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AquarianGoddess
07-02-2002, 03:04
Recently came across this piece I wrote in 1997 for my astrology newsletter. For those of you who don't know astrology, each planet and sign "rule" an area of life and that's the basis for the article.

Have you ever thought of the possibility of exchanging one of your planets for the Perfect version of that planet? In honor of the Jupiter/Uranus conjunction of 1997 (in Aquarius, the ruler of Astrology), Iíve created ďThe Great Planet ExchangeĒ. Can you imagine how much better your life could be with the exchange of just one of your dysfunctional planets for the Perfect version of that planet? Think about it. Which one of your planets would you exchange?

Would it be that vicious, vile, Venus in your chart that has been responsible for your meeting every mean fe\male on the planet? The same Venus that has you being a doormat for every love interest in your life? Exchange that venomous Venus for the Perfect Venus and you wonít be lovelorn any longer. Suddenly you meet the Perfect partner and itís candles, wine, hot tubs, romantic nights and a big, fat, diamond ring. The two of you ride off hand-in-hand to your new forever-romantic life.

How about exchanging that malicious, malevolent, Mars thatís been getting you into fights, arguments and getting on everyoneís last nerve? When you receive the Perfect Mars, no more obnoxious behavior, impulsivity, or black eyes. Instantly, youíre congenial, sensible and diplomatic at all times. As an added bonus of the Perfect Mars, your sex appeal escalates so high, it surpasses the Richter scale. Now everyone admires your endless drive, energy, enthusiasm and sexiness.

Oh those mood swings and bloated water weight gain. PMSing are you? Cry at the sight of Jello? Women hate you? Your mother hates you too? These are all symptoms of the Lunatic Moon. Now with this new technology you can exchange the Lunatic Moon for the Perfect Moon. Your cycle is now on time and free of PMS (Psycho Moon Syndrome). Your frequent crying jags have ended, never to return. No more excess fluid floating through your body and doubling the size of your feet. Your mother decided she doesnít hate you as much as she thought (hey, you canít have everything). Women now see you as a role model. Best of all, you no longer grow fangs during the full moon. Ainít life grand when you have the Perfect Moon?


A sucky Saturn is one of the best planets to exchange. That unmerciful, unyeilding, jerk thatís been teaching you lessons and responsibilities since your first breathe, could be replaced with the Perfect Saturn. Just think, no more School of Hard Knocks, patience, perseverance and no more responsibilities. Now that you have the Perfect Saturn, success comes to you instantly and youíre a bigger tycoon than Bill Gates. You have the respect of everyone on the planet because you know everything there is to know. Your life is eternally free of frustration.

Mercury is one of my favorites to exchange. Did you ever think you needed a brain transplant to find mental peace? Itís not your brain; itís your maniacal Mercury. The planet of the mind is responsible for your paranoia, low IQ and Alzheimerís. When you exchange the dysfunctional Mercury for the Perfect Mercury, youíre in mind heaven. You are now brilliant, a best selling author and can command millions for your speaking engagements. All of your mental illnesses are gone forever and you can rid yourself of those mind-altering drugs.

If youíre contemplating exchanging your Pluto for the non-dysfunctional model, hear thisÖ.WE DONíT MESS WITH ANYBODYíS PLUTO! Got that? Besides, we heard through the planetary rumor mill that there isnít a non-dysfunctional version of Pluto!

New River
07-02-2002, 06:07
got a real chuckle out of this AG! and it gave me food for thought for when i am planning that next lifetime!

i intend to be Very picky if i choose to come back for another round. lol

love, light and hope, New River

Scorpion
07-02-2002, 08:17
AG - brilliant!

I shall, of course, stick with Pluto!

jade
07-02-2002, 09:21
i'm printing this out!

excellent work!!!!!

in light,
jade

bat51
09-02-2002, 00:13
o please, could i get a perfect Neptune??? everything beautiful and inspired, all these cosmic insights & psychic abilities just there right under my nose..... you can have my foggy addicted confused one -comes with a free martyr complex & victim habit, but always forgets where i put my keys :-))))))))))

amyel
09-02-2002, 11:53
Ooo! OO! Yes! I'll exchange my "sucky Saturn" any time! Where do I sign up?????

amyel
09-02-2002, 11:55
Ooo! Ooo! Yes! I'll exchange my "sucky Saturn" anytime! Where do I sign up??????

AquarianGoddess
09-02-2002, 23:53
Bat, I laughed when I read your account of a dysfunctional Neptune! How appropriate.

The article was too long and exceeded the capacity of the post so I cut out some of it.....like only one planet per lifetime is permitted to be exchanged and the exchange is performed by a triple Virgo! I wanted to ensure one would receive the "Perfect" version of the planet and only Virgo's are perfect (so they think).

AG

AquarianGoddess
09-02-2002, 23:57
Bat, I laughed when I read your account of a dysfunctional Neptune! How appropriate.
The article was too long and exceeded the capacity of the post so I cut out some of it.....like only one planet per lifetime is permitted to be exchanged and the exchange is performed by a triple Virgo! I wanted to ensure one would receive the "Perfect" version of the planet and only Virgo's are perfect (so they think).

AG

Pollux
12-02-2002, 02:15
AquarianGoddess (09 Feb, 2002 23:53):
like only one planet per lifetime is permitted to be exchanged and the exchange is performed by a triple Virgo! I wanted to ensure one would receive the "Perfect" version of the planet and only Virgo's are perfect (so they think).
AG
What do you mean with "a triple Virgo"? ???
However, Virgos may well think the world of themselves; we all know they're insicure very well ;)

bat51
12-02-2002, 02:24
very funny topic :-))) the real problem with these triple virgo's is that they usually ARE perfect; don't think i ever met one who displaces things or misses payments or something like that. i keep on hoping, but never succeed :-)

really curious here: do you think there could ever be a perfect uranus??

bat51
12-02-2002, 02:34
very funny topic :-))) but the real problem with these typical virgos is that they usually ARE perfect... i don't think i ever met one who displaces things or is late with payments or something. i keep on hoping, but never succeed at catching one :-)

really curious here: does anyone have an idea about what the perfect uranus would be??

AquarianGoddess
12-02-2002, 08:25
Pollux, a triple Virgo is a "Sun/Moon/Ascendant" all in Virgo (God help them!).

Bat, a few years ago I had a Virgo boyfriend and he was perfect, so much so it made me nauseous. They do complain A LOT about everything. They wrote the book "Perfect Complaints for Every Occasion". And yes, most are insecure.

A Perfect Uranus? No way!

AG

AquarianGoddess
12-02-2002, 08:28
Pollux, a triple Virgo is a "Sun/Moon/Ascendant" all in Virgo (God help them!).
Bat, a few years ago I had a Virgo boyfriend and he was perfect, so much so it made me nauseous. They do complain A LOT about everything. They wrote the book "Perfect Complaints for Every Occasion". And yes, most are insecure.

A Perfect Uranus? No way!

AG

truthsayer
12-02-2002, 14:39
my husband is a double capricorn-ascendant and sun. my saturn is in aquarius and so is his moon. god but if i don't feel sucky saturn all the time! we seem to be perfect opposites. yet i read all the time what a good match cap and pisces is. he sure keeps me on the earth even tho i tend to erode that mountain goat down down after a while to the pebbles of my mountain streams and have things my way--water is just more indirect. that's the true nature of water and earth other than making mud! i'm sure he would be as good as a triple virgo w/ finding the perfect fault to weed out of every lifetime! LOL ;) :) :D :p however, unlike most virgos i know he is willing to compromise that he isn't perfect and it is possible he can make a mistake even tho he only tells special ppl the truth!!!!!