Ms Kill the Messenger returns...

magpie9

I'm between a rock and a hard place on this one---a very dear friend wants a reading from me, and I reallllly don't want to give her a reading. I read for her once, about a year age, and it was terrible. She's one of those people who only wants to hear nice positive things, and she is also one of those people who blame the reader for the message. As in "kill the messenger." It wasn't even a bad news reading--the news just wasn't "good enough"!
As fear as I was concerned, the reading was a nightmare, and I didn't want to go there again. So I was delighted when she started going to another reader, and felt safe. But it didn't last. She decided the other reader was too airy-fairy, or some such. She wants straightforward practical old me. I can't tell her she's too close a friend to read for because she knows I read for other, closer friends.
My sister (the communication major) says that the problem is that she doesn't understand what tarot does, or what you can expect in a tarot reading. I think the problem is that she wants a pink cloud reading and is determined to get one out of me or get abusive trying.
I'm ducking and weaving and being very busy...but avoidance tactics can't work forever...and I do want to keep the friendship.
Any ideas?
 

poivre

Just tell her the truth that it's not about
her but about you.

You value the friendship you have with her and
do not like the experience you had reading for her
the last time. So to not have bad feeling either for
you or her, you prefer her to have readings done by
someone else!
You only read when it's comfortable for you because
your the reader and others are not.

Just an idea,
ros :)
 

Apollonia

Hi, Magpie! I empathize with your situation.

I feel that you should go with your intuition on this, and decline to read for her. It is a question of honoring yourself and your gifts. If the energy isn't right for you to read for ANYONE, you must respect your own talents enough to decline. Otherwise, you are dishonoring and, in a way, abusing yourself by forcing yourself to do something against your own better judgement. (If you have received other challenges and learned a lot lately about boundaries and listening to your inner guidance, this may even be a sort of spiritual pop quiz for you.)

If you are clear within yourself about why you won't read for her, it will come through in your words and your tone, and she will have to deal with her own issues. Now, this definitely could affect your friendship, but my question to you is whether she acts in the same way in other instances, and, if so, what kind of a friend she really is anyway. In my experience, people who will abuse you in one situation will abuse you in another, because they don't value themselves enough to value others.
 

Fulgour

If she has her own deck, you could read for her from that.
Something tells me that would set the table with the forks
all in the right places, unless she needs to buy a deck and
then start from there, with her getting her own new cards.
 

FantasyWorld

ros said:
Just tell her the truth that it's not about
her but about you.

You value the friendship you have with her and
do not like the experience you had reading for her
the last time. So to not have bad feeling either for
you or her, you prefer her to have readings done by
someone else!
You only read when it's comfortable for you because
your the reader and others are not.

Just an idea,
ros :)

Ditto
Will 2nd this;)
 

September Pixie

ros said:
Just tell her the truth that it's not about
her but about you.

You value the friendship you have with her and
do not like the experience you had reading for her
the last time. So to not have bad feeling either for
you or her, you prefer her to have readings done by
someone else!
You only read when it's comfortable for you because
your the reader and others are not.

Just an idea,
ros :)
I was just going to second it, and since someone already did, I will 3rd it!
 

magpie9

Those are some words of wisdom, Ros--and you 2nd and 3rd-ers! I've been leery of doing that simple direct thing because I think that dealing with her reaction to it is going to be as bad as doing the reading. Maybe worse. We all have our defenses against the world, and one of hers is to lay down a barrage of rapid-fire questions, interspersed with equally quick erroneous conclusions, that are totally unnerving to the other person. And then she doesn't listen to any of the answers. And then she "gets" them wrong, and you're suddenly defending yourself for saying something you never said--let alone meant--!

She's not going to buy any simple statement, she's going to pick it to pieces, beat it to death, and then get very upset at me for "my misperception" of how she is. She sees herself as having an inquiring mind (and she does) and wanting to know lots of details-(and she does) but she doesn't understand that it's like a tank attack for the other person. It's like she really has no more "censor" with what falls out of her mouth than a 3 year old does. It's lost her jobs, at one point it kept her jobless for over a year--she just couldn't make it through a job interview without blowing it-- it's ruined relationships--and she just doesn't get it. But she does get almighty mad at anybody trying to tip-toe through that minefield.

I look at what I've just written, and I wonder why keeping this friendship is so important to me. Some of it is that we've been friends for over 20 years, and I don't throw that away easily. I'm one of those people with very very few friends, but those friendships are tremendously important to me. They are not replaceable. And she's an amazing woman--on some levels I'm in awe of her--she has survived so much more than would have plowed most of us under, and thrived. Her sense of adventure is undimmed, she's vital, she's healthy--she cured herself of Cancer--she's generous with her time and talents, she's smart and funny and at 66, not even considering slowing down. She's impressive. And we are, at this point, life-long friends.

I have to add, however, that if she had had this question thing going to this extent when we first met, we would probably not have become close friends.(!) But she does now, and she is still my beloved friend, and I probably have developed something that drives her out of her mind, too.

I guess I'm going to have to brace myself and face the barrage, and level with her about this. Maybe I should do or get a reading on how to level with her to create the least damage all around. Better yet--no damage--if that's possible.
 

lark

This worked for me once...now it might not work with her but ..then again you say she has an inquiring mind so maybe.....

I had my friend get her own deck, shuffle her own cards, ask a question, and lay down a spread...
I told her I was only there to help and that she would be doing her own reading.
So now she was in the cat bird seat...
And I was not the messenger the cards were.
Worked like a charm.

If I give her a reading now she is very respectful of the reading.
And we remained friends and she better understands what it's like to be the reader.
 

goddessof1967

OR going with what your sister has said you could tell her that, first, you want to have an indepth discussion with her about Tarot and how it works. I.e. its not all roses and it reads from your higher self and often picks up what is going on in reality rather than what we want to hear etc. etc.

Once she has absorbed it all and understands you, then ask her if she still wants you to read (if you still want to, too).

I also agree with the above, let her know that you're uncomfortable reading for her because her expectations are unrealistic.

Goddess
 

purple_scorp

Hi magpie9,

when I read your first post, I was expecting that your friend was a much younger, and reckless person. Then I went on to read that she is 66 years old and has beaten cancer. Wow. What a tremendous spirit she must have.

I think the suggestion for her to do her own reading, and for you just to facilitate it might actually be the way to go. I don't even think it really matters if she uses your cards. She sounds like the kind of person that wants to be in control. So, let her be.

If you decide to go ahead and do the reading for her, then the other idea I thought of was for you to tape the reading. You could say to her at the start, please minimise your interruptions until I finish the entire reading and she won't be so flustered for missing out on an interpretation because it will all be there for her on the tape. You could even say to her, "take the tape away and ponder over it for a while, and then come back and we can discuss it". That will certainly knock some wind out of her sails.

Hope it pans out well for you.

with love
purple_scorp