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buddhagoddess
17-11-2006, 03:43
I don't want to burden everyone with a big sob story, but I really could use some help. My marriage has been on very rocky ground for a long time now (it got especially worse after the birth of my son). The major issues without going into a lot of detail are a horrible lack/trouble communicating, my husband is very opinionated, stubborn, and can be mentally and emotionally hurtful. I tend to be submissive just to avoid conflict, but I am now standing up to my husband because I want to protect my son. I lost who I was as an individual because I was trying to appease my husband, but thankfully I am reclaiming myself (Many thanks to Aeclectic for that!).

What stones would perhaps help create healing and positive vibrations between me and my husband? I could create an amulet to wear (necklace, bracelet) or make a pouch that I could carry. Any suggestions would be most appreciated.

In case anyone is thinking "What this lady needs to do is get some couseling or see an attorney!". I have been talking to a therapist for a while in an informal capacity. My husband doesn't believe in therapy and he honestly doesn't think he does anything wrong. I am considering consulting an attorney if things don't get better soon - for my son's sake.

Red Emma
17-11-2006, 04:14
Hi,

It's a story I know well, in a lesser version. At least mine would see a therapist, although I was sometimes tempted to see a lawyer.

What always amazed me that was that when we both told our side of whatever issue was causing trouble, and the therapist would carefully lead him along a new path of reasoning, he would understand.

But! Had I tried to lead him along the same path, he'd reject my ideas out of hand.

In my case, when he was growing up, he was taught that to admit to being wrong, to admit to being ill, to use his emotions at all to understand and emphathise with other people was showing weakness, making him less than a man. I call it the John wayne syndrome. Taught, hell! Young boys were thoroughly conditioned to be this stupid, no matter how smart they were.

Yours may also think that if he admits to being wrong, his whole system of beliefs may crash around his head. Which is very scary. He'd be lost with no new set of values to take its place. I suspect he wouldn't take any new ideas, new ways of thinking from you. Or at least mine wouldn't.

I'd vote for seeing a lawyer. Especially for your little boy. And don't let anyone convince you that your own needs are unimportant. They count more than anything, how will your little boy thrive if you're so physically and emotionally ill you can't care for him?

Maybe, as with my husband, just hearing new ideas from someone else may make a small dent in his thinking. But if he doesn't change, and soon, get yourself and your boy out of there.

My very best wishes,

Red Emma

raeanne
17-11-2006, 04:33
Hello Buddhagoddess,
To specifically answer your question, strawberry quartz is good for easing tension in a relationship and prehnite enhances personal relationships. With that said, may I also let you know that I understand exactly where you are coming from. I tried desperately to save my marriage many years ago. I am glad to hear that you are reclaiming your life! Please keep your spirits up! Here's a web site that is great for keeping a positive attitude:
http://www.greatday.com
Scroll down to the bottom and on the righthand side of the page is a PowerPoint presentation called 'Even Now'. It is wonderful. Make a point to live your life as positive as you can! Always remember, you have many friends here and if you need an ear, you can send a PM.

Sweet Irish Angel
17-11-2006, 04:55
Hello Buddhagoddess,

really sorry to hear your story, but glad you are getting back to yourself, and if it does keep going down hill do contact an atourney :0

here are some crystals to use to help you along your way..

thinking of you xx

blue lace agate will help you as you are starting to get your life back in order, so i suggest you carry that for your healing

amazonite helps you get back a balance in your life too.

amethyst will help heal your mind body and soul and others around you :)

apache tear helps with negative emotions in your surroundings.

Chrysocolla eases emotionla turmoil and attracts love in an environment.

bloodstone helps overcome negativity and helps maintain harmony.

carnelian heps ward off evil thoughts, jealousies, animosities and also inspires bravery. ( good one for you i think )

citrine helps with fear that is generated from others suggestions, instills confidence in the personal self.

garnet helps with courage and confidence and also wards off negativity.

malachite helps with emotions and also helps with your hearts desires.

moonstone is brilliant for all relationships, family, friends and lovers, to keep the existing harmony or to restore it, ( BRILLIANT stone highly reccommended )

Peridot helps to increase happiness in ones life.

Rose quarts attracts love and brings happiness into a relationshp ( another one i would reccommend )

Rhodchrostie is brilliant for relationships, promotes balanced love and understanding. - another fab crystal

turquoise manifests love and healing.

hope these help you ;)

MountainAsh
17-11-2006, 07:53
I know that it has been suggested already but I would definately second the recommendation of Rose Quartz. Clear Quartz can applify it's vibrations.

Emerald (though EXPENSIVE) can improve relationships and incourage relaxation.

seaweed
20-11-2006, 19:58
Hi Buddhagoddess,

I'd suggest a locket with an amethyst cabachon on top. Inside the locket, on one side, I'd post a picture of your son (kind of a beautiful play on words "son" and "sun" since he's the light of your world. :) ) On the other side of the locket, I'd post a picture of an emotional hero, maybe the strongest, most resilliant, most capable and protective person you know--a grandma would be perfect, or your mom. Creating a balance between your prioities--strengthening/protecting youself and your son so that you're strong enough for whatever comes your way. Ultimately, the best magic in the world is that which you work for yourself. If your husband wants to make this work, he'll need to work on this from his own perspective, too. Regardless of how things go with your husband you'll need to be strong and the thought of that protective other person keeping so close to your heart in the locket will give you much courage as you give birth to your best self by believing that that person is watching over both you and your little one at all times. The amethyst will bring you friends--like bees to a flower--an open-hearted support system that will rally around you during all the tides of life. If you're concerned about strengthening your sense of self, independence and ability to draw success in all ways, esp. financially, try a strand of citrine to give you a charge. Faceted citrine captures so much of the sun's glow. http://www.lonniesinc.com has great prices on strands of stones if you like making your own jewelry, ditto for http://firemountaingems.com . Maybe a locket like this might do the trick: http://cgi.ebay.com/Sterling-Silver-Engraved-Amethyst-Heart-Locket-Chain_W0QQitemZ200048078205QQihZ010QQcategoryZ1516 5QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item20 0048078205

jackdaw*
21-11-2006, 04:28
Having marital issues of my own (albeit to a lesser extent, IMO), sending hugs and hope to buddhagoddess. (((((((buddhagoddess)))))))

garnet helps with courage and confidence and also wards off negativity ... Peridot helps to increase happiness in ones life.
Funnily enough, I picked up one of each of these on my last visit to the local metaphysical shop. And they appear to be just what I need!

Briar Rose
21-11-2006, 13:35
Rose Quartz for love. And you send out the most loving vibrations, and list only the good qualities of your husband. Don't focus on anything negative about his personality. Everytime you say, "I don't like this, and I wish he wouldn't do that, or say that" You'll get back more of what you don't like, and you'll get more of what you don't like him doing, and more of what you don't like him saying... you'll keep getting what you don't like.

It's basicially the laws of attraction.What you persist exists. And if you attract the negative emotions that is what you'll get back. The Buddhist say "Sahasrara" meaning a thousand fold.

Try focusing on the reasons and the FEELINGS of why you married him. The universe will listen to your FEELINGS and respond to those positive feelings.

He'll either quit the marriage or he'll soften, but he won't stay the same if you change and focus on the good.

I watched The Secret (DVD) and it has transformed my life.

How's the relationship corner in your house? Look it up on a Feng Shui web site. Try burning some pink candles. Think of love. Feel only the good feelings.

I am asking that the Universe send you love, calmness, joy and peace.

FEEL GOOD

Love and Light,

Aurora

MCsea
21-11-2006, 15:52
buddhagoddess

((((((HUGS))))))

I also offer some advice about cleansing your wedding rings - engagement and eternity also...
if you have a preferred method - go for it,
or you can wash - all the rings - in some purified water with a rose quartz stone in it or both or all cleansing you can imagine ;)

I hope your sense of self stays strong and you and your family move to a place where everyone feels safe and happy what ever that may be in your case.

MARINA