You know you're a Redneck Tarot Reader
Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 28 Jun 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.
| Violet Gargoyle |
28 Jun 2002 |
|
I am not really a city girl, I am actually a recovering Redneck.....
This may be something already covered somewhere, but just for fun here's some to add to the list (PLEASE ADD MORE):
You know you're a Redneck Tarot Reader:
...When your symbols for air and water is an empty Pixie Stix tube and a used KFC chicken bucket.
...When you do readings on a plank of wood set on cynder blocks.
...When you have a "tarot rack" on the back of your pickup truck.
...When you do readings from the bed of a pick up truck.
....When Your Court Cards sound like this: "The Garth of Kegs", "The Reba of Shotguns", "The Bubba Jo of Whitling", or "The Elvis of Wheat Pennies".
...You only have one velvet card: It's the Emperor, and it's Elvis.
...When you do your readings dressed in flouresant orange- so that the other hunters in the woods don't mistake you for a deer.
...When you say things like "yeah, I almost read them, but then I saw that it was only a three card spread, and I need at least a seven card one or the State Tarot board won't let me keep it." (Those not in "hunting" areas might be confused about this one...)
...because your runes are chalked onto gravel.
...When you store your cards in an empty coffee can.
...When you store your cards in a half empty coffee can.
...When you store your cards in a coffee can that also has your nails and screws in it.
...You heard of an Arthurian deck, sure- you just don't know why anyone would want 78 cards of Dudley Moore to scrye with.
...You scrye with a lawn ball.
...The gateway to your portal to other planes is half a white painted tire in your yard.
....You read next to a barbeque grill, because technically, it still counts as "incense".
...Your Devil card is the symbol of a Democrat.
...The Magician card is replaced by the Mechanic, he just work WONDERS with the aforementioned truck.
...You thought the High Priest and the High Priestess were two weird people with the munchies.
...Your World Card is a picture of the Drive Thru Beer House up the road.
|
| Liliana |
28 Jun 2002 |
|
My sig was the originator of the Redneck Tarot reader jokes :)
And now I have 2 Jack Daniels Bags, a posh velevet one that was sent to me, and a normal felt one my mom gave me woo hooooo ;) (tarot of the Cat People is in the velvet one, no deck for the felt one yet, maybe that Caring Psychic Family one I won lol)
:THP
|
| RedWood |
28 Jun 2002 |
|
I completely get the The Devil is a Democrat...My family in West Virginia..are REPUBLICANS..It doesn't matter who is running you just make sure you vote republican!
|
| Violet Gargoyle |
28 Jun 2002 |
|
Originally posted by Liliana
My sig was the originator of the Redneck Tarot reader jokes :)
And now I have 2 Jack Daniels Bags, a posh velevet one that was sent to me, and a normal felt one my mom gave me woo hooooo ;) (tarot of the Cat People is in the velvet one, no deck for the felt one yet, maybe that Caring Psychic Family one I won lol)
:THP
I remembered that someone had the sig with the JD Tins on it, out of everything else I blanked on who wrote it at time...so its Liliana we can thank for this thoughtfood inspiration... :D
I forgot these ones:
If your suits are listed the following way: wrenches, chainsaws, wd-40 cans, and mac toolboxes.
If your deck is made out of hardware store gift certificates.
Your rune stones are only good for a few days, then you have to salt it and make it into rune jerky.
3 words: Square Dance Lovers!
|
| Umbrae |
29 Jun 2002 |
|
Now wait jes’ a second there gurly…I hap’n ta know dat some foks ‘roun hea gots der liddle rune stones in ‘baccy tins.
Doan no day be tayken chu kinely ta been called redneks. Days jes nomo foks, ja no…
|
| Zhritza |
29 Jun 2002 |
|
This is a bit obscure, but I'm sorta proud of it:
-If card XVI of your Marseille is "The Waffle House of God."
|
| lunalafey |
29 Jun 2002 |
|
Violet, you must check out all the redneck threads. Seeing this again reminded me of a joke.
What is the difference between a Northern Fairy tale and a Southern Fairy tale?
A Northern Fairy tale starts with, Once upon a time.....
Asouthern Fairy tale starts with, Ya'll ain't gonna belive this.......
|
| Liliana |
29 Jun 2002 |
|
My runes were in a cigarette tin, but they were upgraded to a bertie botts jelly bean bag ;) Finally theyl be getting a real bag soon.
My husband bought Harry Potter on DVD for us last night.
:THP
|
| Violet Gargoyle |
29 Jun 2002 |
|
Originally posted by lunalafey
Violet, you must check out all the redneck threads. Seeing this again reminded me of a joke.
What is the difference between a Northern Fairy tale and a Southern Fairy tale?
A Northern Fairy tale starts with, Once upon a time.....
Asouthern Fairy tale starts with, Ya'll ain't gonna belive this.......
I probably will when I get the chance. Being originally from a rather, er, country-like area in Pennsylvania (or Penciltucky, as some folks reckon) I have still got a great appreciation for "The You might be a Redneck" lines.
I can see how many actually are truer than some city folk might think. You should see the lists I have for the "You might be a pagan Redneck" or "You might practice Bubba Wicca"
I myself have barn hexes nailed on my walls....
|
| lunalafey |
29 Jun 2002 |
|
Originally posted by Violet Gargoyle
"You might practice Bubba Wicca"
............LUNA...........
>>>*on the floor rolling*<<<
..........chanting..........
>> "bubba wicca bubbu wicca" <<
|
| Violet Gargoyle |
29 Jun 2002 |
|
Originally posted by Umbrae
we did some serious laughing...
Barn Hexes...Oh my, but do you know who Jimmy Martin is? Now that is the kicker...(or do you know the difference between JD Crowe and Russel Crow)?
Of Course I know who Jimmy Martin is, King of Bluegrass. He's no Boxcar Willie, but he'll do....
Originally posted by lunalafey
............LUNA...........
>>>*on the floor rolling*<<<
..........chanting..........
>> "bubba wicca bubbu wicca" <<
Oh yeah, I got those:
You Practice Bubba Wicca if:
If you call quarters like this: "Suuuuuueeeeeeeey {insert direction or element here}!"
....If you differentiate the High Priestess in the group because she is one wearing the Amber Hair Curlers.
....The High priest's ceremonial wardrobe is normally called "The Clean T-Shirt" and the "Hole-less Sweatpants"
....If you put brooms in the gun rack of your pick up.
....Marboros count as incense, too, don't they?
....You think the Dianic Tradition is to use the Franklin Mint commemorative Lady Di plates in your ceremony.
...You think windershins is a medical condition on your neighbor's legs.
etc etc etc.....
|
| mondk |
29 Jun 2002 |
|
I think I might be a tarot redneck; one of my velveteen bags ripped and I can't find the box they came in anywhere, so my angel and dragon decks are in a ziplock baggie until I can get some more little pouches to put them in!!!!!!!! LOL.
Blessings, Michelle
|
| Violet Gargoyle |
30 Jun 2002 |
|
Originally posted by mondk
I think I might be a tarot redneck; one of my velveteen bags ripped and I can't find the box they came in anywhere, so my angel and dragon decks are in a ziplock baggie until I can get some more little pouches to put them in!!!!!!!! LOL.
Blessings, Michelle
I don't think ziplock bags by themselves might count, however if you store the ziplocked decks in the fridge, or keep them in the glove compartment of any vehicle (on or off cynder blocks) well, then it might be cause for re-examination......:D
|
| Liliana |
01 Jul 2002 |
|
Originally posted by Violet Gargoyle
I probably will when I get the chance. Being originally from a rather, er, country-like area in Pennsylvania (or Penciltucky, as some folks reckon) I have still got a great appreciation for "The You might be a Redneck" lines.
I can see how many actually are truer than some city folk might think. You should see the lists I have for the "You might be a pagan Redneck" or "You might practice Bubba Wicca"
I myself have barn hexes nailed on my walls....
Im from Central PA myself, go 15 minutes on any side of town and youll be in Amish farmlands :)
:THP
|
| Violet Gargoyle |
01 Jul 2002 |
|
Originally posted by Liliana
Im from Central PA myself, go 15 minutes on any side of town and youll be in Amish farmlands :)
:THP
I know the feeling. Really I do. Back when I was going to college in PA, I worked at a convenience store that catered to the amish living in the area and the folks that worked at the Cheese plant across the street.
You learn alot about human sociology at 5am (or what the amish will buy that they are not supposed to buy).....
|
| Original Destiny |
01 Jul 2002 |
|
Here in this little village called Nafferton, in the East riding of Yorkshire...The gates close at 10. o clock...( they still eat their young here!) I use a J,D tin to keep my Sacred Rose Tarot in...:TFOOL
|
| Umbrae |
01 Jul 2002 |
|
Are you smart enough to be a redneck?
Redneck Professional Engineering Exam
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
a. A)'66 Ford Fairlane
b. B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
c. C) '64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain?
9. For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
10. A Coal Mine operates an NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
11. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a hillside?
|
| Liliana |
01 Jul 2002 |
|
Originally posted by Original Destiny
Here in this little village called Nafferton, in the East riding of Yorkshire...The gates close at 10. o clock...( they still eat their young here!) I use a J,D tin to keep my Sacred Rose Tarot in...:TFOOL
Yep you are the reason I added the Jack Daniels tin into my sig line hehe
:THP
|
The You know you're a Redneck Tarot Reader thread was originally posted on 28 Jun 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.
|
