Appropriate Feedback

I was just wondering what everyone's opinions were concerning what exactly is appropriate feedback for a reading.

Sometimes i feel like I give too much or not enough, or not the right kind. At other times i find myself not really wanting to know so much how accurate I was but how clear i was, whether I got my message across comapssionately, and a bit more feedback regarding the style of the reading.

Also how do you go about giving negative feedback? When the reading wasn't clear, or right, or whatever.

Thoughts anyone?

Well being a person who has no qualms about talking about any part of my life, I was accused once of giving to much info. LOL Only once though. Usually the extensive feedback has seemed welcome, and my excitement at how often they hit home.

Usually, I get so excited when the reading is right that for me I do go into a lot of the details. I guess there is no set right way or wrong way. Probably people want to be treated the same way they treat others. Some people are more private and some less so. Some could want a lot of info, and some could be made uncomfortable by it. I guess people are all different. There may be no way to know beforehand what the other wants...short of asking, which is certainly not a bad idea.

I always say communication is important though, you could ask first. You could try asking how detailed feedback they want. And if you want to know if your reading came across as compassionate, ask.

I hate to say anything negative, especially to a stranger, and of course most feedback is for someone you don't know well, if at all.

I think it's important that the other person know if something is inaccurate, so the other person can learn from the experience. Well, I've never seen a reading be entirely wrong. So I would first focus on all the accurate parts. Like: this and this and this is really true, but I'm not so sure about this part....and why, what the truth of the situation is.

Babs

"Still a man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the rest" -Simon & Garfunkel

It helps for me if the querent can be specific as to what my suggestions bring up for them. I try to keep it general unless I am getting a very very very definite idea of what the card means. I did go barking up a few trees this evening that, while not quite the wrong ones, were hampered by a few over-specific interpretations of the cards. It would have helped me if I had been more general - I guess I have in some cases been carried away by my own "winning streak" and possibly need to go through some nice, calm, quiet grounding exercises!

I am always amused by my boyfriend's attitude when giving FB, "well that's impossible" or "I know that already". From one who claims to understand one particular subject inside out and back to front, he should know that "the best laid plans of mice and men" have a habit of being blown apart. He admitted to me over the weekend that he knew more than he usually lets on about spiritual topics (though on other issues he displays woeful ignorance of what is practical or feasible, which sometimes leads me to underestimate him), and I found I have been very very guilty of underestimating his sixth sense about our shared interest, the one through which we met but have subsequently developed different ideas about. Because he can BS his way out of anything (his cheek astounds me), sometimes I wilfully ignore or write off attitudes that clash with my understanding of the situation. He hasn't quite grasped the spontaneous element of fates conspiring to derail plans, but I am now beginning to realise I am working with someone who is at least as powerful at intuitive reasoning - if not even a fully-blown psychic - as I am.

Talk, talk, talk! Its good? No? Yes!

I come dang close, one time, to giving a negitive feedback. So, I backed off and thought about it for two days. I finally came to the conclusion that I could apply some of the wrong things to other people in my life. That kinda sorta-sorta kinda fit them. And its acceptable even though it was FAR REACHING!

I saved the reading just to make sure I wasn't over reacting. Because I do over react!

If we are to become better readers, we have to have that valuable feedback, for good or bad. If I had received a really bad reading, I would pm them. Then take it from there in private.

And like Babs, I tend to talk everyones ears off! If your gonna read for me, just tell me the color of my britches and I'll tell ya the cut of too! LOL.

I hate a simple thank you. Unless you are crossing my palms with money, don't smile at me and walk away! Talk to me. Bore the hell out me, but let me know if I'm right!!


Barb

I think all negatvie feedback should be PMed. Also, instead of saying, "Sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about," and for the sake of discussion and learning; which I presume we are all here for anyway; it is appropriate to give your own take in addition to one's "negative feedback." Perhaps I overlooked a particular interpretation or interrelation between the cards. Help is always appreciated!

Oh, yeah, and it helps if feedback is immediate. Immediate, as in 1 or 2 days max. We are talking about time-sensitive material here!

KK

So is the most important thing to you to know whether you are "right" or accurate?

What about the how you get the message across?

I agree that negative feedback should be kept private but does that include simply saying, sorry I just don't resonate with this reading at all? Or it doesn't sound like my situation?

Like Crowqueen I can sometimes get carried away with my own winning streaks too, then come crashing down when i read for someone in real life and they tell me they have no idea what I'm talking about.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I personally don't think feedback should be just about the accuracy of the reader but also about the other things that make us good readers. Feedback should teach us to be more compassionate reader, to be clearer in describing what we are seeing and the messages we are recieving.

And Babs, you are very right. I think the next time I offer readings I will be more specific in what kind of feedback i am looking for.

Kilts knave, funny you should mention the time thing. Quite a number of times I have delayed giving feedback on readings I didn't understand because I didn't know what to say. Then a few days later events have occured that made the reading make sense. This has also happened in feedback given to me on reading I have done. So perhaps it is a good idea for us to let a reading sit for a while till we say anything, if it doesn't make immediate sense.

FaeryGodmother said:

So perhaps it is a good idea for us to let a reading sit for a while till we say anything, if it doesn't make immediate sense.

Click to expand...

This is an excellent viewpoint. Thank you.

I think in the future if I offer readings for feedback I will be specific about the feedback and do what you mention...

KK

I think negative feedback is innapropriate. Always offer a posative outlook, lesson or solution.

If you have difficulty and cant get clear, be honest.

Letting cards 'sit' is great. (Hint: look meditative or they will just assume you are stumped or bad at doing Tarot.)

FaeryGodmother said:

So is the most important thing to you to know whether you are "right" or accurate?

What about the how you get the message across?

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I personally don't think feedback should be just about the accuracy of the reader but also about the other things that make us good readers. Feedback should teach us to be more compassionate reader, to be clearer in describing what we are seeing and the messages we are recieving.

Click to expand...

I agree with what you said that feedback should not just tell you it somethings is off the mark, but also why and what the actual situation is. And yes, something that sounds wrong at the time may turn out to be accurate later on. I have found over time too, that we don't always see ourselves clearly, but Tarot does. I have had readings that I did for myself that I thought were dead wrong, then lwhen I reread them months later I found they were completely accurate. It was just that I had these blinders on and could not see things in another way yet.

Yes, to me, the way we present the info is very important too. To me I have an idea of what I am trying to do when I read for someone. A reading, to me, is meant to enlighten, to empower the person to live their best lives, and to give them hope and hopefully confidence. So how I present things is important to me too.

I am careful never to just say something negative about a situation. There are always two sides to everything and I think it helps to present both. I think this duality is inherent in Tarot. If something bad is about to happen then you tell them all in life happens for a good reason and that something good will come of it (even the Death card has this meaning, and the Tower is followed by the hope of the Star).

Then you tell the person that they have the power to change this future, it is not written in stone, and that hopefully you can help them do so, with more readings...

Even in good situations there is likely something to look at that can make things even better, something to work on to maintain the good times... There is always the duality, something to work on. Life is learning and change and growth...

So yeah, if I ever said something that made someone lose hope or fear ...I would need to know so I could correct it.

Babs

As a reader, I would always like an honest assessment of my reading - if it seems relevant or the querent can relate to it. I understand sometimes that may be difficult if something controversial or personal comes up.

If I am off on a reading I would expect feedback telling me so, maybe by pm - I would pm a reader if they were off on a reading about me - but I don't consider that "negative" per se - it depends on how it is presented. I consider rudeness negative, but not constructive commentary - I need that to improve! I have been fortunate so far in that I have not done readings that have had "bad news" in them, but I know it's just a matter of time before I do - that's one reason I think this is a GREAT thread!

Sometimes when I give feedback, I might write alot - or I might not, depending on the reading - but I feel it is quality not quantity that is important.

Just my humble opinion though!

valeria