Touching a Nerve

I've got a question here. This happens to me a couple of times when I'm reading for people online. I get the cards, I interpret them accurately. Turns out, I interpret them /too/ accurately. What do you do when you get your client (or whatever they're called) angry by telling them something in their past they would rather forget? If I give them something that's way off, I give them back whatever they gave me in payment (Usually Gaia money, but sometimes genuine stuff) because if I did the interpreting wrong, that's not something they should pay for. But how do I deal with upsetting them because I was spot on? I didn't mess up... What do I do?

Well, I don't do paid readings yet, but I have run into this problem before. Generally when dealing with past issues in a reading, I tend to tread carefully and lightly, being as diplomatic and sensitive as possible. I am quite blunt when it comes to present issues, but people are more touchy about the past as they cannot be changed and they can become 'mistakes', 'regrets', 'lost chances' and so on. As soon an issue like this which seems sensitive comes up, I tend to do two things: identify with it- how would I feel and how would I deal with it? and I find a positive in it, even if it is only learning from the past.

If it's got to the stage where someone is upset, I think I would gently explain that reading can sometimes bring up sensitive issues from the past and this can be a sign that these need to be dealt with. Once when I read for someone (it was a palm reading a long time ago) I had asked them if they wanted to have the reading in total privacy as I could sense some deep issues of a personal nature. Being a bit of a 'tester' he nonchalantly brushed off the idea and said to go ahead in front of two of his friends. I asked if he was sure as there may be personal issues coming up, but again he said to continue. Of course it was not long before I asked him a question which was very personal and sensitive in nature, creating quite a stir (at the time I had the ability to go into deep trances and did not always have full control of what came out). To cut a long story short, he was ok with it afterwards, particularly as I had asked more than once if he was ok to have the reading etc., so if you get a lot of this sort of thing, it may well be worth your preparing clients for the possibility for sensitive issues coming up by asking them if they are ready for this. They may then be more open to them if they do. I think quite often people come for readings expecting nothing more than a game or experiement, and are not ready for it if it goes rummaging into their affairs.

Zoe xx

*huggles* I cant say professionally (reading on Gaia- that's an awesome idea! Dont worry- I wont steal it. XD )

But I know how hard it is to use discression online when you cant see the people at all. I find that online, since I cant use body cues to feel out how the querent is doing, I err on the side of caution. If there's somthing that seems really senstive, instead of describing what's already happened, I try to reduce it to the information that's relevant to the now and future.

Then if they want to know more, they can ask.

If you can keep calm while they're reacting strongly, try gently asking them to sleep on it for 24-48 hours... ask them to give themselves a little bit of time to come to grips with what they've been confronted with. If after that time, they really still are upset that the reading went there, I'd return their payment (and also note the problem so that if they come back again, we work out up front that payment is for time spent and if they're not ready to face what comes up in a reading, it's ok not to seek one out).

Most of the time, initial reactions are about shock, fear, embarrassment at being exposed... there's an initial strong rejection of something they weren't prepared to deal with right then, but with a little bit of time thinking it over, it starts things cooking in their head and lets them start to get a handle on it. Which, I think, is exactly why it came up in the reading in the first place.

As a reader, I think we have to be prepared to be the surrogate target for a lot of deep chaotic feelings that surface because of the reading. All you can do is try (hard hard hard) to keep the focus on the seeker and the reading and try to regard that high emotion as being about the subject of the reading and things happening inside them, and not about you even if that's how they word it.

Sometimes if you give them a little time to process what's happened, that high emotion turns out to be a breakthrough moment where they can start to make positive changes in their life. It's not fun, it can be draining, but I'd rather someone getting incensed than the ones that show nothing at all and the reading seems to drop like a thud onto the ground. (and those also sometimes surprise you when later on they say it really helped and how... but during, those are painfully difficult for me)

Yes, Le Fey, I totally agree about keeping focused on the reader, and the part about being in the firing line. It's the old 'don't shoot the messanger' thing in a way. If we guard against reacting emotionally ourselves then at least we're not adding negativity to the pot. I know it probably sounds corny, but if we send out only love then this is what will be reflected back.

Zoe xx

(((LeFarr))) it sounds like a frustrating situation. I've never personally had it happen to me (not that I know of anyway...if it did the person didn't tell me and I would have no way of figuring it out since I do all my readings online).

I know that when I go to a reader, I am prepared to hear anything, and I mean anything. I know that readers can be very, very good and can see things that I never in my wildest dreams thought they could see. Because of this (and because I am a reader myself) I would never dream of getting mad if something came up. Wouldn't it be nice if all clients were that prepared?

I totally understand that it's hard to relive some things from the past. I can see why some people would get flustered, embarrassed, upset, etc when certain things come up. But for them to get angry at the reader just boggles my mind. Isn't that the reader's job? But like wytch said, some probably think it's nothing but a game and a good time and aren't expecting something so heavy.

Most people are looking for predictive info, which translates as their wishes granted. I have no doubt you are hitting all the nails' heads. I have trouble reading for others too, in that I go deeper than most people want to hear; most people do not want "psychological" readings at all. Good luck to you and keep on reading. You never know when one day the message you pass on to them will help them immensely.

I think it's when you meet the most resistance that you have been the most helpful. That initial fear and anxiety, even anger, is a sign that you have told the querent what they most need to know, and might have taken a long time to figure out for themselves. Most probably, what the querent is arguing with now is something they will be grateful for later, as the information penetrates into the deeper parts of the mind and heart.