Wanting the cards to come out 'right'

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 05 Aug 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Marion	05 Aug 2002
In the past week I have done three readings where the cards came out very very negative. I have enormous difficulty sitting accross the table from someone with their heart hanging out and saying, whatever.... you messed up, or this is just not going to change right away, he is a totally oblivious to you or you are sabotaging yourself. So I gloss it and try and find a 'nice' way of putting it. Try and make it palatable. I have also read some comments here along the lines of 'well, they asked, tell them'. erk. Online I can deliver exactly what I see, but it's those puppy eyes that get me. help.

Umbrae	05 Aug 2002
and I can feel how difficult it is. But I need to know more. Were all three readings for one individual? Most always, glossing over too much (where the meaning is way off) is not good. It is one of the reasons why thy come to us! If you cannot find a way to say 'it', try some creative writing classes to learn how to work with words, shape them like clay. Learn to present doom and gloom as the darkness of pre-dawn rather than the dead of night.

divinerguy	05 Aug 2002
The way that I address this problem is the fact that I believe destiny is not set in stone. I see Tarot as a "snapshot in time" and that a reading sees things at the moment of the draw. People can and do change outcomes. I offer bad readings in terms of, "you should be aware of these tendencies in your life," or maybe, "you need to work on this negative attribute." I'm not a psychic, and the cards don't give me that ability.

Rhiannon	05 Aug 2002
That's hard when that happens. I did 3 readings in one day while on vacation: one for my mother-in-law and 1 each for my 2 sisters-in-law. They were all pretty negative. I really wanted to be positive since they are sort of family. But I just couldn't tell them that everything was sweetness and light, they knew better. So, I said it like this "Look, this is what has been happening, and you've been making some bad decisions, some mistakes, or having a poor attitude. And this is what will probably happen if you continue on this path." And then I take the negative and positive cards and line them up and say, "These are the problems. And these are where you need to be. And maybe we can find another card in here that shows us how to get there." And that usually helps me out. I'm not really glossing over any of the negatives, but instead I'm trying to help them find a solution. Does that make sense to you? R :)

Lee	05 Aug 2002
Personally, I feel that a lot of it has to do with how we, the reader, looks at the negative cards. It might be a question of degree. If the Tower comes up, does it mean that there will be a cataclysmic disaster in the querent's life? Or could it be some very minor disaster, like you will lose the 14-page document you typed at work and will have to stay late at the office one night to retype it? Or maybe the querent has a mental attitude of expecting disasters, which might eventually result in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or maybe the querent will be struck by a flash of insight. I believe that if you keep in mind all the possibilities that can be inherent in each card, and try not to look at "negative" cards from a doom-laden perspective, you'll find that you will be able to give interpretations to the querent which are much more valuable than the something-bad-will-happen-to-you variety. I recently bought a divination deck by Titania Hardie, and it has this excellent advice: "My own experience with reading cards is that you must be very much in control of them; in other words, you are directing your cards, and they are your tool, not the other way around. For this reason, you need to tell your cards exactly what you want from them and determine what clear meaning you will give to them each time you see them in a particular pattern... once your cards are directed by your wishes, they will become individualized and respond to you personally." In other words, if you look for doom-laden interpretations, that's what you'll see in the cards; but if you look for empowering and helpful interpretations, then that's what you'll find. Hope this helps -- Lee

Laurel	05 Aug 2002
I commented a week or so back on a different thread (don't remember which one) that the situation you're describing was the hardest part of learning tarot for me personally. To be honest, answers need to be tailored to the querent themselves. People only listen to what they understand. As a reader, we have a two-fold job with tarot: divining the information the cards offer regarding a question/situation and then translating that information to the querent in a way that is helpful and meaningful. Some people want a simple, blunt answer regardless if its positive or negative. Other people need a more gentle approach that offers them the opportunity to reach the same conclusion on their own before the session is over. "Reading the querent" is as much of the art as reading the cards. Laurel

jema	05 Aug 2002
a while back i did a reading for a friend. it was a rather harsh reading but with some positive things in it too. in the talk we had about the card she chose to talk only about the positive aspects and i let her. i felt a bit guilty about it though. but i figured that since she avoided the darkness to such a degree perhaps she just wasn't ready to hear the truth. i did after all give her both light and dark. but i admit - we both glosed over the shadow aspects. and went on with our lives. ... and then reality hit. in a really really bad way. and i can't help but think that yes, i DID see it coming and while i did also warn her we both closed our eyes and avoided it. she made her mistakes, she chose to see only the options she wanted to - and i let her. i could have told her flat out that these cards are warnings. maybe she still would have gone and done the wrong choices but at least i would not have been feeling this bad about it. i saw it coming and yet didn't want to put out that happy light in her eyes then. now, she is a strong women and she will rise again. she just got a big slap in the face from life and she probably learnt from it. what i want to say is that in her case - those negative cards were the light! had we payed close attention to them a lot could have been different today. or maybe i am deluding myself. but it is hard seeing a friend throwing away so much for so little just cause we chose to close our eyes to the consequenses of a bad choice. i sure learnt a lesson, to not gloss over and make light of heavy cards. my intuitionand the cards screamed at me that day and i didn't want to hear it. none of us did.

Jenny-Li	05 Aug 2002
Everything has two sides, back and front, light and dark, problem and solution. I don't do much of readings for others, I have promised to do my first non-anonymous reading now, but that will still be on-line. So my experience is kind of limited. However: I always go for the solution, how to handle the situation. If you get the Tower, focus on the rebuilding that the querent will be able to do afterwards, building on truth this time, not fragile lies. If you get Death, you focus on rebirth - for something to be born again it does have to die first. Always focus on how to handle the situation, whether it's a good one or a "bad" one. Focus on what can be learned and gained from the situation. There is always a way to remain strong, if you just have a clue on how to do it. The reading can't change anything, it can only give the strength and consciousness to handle a situation. That's what you can do. Not alter energies, or give a rosier view, that way the querent will just end up being unprepared anyway, when that lightning strikes anyway...! It is a tricky one, and I wish you all the best in sorting it out! Light and love, Jenny :)

The Wanting the cards to come out 'right' thread was originally posted on 05 Aug 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.