When Tarot Attacks- the gift of troublemaking

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 24 Jun 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Dark Inquisitor	24 Jun 2002
I have just given a long time friend a deck of tarot cards & a feng shui book for her birthday. Which would probably be nice, except that I am reasonably sure she doesn't want them! She is very strictly religious on one hand, but some aspects of her life don't reflect this. She got really mad at me and didn't talk to me for a long time after I told her a psychic told me she might get fired. She blamed the psychic, and took it out on me ! She thought the psychic was "trying to ruin her life".All she does is complain about her bad job situation, so the psychic was totally on target. I didn't ask about her, the psychic picked it up. I didn't think it would be a big surpise or shock, because my friend talked about that possibility frequently. She popped back up on the email after months of silence with no explanation other than most of her other friends couldn't write entertaining emails! She likes to get a lot of sympathy and advice, but doesn't care to be reciprocal about it. In the card I sent with the deck & book, I told her I was all out of advice and predictions, and that these goodies might help or be fun. Anyway, I know she's religious and will probably be really mad ! She doesn't know that I am involved with the tarot at all, and I'm sure I'd get the devil speech if she knew. But she did admit to sneaking an online free tarot reading, which I thought was rather hypocritical of her. Her husband is a bad tempered fundamentalist. So basically, I think I've dropped a lit match into a can of turpentine - on purpose ! I haven't heard from her, and maybe I won't . I figure either she will be angry enough to get rid of me, or she will be too tempted by the tarot, fight off her husband, and become a tarot-master ! (Her mother was an unofficial psychic, whom I think got religion and stopped - and I think my friend has the gift buried in her somewhere.) I was wondering if anyone else had ever done the same sort of thing - and what the results were? Tarotphelia, passive-aggressive troublemaker

MystiqueMoonlight	24 Jun 2002
I think at times we have all experienced a friend who relentlessly seeks out our advice and after a while we assume that the advice we give may become unsolicited and more and more open. Often in these times we make the mistake of assuming that we can be quite liberal with the advice we give to these people and don't always realise that this information may seem as a personal attack upon them moreover than just a friend trying to provide a staff for them to lean on. I am afraid you may have done this when you offered your friend the deck and book. As meaningful as your gift may have seemed to you, it could have been misinterpretated by your friend as something else. People like your friend need to figure things out for themselves. Eventually you become the brunt of their blame for whatever misadventures may occur in their mundane lives and unfortunately this seems to have happened in your case. The term emotional vampire is something I am sure you have heard and your friend sounds like this type of person to me. It was a lovely suggestion you offered her (the opportunity to explore sorting her problems out herself via the cards and Feng Shui). My feelings are that she will definetly dapple with the cards you gave her and read that book, however I suggest she will get more out of the book than the cards probably misusing the cards but understanding the concept of Feng Shui more. Your friend will, after some time, be in contact with you again. She will probably seek your advice about the cards you gave her as a reintroduction and more likely begin to conceptualise Feng Shui to you. Her religious aspects are merely her shield. This is probably the only stable thing she has in her life at the moment. I doubt that her belief is very devout though, but more inherited via her mother. The opportunity for her to quietly rebel is near. I had to write this to you as is flowed from my thoughts when I began to reply to your post. I hope it offers some source of comfort to you. Blessed be....

zorya	24 Jun 2002
just curious, which deck did you give her?

Dark Inquisitor	24 Jun 2002
I gave her the Diamond version of the RW tarot- traditonal, but a little more decorative. Thank you MystiqueMoonlight for your insightful post- I have put her in the vampire category for a long time now. I didn't give her this gift with the intention of being helpful neccessarily- but as a catalyst, knowing she would probably see it as an attack. This is not my usual mode of doing things, and I do try not step on people's psychological boundries too much. I'm just tired of having to deal with her that way, and thought that at least one of us would benefit from having a Tower crossroads moment in our relationship. I gave her the keys to help herself and grow. If she chooses not to and thinks I'm the devil, that's ok. I just can't continue to have someone close to me who would do that. Plus, it was irresistably fun ! Tarotphelia, behaving badly

MystiqueMoonlight	25 Jun 2002
I don't believe your intentions were entirely "devlish". Whilst we could debate this issue constantly, IMO I believe the intent was to influence your friend into the Tarot system. At this junture it may seem that this purpose has failed and she may in fact have taken offense, but karma is an amazing thing and you may have opened a whole new can of worms. The system of Tarot should not be treated frivously and it is not merely a deck of cards in which to frighten people. In that case use a halloween mask. She now has a whole new reason to seek your advice.

destinyawaitsme	25 Jun 2002
I don't know. I see life as a big puzzle...where the peices automatically fall into place whether you intend them to or not. If the path of tarot, feng shui, new age, or whatever is in her heart it will come out. You can't beat down your heart; it's suicide. If it isn't you'll have a pissed off friend. It's that whole you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink thing. I don't know if you did this out of compassion or out of "hey, let's see what makes her tick." But regardless, what's done is done. Either way we learn a lesson. Just remember to try to turn the tables next time. What if her husband sent you some fundie Jesus pamphlets? See, it may not be the best way to communicate. I hope this situation gets better for you. :) L&L

catlin	25 Jun 2002
Hm, I guess this person described in the post is just someone who always expect that others - be it ppl or religion or whatever else - set her life right for her. She seems to be unwilling to take over the responsability for her life. Tarotphelia, I hate to say it but you'd better get this person out of your life as you'll never get something in return for all the good you will do to her. She is just a "taker" but not a "giver" and friendship should be composed of both to maintain balance. In case she shows up to you to learn more about tarot just recommend her the Bunning online tarot course and try to avoid her for the sake of your soul.

Dark Inquisitor	25 Jun 2002
I am sorry Mystique Moonlight, if you think I am taking the tarot frivolously- that's the furthest thing from my mind. If all I wanted to do was frighten, insult & offend her, I could've done it in writing easily enough. She may end up feeling all those things- but that may not necessarily be bad for her, for the moment. The tarot on one level is just a deck of cards, but on another level, it's a sacred tool , a mirror, something we cannot fully understand . It interacts with the power of symbol & the subconscious mind, and who knows what else. (I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know) Sometimes you find yourself standing at the corner of synchronicity & opportunity, with the chance to channel something bigger than yourself into a situation. The outcome is up to the participants, the catalyst is neutral. I'm tired of being in the angelic doormat club. I've emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes even financially , given support to this person for 10 years. If the worst I ever do for her is give her a deck of tarot cards, she's not doing too badly. After 10 years, she was willing to dump me because she didn't like what a psychic said. I wasn't too thrilled to get her back after that, but I let it go. destinyawaitsme: You mention how I might feel if the situation was reversed, and her husband gave me religious materials. That's just the point. The situation is ALWAYS reversed. I am always expected to be tolerant of the religions of others. But it never works the other way! I am glad if people find a religion or a spiritual path. I don't care if she likes the tarot or not . I wish she could utilize her own power some way, grow up and realize we don't all have to be the same spiritually to get along, --and everyone who is not in your faith is not the devil. But she may never do that, and may never speak to me again- in which case I think the tarot has done me a great favor! Being associated with the tarot has weeded a great number of people out of my life.I have had to be philosophical about it, and see it as the workings of something greater that knew better than I what was best for me. Many times I never suspected the bad reaction I got, because some of them were not religious. If I know someone is very traditional, I don't tell them. That's ok for peripheral people, and family I can't get rid of. But I can't deal with that in a voluntary friendship anymore. This situation will crack the door open or slam it closed, and I think that's for the best. But I would still be interested in what happened if anyone else ever gave such a gift, or if the tarot was given to them unexpectedly- and how it affected them. Tarotphelia

Emily	25 Jun 2002
Hi Tarotphelia, You gave her a beautiful deck, I have the Diamond, so at least if she's even a little bit interested by the tarot this should give her a little boost lol Maybe you should have told her that your into the tarot, she might be a little surprised to receive these gifts out of the blue and wonder why you've given them to her. I was given the Diamond tarot by a friend lol :)

Dark Inquisitor	30 Jun 2002
Oh dear- Have heard from my friend , but not about her lovely tarot gift. (Where is my gracious thank you note???) She has decided she's sinful,and gone to some kind of sin website that has convinced her that if she doesn't get 5 people to visit the site, she is eternally damned. (Apparently , God didn't forgive her because she didn't take the website seriously enough.) She exhorts me to help her by visiting the site and not to laugh. Clearly some alchemy is taking place here, not sure what. Awaiting further developments..... Tarotphelia

MystiqueMoonlight	30 Jun 2002
Gracious Tarotphelia, Here is you friend's whole new reason to seek your advice. Perhaps rather than fuel her fire it may be best to just not respond to her at all. You know as they say "close the door to stifle out the flames" :) Maybe your friend really needs a shoulder to lean on and just doesn't know how to approach the subject with you...or she may be trying to convert you :) May I suggest if she is really causing you grief that you let her know, in a nice way of course. Tell her you are her friend, but you just cannot handle these issues with her at the moment. Running with the wolves just makes you one of the pack if you know what I mean? Take care....

HudsonGray	30 Jun 2002
Wow, she doesn't seem to have her feet under herself too firmly, does she? Maybe offer to teach her tarot lessons, that might make her wake up & take notice that you're on a different wavelength right now. Not sure WHAT you should do, actually. It would depend on how close a friend you figure she is. I hate it when religious factors are thrown in, they really complicate things.

Dark Inquisitor	02 Jul 2002
I emailed her back and told that if I could eternally damn people thru a website, I'd be a billionaire . I asked what had gotten into her, and wondered if she got my gifts. I'm sure she'd rather ignore the whole thing, but I am tired of this. I'm not the type to totally desert a person after 10 years, so I suppose I am giving her the choice so I won't have to make it myself. I am sure she IS trying to convert me, so we can cower together in sniveling fear and self-loathing , convinced we will be consumed by eternal hellfire and the Wrath of God for things like failing to dust regularly enough. I did a reading for her after I sent the gift in which the Devil and the Tower appeared, so I was pretty sure there would be some kind of religious explosion- but I didn't realize she was quite this far out there. But it's good to see what happens when you shake the tree- you find out what people are made of and other surprising things. The outcome card for her was the Magician !( I am thinking now she may have had some card reading experience in her background. ) Still waiting for my gracious thank you note- Tarotphelia

MystiqueMoonlight	02 Jul 2002
Hi Tarotphelia, Now this is just a thought....maybe you're the Magician! take care MystiqueMoonlight

zorya	02 Jul 2002
sounds like you aren't willing to give up on your friend. if she has fears of the tarot, being evil etc. perhaps it would be best to respond only with love and positive energy. i suspect that the anger, might only confirm her fears (in her mind). prove by your actions, what a positive thing this is in your life. i don't think that using logic, is going to be good enough. what will be, will be.

Keslynn	02 Jul 2002
Tarotphelia, I do admire you for perservering in the face of such problems with your friend. This woman clearly has a deep need or she would not think that a website could save her soul. (I also happen to think that anyone who could run such a website is absolutely despicable, but that's a side issue.) It seems she is clinging to you because you're there, much like she is clinging to the website and a very shallow sort of Christianity (it seems). It's your choice whether you wish to stay in such a one-sided relationship but I do think you have already opened some doors and made her think. Chances are, though, that she'll never be able to find herself and a healthy spiritual path without some professional counseling. Maybe you can nudge her in that kind of direction? Tarot is an excellent tool for self-discovery but she may not yet realize that she desperately needs help. :) Kes

The When Tarot Attacks- the gift of troublemaking thread was originally posted on 24 Jun 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.