Wasted Tarot readings

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 21 Apr 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Diana	21 Apr 2002
edited

Tarotbear 2	21 Apr 2002
Well, you're mostly right: when you give a free reading, people also view it as having no value, since YOU did not attach value to it. Consequently, people who pay for something feel it's value is directly proportional to the fee...which is why 'known' readers overcharge such outrageous figures for a reading. It helps to weed out the riff-raff and get you serious clients. However, just because you said something, whether they pay for it or not, does not OBLIGATE them to follow your advice. Don't take it personal. You gave them a reading and they got one. What they do or don't do with the information is out of your control. Did you do everything your parents ever told you to do?

amyel	21 Apr 2002
Ahhh, Diana, That hardest part of being human is learning what we need to learn in order to grow. It's always difficult to accept that *you* might have to so some changing in order to get what *you* want, isn't it? I confess, I've been guilty of this - knowing what it is I need to do, and not doing it, or at least, not even accepting it. I think your idea about asking for somethng in return is valid. I've recently read for colleagues who almost "demand" that I take something....and like you, I've really struggled with this. If they are really insistent, I will accept something - although never $$ - and sometimes, if I sense they are just being polite, I just brush it off and say "no, no, no...." But being a reluctant and lazy cook (can't say "bad" because hubby claims I am actually very good) - I *love* your idea about apple pies and such....yum.

Mojo	21 Apr 2002
Four little words that all Tarot readers need to hold onto in cases like this: I TOLD YOU SO! Just wait... you'll get your chance.

kayne	21 Apr 2002
LOL! I'll remember that Mojo! :D :D :D

Talisman	21 Apr 2002
Diana, 'Course, Mojo's right. But you'll never say it. You did honest readings, gave honest answers, wrapped, I'm sure, in sincere concern. Bless your heart. There ain't no way you'll ever be able to develop calluses on your sensitivity. A terrible thought, but if you learn to mask your sensitivity, perhaps you'll lose your intuitive insights. Whole 'nother thing: Should you charge? Well, hell, it takes a long time to learn how to be a good plumber. Should you expect a plumber to screw your elbow joints together for free? Depends, I guess, on need and temperament and circumstances. Anyway, good stories. Talisman

MeeWah	21 Apr 2002
Diana: I am with the majority on this subject, all of whom have expressed their views succinctly. It is well & good that you offer your talent so generously. Living as we do in a material world, there are people who tend to not appreciate what is too available & does not require them to "pay" in kind. They do not associate value with what is "free"; have no concept that there *is* an exchange of energy taking place--including all that you invested of your resources, real & otherwise that have prepared you to provide your services! I do not expect to receive goods or services for free; hence my time & my craft are valuable to me, certainly worthy of payment! As a consumer, if I wanted to acquire something or consult with a reader, I would be charged accordingly. You have to proceed as you feel appropriate for you. As for people acting on advice or information--there is a saying: You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink! Expect that not everyone will follow through. That is part of human nature. Do *not* think that any sincere effort you give to assist another is ever really "wasted". It is not merely given to the beneficiary of same, but sent out to Universe to augment Its energy! It also becomes part of your life experiences from which to draw upon. BTW: I have found that those clients who pay some attention to their readings or try of their own accord to make use of a reading also tend to be repeat clients & to refer others.

Phoenix	21 Apr 2002
I know exactly how you feel. My frend(who also knows tarot) and I always get asked to do readings for our mutual friend. But the thing is, she NEVER follows our advice. So her and I have decided to never read for her again. It is very frustrating at times. Thankfully, I've developed a sort of intuition that tells me if someone is serious about readings, or not. It they aren't, I don't do readings for them.

Original Destiny	21 Apr 2002
ONE..free advice is worth nothing...TWO...I don't give advice...I give choices...It is upto the individual what choice they make...I try to let the client have freedom of choice so that they feel that they are in control of their destiny in some way...It's all to easy to find excuses and avoid making decisions...So do what you have been doing and let the client choose, its up to them...It's their life..:TFOOL

MeeWah	21 Apr 2002
Original Destiny: The "TWO" of your post is well-taken. That *is* part of what a reading is about--choices & empowerment.

slinky_jo	21 Apr 2002
I gave my partner's mum a reading last week. Now when i do readings, I can "feel" if the querant is receptive or "open" - I like the psychic channels to be open if you know what I mean?! ;) I gave her a reading and she was completely closed off. Her and I have never really seen eye-to-eye (I'm stealing her baby, remember?!?! LOL). I was sweating and feeling really uncomfy, and she was shaking her head and frowning at the cards the whole time. When I did the final wrap up, and gave her a chance to discuss the reading, she was disagreeing with everything the cards said. I have a feeling that she just asked me for a reading to see what I was about. It had nothing to do with tarot, and everything to do with control. It wasn't a wasted reading, it was a manipulative thing. Am I being paranoid? On a lighter and more happy note, I gave a girl a reading at work, and you could almost see the psychic energy flowing between us, it was great - I love warm fuzzies when I read!! :D

zorya	21 Apr 2002
{{{diana}}} sometimes we have to hear things repeatedly before we learn our lessons and act upon them. just because they didn't "get it'" this time, doesn't mean that your reading was worthless. you planted a seed :) back in the 80's, when i read for anyone who would ask (for free), i started to feel just as frustrated, but for what seems to be the opposite reason! i wanted them to think for themselves, and make their own choices. lol. people would come to me and ask me to tell them whether or not they should get a divorce, or quit their job etc. they wanted easy answers so they didn't have to make the hard choices themselves. we can't tell them what to do, they still have to make their own choices. since it is their choice, we can only give them guidance, help them see their options and plant our seeds. as someone who has lived through times where every penny counts. i wouldn't turn down someone who needed a reading and couldn't pay. your idea of optional gifts is a good one. since i believe that the guidance comes from beyond myself. and i am just the messenger, so to speak. i wouldn't feel comfortable requiring payment. although there are many who can afford to pay and should! (maybe this is why we never seem to have enough money.) LOL

MeeWah	21 Apr 2002
Slinky_Jo: No, you are not being paranoid. I think you "read" the situation correctly! The woman is hostile to you & you can sense it. She did not really want a reading, but she did want to gather information about you & knock you off-balance in the process for her own agenda. As you discerned, it was more about control than about Tarot. Sometimes it is prudent & healthier to politely decline a "client".

Kitty	21 Apr 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Phoenix Thankfully, I've developed a sort of intuition that tells me if someone is serious about readings, or not. It they aren't, I don't do readings for them. I agree, I don't do readings for people who do not seem serious about it. I am still fairly new and I am careful who I do readings for because I don't want negative people or people who laugh at tarot to try and take away my confidence.

Geenius at Wrok	21 Apr 2002
Diana, your spirit of generosity (at least up till now) is admirable, and I'd try to hold onto it. Keep doing free readings for those who appreciate what you're doing for them. As for the two in your examples and others like them, if they ask for more readings, tell them no, and if they ask why, tell them, "Because last time you got important information that you didn't even spend a moment's thought on; you don't respect the cards, and you don't respect me, and I'm not asking you for payment, but I do expect my gift to you to be appreciated for what it's worth."

Jenny-Li	22 Apr 2002
Hi Diana! I completely understand how you feel, especially the first case you referred to would drive me nuts, because she sticks with her old ways without even considering her own part in it. The other one I can relate to in the opposite way (even though I think it might have been a bit inconsiderate to put it that way right after the reading...) - since I've been looking for a new job for ages, and asked my card about a million times, and they're always telling me the same thing ("Patience! Will you have some PATIENCE!"), and everytime I think to myself "I hope their wrong..." It's kind of stupid, I know, and I definitely know better, but... Hope is a funny thing that way. :) :P :D About payment, I'd have a hard time asking to get paid in money, I think - but for the sake of putting value to the reading, I think there is a point there... I have this idea of doing an exchange thing out of it, perhaps the querent can bring me a plant, or a crystal, or a home baked bread, or he/she can buy me a cup of coffee afterwards or whatever... Ending up having querents who sees the reading as just a "cute idea" or a joke, that is not where you want to go... *shudder* Light and love, Jenny :)

Kiama	22 Apr 2002
I had a friend who was like this. She would come round my house, usually at a time when I wanted to have some time to myself, or it was nearly dinner tme, or I was trying to do homework or something, and she would want a quick reading. So, being young and silly, I said yes. But, that quick reading would go on for another 3 or 4 readings, with her asking more and more questions... Then, about a week later, I'd ask her if the readings had helped, and she would either have forgotten what I had said in the readings, or would say she had decided against what had been advised in the reading... This drained alot of my energy, and time... She never offered anything back for it, never did me a favour or anything. Luckily, she and I have grown apart since. Now, I have few friends who ask for readings, although when they do, I know its serious and that they will remember what the reading says... I know these people will also give me something back in return, in whatever form, be it love, a hug, kind words, a Rune reading if ever I am in serious need, a drink at the pub, or help with Psychology Coursework! When this is the case, reading does not drain me as it did when I didn't get anything in return: In fact, it is a joy to read in such cases! Cuz I know that what I am doing will aid them in their choices and self-actualisation.... Diana, I send you my love, cuz I know how hard it can be. Kiama

DeLani	22 Apr 2002
Diana, So many of us have been in your shoes. I did readings for free for many years, mainly because my teacher taught me that taking money for a reading was wrong. It was another friend/shop owner who convinced me that a reading is worth something, that my time and energy are worth something. It is understood that you charge the "going rate" (if there is one where you live) so you aren't seen to be trying to undercut other readers. Usually, other readers are friends, not competitors. They might even be open to trading readings. It could be that people don't value what's free; it could just be that some people don't listen no matter what. What can you do? You did your job and made them aware of the situation. It's up to them from there. I'm a firm believer in tough love. If they didn't listen the first time, if they ask for another reading, I decline and tell them it's because they DIDN'T LISTEN TO THE LAST READING. I tell them that when they take some responsibility for their actions, then they can come back and I'll read for them. Tough, I know, but I'm not here to coddle them and enable them to keep be co-dependant or whatever. So, don't undervalue yourself. And don't let "psychic vampires" suck off you, either. I had a friend like that, too, and I had to distance myself from her. It's your life, and you decide who and what you want around you. While I don't turn away someone who can't afford to pay, the idea of some sort of exchange is valid. It is the law of the universe. I know I must sound like a bitch, but sometimes you have to be that way, or the world will walk all over you. Hold your head high, be true to your own wisdom and priciples, and don't let others' opinions shake you. Blessed Be, DeLani

truthsayer	22 Apr 2002
it can be extremely frustrating to do a free reading and feel like the other person treats it like a newspaper horoscope. i tend to feel better if there is some exchange of energy. either we exchange readings or money or something. that's like saying--i value and respect your advice--thank you for your time. i agree that ppl who are more serious about what you say are willing to exchange energy. those who only expect freebies, well, that should speak volumes. i'll never forget the time i spent $45 to get a reading w/ a professional reader and ending up reading her cards! well, i don't remember what she told me but i remember while i was talking she got very excited and started taking notes. when i finished, she told me that i was ready for the "big time" as a tarot reader. later, i saw a poster about a class she was teaching. it described things i told her in the reading but i didn't know any of these things about her. it was a wonderful confirmation that my reading was on target. that was worth $45 to know b/c up to that point i had been searching for some kind of confirmation. being validated is an honest human need. diana, i think you'll feel better once you ever experience a validating reading. just hope you don't have to pay for yours! LOL reading for my mother is extremely frustrating. i don't know why i continue. she is stuck in such a rut and has been at least 25 years. the cards offer her gifts to a way out but she can't or won't break out. but that's her choice. all i can do is be there for her. there is an exchange of energy between us but i know i can't change her. she tells me it's her karmic destiny which i consider a fatalistic excuse. i know at some level she is growing even tho her road is hard. who am i to tell her what to do? i'm sure there are choices she wishes i had not made. you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

VGimlet	22 Apr 2002
I am really happy this subject came up, it was perfect timing for me. A few weeks ago a friend of ours suggested I come to the weekly gathering they have and do readings. My husband goes almost every week, I usually stay home and re-charge. These are all friends of ours, and I was thinking about it; they are certainly a laid-back group, and I could use the practice! However, after reading these posts, I've decided not to, at least not right now. Although I probably wouldn't be upset if they didn't take my advice, I *would* be mad if my readings were treated like a joke, a possibility I didn't even thinK about. :o

phirefly	26 Apr 2002
i read for free for my friends quite often. usually, they listen. one friend in particular, however, presents me with a similar problem... i know that while i'm doing the reading she is taking it all quite seriously and maybe even for a few hours actually believes she'll take my advice, but she never really does. i'm sure that if i just give her time she'll figure things out, but it's hard watching her making the same mistakes (and newer and bigger ones) all the time. and just last weekend, i offered to read for a friend (who claims to fall into the "psychic vampire" category), and he agreed, claiming i would probably just get static. before the reading, he mentioned that the three of swords was always his card, which he (and others, he claimed) attributed to a string of bad relationships, but i argued that the card meant, instead, avoiding seeing things he didn't want to see. well, then i started the reading and a few minutes into it, he decided he had to leave right away. after he left, a friend and i looked over the spread and both agreed that it was dead on for him. talk about avoiding seeing things you don't want to see, right? *sigh* i was so frustrated. i wanted to beat him over the head and make him listen, but he already has himself analyzed and hates hearing anything that might infringe upon his own self-hatred. people can be so frustrating :( and just as a side note... when my brother and i read for money, we've both had a good number of people who come by just for the novelty of it. my brother, being an empath, has a hard time dealing with this and feels very low and used when this happens. so, paying customers or not, a lot of people just look at it as a fun waste of time. :/

The Wasted Tarot readings thread was originally posted on 21 Apr 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.