Tarot Full Circle or A Journey to Nowhere?

Tarot has been in my life for over thirty years. When I first found this pack of cards (RWS) I learned to read for others, as this is what I thought was the sole purpose of Tarot. So I read for nigh on twenty five years without reading for myself. I think I became good at reading- although I decided early on that it was all about 'Maybes' not will be's . I think I developed into what could loosely be called a Tarot therapist. My circumstances changed and I stopped reading for others- so decided to read for myself. I struggled and struggled with it and just lately have given it away.
About the same time decks/books became available here in NZ and I purchased, because I could mainly. I loved collecting these Tarot things. I love the Art in Miniature, the colours and symbolic images. Through the books a new world opened up; especially the History and different philosopies. I knew nothing about the TdM for example. I also had been using Tarot for meditation card by card as well.
Five years ago I aquired internet ability (well not ability lol) and found a Tarot site called Michelles Tarot Page. I checked out the decks there and when that page dissapeared- I found this Forum. I lurked for a very long time before joining in. When I joined a made a huge leap in knowledge about Tarot; all the different attitudes and beliefs, approaches and systems ...and introductions to decks/books. My collection grew to a modest amount, mostly for the love of them, but I had a few that I used exclusivly for reading.
What has happened- is that I have seemed to have made a fundamental shift. I really think there is this huge chasm between reading and studing the cards. I did not see this bridge across the chasm- but I crossed it. I think this Forum was in the main the bridge. I am not sure I even believe that I can honestly read for others, as I think Tarot is a description of a spiritual journey of man, and is taken alone. It is a quest for each of our identity and destiny; Tarot charts the progress of each individual soul. I can share anothers thoughts on that, but I cannot direct through the spread of symbols, what it might be for another person. This is a huge change in Tarot philosopy for me, and somehow it has an inevitability about it, that has taken many years. I feel that I am Le fol parfait .. the Perfect Fool and I was wondering if any others have come to this realisation? Is this progression? regression? Integration? What? With great respect I would love to have your thoughts. ~Rosanne

Thanks for sharing your experience Rosanne, it was really helpful for me to hear your perspective on this. I do understand where you are coming from as I've had a similar kind of experience. I was (kind of) given the Mythic deck about 9 years ago and gradually learned to read with it and did so for years without owning any other decks or having much interest in other decks. I too started to read more books, invest in new decks, found this forum and have been on a journey of learning ever since. I stopped reading for people a few years ago when I lost the connection with my Mythic deck. I really wanted to find 'the one' deck I could read with and of course this has been a totally futile search. After a long process of what feels like going in circles I now have a small number of decks I'm quite attached to but I really lack the confidence to read for others the way I used to.

I also believe that the tarot is a reflection of our spiritual journey and now I use it more as a life philosophy rather than for divination. It's a personal journey about self-exploration, self-discovery and the more I learn about the tarot, the more I seem to learn about myself. I kind of feel sometimes like I've gone into the meanings too deeply and couldn't possibly articulate my thoughts in the context of a reading.

As for your final question....is it progression, regression, integration.....I'm as lost as you with that one. I think it's progression in the sense that for me personally (and it sounds the same for you) the cards now provide a lot more depth and meaning, but as far as reading for others goes....regression??? I'd also love to hear others thoughts on this one. I see it as an integration of sorts in that I have managed to make the cards and the spiritual journey they represent a part of my everyday life. OK, so I think I've gone on enough. Thanks again for sharing.

OH Sapienza, thank you! I am relieved that someone else has had a similiar experience. It is not a block or Intuition drying up- it is a definite change in direction and has been coming on all year (or maybe 30 lol). In one sense it makes me sad, because I feel divorced from many of the threads now. I was never one with set rituals or attitudes of preciousness about decks and cards. I am certainly not decrying how others feel about Tarot or saying this change is superior- I am not sure it is anyway. It is just that for me reading the cards seems the least important aspect now- whereas once it was the most important aspect.
On a lighter note- maybe I should have a funeral for a reading deck? Thats actually how it feels. Thanks for your thorough reply. ~Rosanne

No problem Rosanne. Actually since I read your post and replied the whole issue hasn't left my mind. In a way your original post helped to articulate what I'd been feeling but couldn't get my head around. You have helped me a great deal to realise what it is that is going on. I'd been feeling quite lost and as if somehow I'd 'lost' my way with the cards but now I have a sense of what it's all about. I'm still going over it all in my head and trying to work it out. So thank you for sharing your experience, it has really struck a chord with me.

Rosanne said:

What has happened- is that I have seemed to have made a fundamental shift.

I really think there is this huge chasm between reading and studing the cards.

Tarot is a description of a spiritual journey of man, and is taken alone. It is a quest for each of our identity and destiny; Tarot charts the progress of each individual soul.

I can share anothers thoughts on that, but I cannot direct through the spread of symbols, what it might be for another person.

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Rosanne, I pulled out a few of the sentences that struck me most....

Firstly, you describe the paradigm shift. YeA YEA YEA YEA~! Do you not know how lucky you are? How many get stuck in their paradigms and never break free, never rise to the next level? You kept moving, and guess what, you just realized it was an effortless progress (sounds all very Fool-ish to me).

(Alissa grabs the mental bonds that restrict and smashes them on the floor, like so much crystal). That's what I want to do. Like the Jewish custom of smashing glass... shatter the past, and rejoice in its glorious breaking.

Reading versus studying. But are not both learning? And as long as the knowledge continues, the path is not stagnant. And the image of Tarot charting the course of a man's soul... what an inspiring image. I love it. I'm reminded of sailors charting the night sky with compass and map....

I don't know that I have anything constructive here, except the feeling of wanting to take you by the hands and rejoice in your ability to realize you've changed. Do not despair! And your Tarot path has changed with you. And how lucky you are to keep changing as you have... it is a far worse feeling to look up and realize Tarot has nothing left to offer, nothing left to learn.

Perhaps the Perfect Fool is the one who realizes there's always more, the greener grass is just over... there.... and in his realization, he hardly notices his feet beneath him, moving him towards that which he didn't even know he sought?

Afraid I've not been reading long enough to really be able to comment on everything you put Rosanne, but this struck me:

Rosanne said:

Is this progression? regression? Integration? What?

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Sounds like you've found your way from Fool to World ...... and are now back at Fool ....... just now on a different level, so all three I would say

x Huredriel

Journey to Anywhere

Rosanne and Sapienza, I really enjoyed reading your posts, thank you so much for sharing.

My journey has actually been very different. When I first decided to get involved in Tarot, about 15 or so years ago, I wanted to "read" the cards. Like you I thought that is what they were for. But as I worked with the Tarot I found it incredibly personal, and quickly shifted to wanting to understand the symblos and what the art meant, etc. I became a student, and did not really develop any confidence in my reading abilities in regards to reading for someone else. The more I studied tarot the more involved I got, the more I wanted to learn and the more I dug into various subjects (kabalah, astrology, alchemy to name a few), and the world seemed to keep opening up.

Within the last 5 years or so I will read for close friends, and even ventured into a reading exerciese here on AT with an oracle deck, and I am told that I am very good, which really suprises me each time and makes me blush ... I still carry those insecurities. What I do know though is that I have grown a lot thanks to my tarot journey. It is never ending and there always seems to be another door to enter and explore.

If I can help someone out with reading here and there that is cool, but for me, tarot is a lot more than a divination tool. That is actually the last use I usually have for it. I always thought I was "wierd" because of my more academic and personal approach to tarot, and my lack of emphasis on the divination side. Then I found AT, and realized that perhaps I was not as wierd as I thought.

I think Tarot is a journey to anywhere ... not to nowhere ...

Alissa said:

(Alissa grabs the mental bonds that restrict and smashes them on the floor, like so much crystal). That's what I want to do. Like the Jewish custom of smashing glass... shatter the past, and rejoice in its glorious breaking.

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Hi Alissa- Thanks for your reply. This is a good image of renewal. I had not thought of it like that.

Reading versus studying. But are not both learning? And as long as the knowledge continues, the path is not stagnant.

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Yes true, they are both learning- I sometimes think though (now) there was a freedom, before I had all the books, internet, forum etc. Not exactly ignorance is bliss, but an innocence. I felt unconstricted when say I saw a card. Now that card has so many layers that I am galvanised by inaction- much like Sapienza said about depth and articulating it.

it is a far worse feeling to look up and realize Tarot has nothing left to offer, nothing left to learn.

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Fortunately I have never felt this way- it would be truely FAR WORSE

and in his realization, he hardly notices his feet beneath him, moving him towards that which he didn't even know he sought?

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Thats exactly how it felt- a quiet creeping up of realisation- and not sought after for sure. Thank you Alissa for your enthusiastic and confidence boosting post!
~Rosanne

huredriel said:

Sounds like you've found your way from Fool to World ...... and are now back at Fool ....... just now on a different level, so all three I would say

x Huredriel

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Thanks huredriel- so you agree it is always a circular journey? Originally I thought it was a onward and upward journey- but now I agree with you. it is also like Itsy Bitsy spider on the water spout. ~Rosanne

Jewel said:

I wanted to "read" the cards. Like you I thought that is what they were for.

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I felt compelled to read and originally I recall being annoyed by that.

But as I worked with the Tarot I found it incredibly personal,

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Yes- I also was bemused at the fact that querents never seemed to find this. I think the sitter sees it as fortune telling more than the reader ever does.

I still carry those insecurities.

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I am sorry this is an insecurity for you. I do not find either approach wrong- just very different- but the chasm I spoke about, to me is very wide.

I think Tarot is a journey to anywhere ... not to nowhere ...

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You are right Jewel- thanks for your imput. ~Rosanne