Breaking Bad News

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 01 Nov 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

dangerdork	01 Nov 2002
As I've discussed in other threads, I've done public readings for strangers a couple times in the last week - the second and third time I've ever done this. I feel like I'm definitely more comfortable doing readings in this context now (although I still am really only comfortable with the Celtic Cross when working with strangers - with friends, I'm ok with other spreads cuz they don't mind if I consult my notes). The issue on which I would like to hear other perspectives is this: How do you handle giving clients bad news? Last night, there were a couple readings in particular, both very attractive young ladies who were obviously troubled. One had a sad story (I just lost my apartment, I'm dating a jerk...) and had a so-so reading, but the position 6 card (near future) was the Devil. I had to impress on her that she needed to BE CAREFUL of giving in to temptations and self destructive behaviors. The other was more vague about her concerns, but said she had questions about health and money. She had several bad cards, 5 of swords, five of pentacles, but her #10 (Outcome) card was the 3 of swords. What do you say to somebody??? After reviewing the spread at length, I said, OK, I'm going to throw a couple clarification cards and ask what will help you get through this difficult time. The cards were the Princess of Wands and the Prince of Swords. She knew immediately who these people were and brightened up a lot. I fell like maybe having the reading helped her think through some of her issues. I tried my best to give good advice beyond the cards and to be supportive. Still, I hate it when they cry.

Umbrae	01 Nov 2002
Dude, great thread. How do you deliver bad news? With tact. Remember, each card means nothing by itself…context is the key. Even if you take a one-card spread…three of swords…it carries a positive aspect, and that is context. So the first person with the devil…”The devil reminds us not to be a slave to fallacy, sure drugs and drink are fun – but it is easy to be enslaved by their use – Jobs, it is easy to become married to our jobs. Hey – Did ya see “Fight Club”? As Tyler Derdan said, “You are not your Khaki’s”. A slave to fashion. You are not your job. You are not your addiction. You are not ‘what you do in private’. However, believing that you are…that IS The Devil. We are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.” The woman with the Three of Swords as outcome? WHAT A GREAT OUTCOME CARD! DUDE IT ROCKS! Look, here is what you say, “Hope is not dead, it is merely leaking. Yes, it is about pain, and the idea of pain. This card is about putting ourselves into positions where we blame others for our actions. However, it does not last long. It is a card about accepting losses, regrouping, and moving on. Unless we are prone to creating our own repetitive errors. Each card has a positive aspect...it just takes a while reading for others to find them.

dangerdork	01 Nov 2002
Umbrae: Thanks for taking the time to go into a little depth for me. I DO try to put a positive spin on things whenever possible, because I feel strongly that the cards are not as much about predicting the future as about examining the directions we are heading. I think no matter how bad the cards and patterns are, you can make the experience positive by offering support, advice, encouragement, etc. But I've also found, with myself, my friends, and with strangers, that if you are going through difficult times the cards will always reflect that. It's hard enough to offer advice and encouragement to a stranger, but to someone who is obviously going through traumatic events, and then the cards say, "yep, here is a miserable person having a hard time." I think I'm pretty good at being sensitive, supportive, encourging, etc. It's just that initial moment when you have to look at one of those bad cards and tell them its major meaning. I LOVE how you said "hope is not dead, it is merely leaking." That's excellent. But I do believe that sometimes the cards reflect the unvarnished truth, that sometimes a bd card IS a bad card, and I've learned to trust my intuitions in those situations. I've had the experience several times now that people with serious problems, when seeing those problems reflected accurately by the cards, just kind of lose it. Maybe it's good for them. Maybe the tarot is providing a necessary cathrtic experience in those cases. Sometimes when things are bad you NEED to cry.... I thought I did good when I pulled the clarification cards, calling them "these cards are what can help you get through this difficult time" and they were both people (and in fact she thought one of them was herself - I thought a very positive sign). What do you think - do you think I handled that part well? I think it's the idea of situations like this that make some folks nervous about taking the step of reding for strangers. Just like I won't lie about what I think a card means, I won't lie here either - it can be very unpleasant to see that deeply into the personal life and struggles of someone you've never met before. But it can also be intensely rewarding to be able to give them some reassurance that they are in control of their destiny, that someone understands and cares. Those are a bunch of my opinions and perspectives - but you certainly be more experienced than I in these things - I'd love to hear more of your insights.

meatbox666	01 Nov 2002
I sure hope the lady with the health problems was not waiting for an HIV test result with that three of swords as an outcome. I would just tell them. Tell them what you see. Hopefully you are right and......wrong.

Mojo	01 Nov 2002
Oh Umbrae, you're such a goody two-shoes! Always looking for the good. I'm so glad I'm here to balance you out. (for the humor-impared, don't fret. I adore Umbrae and would never pick on him seriously) I never hesitate to pass on the bad news as well as the good. I'm just the messenger. If a spread is really depressing, I'll go into my roadmap speech and show them how changing some of the background cards (i.e. by self-reversing the actions they are referring to), how the outcome could be likewise changed. And I've also found that a lot of people come to a Tarot reader in order to confirm whatever horror they've been expecting. So hearing the bad news actually makes them feel validated. I always say, "give the people what they want" when it comes to Tarot. You have to read the person and use your intuition, but you can often figure out which ones want to be coddled and which ones want to be validated.

The Breaking Bad News thread was originally posted on 01 Nov 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.