Too personal... where do you draw the line?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 10 Jul 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Keslynn	10 Jul 2002
Hi all, I personally have no trouble doing readings about myself, even involving some very delicate questions. I know some writers recommend that you not do readings that are very close to your heart or emotionally charged. However, at least for my own personal problems, I find that tarot has helped me to become more objective about things and to be able to see more of what other people are seeing. At the same time, I had an ex ask me the other day to do a reading about a potential new relationship for him. I couldn't do it. Even though I wanted to be nice and help him, I felt I was too invested in the situation. So I was just wondering when you all decide to draw the line on what readings to do based on their personal nature? Do you only read for situations in which you have some sort of detachment? Do you read in difficult situations and just consult others if it's confusing? I hope that made sense. :) Kes

Sullanciri2002	10 Jul 2002
Okay, difficult question. I've never looked at the issue in the sense of beďng invested or detached from the question, querent, or situation ... but rather ask myself if I'll be able to "read" the cards and not "force" my ideas into the interpretations of the cards. The difference may only be a matter of semantics, then again, it might not. For me, it comes down to whether I feel that I already know the answer to the question - or want the answer to be this or that too strongly: if I can't fully open myself to the answer that comes from the reading ... I don't read the cards (I've gone as far as saying that to the querent, literally, and it seems to be well accepted, even indicative of your sincerity and integrity)

MeeWah	10 Jul 2002
Keslynn: Good point about self-readings helping objectivity. They can teach detachment, which can be difficult despite the best intentions in any situation. It is definitely needed whether reading for self or for others. For self, I am not usually moved to do readings except on special occasions or when something warrants more feedback. I think the infrequency of consulting the cards (other than daily cards) assists my personal perspective. I approach self-readings as if I were reading for a stranger. That is, I prepare for my own readings with the same respect I give others. Spur-of-the-moment readings work well, too. Those seem to be times when one is responding to an inner prompting or guidance. I have declined on a few occasions to read for others based on impressions. Not something I can really explain. If I see a lack of clarity during a reading, I express that. If the client wants me to continue, I may follow up with another spread or offer to do a follow up at another time. Sometimes it is a matter of timing; of things in transition or the client not really wanting to know. As for reading for an Ex--that has not occurred; however, I thought it an honor when my Ex' significant other retained my services as there is no contact between us. I was not uncomfortable--possibly because I had already seen the occasion, some time before it occurred. Besides, there was no reason to deny her as a client.

Sorceress_Jade	10 Jul 2002
I find that I /can't/ read for myself. And it's for precisely the reason that have to much interest. I /know/ too much about myself, my life, and all of the details, to be able to see beyond them. It's not that I don't want to, I just can't. So i suppose it's dif. then your question. Lol. Personally, I wouldn't do any reading I didn't feel comfortable doing. Whether it be because of personal reasons with the querent, or any other reason. And being too close to the details at hand, in my opinion at least, can greatly affect your interpretation of the reading.

Kellinator	11 Jul 2002
This hits close to home -- a few months back I did a reading for my ex-boyfriend, who is also my best friend. I wasn't sure what would come up because he's pretty skeptical... BOOM!! The cards said he wanted me back but felt he'd be taking advantage of the situation. I haven't done a reading for an ex since.

Dark Inquisitor	11 Jul 2002
One lady wanted to know what her children thought of her. And I knew it would probably be really hurtful & upsetting to her when she found out.(Because she had many screws loose.) So I told her that even I would never ask the tarot such a loaded question. (After all, kids can love & hate you in the same day for no real reason!) Never heard from her again, and she probably really resents me for saying no to her. But I think I did the right thing for her. Didn't want to unleash the apocolypse. Tarotphelia

MeeWah	12 Jul 2002
Tarotphelia: Maintaining some general guideline can be useful & wise. People may not appreciate a message & instead of *working with* the message & giving themselves a chance to understand it, they react & want to *work over* the messenger! Had one client who told me "Tell me anything & everything! I can handle it." What I immediately knew was that she might not *hear*or want to listen. Despite telling her to please wait with questions or comments until the end of the session when such could be addressed, she interrupted constantly during the course of the reading. She argued various points which concerned her significant other (he showed up in the reading); the relationships with his children (she has none but his kids apparently moved in & out of their lives & their home; affected their relationship with each other). It was very unsettling & disrupted the focus. At one point, I stopped & told her she was fighting the reading & it was detracting from the quality of the session! If she was not ready for it or found after the session that I was off-target, I would refund her money. Before she left, I asked her to please think about what was said & to permit at least a few weeks to elapse. About 2 weeks later, she phoned & apologized. Ensuing events supported what was said, but she did not want to see some things. She cannot say she was not warned.

VGimlet	12 Jul 2002
A very interesting question, and one I had to think about for awhile. For myself, I wouldn't read for someone I had a relationship with that was still conflicted, even if it was long over. There are former lovers and friends I would have no problem reading for, and a few I wouldn't touch. I would never read for my mom, or my former brother-in-law. I think my negative feelings might appear in the reading, which would skew it for the worse.

the hermit	13 Jul 2002
keslynn: As you can see, everyone who has responded has some very valid points. My two bits is to agree with them... and you. You answered your own question... "I couldn't do it. Even though I wanted to be nice and help him, I felt I was too invested in the situation." Always go with your own feelings. There will be times when you KNOW that you can't do it. There will be others when you figure out in the middle of the spread that things just aren't working. Stop. Apologize. Offer a refund if money was exchanged. Or another reading at another time as was suggested by MeeWah. But trust your feelings. If the querent doesn't, then that's life and you don't need them mucking up yours. If they trust you, they'll understand and return some other time. As with Kellinator, I had my 1st ex-wife (yes, I know, but it's like potato chips with me, I can't eat just one) ask for a reading that blew up in my face. She knew it, I knew it, luckily she was understanding, didn't get upset, and we're still friends (she is, after all, the mother of my son!), but I was very upset at the time, cause I thought I could 'Take It!' Oh well... my little voice kept saying "WARNING! WARNING! EJECT! EJECT!" but I didn't listen... I do now!

The Too personal... where do you draw the line? thread was originally posted on 10 Jul 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.