 of pentacles etc. etc. afterwards she breathed a huge sigh of relief and said thank God they are so positive and thanked me.

I asked her about it and although she felt my last reading had been completely accurate, the negative "feel" had made her deeply concerned. I had tried (as I always do) to put as positive a perspective as possible on the reading but she had still felt the need to dwell on negative aspects, even going so far as to double check the meanings of the cards online, which very much undermined any positivity I had tried to entwine in to the reading. I was disturbed to think I had caused her any undue concern.

My question is basically this; When performing a reading in which you get particularly negative cards, how do you convey the content without deeply upsetting the querent? I know you can do little if they already have knowledge of the cards meanings or decide to research them elsewhere and I do not see outright lying as being a sensible option, however I am sure much can be done to avoid them feeling the need to question it further (externally) in the first place.

nb - I did try to search but could not find anything that fit with this, if somebody can point me to a previous thread covering this I would be very much obliged.

This is probably the wrong portion of the forum...anyway
I always just give the very straightforward message of the cards even if it's negative, but I always give the "advice" portion of the card as well. For example with 8 of swords I may say there is something that they're not acknowledging inside/outside themselves that can change the relationship for the better. Especially paired with the Hanged Man, I might let them know that the result is actually in their hands. I've found that people usually do get a little upset when the reading doesn't give the happy cards but they usually appreciate knowing what their options are.
 

Soaring Eagle

I have had readings where most of the cards were negative, and what I did was to give my interpretation of the card for the position it was in and give the advice from the card, and my initial reaction to the card.

As an example: You mentioned 8 of Swords, in my deck (Vision Quest) it is the 8 of Air and shows a raven surrounded by 8 feathers floating around it in a stormy manner. The background is a light blue with brown and black.
1. For some readings I feel it is the sitter who has created a problem, possibly not a real problem, in their mind. They've made things out to be worse than they are. I might suggest that they step back and try not to over-think things.
2. For another reading it might mean that the person was receiving interference on a project or something they were working on. They need to be aware that someone is causing a problem, or that there is a problem in the project.

It truly depends on the position in the spread, your initial reaction to the card, and the question being asked. There are many ways to interpret every card. And advice that can be given for each interpretation.
 

Cassandra022

i don't read much for other people, but my gut feeling is...if the reading is TRULY negative, you gotta tell it like it is. gently and tactfully, sure, and if a question is phrased properly i feel like the cards always do give good advice, but...i'm not of the put a positive spin on everything school of thought. like, if i was reading for myself and i knew i'd take that negatively, i ought to tell the person that same thing too...

of course that can be awkward/difficult...interpersonal things like that and lack of confidence is why...i generally have a hard time reading for others lol. but yeah...
 

Sakabu

This is an aside but hopefully you can understand it. Have you considered that maybe a negative reaction part may just be more of an emotional reaction to receiving the reading itself?

For example, when a person watches a drama, they are emotionally moved and empathize with the situation being conveyed. Really dramatic or expressive people tend to bring this into real life a bit, they react heavily to situations or at least convey their emotions a lot more deeply and personal than most people. It doesn't mean that they are seriously injured emotionally, it just means they express it more 'enthusiastically' than most others.

The person may be reacting to the process of the reading itself (types of cards involved, seeing 'signs', etc), less your interpretation and you have little control over that.

Some questions you could ask yourself, are they superstitious? How seriously do they take themselves? Some people are just by moved by everything that is told to them, but the reaction could be more melodramatic than really is felt on a deeper level (not to say that's bad). Or in the very least, it could be just a spiritual reaction to the reading itself... like they could be seeing a sign in regards to something they have already connecting with that level. If they know the cards already and are using you to read them, then it's possible they are using you as more of an outsider/'hands off' perspective in that case?...

I dunno, these are just things to consider. I wouldn't take it too seriously, you have to tell the truth. But I really don't think you have anything to worry about, except that just some people are really sensitive to the 'moment' when they are being read heh.
 

Trogon

It is interesting that I would finally see this tonight. I made up my mind many years ago, when I started learning Tarot and decided I would read for other people, that I had an obligation to deliver the messages which came through for my clients. I figured that, if the message was "coming through" for them, I should deliver it. However, you can be gentle about it and, as you said, add in the advice that might be meant to be delivered as well. Now, as I said, this is a decision I made for myself. In fact, I would say that this is a decision that a person must make for themselves. Though it sounds to me like you've already kind of decided to go the way of honesty. ;)

I found it interesting that I found this tonight because of a reading I did today. To make a long story short, it came up that she had been suffering some memory loss & other issues and the word "alzheimers" came to me. I did deliver that message, but was able to add that her husband would be there to support her and help her through it all. Turned out that her dr. was having her go to get an MRI on monday to finalize the diagnosis, but that was what they were thinking.

The point of all of this is that we, all of us who work with the Tarot and similar types of consultation, need to decide in advance what we'll do when there is bad news to deliver. It is, I think, one of the most difficult aspects of Tarot reading.

As for the person checking card meanings on-line, I guess that's gotta be pretty darned annoying. I haven't had that happen yet, but I suppose that if I did, I think I would talk it over with them, listen to what they had found and let them know, as well as I could, why I came up with the interpretations I did. There have been a few readings where I've had my querrent look at a card and come up with impressions of their own. I realize that's different from what you experienced, but there are some similarities. I have listened, offered my own explanations but let them know that their input is of value to me. Remember we can always learn from our client, if nothing else, we can get more insight into the human experience. I guess what I'm saying is to try to keep a positive outlook even on these kinds of things and continue adding it to our storehouse of knowledge and experience.

I hope I was able to help. These discussions on ethics are very important to all of us. It helps us all to keep it in mind when the difficult situations arise.
 

Zephyros

I think the most rewarding readings are ones where you don't tell the querent anything they don't already know. That said, I see a reading as a kind of mirror, a way to confront issues that people won't always admit to themselves, face questions in a way people won't usually ask themselves. It doesn't matter if the cards are "good" or "bad," they just are, and a reading is supposed to help people, very rarely pat them on the back. Not that a reader is one, but a therapist that only tells a patient what is good in their lives isn't a very good therapist.

Also, bear in mind, and this is something I tell my querents a lot, that just because a reading may be somewhat unpleasant, it does not mean that their entire lives are in the dumpster. No one is qualified to know everything there is to know about a person, and even in a general reading, I have found that the spreads seem to organically focus on certain aspects that need especial attention. A Celtic Cross may decide to focus on personality and spirituality one week and be grim, while the next week you may see only work-related issues, and it will all be peachy.