setbacks and growth

I was reading some posts about the uses of tarot...fortune telling, guidance etc. and all the layers involved. I have been practicing tarot for 2 years but still feel there is SO much I have to learn and have truly put focus back into practicing and understanding the art of reading tarot. This past month I have been almost hit with eye openers, new thoughts etc. about the art of reading. During this learning process, has anyone ever had setbacks? I am trying to put this into words, and if I am not making sense feel free to ask for clarification. For example, when we bond with our cards and we set on this path it is like it becomes a part of us, right? My belief in my study of the tarot and the growth with the tarot at times seems SO strong, yet then I get hit with some doubt. I always get cards saying I have to basically trust. Work on trusting myself and trusting in the divine guidance. I have had success when reading for others, even some success reading for myself. Yet sometimes I question the validity of what I am reading when I dont see manifestations. For example, I have been working on clarifying questions to get more concrete answers that are being seeked. A simple question I asked was about a person's response to a letter I wrote. I received the page of wands which in my understanding denotes a message or some sort of communication back. Now that didnt happen and sometimes its little things like that I can't seem to let go of that causes questions in my head. It is difficult when you feel so strongly about something yet that sneaky little voice of self-doubt comes in. I am assuming this might be a normal part of the growth process, but sometimes it helps to hear about other people's experiences and setbacks in learning the tarot. Hopefully I made some sort of sense, its been a long day yet I have thoughts that keep me awake!

I know what you mean, Lysh- I felt exactly like this just last night.

I did a reading for a woman, (a new client I hadn't met before) and I really struggled throughout the two hours she was here.
The problem was that she already knew the answers to the questions she was asking... I think she wanted the cards to give her a way out of the situation so that she didn't have to make a decision all on her own.

Out of the four different spreads I did for her, (I like to use short spreads touching on different aspects of a client's questions, unless they are wanting to look at deeper inner issues) the Devil came up twice- and also the Lover's card in the Intuitive Tarot, which also has a dark Shadow-image lurking in the background.

The same cards were coming up in each spread- and it was so FRUSTRATING because she knew what was needed, but my cards weren't giving her the answer that she wanted, and I was starting to feel like it was my fault, because she said she couldn't decide what to do- so I guess it was down to me; and the cards... who weren't gonna play THAT game! (oooh- they can be SO uncooperative at times.)

I was so exhausted by the time she left I felt like a zombie, and I sat thinking that I need to steer clear of reading for others for a while- I think I'm going through some sort of a transitional phase in how I read... I'm not sure what it is, but I'm just not getting on with these 'tell me what to do' readings at the moment.

I mean, I suppose I could- I could point at the 10 of Cups and say- "Yes! That's definitely it, marry him!" but I just can't read like that, (and think of the lawsuits! I can't afford public liability insurance as it is! )

I love my cards- and when I turn to them and ask for help, (with my depression, my creative blocks, etc.) they come up trumps... time and time again; cards that are so relevant and spot-on that I sit amazed at their wisdom. Maybe I just need to work with them that way for awhile- I don't know. (sigh) But you are not alone!

Elnor

Elnor said:

The same cards were coming up in each spread- and it was so FRUSTRATING because she knew what was needed, but my cards weren't giving her the answer that she wanted, and I was starting to feel like it was my fault, because she said she couldn't decide what to do- so I guess it was down to me; and the cards... who weren't gonna play THAT game! (oooh- they can be SO uncooperative at times.)

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I don't think the cards were being un-cooperative, they were simply being honest and reconfirming their original message. Tarot is not about telling people what they WANT to hear, but about telling them what the cards are saying. Don't let this frustrate you. Ultimately she has to make her own decisions, the cards cannot make them for her, what they can do is shed some light and provide her with information from which to make her decisions.

Lysh, regarding your Page of Wands, although pages can be about receiving messages, they also can refer directly to someone younger, or childish at times. Wands are fire - passion, creativity, etc. Perhaps the message the Page of Wands was giving you was an inmature reaction to your letter by the recipient or an over-reaction to the letter that resulted in them choosing not to respond to you. Swords are air, and often deal with communication.

Maybe the feelings being experienced are normal for those in growth periods..because obviously there is still much for me to learn. This past month has been interesting because I have been faced with experiences that have forced me to look at things differently and to delve in a different and deeper manner than before. Even becoming active in this site finally has shown me how much there is to learn. Maybe doubt = the need to reflect. I have almost been forced to look at layers I missed in the past. Its almost like a rapid learning spurt! Thank you Jewel and Elnor for taking time to respond!

Lysh said:

During this learning process, has anyone ever had setbacks?

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Oh yes Everything went great when I started out, then I had problems with over reliance on the books- even when I was doing well intuitively I was still checking the books for everything. Then I stopped reading altogether and started collecting.

Now after 7ish years I'm finally getting back into reading, and am surprised at the information I seem to have absorbed during many years of just looking at and admiring the art. I also feel things might have gone differently if I'd got a RWS a lot sooner. Even though getting it didn't kick-start me reading, it did explain a lot. Having it as well as the Thoth makes a lot of the other decks make more sense.

oh yes, lysh, I, too have experienced the same thing--still do at times. I think it is a normal thing--so don't worry too much about it. pick up those cards and stick with it! don't give up! this is very normal.

And, Elnor, I agree w/Jewel & say Amen! to her---she's got it right!

Jewel said:

I don't think the cards were being un-cooperative, they were simply being honest and reconfirming their original message. Tarot is not about telling people what they WANT to hear, but about telling them what the cards are saying. Don't let this frustrate you. Ultimately she has to make her own decisions, the cards cannot make them for her, what they can do is shed some light and provide her with information from which to make her decisions.

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right on Jewel!

also, Lysh, I again agree w/Jewel's interp. of the Page of Wands. But just because you have yet to hear back from the person who received your letter, don't despair---they may also yet get back to you, especially if the Page was reversed, (which I know you did not say it was)--which means a delay in the response. However, it seems like again Jewel was probably more correct in interp. this page -

jewel said:

Lysh, regarding your Page of Wands, although pages can be about receiving messages, they also can refer directly to someone younger, or childish at times. Wands are fire - passion, creativity, etc. Perhaps the message the Page of Wands was giving you was an inmature reaction to your letter by the recipient or an over-reaction to the letter that resulted in them choosing not to respond to you. Swords are air, and often deal with communication.

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i'm like ilweran---consulting and relying too heavily at times on the books, and other peoples definitions of the cards. I really struggle at times with my own gut feelings & intuitive reading, doubting myself--though I am getting better with it.

a great post lysh, glad you posted it, everyone had an interesting post in response, I think.

celticnoodle said:

i'm like ilweran---consulting and relying too heavily at times on the books, and other peoples definitions of the cards. I really struggle at times with my own gut feelings & intuitive reading, doubting myself--though I am getting better with it.

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By nature I like to study things (to death) and read everything I can, and if anyone is guilty of insecurity and using books that would be me. Granted I have always tended to synthesize and interpret what I read (and take it from more than one source) but it was a crutch all the same. It took me finding the right decks for me for it to all fall into place ... oh yes, and about 12 years *LOL*. I am finally starting to feel confident in my reading abilities, and I owe a lot of that to Faunabay and Umbrae. Thank you both!

If I knew how to post links I would find and post Umbrae's process threads for you. They are very enlightening and really helped me move forward. I highly recommend them.

Things were going swimmingly when I was learning tarot. I had just had a major lightbulb or five go on and had begun to really and truly read the cards. I was working with the Vacchetta deck and its images were just telling me all kinds of stuff. I did a reading for someone, just rattled off all kinds of problems, internal chaos and mayhem, heartbreak and overthinking things. She responded blinking: "Well, that doesn't sound at all like what is going on."

No? Hmmm. I took another look at the cards and it slowly dawned on me that I hadn't actually read the cards wrong, but that the reading was for me, not her. Ooops! I had been going through a really rough time in my life and I guess my energies or headspace or whatever was spilling over, I'm not sure, but the cards were spot on...for me.

This kind of deflated both my ego, which was a good thing, but also my confidence in reading for others. I took a short break from reading for others until I could sort it out. What I realized was that sometimes I'm going to goof. I'm going to get it wrong, whether it be reading the cards wrong or not notice that hmmm this scenario sounds a bit too familiar (i.e., it's mine, not theirs) or some other gaff. I recognized that reading tarot is like anything else you do. Sometimes the end result is great, other times so-so, and at still other times it sucks. Ok, I can accept that now, but yeah, the setbacks can really lay you out for a bit.

Jewel said:

By nature I like to study things (to death) and read everything I can, and if anyone is guilty of insecurity and using books that would be me.

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I guess if you're a book person, like I am, that's just the normal way of doing things and it's hard to do things differently.

I had some great readings, meanings leaping from the cards, but then the book would get pulled out to check... lol, it's like a reflex with me to reach out for a book. Not this time though, I hope the only book I'll be using is a notebook.

Jewel said:

I am finally starting to feel confident in my reading abilities, and I owe a lot of that to Faunabay and Umbrae. Thank you both!

If I knew how to post links I would find and post Umbrae's process threads for you. They are very enlightening and really helped me move forward. I highly recommend them.

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I am aware of the posts by Umbrae as well. I have read through a lot of them---but not all. Yes, I find them remarkable and very helpful. Umbrae has a way with words---I'll have to go back and try to read more from U.