The difficult querent.....returns

About a year ago, I had a request by referral to do a reading in my home office for a person I had never met.

I set it up. Then the sitter started calling me....about wanting to tape it, and how I worked...and about how she had been for Tarot readings and about how they ALWAYS let her tape it...and ...and....and...question...question....question....

Finally, we were set...

I thought.

Night before the reading, late, I get a call with more concerns....I simply said,

"If you would feel more comfortable not having a reading with me...I'm fine with it if you cancel."

"Oh no...you come very highly recommended. It's just that you don't seem to operate like other readers I have been to."

I didn't comment on that since we had already discussed more than enough before the reading even started.

She didn't cancel..... and I was wishing I had canceled.

Then my mentor.....said...

"Oh you should definitely do this one."

So...I did....she was nervous...the reading went well I thought....she took lots of notes , adked many questions, and, then, she flew out the way she flew in....

in a nervous rush....thanking me but not saying anything about the guidance that had arisen from the process.

I figured...

OK...I did my best. Case closed.

She called me this morning. It's her birthday soon....

"Your reading last year....well, it was exactly what I needed to hear...I have read and reread my notes...and taken some steps to follow the guidance...

Do you still not allow taping??"

"No..I don't."

"Could I set up an appointment for another reading?"


We're meeting in a couple of weeks.

Go figure.

terri

I suspect that this is a lady who doesn't trust herself and so has difficulty trusting others.

She doesn't trust herself to write down correctly everything you tell her - which is why she wants it taped. And although you'd been highly recommended, she didn't really trust you - hence the questions.

No feedback - because she didn't trust the reading until, after a year of working with it, she could see how helpful it had been.

Don't know that there's much that one can do about that - except to continue to give first rate readings so that she learns to trust you.

Netzach said:

I suspect that this is a lady who doesn't trust herself and so has difficulty trusting others.

She doesn't trust herself to write down correctly everything you tell her - which is why she wants it taped. And although you'd been highly recommended, she didn't really trust you - hence the questions.

No feedback - because she didn't trust the reading until, after a year of working with it, she could see how helpful it had been.

Don't know that there's much that one can do about that - except to continue to give first rate readings so that she learns to trust you.

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I suspect you are right on, Netzach....trust...herself, others....leading to huge control issues....I'm not thrilled she is coming back, but I am going to do what I do to the best of my ability.

terri

tmgrl2 said:

I am going to do what I do to the best of my ability.

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I'm sure you always do.

((((((terri)))))

I can fully sympathize with you. Some querents are very difficult. I have one Polish lady who is just like that. In the beginning she called me several times a day at really funny hours (for nothing, just to ask strange questions or expressing doubt) until I told her that I will charge her for phone consulting. That worked, she stopped calling 5 to 10 times a day.

Terri, we are here to help ppl but we are not here for being abused or whatever by them.

Take some energy protecting measures before you do the reading for her. Difficult querents can drain you.

catlin said:

((((((terri)))))

Terri, we are here to help ppl but we are not here for being abused or whatever by them.

Take some energy protecting measures before you do the reading for her. Difficult querents can drain you.

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Oh yes...always good advice!! She wanted a half hour last time, since "money was tight." Then she got over an hour, but I had promised my half hour rate...so this time....the half-hour glass gets turned over and at end of 30 minutes...I will tell her that we can continue for the hourly rate or stop...also my hubby calls me from upstairs and I pick up the phone and say as though it is my next client..."Come on over, I'm almost finished and ready for you."

terri

A woman at the shop where I read not only tapes it I think she then burns you a CD of the reading.

Me?
I take digital pictures of the spread, then do up a glamour shot of myself reading the cards in a lace teddy (roflmao) then I put together a book of the reading with shots of the customer coming into the store, us sitting down at the table and then paste a mint to the back of the booklet.

Oh yeah.

Me and the querent smoke a cigarette together in the parking lot after every reading. Nothing like that after-reading-glow.



I'm feelin' frisky tonight!!!!!!!!!!

elf said:

Me?
I take digital pictures of the spread, then do up a glamour shot of myself reading the cards in a lace teddy (roflmao) then I put together a book of the reading with shots of the customer coming into the store, us sitting down at the table and then paste a mint to the back of the booklet.




I'm feelin' frisky tonight!!!!!!!!!!

Click to expand...

You are a very, very bad girl

This lady did write a lot...I kept thinking that she was only one of few who actually took notes...lots of them...and then kept thinking...

Umbrae...with this note-taking thing....the time piles up...but, in the long run, she is one of few who took notes who told me she went over them frequently in the past year...

Go figure!

Good to see you, elf!!

But very, very bad....

terri rushes out to buy mints, make sure her digicam has live batteries...and searches for a blank album and some fine photo paper.....NOT


t

tmgrl2 said:

She wanted a half hour last time, since "money was tight." Then she got over an hour, but I had promised my half hour rate...so this time....the half-hour glass gets turned over and at end of 30 minutes...I will tell her that we can continue for the hourly rate or stop...

Click to expand...

Terri, that lady takes advantage of you. You don't have to accept that. Sometimes we readers have to set boundaries. PPl will respect you more when they learn that they cannot take you for a ride.

catlin said:

Terri, that lady takes advantage of you. You don't have to accept that. Sometimes we readers have to set boundaries. PPl will respect you more when they learn that they cannot take you for a ride.

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LOL...she didn't take me for a ride! I only saw her once. This will be the second time. I am very time conscious of time, have had to be with clients in my work professions...but sometimes one gives a bit more time initially to what we used to call "high maintenance" people. I knew exactly what I was doing at the time with this querent and had even discussed it beforehand with my mentor...I even suspected that when she asked for a half hour last minute, that it was manipulative...but I allowed it....I knew that if she came back, time stealing would be one of her lessons from me, whether or not she picked up on how I did it....

This time there will be a lesson about other people's time....and maybe I won't even need it, but you can be certain I know how to set time parameters.

I wanted most of all for her to have a good reading....she really was nervous and I'm not sure how many Tarot readings she has had despite what she said.

These days....very few people can take me for any rides....maybe when I was quite young before I learned about boundary setting.

At work, there were parents that initially got more time from me...some really needed and benefited from it and, once they knew things were on track with their child, I seldom heard from them, although I always called occasionally with extra good news and certainly, when I needed to share something else.

Others were clearly, time stealers....I have a whole cadre of ways to keep the time to a minimum..I used to call on breaks...or set up a a few minutes between groups, or....have an appointment (even when I didn't)...and when they told me they weren't finished...I would say,

"Well...maybe we can speak in a few days and set up another appointment...and by then you can sort out any additional questions after you digest what we talked about today."

It's knowing when you are "giving" the time to them, versus when they are "taking" the time from.

When some of our team members let meetings with parents drone on and on, and I knew a particular team member would be part of the meeting, I almost always would say, I need to share my results early on....I have to leave at...
and set a time...Several times, I just got up and left and said..."I'm sorry, I have to go...I'll give you a call to share my results." Many of the other team members would be annoyed that they "had" to stay, but they didn't.

These were teams within our larger building team, since we all met as a group to share test results on a child who went through a battery of tests. At times, though, we all knew we had a particularly difficult case, and we all understood it would take more time than usual...and accommodated for that, setting up a second appointment when we couldn't finish in one.

You bring up an excellent point, cat, and I believe it is one that all people who deal with "appointments" and schedules for their work and for Tarot must deal with ....Also, at this point in my life, after 49 years of working, fortunately, I don't have to be a clock watcher, but with this woman I choose to do so...most of my visits fall within 5 minutes or so of our session.

Near the end of my sessions, I have routines that send the message I am wrapping up...I collect the cards, put them away...I often say..."As we close, you might want to write down any final thoughts, while I put the cards away." I blow out the candle, take away the glasses...."

It's quite clear.

I was watching this sitter as she "managed my time." So, in a way, I am anxious to have her back. This is a business woman, who is used to running the show....I chuckled when I found that out...since she may have thought she got "extra" time by her methods....but now...it will be a different story.

Everyone's time is valuable...EVERYONE's...I wonder if that will come up in her cards????

I found this out with volunteer work as well. I had to set boundaries at my mom's home for the aged....finally, I just told the nuns I could no longer help them, since my time at work and demands with my husband didn't allow for additional energies on my time. I simply went to the administrator and told her. Case closed. Initially, it was a few reports while I was at a visit with my mom...Over 23 years, they kept her costs way down, since it was a private home...so I was willing to work with them. But finally, when they didn't respect the boundaries, I simply closed the door on volunteering for them.

This would be a great topic for another thread, since, in my experience, it is something we all deal with throughout life....and we either get better at it or not...You are so right. We should be giving time willingly, not allow someone to take advantage of us and there are many ways to accomplish the latter end....

terri