Visceral reactions during a reading!

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 19 Sep 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

MattDouglas	19 Sep 2002
I suppose this could be a subcategory of the "rapport with decks" post, though I think it's different enough to have it's own. Normally when I read my intuitions come in the form of ideas, pictures in my mind, etc; sort of like the proverbial cartoon lightbulb going off in my head. And of course there is the sensing of emotions (usually "negative" emotions, sadness, depression, insecurity, repressed sexuality, etc) that the other person is trying to hide; of course, I often pick up on this without needing to do a reading. Every now and then however, I get strong physical sensations when doing a reading. I'll never forget these rare occurences. The first was about six months ago. I won't bother giving the spread or much other info just in case this person or someone who knows then browses through here on a off chance. However, I was able to see in the cards that this woman had been raped. Once I put it together I got a sharp stabbing pain in what would be my vagina were I a woman. All my stomach muscles tightened. We had enough distance from others to talk privately, but we were in a large crowd. I thought I best not to state my insight directly. I did however state that I could she had been through a lot of tough times and that it was far more than just rololing witht he punches of life. I told her she probably felt alone, and would think no one would understand her, and even if they did she didn't really want to talk about the issue for fear that it would open up a much bigger can of worms. All this she said I was dead accurate on, but she showed very little emotion; hell, she was close to flat affect. Afterwards, when I got a chance to talk to her privately again, I told her that it was some pretty powerful stuff that appeared, and that if she ever needed to talk I'd be there and that I'd been through some pretty nasty stuuf myself (which is true, let's just sayu my grandfather was a sick bastard; fortunately for me, I've sought therapy and have read much on the subject). Nonehteless, I certainly thought the odds on a woman choosing to talk about such things at first to a man was pretty slim, and I certainly can't blame her for that one. I really don't know if she sought help or not. I can only hope and pray. The second time was a little over a month ago. This reading however didn't point out a specific incident but rather a general condition of being smothered. It was like this person weas just cut off from themselves and completely just going through the motions in life (I realize we all do this to some extent from time to time, but this person seemed to be in such a state continually). When I told her this and other things I was seeing she'd just slightly smile and say "Okay." I even then said "which mean you might want to try to assert yourself, you may find that people still like you and you don't always have to follow others expectations, and you don't have to just say 'okay' to what other people say". This got the same "okay" response. During this whole time I felt a constricting feeling in my solar plexus and just below my navel, which I am guessing to be associated with the 2ndand 3rd chakra. I thought in this situation it might be less volitile and I could try, a little more however indirectly. I drew her a picture of the Chariot from the Thoth deck (she's a cancer), but I did the drawing mostly in yellow and orange (with a little green in the background). I gave it to her later on, and told that I was quite concerned that some of her energies were blocked and that I thought this would help. (very likely might not, but better to try something then just wonder what I could have done). She tried to tell me maybe I should just give it to another "cancer person", and I responded that I just felt she was meant to have it and that I have learned to trust my intuitions (and it's true that I felt like this was something should and almost had to do, despite how far-fetched it seems). I didn't know fully what to make of this second visceral reaction. Oddly, I have about 20 decks and these both occured using the same deck which each time they chose. The deck is Shapeshifter Tarot. I had never really read the book to it, but after this second time (I hadn't done any reading with that one in between), I decided it was time to read the both. And upon reading it I felt it rather ironic that this was the deck where this had occured. I talked about this with a friend who I consider a spiritual teacher. I mentioned that I have seen similar if not the same things in the cards before, but only in these situations did these visceral reactions occur. He listened to my stories and made a very insightful observation. He said that you had these sensations and yet both these people seem pretty unemotional about the whole thing. He said maybe I was feeling it for them because for some reason they couldn't. I can't prove this by any conventional means, but I feel he really hit the nail on the head. It's always tough when I think about these situations. I'm apsychology major and hope to be a therapist one day.I know that I'll always have to remember fhat some people just don't want help no matter how much they may need it, especially when I become a therpist. Nonetheless, I do wish there was more I could do and it's always somewhat painful to see people in what I see as denial. Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone else out there has had this happen to them during a reading. Thanks forreading such a long post. Love, understanding, and compassion, Matt

Umbrae	19 Sep 2002
Starr the Searcher once said, “Not everybody is meant to learn”. You cannot please everyone; you cannot soothe everyone. However part of being human, is to try. Denial is a genetic phenomenon that allows us to retain our safe view of an ordinary world in the presence of magic or horror. To some it is necessary. To others, they are waiting for you to knock on the door and ask if they’d like to come outside and play. And yes, it happens from time to time that get a physical 'feeling'.

Laurel	19 Sep 2002
It sounds those visceral experiences have come when you've seen inside your querent's "little black boxes" and experienced all their repressed trauma. Like Umbrae said, we can only help those who want us to help them and imo, people who chose to keep their little black boxes tightly closed have a right to do so. The best we can do is offer them kindness and acceptance and hope they are capable of returning it. Take very, very, very good care of yourself. Its easy to feel rejected when querents or whoever rebuff us. And be sure that if *you* ever need someone to listen and care, there are people at AT and elsewhere there for you. Laurel

MattDouglas	19 Sep 2002
Thank you, Umbrae and Laurel! It's great to know that there are other people who simply understand what I'm talking about without looking for rational behaviorist explanations for it. Yes, there are occasionally those who do want to come outside and play; the spiritual teacher I mentined is one of them. I know a few others, but still very few. If only one of them could be a woman who was about my age and single and attracted to me. But , I digress, just fantasizing a little. Anyways, I have to admit that though the subject matter is often dark, I love finding out such things. It's not because I want some sort of power over them, and even if I did tarot readings really don't work to do that; it aint like you can blackmail someone with info gleaned from a reading since most people wont accept tarot to begin with. However, when I do reading it allows me to often have a conversation with the querent about something real and meaningful, which is in short supply in this jumble of superficial relationships that we politely call society. I'm not trying to scare anybody, however such fear is often a by-product, of deep intimatye meaningful conversation, and often the person does not want to go back in the water. But I guess I'd rather knock on the door and have it not answered than wondering what would happen if I just passed by the house. I've found that people often don't want to listen to your ideas unless the see you as an authority figure. I want to help people (hey, I'm Sun in Leo, Moon in Pisces; yes I do have a bit of a rescuer complex), and at first it might seem that if people would see me in a more authoritative way, then they would be far more likely to take my self-perceived good advice. However, even if my ideas can help them greatly, such and attitude on their part will render my ideas completely useless. Although they may completely agree with what I'm saying, if they are that susceptible from such influence then such ideas won't stick with them, when they leave the card table andget barraged with all the other messages from the world, which they then take in with no more thought. I enjoy being around those who think for themselves and I wish however hopelessly that I could find a way to get people to do. I know this sounds contradictory, I'm making such a statement intentionally. Again, thanks for understanding! Love, understanding, and compoassion, Matt

Alissa	20 Sep 2002
Your post reminded me of something napaea said recently, that she was doing a past life reading and could sense the feeling of her throat being cut. I've never had quite the reaction you describe, so I'm afraid I can't offer much more than Laurel's advice to take good care of yourself too, especially after a nasty rebuff reaction to an obivously powerful reading.

MeeWah	20 Sep 2002
Matt: You have a gift, one that will undoubtedly assist you in your calling. I have inadvertently received impressions or images from people, not necessarily clients, of current or past life that have included traumas such as domestic violence, rape, death by drowning, suicide, murder, even at the stake. On the rare occasions there are physical sensations, they usually make me physically ill. How I approach the subject depends on the individual & the circumstances of our encounter. I do not think 'tis necessary to reveal such information every time. At times, it may be an insight to further the individual understanding; information to hold for another time or the means to encourage the person to talk, to encourage the seeking of appropriate help. With one man who admitted to a struggle with depression, I knew it was in part connected to a childhood incident with rape; an alcoholic who contemplated suicide many times. Although outwardly an intelligent, sensitive extrovert & happy with his partner, subsequent encounters revealed the relationship was marked by violent fights when he drank; also when his insecurities with the relationship surfaced. He finally realized he hit bottom when his drinking threatened his job & his partner left him. Fortunately, he enrolled himself in a substance abuse program & is slowly rebuilding his life.

Alissa	21 Sep 2002
This isn't quite as visceral, Matt, but I've been reading palm all day today and burst into tears while reading one woman's hand. "Your innocence was violated, shattered ... " The sexual violence done against her will was so strong it just made me burst without a thought into tears. I just aologized, but she very much appreciated the remark. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "You're absolutely right." That strong of a reaction is rare for me, but I find it rewarding as well as difficult. I had to spend a moment or 2 several times afterwards to expel that energy I tapped into. It really shook me deep. But by releasing it back into the Universe, it wasn't absorbed (if that makes sense) by myself. Can you send the energy back out, release the traumas when you hit on them? peace love and light, alissa

MattDouglas	22 Sep 2002
Well Alissa.... I wouldn't say I think about it in those terms but I think I understand what you mean. I suppose the way I look at it is that all are experiences are part of us, but they are not all of who we are, nor do they take away our free will and dominate our future development (unless we let them, whether that be conscious or subconscious). So I like to try an let the experience ( in this case, picking up on another's trauma) be, and experience it fully, and them let myself be oplen to the next one. I'm not saying I don't get "trapped in my mind", sometimes I do. I consider rememberance of this yet another experience and perhaps I need to be aware of it, and then try to be open to whatevr comes next in life. granted this is easier said then done, but I feel that sometimes I do manage it successfully. I hope this answers your question. Love, understanding, and compassion, Matt

Alex	22 Sep 2002
description of something you might have studied, as a psychology major, by the name of "projective identification". Even though, well... it also depends on what definition of "projective identification" you're working with... Just don't broadcast these things to your advisors and colleagues because it might cost you your degree. Quote: Originally posted by MattDouglas I talked about this with a friend who I consider a spiritual teacher. I mentioned that I have seen similar if not the same things in the cards before, but only in these situations did these visceral reactions occur. He listened to my stories and made a very insightful observation. He said that you had these sensations and yet both these people seem pretty unemotional about the whole thing. He said maybe I was feeling it for them because for some reason they couldn't. I can't prove this by any conventional means, but I feel he really hit the nail on the head. It's always tough when I think about these situations. I'm apsychology major and hope to be a therapist one day.I know that I'll always have to remember fhat some people just don't want help no matter how much they may need it, especially when I become a therpist. Nonetheless, I do wish there was more I could do and it's always somewhat painful to see people in what I see as denial. Matt

The Visceral reactions during a reading! thread was originally posted on 19 Sep 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.