Relationship spreads and breach of privacy...

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 22 Sep 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

pentunen	22 Sep 2002
I've noticed that in almost every relationship spread, there's at least one card that pertains to the other person in the relationship - how they feel about the relationship, the influences they're under, the agenda they have. However, I remember reading somewhere that it's not a good idea to do a reading on someone else without asking. Asking for information about a person's situation, thoughts, feelings, and possible future without their permission could be considered a breach of privacy. So I'm wondering about the morality of relationship-related readings. On the one hand, a querent is entitled to advice from the Tarot regarding their relationship, if they desire it. And since relationships involve two people, it's kind of hard to get any insight on one without gaining some kind of knowledge of the other person's situation. On the other hand, asking questions about the other person without their consent (which is not unlikely) could be considered invading their right to privacy. Any opinions at all would be very much appreciated :) - LittleCub, still searching

Mojo	22 Sep 2002
Ugh... this discussion again. Reading Tarot is not like reading someone's mail or their personal papers. No matter how good of a Tarot reader you are, you're still only looking at pictures on cards and telling a story about them. Period. This is in no way an invasion of anyone's privacy, nor does it have anything to do with morals, ethics, community standards, personal integrity, or any other such measure of one's ability to choose between right and wrong. Anyone who insists otherwise is giving Tarot much more credit than it deserves and taking themselves way too seriously.

MeeWah	22 Sep 2002
Pentunen: What comes up within the context of a relationship reading (or any reading) for a client can be seen as information intended for that person. I have done general readings with a Celtic Cross that inadvertently produced relationship information (or otherwise addressed an area that the client did not expect). Ditto for spreads not intended for relationship readings. As to whether doing second-party readings is ethical--that is a controversial subject on which there are some strong feelings. Some see it as intrusive or a breach of privacy; others see it as fair game. The appropriateness is a matter that is needs to be determined by the individual reader. Perhaps the larger issue is the intent or the purpose of gaining such information, which is subject to interpretation. Ultimately, it may be what is done with it on the part of the client that may matter.

Laurel	22 Sep 2002
I can only speak for myself. I treat a tarot reading like a counseling session; the matters spoken of between the querent and myself are private and personal. We talk about the people involved in their lives, for good and ill, in a private setting. I don't talk about the reading and what's discussed there beyond the tarot session. I give my impressions of the situation, but make it clear that I'm not a psychic or clairovoyant and that ultimately they have to decide for themselves what is useful and what is not. The decisions they make, based on the reading, are their own. I don't consider a querent discussing their personal lives with me as a breach of anyone's privacy. The only breach would be if I gossipped about or slandered someone due to what querents told me or what I interpretted cards to say. Laurel

Alex	22 Sep 2002
but from another perspective. Given that the interpretation of cards IS a subjective endeavour, I see as unethical to read cards that pertain feelings/thoughts of a person that is not present to stand up for himself/herself. However, what comes up in a relationship reading is something of another kind: how the querrent is mirroring the behavior of a third person. Or better saying, how the third person impacts the querent, including unconscious material. I would avoid making comments like "your husband has an affair" or "aha, it seems that your boyfriend does not love you", even if the cards tempted me to do so. I would simply say: "this card represents the feeling you have of being betrayed" or "your boyfriend's behavior causes you to feel unloved by him". I think it's a matter of how to put things and that they have to be understood from the querent's perspective and used to the querent's sole benefit, while respecting third parties rights to defend themselves. Alex. Quote: Originally posted by pentunen So I'm wondering about the morality of relationship-related readings.

WillieHewes	23 Sep 2002
It's like gossiping (sp?). Perhaps not the most noble of activities, but it plays an important role in creating and upholding social structures. Spreading cards about someone who's absent is gossiping with cards. It's up to your own conscious whether you think that's acceptable or not. If not, you can always treat suggestions by the cards as indications of your own perception of that person, as suggested by Alex.

napaea	23 Sep 2002
i have to throw in that i agree with MeeWah and Alex on this. as the reader, you have to determine the situation. wisdom and discretion are necessary. when a card comes up in a general or relationship reading, i think it is best to talk about how this person is impacting the querent. again with alex, it's all in the wording. apply the knowledge or information to the queren't life. i don't think that doing a third person reading is ok. but i think what we are talking about here is, what do you do when you get information about a third party? in one reading, i got some information about a woman in the querent's life. i thought it was a sister, so asked if she had one. yes. then i told her what i saw: it would help your relationship if you spent some extra time with your sis before you move out of state. this was NOT the subject of the reading, but it came up, and i don't see it as an invasion of the sister's privacy, i felt it came up because the sister WANTED my client to know how important she was to the sister. anyway, i think you have to trust your own instinct.

sparrowspirit	23 Sep 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Mojo Ugh... this discussion again. No matter how good of a Tarot reader you are, you're still only looking at pictures on cards and telling a story about them. Period. (Snip, snip) Anyone who insists otherwise is giving Tarot much more credit than it deserves and taking themselves way too seriously. Hi Mojo, I am new to Tarot, and am attempting to learn about the imagery and symbolism. I have only done one reading (for myself), since beginning this adventure. I am not sure where I will go with this study, and for now, I am content with intellectual and spiritual exploration. However, I am also fascinated with learning about how "reading" works. There is much talk about synchronicity, which is where I currently am in my understanding. I also believe that certain people have more developed "psychic" gifts, and therefore could use the cards as a jump-off point. But I am not sure that I understand what you are saying about your philosophy of reading. Do you use the cards for readings? If so, what is your theory about how it works? How do you approach a reading? If there are some other threads here which you think would be helpful, I would appreciate your opinion. Thanks in advance for helping a "newbie". Sparrow

Mojo	24 Sep 2002
Sparrow So that I don't hijack this thread, I will respond to you in a new thread. See the thread titled "Mojo's Tarot for Skeptics"

The Relationship spreads and breach of privacy... thread was originally posted on 22 Sep 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.