How can you be drawn to a deck you dislike?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 10 Sep 2001, and now archived in the Forum Library.

faunabay	10 Sep 2001
I started this thread under the thoth post, but thought it needed a wider scope? I have always disliked this deck. I think I'm probably biased because of Crowley and his beliefs, but I've never liked it. Now though, it's really drawing/calling me. Almost hitting me between the eyes "Pay attention to me!" Has anyone else had this happen with this deck or any others? It's kind of freaking me out. I keep saying "I don't want you." and it keeps saying "Yes you do."

New River	10 Sep 2001
When this happens to me, after my initial rebellion, i heave a huge sigh and say, 'ok, what is it you want to teach me?' let us know how this goes for you. love, light and happiness, new River

EveAnna	10 Sep 2001
Hi faunabay, Do you own the Thoth deck? I think that if the deck speaks that strongly to you, you should give it a go. It is a unique deck with a lot of history behind it, Alistair Crowley was a very charismatic man and so is his tarot deck - I don't like the deck, i wouldn't be able to read with it but I wouldn't mind having one in my small but growing collection :)

faunabay	10 Sep 2001
No, I don't own it...yet..., but like New River said I think I'm just going to have to break down and go for it. (sigh)

jade	11 Sep 2001
i owned this deck, read with it for a few years and gave it to a second hand book store to sell. i don't like it. tried to, but just don't like it. although, i must say, it's a powerful deck. jade ps whenever i buy a new deck it usually takes me a year to begin reading with it. (except for the soulcards, i loved them immediately)

Logiatrix	11 Sep 2001
faun, i totally relate to your situation--i'm going through the same thing right now with a coupla other decks i never liked before. i think it may have something to do with a (hopefully) expanding knowledge of tarot, as we continue to explore this amazingly multi-layered subject. i'm just "going with it"...hopefully, faunabay, you will, too. i think there's always a lesson there, when something "calls" to you like that. ;)

Andryh	13 Sep 2001
I had a similar experience with the Thoth deck. I found it repellant and alluring all at once. I finally broke down and purchased this deck, learned it, and read with it rather extensively. I was never quite comfortable with it though. I may be starting World War III in saying this (many people love this deck, and defend it staunchly), but I've always felt a sense of evil associated with it. Many people say: You have to separate the man from his art; Just because Crowley was a bad person, doesn't mean his deck is negative or evil. This maybe true, or it may not. Adolf Hitler was an artist. Would you want one of his pictures hanging on your wall, even if it was a masterpiece? Crowley was a self-indulgent, manipulative, cruel and selfish person. Frida Harris, the artist who painted Crowley's deck never received a penny for all her hard work. Crowley took it all. My advice: Read an objective Crowley biography, and then if the deck still appeals to you, go for it. Some people are completely comfortable with this deck. I was not one of them. My Thoth deck found its way to the trash heap. My decision to put it there is not one I regret. If this deck makes you uneasy, maybe its for good reason! Trust your instincts on this one.

Major Tom	13 Sep 2001
I am similarly finding myself drawn to this deck and similarly repelled }> I'm just going to have to take a look }>

faunabay	13 Sep 2001
OK, I have figured it out somewhat. It definitely has to do with what's going on here with the terrorism. I've been feeling almost compelled to have this deck in my hands ever since Tues. I finally broke down and bought it today. I almost immediately felt better. I looked though the deck and loved the artwork (which repelled me before). Didn't do any spreads as I bought it at lunch and then went back to work. But was shuffling and looking through the deck and one card fell out twice in a very short amount of time. 5 of wands (pretty appropriate I think as everyone at work - and around the world - is snipping at each other from stress and overloaded emotions) But for something even more weird though -- tonight I can't even stand to pick up the deck. It's pretty much freaking me out. Was something bad (evil?) drawing me to the deck to perpetuate this anger caused by the terrorist attacks? Or is something trying to tell me things to help me get through this with my positive attitude in place? Or am I over-reacting? I guess only time will tell. I'll keep everyone posted.

faunabay	14 Sep 2001
Alright I've calmed down a bit now. I realize I over-reacted somewhat :) but I almost couldn't even go into the same room as the deck last night. It was (sort of still is) very much overwhelming me. I have realized that I would'nt have even thought of the evil aspect if it had been any other deck than the Crowley. But it has had an extreme effect on me obviously. It has lessened today but I still don't want to work with it yet. I do know it is trying to tell me something. I'll just have to buck up and take it like a man...uh....woman. (smile) I still would appreciate comments as this has been (to say the least) kind of weird.

truthsayer	15 Sep 2001
someone told me once that i'm a person who actively seeks the light but that occasionally i have to peek over my shoulder w/ enormous curiosity about the shadow side of life. i think that is pretty true of me. i'm very idealistic yet there's something alluring about the forbidden, the unknown. at the same time, the depth of human evil lurking in the shadows of the unknown often shocks me. yet due to this attitude, i've come to decide that the world is neutral--not good or bad. there is always a constant battle between the 2 forces to achieve balance b/c dominance of one over the other isn't a good thing. perhaps it's this kind of curiosity of seeking a balance by understanding both the light and the darkness is what leads you to thoth. crowley definitely symbolized the shadow side of human nature. to understand the shadow is to understand oneself at a deeper level. there are many decks that have a very light nature about them. these are good general reading decks. but then there are decks like thoth and haindl that look deeper. looking deeper into the shadows is a frightening thing to do but if you face whatever it is that thoth is here to teach you then you will be freed from the longing to have them. perhaps at that point you can toss the deck w/o another thought.

The How can you be drawn to a deck you dislike? thread was originally posted on 10 Sep 2001 in the Tarot Decks board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Tarot Decks, or read more archived threads.