How do you deal with querents who do not appear ?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 10 Jun 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

catlin	10 Jun 2002
Usually I can rely on my querents being on time and coming when a reading is fixed. Last week, however, there was a new querent who had asked for a reading but she did not appear. As I am a typical virgo in such matters, unreliability drives me crazy. How do you cope with such matters?

jmd	10 Jun 2002
I haven't done readings by appointment for a few years, and certainly in Melbourne, it isn't uncommon for a person to make an appointment and arrive late. On rare occasions, a person making an appointment just doesn't turn up. I suppose there is more to it than just being a Virgo, though this will undoubtedly accentuate it. I find that the cultural differences between the German and Australian setting would make your situation more annoying. From my experience, German society is such that if someone says they will arrive at 4:30, then they do. In Australia, 4:30 often means they will not get here before 4:45, and usually more around 5'ish. If someone doesn't arrive, then, I would just either read a book or just do something else!

catlin	10 Jun 2002
Hi jmd, Thanks for your input. Do you think the delays in down under are due to the long distances to cover or is it just the more casual way of life there? I think it is not so annoying to know at least if someone is late or stuck up in trafic or something like that. Everybody has got a mobile so it is no problem to inform you. I think it is more a matter of politeness. When I am late or I cannot come I try to ring up the person and infrom her/him about it. Luckily I had set the appointment in a local book shop, so I had enough stuff to spent my time ;)

aeonx	10 Jun 2002
catlin: Virgo huh? I understand you!! :D (Imagine me then, five times Virgo! ;) ) If a person continued to show up late, or not at all, for my readings, I would stop taking appointments from them. I agree with you on the politeness-matter as well. People not showing up, without informing you and with no good reason, are rude. OK, it's only human to forget once in a while, but not often. Lucky you had other things to do. :) ~aeonx~

MeeWah	10 Jun 2002
Catlin: Philosophically--as this comes with the territory & some of it is to be expected. I see my time as valuable & act accordingly; tell prospective clients to please phone me if they cannot be on time or have to change the appointment. Everyone has access to a phone; most have a cell phone so I expect at the very least a phone call. I understand that people can be unavoidably detained so I am willing to wait a wee bit. I try to schedule appointments so that if one appointment is late, it does not run into another appointment. If the client does not appear within 15 minutes of the appointment, I phone the client. I also will make alternate plans in the event a client is a no-show. That has happened twice--not bad in the time I have been a reader.

catlin	10 Jun 2002
Hi MeeWah, Thanks for your input. I think I'll handle this in the same way although I hope no-shows won't be getting standard.

Maalin	10 Jun 2002
Catlin, did you say she was a new client? Maybe she got shy about having a reading in the first place? A lot of people are unsure about what they are 'letting themselves in for' when they are having a reading for the first time and if she suddenly changed her mind, maybe the easiest thing for her was to just forget about it without getting in touch again. This is no excuse, though. I am German -my blood boils!!! ;)

AutumnMoonfire	10 Jun 2002
I read in a nursing school that some cultures and places are Future oriented. Folks make plans with specific times and generally get places on time. They are embarressed when they are late and expect punctuality of others. These cultures include anglo US. and Northern Europe. Much of the rest of the world is present oriented. These folks are more casual about appointments and time in general. in some present oriented cultures being on time is considered rude. Your hostess will not be ready for you yet. There are always folks within a future oriented culture who are present oriented and thereby drive the rest of us nuts. Being very bugged out by this I found the whole thing somehow easier to take...but the doc who was 2 hours late for a proceedure found out that my patience has a limit, esepecially if I haven't eaten in 16 hours. heh heh.

MystiqueMoonlight	10 Jun 2002
The distances here in Australia are really not that long. Public transport here is very accessible and all main roads do lead into our cities. We're really not a backwash, country town you know Catlin :) In regards to your client not fronting up. Well I can't comment on cultural differences, but indeed here in Australia we are a lot more relaxed when it comes to making appointment times. Perhaps this client just lost his/her nerve. Perhaps they weren't really taking it that seriously. What is the concept of Tarot readers over there in Germany? I know here in Autralia there are a lot of people who really don't know what they are doing and they tend to set up in shopping centres or sidewalks dressed in all manner of garb looking rather odd and giving very abstract advice. They charge about A$50 too preying on the niave and dependant type of character. So in Sydney most people believe Tarot is real, but distrust most people who use them. Perhaps you could use that extra time to do a reading which might reveal an understanding as to why this client didn't show.

Madonna	10 Jun 2002
I suppose I am old & cranky but I work a job, have a family to care for etc. My time is not to be wasted by others. When some one books my time, I am not free to plan something else with friends or family, or work extra hours at my job. A phone call is polite & not 10 min. before you expect them . I refuse to rebook for people who have no regard for my time & effort. Unforgiving or just cutting away the dead wood ?

truthsayer	11 Jun 2002
i have always had a very forgiving nature toward others when it comes to lateness. i grew up in a rural area where time constraints were rarely noted. if someone tells you he's going to be there at 1:00, you don't really count on it. you don't evolve your life around it b/c there's plenty of things to do. in fact, you might not be there yourself if the person shows up on time. in such case, the person can sit on the porch or take a walk or leave a note and come back later. a guy told my mother he was going to do some work for her. 6 months later he did it. was she bent out of shape? no! i told my mother in law and she said she wouldn't have allowed the guy to do it then. i was shocked by her attitude. when mom told me the story, my thought was how consider it was of him to do it for her! it didn't occur to me that he was 6 months late! when i worked, i set appointments for my clients but i never invested any emotional energy into being concerned whether they show up at all or were late or came in w/o an appt. i had plenty to do in the office regardless of whether or not they came. i remember what a culture shock it was for me when i left home and realized ppl expect you to be on time as in early or on the dot! i felt like i stepped onto another planet and really had to change my thinking. my mother still isn't time conscious. i'm more time conscious than i once was so when she's 2 hours late then i start feeling impatient. my parents know better than to expect me at 3 if i say i'll be there at 3. i usually really mean 5,6, or 7. if i'm later than that then they worry. if i get there on time, they consider me early. we call each other sometimes. it's hard to explain but we don't consider these behaviors rude at all. we consider time conscious ppl as the ones who are being rude if they get impatient and say something! we believe in taking time to smell the roses. my husband is an "timeliness freak". i just drive him crazy as he does me about time. it took me a few years before he made me understand why it was important for me to call if i was going to be late. for a long time, i just thought he was trying to boss me around and tell me what to do. naturally i resisted but now after 13 years i can see why calling him is important in case i get in trouble. now if he's late i worry b/c he rarely fails to be on time. i can get impatient or upset if i'm waiting for a medical procedure unless i know ahead of time it won't hurt or make me sick. if it's going to hurt or make me sick and the doctor is late, just go ahead and sedate me b/c i can't stand to wait and worry. everyone will be a whole lot happier. whenever i go for a medical appointment, i bring a good book. i've waited for hours patiently and not considered it rude of the Dr. i know s/he's not in there playing chess while i wait.

catlin	11 Jun 2002
Hi folks, Thanks a lot for all your input. I usually tell new clients what to expect in a tarot reading when they call me on the phone to give them an easy feeling about it and not to have to deal with no-shows because they have lost their nerves, etc. As I hate to wait (eg, at a doctor's, in a supermarket, etc) for an overexaggerated time (hey, I work about 8-9 h per day, have my cats, extensive tarot studies, etc, I consider my time as valuable just like Madonna pointed it out) and don't like to be kept waiting. Hm, maybe some time in down under or in very rural USA would help me to learn patience. I am not a very patient person, ppl who fuss around about stuff and do not seem to know where to go usually drive me nuts (at least in the office) but I am pretty different with my querents. I try to comfort them and they usually leave much happier and more relaxed than before. B/W I did not meant to get the impression that Sydney is backwash but when I hear that my penpals live 6 hours far from Sydney so I thought that time and distance are considered in another way than here in Germany.

MeeWah	12 Jun 2002
Communication imay be the key here. Some people may be ignorant or just not understand that some of us readers are serious about reading for others. That when we schedule a reading, we expect the client to keep the appointment or advise otherwise ahead of time, unless something happens to prevent same. That falls under common courtesy. MystiqueMoonlight has a point about a client possibly not taking an appointment for a reading seriously. Years ago, a no-show told me she thought it "no big deal", apparently ignorant of the fact that I am serious about my time & about Tarotwork. That taught me to make sure prospective clients understand where I am coming from. AutumnMoonfire brings up an interesting point--that cultural differences can influence behavior. Generally, businesses need to maintain some kind of schedule or they cannot provide customer service in an appropriate manner. I do readings part-time but I still view it as a type of "business" insofar as I have to plan readings around my other commitments--my full-time job, family, etc, as Madonna & I am sure others have the same situation. I grew up in New York City which like most northern or busy metropolitan areas of the country has the stereotype of being in "the fast lane"with southern or smaller areas being slower. That may be true of some aspects but I have not found it to apply after living in the south many years. A job still requires one to be on time & if one is late for an appointment, one may lose that time slot & have to wait even longer at the doctor's, etc. Truthsayer's example is an unusual one. It reminds me of an experience I had when I contracted with a large local building supply company to replace the roof on the house. There were leaks & damages from birds & squirrels accessing the attic. The objective was to get the work done before Winter set in. I think the work was subcontracted to a roofing company. A team of workers dropped off a large load of materials & left. I was told it would be taken care of within a week as they were finishing another job. The piles of shingles, tarpaper, lumber & other goods sat in our driveway for weeks while they were subjected to various weather conditions. Phone calls produced no action & October turned to November, at which time I cancelled the contract on the basis of no-show. That resulted in the one quick response: the supples were removed from the driveway within a day!! In the meantime, I located a guy who did roofing on the side. He helped to order the supples & after they were delivered, he & his one helper replaced the roof.

catlin	12 Jun 2002
Hi MeeWah, Thanks for your input! Luckily I do not have to earn my living only with tarot readings and medial consultation, it would drive me nuts with no-shows but you're right, I also see it as business and therefore I just do not like folk who is late or does not appear. Hm, maybe I should have seen the thing like that:"Be glad to be able to wait for a client as this shows that you have a special gift others need."

Umbrae	12 Jun 2002
When dealing with people from other cultures (even if they live next door), allowances should be made. Folks do believe that, “Hey, they’re psychic, they should know!” So they don’t call us. Let us all lighten up on each other. Our time is valuable, but so is theirs. Perhaps there is a reason they cannot let us know they will be late.

MystiqueMoonlight	12 Jun 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Umbrae When dealing with people from other cultures (even if they live next door), allowances should be made. Folks do believe that, “Hey, they’re psychic, they should know!” So they don’t call us. Let us all lighten up on each other. Our time is valuable, but so is theirs. Perhaps there is a reason they cannot let us know they will be late. I agree!

jmd	12 Jun 2002
In attempting to keep my previous post shorter than many of my posts, I think I may have given the wrong impression - so I thought I'd better clear this up. In Melbourne, many, but not all, appointees turned up a few minutes late. The comment I made regarding cultural differences, and coming up-to half an hour later was not in reference to a 'business' appointment, but to 'social' or general ones. For example, I still find it frustrating that when we are invited to dinner 'at 7:30', this means 'do not get here before that time'. In Europe (or the UK, France and Swizerland of my experience), that would mean 'get here by that time'. I suspect that this social practice also comes in to the formal side of life. For example, I do not know many people who have a medical appoiontment for a specified time and who turn up before it. It seems that, here at least, job interviews are the only ones in which most people get to the place by the specified time (but not all - and some make a point of coming just after the time as 'good manners'). With people not showing up, I agree that it is just impolite. However, not all people have mobile/cell telephones (most of the people I associate with, contrary to the trend, do not have one - and neither do I). Also, I wouldn't be surprised if many people, having made an appointment, remember where it is, but do not carry the telephone number with them. This, of course, does not excuse non-attendance and the distress caused as one is being 'put out'.

catlin	13 Jun 2002
Hi jmd, Thanks for your input. You know, I am the type to appear usually 5 min before the fixed appointment, as there is a chance to get early at the doc's. B/W I knew that this client had a cell phone. Guess I should grow more adamant to unrelieable clients.

truthsayer	13 Jun 2002
not showing up is a sign of disrespect to the person waiting for you. i can understand that way of seeing it and agree. that's why i think setting your limits w/ a person up front shows that you demand to be respected. if the other person asks to reschedule i think a lot would depend on the sincerity of the apology i got. i do tend to get to dr's appts early as a sign of respect. it used to drive me batty growing up that my mother couldn't understand the significance of showing up at a dr's appt or any place on time. i can remember getting mad at her over it at as young as 7. i don't know why but it always seemed to me that when it was time to leave she'd commence on cleaning up the house as if it couldn't wait until we got back. then 5 or 10 minutes before time to be there she'd start bathing. then she had to get dressed and primp. once i got to an eye dr appt 2 hours late b/c of her. fortunately he was still willing to see me. actually, i think she was being passive aggressive and this was her way of rebelling against taking me places at all. THAT is definitely rude behavior. since this is all in the past, i've tried to get her to tell me the truth about not getting any place on time but no luck on getting an honest answer. i definitely think her behavior was discourteous and rude. but then that's another story...i think she's able to make her own dr. appt's on time. we have a family joke about her fav proverb,"don't worry. don't hurry. it's better to arrive late at heaven's gate than to arrive in hell on time". i can see st. peter pacing at the golden gate for her right now! LOL in my other posts, i was getting discourteous behavior confused w/ hurry sickness. i think close to 100% of all illnesses have roots in a stressful lifestyle and inability to slow down to enjoy life at all. i know it made me sick to change from a life paced to take time to breathe and enjoy beauty to one where every waking moment was filled w/ tension and time constraints. of course, it's disrespectful and discourteous not to call or at least call to apologize as soon as one is able to get to a phone. my peeve is i hate hurry sickness but certain appts definitely are to be made on time.

catlin	17 Jun 2002
Hi truth, Thanks, hey, I was ROFL at your comment about St Pete pacing before Heaven's gate, that was a cool one! Guess your Mom was the same cutie as mine was (and maybe still is), Mothers and Daughters, guess I could also write a book about that. Ok, I know I am a maniac about being on time and politeness, think I'll meditate about this one a bit more.

wavebreaker	17 Jun 2002
I think it can be a cultural thing too. I'm originally from the south of the Netherlands and there it's quite common that people will turn up at least 15 minutes late for a (social) appointment. I've been living near Amsterdam for over 10 years now, and here people seem to be more strict in keeping appointments, especially business appointments. Personally, I don't mind if someone is late just once in a while, because these things happen, but I really hate it when people are always late, as I think it's being disrespectful. My best friend does this all the time: either she's late, or she turns up but then she still has to do things, like making phone calls or go somewhere on the way to wherever we're going. By the way, I'm a virgo too... ;)

catlin	17 Jun 2002
Hi tarotlady, I remember having had a friend who was also late at appointments. One day she kept me waiting for nearly 45 min and then I decided to teach her a lesson: On the next appointment I kept her waiting for 30 min, and then I appeard with the most innocent smile, sat down just like everything was fine but... she was fuming with rage because I was late! I then explained her that I just thought it right to having kept her waiting just like she did and also told her very clearly what I have thought about her various delays. She learned her lesson and was never late again when meeting with me! You should try this also.

wavebreaker	17 Jun 2002
I'll keep that one in mind catlin... ;)

The How do you deal with querents who do not appear ? thread was originally posted on 10 Jun 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.