Tarot Ettiquette

So I haven't been reading very long, but much of my friends and family have allowed me to wow them with my skills. Most of them (nearly all I would think actually) were skeptics open to being amused and ended up walking away amazed.

However, this weekend I hung out with one of my good girlfriends--actually the first person to ever forward me a reader's number. I never did go to see her psychic (bumping into another shortly after that), but it had always appeared that this friend was open to the new-agey practices. She even goes to psychic fairs quite regularily.

Anyway, the subject of reading came up, and she was talking about how she would likely go and get a reading in the near future regarding some troubling family stuff. At that point, I suggested that I could give her a reading if she wanted. But she responded oddly, changing her tone and saying "Oh I don't want to know, actually. I had a reader tell me my grandma would die and it didn't happen until years later. I just worried uncessesarily for too long about it." I responded by telling her that my style of reading is more laid-back/not that predictive, and would moreso give her a look at the deeper energies at work within the current situation and to give counsel for the future. At this point, she became very defensive and said: "yes, but you can't just go pushing this sort of thing on people when they don't want it!". I was pretty shocked and really didn't know what to say at this point, as I felt that I was merely offering a service that she was looking for in the first place. I never would have offered if I didn't think she was interested in it. It was very strange.

Anyway, it made for a slightly awkward moment. I obviously chose to respect her emotions regarding the subject and didn't say another word about it, but I felt that her reaction was unwarranted and it moreso worried me that she may have adopted some unrealistic viewpoints of Tarot reading. I can't say I wasn't temped to give my views to defend Tarot, but I kept mum on the subject to respect her sensitivity to the conversation. Perhaps she just didn't want me to know what was going on in her life--but I would have rather her have explained this instead.

I'm no stranger to being told to keep my spiritual views to myself. My bf used to erupt in anger at the talk of anything having to do with predicting the future--he would probably die if he knew that I had cards of my own (horrors!).

I remember another instance where I was performing in a show, and was entertaining the cast with my knowledge of astrology, when one of the makeup artists, (who just happend to be a studying scientist as well--oops!) surprisingly exploded during the fun conversation the cast was having and rather than finish my makeup, decided to give me a 45 minute lecture about the ridiculousness of astrology. Thankfully, the anger propelled my performance that night--lol.

And then there are the skpetics who turn around. My dad once said he would go to see my fortune teller just to prove her wrong (needless to say, i didn't give him her number). But he's just one of the many who have been amazed by my readings, and now seems to really respect the tool.

Anyway, I thought I'd share this topic and find out others' thoughts about this sensitivity/ettiquette to Tarot. I never bring it up unless with close friends and family, and I must say, I am most shocked that my friend objected to it, when she usually appears so open to it--more than anyone else I know! When she showed a fear toward being read, it made me think that she might not be as knowledgeable as she likes to appear. But I guess I now know not to bring it up again.

It just bothers me that people take it so seriously/superstitously. It seems wierd to me...I dunno. Any thoughts on this?

Well...

as for the friend situation, perhaps it did seem that you were attempting to force your skills upon her. Plus, as her friend, she may not have been comfortable with you reading for her; it's usually easier to get read by a stranger, someone who knows little to nothing about you and therefore cannot make judgments, or project them into the reading (not saying that you would do that, but it's been known to happen).

As for the astrology situation, you probably hit a nerve or three with the makeup artist. She probably had a bad experience with astrology (I think of Joyce Meyer, who said in one of her books that she had a negative experience with astrology and, since then, she makes a point of bashing it in the books I've read by her).

Just my $.02.

afrosaxon said:

Well...

as for the friend situation, perhaps it did seem that you were attempting to force your skills upon her. Plus, as her friend, she may not have been comfortable with you reading for her; it's usually easier to get read by a stranger, someone who knows little to nothing about you and therefore cannot make judgments, or project them into the reading (not saying that you would do that, but it's been known to happen).

As for the astrology situation, you probably hit a nerve or three with the makeup artist. She probably had a bad experience with astrology (I think of Joyce Meyer, who said in one of her books that she had a negative experience with astrology and, since then, she makes a point of bashing it in the books I've read by her).

Just my $.02.

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Yeah, for the most part I understand. If people don't want to be read, I would never want them to feel pushed into it--definitely not! I guess I just misinterpreted her openness to the subject...she talks about it frequently and I thought it would be fun and helpful. It really was merely a suggestion...I don't believe I was forcing her to do anything she didn't want to do.

And sadly, I didn't know that the makeup artist was a studying scientist until she started into me. You never know who you're going to offend I suppose. It still seems strange to me how upset people can get about this stuff. The rest of the cast was having such fun, and I feel like she blew fire all over it. Some of the scariest reactions I've seen have been in reaction to fortune telling. I can think of many scarier things in the world...

Readers themselves perpetuate these superstitions. Type in "tarot myths" or "tarot superstitions" in the search feature and you'll come up with tons of them. But more than that, just stick around here awhile reading posts and you'll see how many readers actually believe the superstitions.

PentQueen, I think you were mistaken when you thought your friend was looking for a service. You talk quite reasonably on how if that was what she was looking for, she could have a Reading from you.

From what she responded I don't think your friend was looking for a service at all. Rather, an experience with that particular Reader, especially as she has had bad experiences in the past. She probably thought she was making an innocent remark on what she wanted, unaware that you would offer a similar service to her.

When you offered, she tried to let you know that she wasn't interested in it, but I don't think she necessarily expressed herself well. Maybe she was shocked at you offering... which isn't unreasonable.

Tarot Readings are a very private thing, no matter how accurate or good somebody is at it. They require a level of trust and comfortableness with the Reader, the Readers skill and the Readers way of Reading.

I don't think that she necessarily meant to hurt your feelings by being so forceful in her speech. In her opinion you 'butted' in, and offered what wasn't wanted... even though on your perspective you were trying to help.

Kahlie

I have a friend who is very psychic and gives free readings to her relatives via email in Calgary. Her sister in law had her reading which was valid as it happened and then went off to a psychic in Calgary and paid $100 for a reading ! Hmmm.. that did not sit too well. Then she came home and called my friend and told her that her reading had been accurate.. pardon me ?

The free readings are over.

I had a friend who I know goes to tarot readers and who's mother also goes to tarot readers. My friend and I grew up together and even had experiences with a Ouija board when we were teens, she knew I also sensed spirit so I figured, like you did, she would be open to me learning tarot.

When I first started learning I sent an email to her and my mother and my sister saying I needed practice. Everyone responded but her. So, I left it alone and never brought it up again. Two years later she asked me for a reading and I ended up giving her about 7 readings on different subjects.

I wonder if it just takes them a while to come around to the fact that, although they are open to the idea of readings, they may just not want us to do the reading? I guess it has to sink in a bit. Now she says things like, if you see something bad tell me, whether it's during a reading or not

I wouldn't worry too much about it, but I probably felt the same way about it at the time as you are feeling right now. She'll come around in time.

Take care,

Disa

The feeling that I get about it is that she wanted a reading on something very important to her, which brought out her vulnerabilities. When you want guidance on touchy things, you probably want to stick with a reader who you are familiar and comfortable with.

IMO, I don't think she meant to offend you; it seems like a miscommunication. It was a emotional response that's probably a mixture of having a bad previous reading, your being new to reading (still honing your skills), and the topic being something so close to home. When your emotions are so tied to something, sometimes it's hard to see things more rationally - you are a good friend that you wouldn't want to do something to hurt her.

I've never had that experience. I sometimes ask people if I can read for them, especially friends I feel I can help with something in particular.

Only 1 has ever said no. But he had said yes before then.

He admitted later it was because he was afraid his affection for me would show up in the cards, as he said it had before, but I never realized it was me.

Other than that, no one has ever rebuffed a reading like that. I don't know what I would do if someone did. It sounds like a very emotional exchange, but if you meant no harm (and I don't think you did), then all you can do is release it and not offer again. She'll ask if she ever wants one.

Solitaire* said:

Readers themselves perpetuate these superstitions. Type in "tarot myths" or "tarot superstitions" in the search feature and you'll come up with tons of them. But more than that, just stick around here awhile reading posts and you'll see how many readers actually believe the superstitions.

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I agree--this is actually the issue that bothers me most I think. I guess I took it as though she might be fearful of the process, based on a past negative experience, and I thought that was a shame. Thanks to AT I've learned alot more about the process and skill of reading; I feel far less superstitous about it, and I guess I feel badly when people are fearful due to the superstition surrounding it. But in hindsight, I see that perhaps she was more concerned with me taking a look at her personal problems, and the excuse was an easier "out" than explaining this.

Kahlie said:

PentQueen, I think you were mistaken when you thought your friend was looking for a service. You talk quite reasonably on how if that was what she was looking for, she could have a Reading from you.

From what she responded I don't think your friend was looking for a service at all. Rather, an experience with that particular Reader, especially as she has had bad experiences in the past. She probably thought she was making an innocent remark on what she wanted, unaware that you would offer a similar service to her.

When you offered, she tried to let you know that she wasn't interested in it, but I don't think she necessarily expressed herself well. Maybe she was shocked at you offering... which isn't unreasonable.

Tarot Readings are a very private thing, no matter how accurate or good somebody is at it. They require a level of trust and comfortableness with the Reader, the Readers skill and the Readers way of Reading.

I don't think that she necessarily meant to hurt your feelings by being so forceful in her speech. In her opinion you 'butted' in, and offered what wasn't wanted... even though on your perspective you were trying to help.

Kahlie

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Yes Kahlie, I think you are probably right about most of the situation--likely a miscommunication. To be honest, I wouln't have offered if I thought she would be uncomfortable with it--we're very good friends and I was really was taken aback by the reaction. And my rebuttal to her first response (about the grandmother's death) was more a concern about the perception of Tarot than giving me the opportunity to read for her. I felt badly that she had such a bad experience and I guess I was trying to offer a different perspective; I've been there with being fearful of readings. Anyway, I'm probably making it seem like it was a bigger deal than it was. It was suggested more in good fun, and it ended as soon as I realized it was a touchy subject. I completely respect that she wouldn't want me to know about her private stuff, but with her using the excuse about a previous reading gone wrong, I responded to this concern. In hindsight I see that there may be another reason for her emotional response.

Memries, that's an unfortunate situation--too bad when readers get taken advantage of, and good for her for standing up for herself and her services. Thanks for sharing another story.

Disa said:

I had a friend who I know goes to tarot readers and who's mother also goes to tarot readers. My friend and I grew up together and even had experiences with a Ouija board when we were teens, she knew I also sensed spirit so I figured, like you did, she would be open to me learning tarot.

When I first started learning I sent an email to her and my mother and my sister saying I needed practice. Everyone responded but her. So, I left it alone and never brought it up again. Two years later she asked me for a reading and I ended up giving her about 7 readings on different subjects.

I wonder if it just takes them a while to come around to the fact that, although they are open to the idea of readings, they may just not want us to do the reading? I guess it has to sink in a bit. Now she says things like, if you see something bad tell me, whether it's during a reading or not

I wouldn't worry too much about it, but I probably felt the same way about it at the time as you are feeling right now. She'll come around in time.

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Thanks for your story Disa,

To be honest, I'm actually okay with her not wanting a reading--I have lots of people to practice on; I was just a bit stunned with the emotional response and her view on readings. Moreso, I felt I needed to speak up to defend Tarot, but I backed down when I realized that such a thing could take a while and that it was a sensitive subject. Anyway, I learned my lesson, which is good! And now that she knows I'm offering, she can always approach me if she ever feels open to it. Glad to hear that your friend has benifitted from your readings--that must be a great feeling!

Disa said:

The feeling that I get about it is that she wanted a reading on something very important to her, which brought out her vulnerabilities. When you want guidance on touchy things, you probably want to stick with a reader who you are familiar and comfortable with.

IMO, I don't think she meant to offend you; it seems like a miscommunication. It was a emotional response that's probably a mixture of having a bad previous reading, your being new to reading (still honing your skills), and the topic being something so close to home. When your emotions are so tied to something, sometimes it's hard to see things more rationally - you are a good friend that you wouldn't want to do something to hurt her.

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Yes, I think you are absolutely right. I can be honest to a fault, so I always tell people exactly how I feel about things, and I suppose I still find it strange when people aren't so forthright. I think this is probably the real issue, and then for me it sparked a need to defend the practice, which was probably unecessary--as she had other reasons for not wanting to be read.