This is why books are evil....

So I ordered this book on communicating with the dead. I got it just for fun, to see what it had to say.

My problem is this, there is a section of the book where they talk about cold readings from mediums. It goes on to say that cold readers will ask questions like, "Does this make sense?" "Do you know what that means?" and "Do you understand this?"

While I realize that this is just *one* of the many ways people cold read, I have to say that I use these phrases a lot when I read for my sitters. This got me thinking.

Why do I use these phrases? I began to freak out a little bit, thinking maybe I do not have any abilities and I'm just cold reading. But I don't even know how to do that.

Now, as I'm still pondering what I've read, I never ask my sitters to elaborate. If I ask if something makes sense to them and they say yes, I simply move on to the next card. In fact, once my sitter sits down the first thing I tell them is to only answer yes or no and to not give me any info I don't ask for. Which is really great for those sitters that will talk your ear off! For most people, I never know what the issue is, I simply relay what I get from the cards. One of my friends was quite impressed by the fact that I never knew what the situation was and I still gave her an accurate reading.

Perhaps this is all in my head. I sincerely care for my sitters and want to help them. I thought I asked these types of questions to make sure they understand the messages I'm relaying and also to make sure I'm accurately applying it to their situation. I've never thought about their body language and such things that cold readers notice. But now I'm beginning to wonder.

I'd really like to hear (or read) what you have to say about this. Not about me specifically but do we generally cold read? How do we know we are not?

For me it depends on why you are asking those questions and what answers you are hoping for. If you are asking them just to be sure they are not in some fog over the reading or need clarification, that is fine. Some clients get lost in the information and need the reader to backtrack a bit for a satisfying reading. However, if you are saying it to "fish" for information, then that would be a cold reading. At least that is my belief on the subject. I am sure others will tell you differently, but that is how I differentiate the two.

Best way to test yourself would be to try other types of reading. Read for strangers, read over the phone, don't ask these questions, read for someone on this forum, etc. See if the readings come out differently.

That's how I always viewed it too.

I guess my query is more of "where does the info I get come from?"

Could I unconsciously be picking up on signals from my sitters and not know it? Didn't I read somewhere that our communication is 90% non-verbal. So how do we know that whatever we pick up is not from the sitter.

But that would only make sense if the cards were not in agreement with what I was picking up on I guess.

I am full of questions and ponderings tonight.

Are they talking about a medium reading or any type of reading?

When I do a medium reading it is very different from a regular tarot reading...the information just presents itself in pictures and words that I then communicate to the client....a log in water...a fishing pole... fresh mown grass..a brown poodle.. ect...
They are in charge of making the connections so I never stop because there is nothing to stop for.
And if I do stop and ground and ask "how we doing?"..."you understanding this?"... it sometimes breaks the connection I've formed to the person on the other side.
So I just let it all spill out until it's over and then we can have a good long chat about what came through and how it related to their loved one and the relationship thay had.
There is no need to fish... either I see it or I don't and if I don't I say so...
no failure on my part they just didn't want to, or couldn't comunicate at that time.

Sometimes a medium reading happens in the middle of a regular reading...then for a minute everything gets real still and I know were about to go on Mr Toads Wild Ride...and the cards still talk, but it's like a voice over the cards are talking and the pictures are talking and so much info is coming in all at one time I can only cope if I become the mouth piece to voice it...there is no...how you doing, you getting this?
It's like an orgasm

In a regular reading there is a big difference between having a conversational reading with your client and fishing for info.
A reading should be a two way conversation between you and your client...

So next time you catch yourself asking them... Does this make sense?...Do you know what I mean?
Ask yourself if you're doing it to make your client more comfortable or yourself more comfortable...

And if it's to validate yourself than you need to cut it out.

when I do a reading... I don't allow any conversation until I've been completely through the spread (usually 2) (except to clarify a term I may use, or some misunderstanding)

then if they have questions or comments, I'll open it up

So next time you catch yourself asking them... Does this make sense?...Do you know what I mean?
Ask yourself if you're doing it to make your client more comfortable or yourself more comfortable...

And if it's to validate yourself than you need to cut it out.

Click to expand...

I absolutely agree! For myself, when I first started reading, I found that I was asking things like this to make myself more comfortable. In giving it still more consideration, I couldn't think of any instance in which this sort of question could be said to benefit the sitter more than me. Now I never ask.

We can't read in a vacuum. We're going to be aware of body language no matter what if we've got a sitter in front of us. We're aware of body language to a great degree even when we're not reading---just in going through everyday life.

Don't over-analyze it. If you know you're not cold reading on purpose to scam someone, then you're not doing anything wrong. Just read to the best of your ability, don't ask for validation from the sitter, and carry on.

I usually after the reading is done ,I ask did you understand your reading? Is there anything you want me to go over again? and thats that. I think when youre asking questions to validate what you are reading whether you are wrong or not then it is a problem, especially during reading. when I do ask the questions it is because i dont want my querent going confused or not understanding the messages I have for them

When i do readng in which is soley spirit connections.. I do ask , "Does this make sense", because I dont want my client to go away confused..

I think it would matter if your intent behind your questions, is not right..then that could be a bad thing..

We all like some validation of some sort regardless..as we care for our clients and want them to go away understanding the reading.
...questions are involved..
Lisa Williams to name one, is brilliant in her spirit connections and asks "Does this make sense to you"

I also personally wouldnt know how to cold read.. i am bad at body language LOL!! so i just dont even go there..I have trust in the messages i get, visions i receive , and dont doubt for moment that the connection i get is for the person i am reading for..My guides dont lead me astray.. so I dont ask the question to fish..

I would not worry Sinduction.You are not asking to fish you are asking out of genuine need for the client to understand you...
yes books can lead you astray and the general non reading public..some authors really really need to research a whole lot more than they do before they publish their so called findings.. because as we all know every single persons journey and how they read and receive information is a personal thing and cannot be catagorised .. How do we know what the cards are saying? because we just do...

Sorry, whilst I agree with the postings here- Books are not evil. That is saying the same thing as misinformed people say about Tarot being evil. You read to be entertained and informed. If you do not agree with the book- that is good- you are questioning and discovering what you believe. Some people write crap and it gets published- that does not make books evil.
~Rosanne

Have you folks ever read a description of how Mary Greer does readings? There is an explicit example in the Tarot World Magazine, and I have read it elsewhere. She uses the cards to draw people out. It almost as if they do their own readings. She describes herself as a midwife to the soul. She uses those sorts of questions and comments all through, it more a dialogue than what I would call a mediumistic reading. If you see the magazine, you'll see it and I hardly think she could be called someone who does 'cold reading' as her understanding of Tarot has always struck me as profound.