Depression About Results For Others

2 months ago I met a good friend's "best friend." I instantly disliked him, which rarely ever happens when I meet someone. He was super friendly to me, but there was something that made my inner voice go, "woah woah woah, bad guy" when I looked into his eyes. They had been best friends for 2+ years and like brothers. I mentioned to my friend the feeling I got when I met his best friend, he scoffed and said I was ridiculous. They went on being great friends as normal.

So me, being snoopy, I asked my tarot cards how their friendship would pan out throughout the summer and if this best friend was really bad. When I was shuffling The Devil kept falling out and the 10 of Swords. After doing the reading and further more in-dept ones it seemed like the friendship would die because of his "best 'friend" by the end of July and August.

I found out 2 weeks ago his best friend just discarded him after treating him terribly and has blocked all communication. He still is ignoring him.

Normally, I would think, "yeah, I had an accurate reading that followed a time scale." Instead, I feel terrible. It seems like the only time I have had very accurate readings is when there is something terrible to tell.

I didn't tell my friend I did the reading, but if you get such bad readings, do you tell the person? Or is better to just wait and let them live it out? I feel like if I mentioned something, he could have been ready for this unexpected blow from his "best friend."

If he never asked you for insight on this matter, my feeling on this is to not say anything but just be there for him with your loving support. It's sad because you saw it all along but perhaps he had some lessons to learn that would strengthen his spiritual paths. By all means if someone asks for help, we help them. I feel that is one of the reasons we card readers have this gift, is to help. But sometimes people don't ask for our help and that is where their individual lessons come in.

Another thing is...... Sometimes you can warn a person about what is going on but they ignore you and continue on with the "bad situation." From what you wrote, it sounded like there was no way your friend was going take your advice about this person. He was too involved in the relationship and from the sounds of the Devil card, he was addicted to him. I feel there was nothing you could do to help him but be there for him after it ended. Sorry.

You did a reading for someone without their permission. Don't add insult to injury by offering unsolicited advice from an unapproved reading.

If you are going to read for others without their knowledge, you must keep it in strictest confidence. It's a good way to learn, but it is also a good way to come across as a creep. I am passing no judgement, me, I'll read on most anything, and a good number of times the cards tell me it's none of my damn business. Yours didn't, and gave you an accurate reading. That is for your learning. Your friend most likely wouldn't have believed you anyway, and if they did later on, without understanding the nature of tarot, there is a high likelihood for blaming you for the friendship disintegrating.

You should figure out a personal code of ethics for reading, and live by it.

There are 2 schools of thought on if it's ok to read for someone without thier permission. One is that it is unethical, the other is that it's ok when it's out of concern or caring for the person. Personally, I think it's ok, and perfectly ethical.
What I think is noxious is judging others who see and do things differently from you. We all have to find our way through the ethical thicket for ourselves, no one else can define or enforce it for us.

I'm having a bit of a chuckle because I just realized you are getting a bunch of advice from people who mean well and want to help, much like you with your friend. Ironic.

It seems you were coming from a place of loving concern. I can't see how that could be wrong. But we all sometimes have our loving, concerned actions misconstrued. In the future, maybe you could try to pull a card to gauge how someone might react to hearing about a reading you did unbeknownst to them. Even though you meant well, not everyone would appreciate that, but what are cards for if not giving a heads up on what may be coming for you? Just ask your cards if you should share your readings.

Goddessofthehunter said:

If he never asked you for insight on this matter, my feeling on this is to not say anything but just be there for him with your loving support. It's sad because you saw it all along but perhaps he had some lessons to learn that would strengthen his spiritual paths. By all means if someone asks for help, we help them. I feel that is one of the reasons we card readers have this gift, is to help. But sometimes people don't ask for our help and that is where their individual lessons come in.

Another thing is...... Sometimes you can warn a person about what is going on but they ignore you and continue on with the "bad situation." From what you wrote, it sounded like there was no way your friend was going take your advice about this person. He was too involved in the relationship and from the sounds of the Devil card, he was addicted to him. I feel there was nothing you could do to help him but be there for him after it ended. Sorry.

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Thanks for the response! I can definitely see the addictive traits. It almost felt like teenagers in High School, "this guy treats me like crap, but I'm going to be his friend because he's really cool." My friend is such a great person, I sometimes see him as a bright flame that attracts people- the good and bad. I agree, he wasn't going to listen. Thanks again!

Manda said:

You did a reading for someone without their permission. Don't add insult to injury by offering unsolicited advice from an unapproved reading.

If you are going to read for others without their knowledge, you must keep it in strictest confidence. It's a good way to learn, but it is also a good way to come across as a creep. I am passing no judgement, me, I'll read on most anything, and a good number of times the cards tell me it's none of my damn business. Yours didn't, and gave you an accurate reading. That is for your learning. Your friend most likely wouldn't have believed you anyway, and if they did later on, without understanding the nature of tarot, there is a high likelihood for blaming you for the friendship disintegrating.

You should figure out a personal code of ethics for reading, and live by it.

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I tend to do a lot of readings when I don't understand a situation or a dynamic between between people. I try to do it out of concern, not validation. I don't think I've ever had the cards say it was none of my damn business, hehehe. They have gotten quite cross when I ask the same question repeatedly, "hey, stop whining, build a bridge and get over it." I seem to read about other people with a clarity I can't do for myself. Which can be really frustrating.

Thank you for your response!

magpie9 said:

There are 2 schools of thought on if it's ok to read for someone without thier permission. One is that it is unethical, the other is that it's ok when it's out of concern or caring for the person. Personally, I think it's ok, and perfectly ethical.
What I think is noxious is judging others who see and do things differently from you. We all have to find our way through the ethical thicket for ourselves, no one else can define or enforce it for us.

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I agree with not judging. I try to give a gentle warning, but otherwise back off. Maybe they had something to learn from each other. Maybe this was a lesson for me. I do have trouble when I'm not in control. This definitely made me have to sit back and silently watch my friend get hurt.

Manda said:

I'm having a bit of a chuckle because I just realized you are getting a bunch of advice from people who mean well and want to help, much like you with your friend. Ironic.

It seems you were coming from a place of loving concern. I can't see how that could be wrong. But we all sometimes have our loving, concerned actions misconstrued. In the future, maybe you could try to pull a card to gauge how someone might react to hearing about a reading you did unbeknownst to them. Even though you meant well, not everyone would appreciate that, but what are cards for if not giving a heads up on what may be coming for you? Just ask your cards if you should share your readings.

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Manda, what a great idea! I can't believe I didn't think about a gauging card. That seems like such a simple solution. Uck, see this is why we brain storm with others. I will do this in the future!

Thank you everyone for your replies! This question led into a bigger one, which is another friend who asked about his love life for the next 3 months. I drew positive cards for the present (he'd meet someone soon and have a connection) but then by the end of the 3 months in disintegrated into heart ache and loneliness. I told him he'd meet someone really soon and probably from an acquaintance and he met a wonderful woman 2 weeks later from a friend. I, however, left out the doom and gloom ending. Is it really my place to spoil a relationship from the start?

I think Manda is right, I need to find an ethical code for readings and stick with it.