How to use tarot for retrospection? - need help...

I have a friend who I offered to give a reading as practice. It will be via email because we live in different states. Without breaking his confidentiality, he asked me if there is anything he could have done to prevent a friend from committing suicide (it happened a long time ago). Talk about a hum-dinger of a question for a beginner. So how can I address his question using tarot? Can you look back in time? I am so stumped right now. I don't even know what spread to use (although I just tend to wing it). I could view some cards that reflect what was going on with his friend, then what was going on with my friend and try and link the two.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I will probably use the Sacred Circle or perhaps the Haindl deck for this.

buddhagoddess said:

I have a friend who I offered to give a reading as practice. It will be via email because we live in different states. Without breaking his confidentiality, he asked me if there is anything he could have done to prevent a friend from committing suicide (it happened a long time ago). Talk about a hum-dinger of a question for a beginner. So how can I address his question using tarot? Can you look back in time? I am so stumped right now. I don't even know what spread to use (although I just tend to wing it). I could view some cards that reflect what was going on with his friend, then what was going on with my friend and try and link the two.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I will probably use the Sacred Circle or perhaps the Haindl deck for this.

Click to expand...

Well instead of addressing the question "Was there anything I could've done to prevent my friend from committing suicide" what about "Is there anything this friend wishes to share with X at this time?" or "(the person who passed, have you anything you wish to share with X at this time?" Something along the lines of that I feel is a much suited question. I'd stick to a simple spread, nothing too big. I'd probably go Sacred Circle Just my 2 cents....

Good luck with this.

cheekyminx said:

Well instead of addressing the question "Was there anything I could've done to prevent my friend from committing suicide" what about "Is there anything this friend wishes to share with X at this time?" or "(the person who passed, have you anything you wish to share with X at this time?" Something along the lines of that I feel is a much suited question. I'd stick to a simple spread, nothing too big.

Click to expand...

I agree with Cheekyminx on the wording of the question. Since I do this fairly often, I did want to add, from my own experience, that if you are planning on contacting someone who has passed, it is always a good idea to do some shielding ahead of time, and to state aloud that you wish only to contact those who were embodied in this lifetime in human form. Otherwise (not meaning to overstate or be frightening) you don't know who or what could be arriving to chat with you.

Also, since there is no guarantee that the person you wish to speak to will be able to show up (hey, they have a life, too, and sometimes they've already reincarnated), it's good practice to lay a couple of cards at the beginning to indicate the personality of the person you are dealing with, to make sure it resonates with the querent's knowledge of that person.

Also, if a request like this should ever come up again, be aware that suicides are often very confused and traumatized when they first cross over, and that can last relatively a long time according to our time frames, so it's probably good that quite a bit of time has gone by.

Spread positions could be something like:
1) What was your personality like when you were in this life? (1 or 2 cards)
2) What do you want your friend to know about your suicide (maybe 2 or 3 cards here)
3) What do you want your friend to know now?

And I always think it's good form to sincerely thank the person for coming in to chat, and to say goodbye at the end.

Good luck!

In this type of situation you gotta stop and think about what you expect to accomplish with a spread. What if there was something he could have done (without knowing him or his friend, I'm gonna guess that there wasn't)? And what if the cards tell you what that something was? Suppose the cards say that your friend didn't take the warning signs seriously enough (which still doesn't make it his fault)? How does that help? It's only going to add to your friend's guilt, which could be the real issue that needs to be addressed. I do think it's fine to explore what state his friend was in before the suicide (or even "where" he's at now), but your friend should be focused on either how to let this go or what kind of lessons he can take away for the future. Some readers will tell you not to reword someone else's question, but I think that you have to sometimes to get any use out of a reading.

Peace,
April

April said:

your friend should be focused on either how to let this go or what kind of lessons he can take away for the future.

Click to expand...

I totally agree, April.

I personally believe that you can't take responsibility for someone else's suicide. The survivors almost always feel guilt that there was more that they could have done but at the end of the day it just isn't possible to prevent someone from taking their own life if they are determined enough.

So, April's suggestions strike me as a really good way of dealing with this situation.

buddhagoddess said:

I have a friend who I offered to give a reading as practice. It will be via email because we live in different states. Without breaking his confidentiality, he asked me if there is anything he could have done to prevent a friend from committing suicide (it happened a long time ago). Talk about a hum-dinger of a question for a beginner. So how can I address his question using tarot? Can you look back in time? I am so stumped right now. I don't even know what spread to use (although I just tend to wing it). I could view some cards that reflect what was going on with his friend, then what was going on with my friend and try and link the two.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I will probably use the Sacred Circle or perhaps the Haindl deck for this.

Click to expand...

Oh yes, you can look back in time with Tarot. You can look at any time period you want to within your life or beyond. There are very little limits (if there are indeed any) to what you can ask.

Just be direct with your question, is my advice. Just ask the cards: What could X have done to prevent Y from comitting suicide?

Personally, I find yes/no question do not work for me, although the do for some. If you are good with yes/no questions (questions where the answer will be either yes or no, then just ask: "Is there anything X could have done to prevent Y from comitting suicide?"

What I would seriously do though, is before I do this reading to ask my friend again if he is 100% sure he wants this info, no matter what the cards say. I think he is maybe hoping the cards will say no, and that there was nothing he could have done, so that he could ease his mind. But will he really be able to handle it if the answer is yes and there was something he could have easily done to fix it, but did not do it?

If it were me and I heard that I think it would torture me for a long time. I know that if I were given information like that it would be a real burden on me for a long time to come. I would ask your friend again if he is sure it will not harm him if he hears something he does not like, before you begin the reading. That is my advice.

And I also agree with what others have said. I'm will April in this one too. Some more productive questions might be to ask questions like "How can X heal the pain he feels from losing Y?" "How can X let go of any guilt he is now carrying about Y?"
"What can you tell X right now that will help him deal with/get past how he is feeling now about Y's passing?"...to me these might be more productive.

Bar

There is a great deal of wonderful information here about doing this reading, and I think its appropriate to ask why does this person want to know about this?

There are some very 'real' things which maybe he could consider here, and find answers and awareness to, to bring some conclusion to this (his)situation - if thats what he is trying to do. He may need more of a basis (information - Spiritual, psychological) from which to see what has happened and why it happened, in a bigger framework - and this may not be connected to him - but moreson his friend who passed.

Was there anything he could have done - in the physical - NO - because it 'did not' eventuate that way - it is not so much the question, as it is veil to a deeper want of knowing more about the incident - the time prior to the person taking their life, and his part with in that timeframe, his actions and what he percieves as his inactions.

The primary thing is that the person 'has' passed. Regardless of the method in which the person died - he cannot bring the Soul back to physical manifestation, he cannot go back and 'physically' change the situation at this point. But he can and does, keep the energy 'alive' by thinking about it - and each thought, each probable senario he imagines and follows is as real and as alive as any physical action - in fact the thought proceeds the matter - so he maybe energizing the memory - the event - which will have consequences on another level - the event is 'still alive' and is being proceesed over and over within him.

Past present and future are not something seperate or linear, they occur simaltaneously, we percieve them as linear. The information you require from the past regarding his question, is as much here and now as it was 'back then'.

Although there may be answers relative to the way your friend feels - or about the friend which passed - I think, as to the question ... 'Is there anything he could have done' - the information does not need a tarot reading, that answer is already available. But there are other questions he may like to explore - possibly he has no understanding as of to 'why' - also why 'him' - why was he part this life experience - what was his role, his lesson, what wisdom does he gain from what happened, how has it and how is it impacting on his life and the decisions and choices he makes now which mould his future.

Compassion, understanding, acceptance and intergration. He may need to find peace with this complex issue within him through asking other deeper questions.

There is brilliant insight through the cards on what he needs to know - but the is also an infinite number of probabilities - the person's reasons may lie in another of their lives ... something may have happened during their birth, the reason may have been karmically contractual ... maybe he needs to know these types of things also.

I am feeling that your friend is burdened with blaming himself, or some heavy guilt. Im not sure how much your friend is aware of the actions that someone takes before commiting suicide, but there are behaviours which (by some who is 'seriously' considering committing suicide) which will push friends and family to the brink to push them away - and sometimes - after the fact, this becomes very obvious, it is part of the 'process and the thinking' of the suicidal person - moreso they can be come quite introvert and secretive so that others dont blame themselves feeling that there was something they could do.

The last thing a seriously suicidal person feels is that they want someone to 'do something to save them' - its a complication they cant afford - they are usually wracked with enough extreme emotional pain, loathing and helplessness, that an incomplete act is not an option - there would be too much to deal with - and their sights are usually on finality. In this case, it happened, and it is extremely distressing and confusing for those left behind. I think there is always that lingering question - 'was there something I could have done, some action, something more , something else'...and it is in hindsight, that these questions exist, and need answering.

So i go back to the original question ... why does this person want to know about this ... its a catalyst to the answers and greater awareness which are awaiting him.

just some thoughts on this

Blessings Elven x

Many thanks everyone for all the wonderful feedback. I did change the query to 3 parts:

How is the passed being doing now?

What does the passed being think of my friend?

the passed being's final message to my friend?

I will try and post the outcome in the Tarot Reading section (so the moderators don't have to fiddle with it).

I will let you know what my friend thought of the reading.

Tracy