Coming Out of the Closet

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 27 Nov 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

divinerguy	27 Nov 2002
On Thursday, American Aeclectians (Did I say that right?) will be celebrating a holiday called, "Thanksgiving." (Thanksgiving link - http://www.holidays.net/thanksgiving/ ) On this day, families get together to celebrate. As will sometimes happen, people will use the opportunity to make announcements. As is also traditional with holidays, this will often lead to another American tradition called, "the holiday argument." Has anyone used Thanksgiving as a way to let family know about your love of the Tarot? Is anyone planning to do so this Thursday?

Jenny-Li	27 Nov 2002
Well, being a Swede I don't celebrate Thanksgiving, at least not the American way (we generally use other holidays to uphold the "holiday argument"-tradition though...). I will sort of be "coming out" this weekend though, for other reasons. It's my Mum's birthday (on Thursday actually... only we celebrate it during the weekend) and I'm giving her a Tarot deck and a beginner's book for present. That will more or less automatically lead to certain discussions. Holiday argument? Well that remains to be seen, I don't think so, but who knows? How about yourself? Are you coming out this Thanksgiving, or have you already left the closet...? *curious!* Light and love, Jenny :)

cjtarot	27 Nov 2002
Hi all, I have always had at least 1 foot out of the closet... my imediate family knows I read cards (my great grandma did-playing cards..so mom says), but last summer at our "Family Picknick" I took my card for the hell of it.. Boy was I surprised when my uncle asked me to read for him..AND I NAILED IT...what a great feeling.. Families are supposed to accept you (they may ask you not to read for them - it spooks some people), I hope all of yours does. Jenny-Li, have fun at the birthday party.. Blessings all Cj

Rhiannon	27 Nov 2002
I've pretty much already done it. But it was during Christmas shopping, so does that sort of count? No argument ensued. Here's what happened: My mom was looking at necklaces to get for my daughter to play dress up with. They were really pretty beaded things, but they had these HUGE gold filigree crosses on them. She laughed and said "That's a bit much, don't you think?" and I laughed too and said "Um, yeah mom! PLEASE don't get her any crosses... I'm a pagan!" No argument, just laughing about the necklace. The already know that I read tarot, I always show her my new decks. I think she might still think that I'm going through a "phase", but she's always been pretty understanding, so I'm sure it won't be a problem. So, there's at least one happy, no-argument story for you! R :)

Bings	27 Nov 2002
My in-laws are the ones I haven't come out to yet. My mother-in-law and I just do not get along at all!!! Tarot would just be another thing that she could put down if she knew I was interested in it. So I have kept quiet around them. Tarot wouldn't lead to a family arguement... just a lot of hidden insults and nasty gossip. Dianne

Woof	27 Nov 2002
I don't plan on "coming out of the closet". There is no need for announcement. I don't do anything to hide it, nor will I. but there are people in my family who wouldn't appreciate Tarot so why bother? Why waste my time and energy on trying make an issue where there is none? I have a deck on my Amazon.com wish list and anyone who wants can access my list can see my interests. My family ranges from the type who would think Tarot is nuts/evil, to mildly amusing, to those who would think it's juvinile. I get the same reaction from them regarding the fact that I have 2 dogs, 2 rabbits, 2 rats, a guinea pig, 90+ orchids, and like Scandinavian and world music. Those who truly love me will love me. Woof

lunalafey	27 Nov 2002
Gosh, I don't have a closet.....I have made no advertisement of my interests, I don't hide them either. When someone 'witnesses' something like a book, or a astro cart I'm looking at, or overhearing me tell a friend about a spread I did, etc. When that happens they want me to 'read' them. MY mom was the one who's comment I could have gone without. I was actually suprised that she would 'snub' such a thing considering her 'spiritual' outlook. But what she said really was not all that bad. Well, at least to me, because I understand where she is coming from.

Kiama	27 Nov 2002
Last year at Christmas dinner, I wa inevitably forced to tell my grandparents all the gifts I had recieved... there were quite a few Tarot decks, so I could't really exclude them, and ended up having to tell the grandparents all about my love of Tarot. I don't think I have stared at my turkey as much in my entire life... Anywhere but ther eyes was where I wanted to be looking at that point, and I was expecting a rant about how Tarot is evil... But they just listened to what I had to say, looked at my decks, and asked me questions about Tarot... So, no arguments there, but it was scary nonetheless. Kiama

Sea Sprite	27 Nov 2002
I don't plan on "coming out of the closet". There is no need for announcement. I don't do anything to hide it, nor will I. but there are people in my family who wouldn't appreciate Tarot so why bother? Why waste my time and energy on trying make an issue where there is none? my sentiments exactly! :D

Laurel	27 Nov 2002
My family is getting together for Christmas. I'm spending Thanksgiving deliberately alone and eating nachos and root beer floats and being personally thankful that I've got a four day weekend and no social plans so I can write. :) My family has known for a long time that I love the tarot. They tolerate it as they tolerate my other "eccentricities". I don't particularly look forward to dealing with my ex-boyfriend/father of my child during the holidays because he's conservative and has the magical/spiritual aspirations of a brick. Unfortunately its inescapable. After the death of his father, and my mother several years ago, our remaining parents married EACH OTHER!!! In other words, my mother-in-law is the biological mother of my Ex. So any "family affair" invariably includes the both of us, the both of them and our eleven year old daughter (who lives with him). My daughter has no interest whatsoever in tarot or spirituality unlike me at the same age, but does love anime and Egyptology and we bond on those topics whenever possible.

SlyR	27 Nov 2002
I wouldn't consider Tarot to be a "closet" interest. Treat it as you would any other interest, like cooking, golf, ceramics, bodybuilding, whatever. Most people don't just spout out that they're interested in such things, unless it comes up in conversation. You're not talking about a huge life decision, like being gay or converting religions. It is, for most people, simply a diversion.

anjocoxo	27 Nov 2002
I never needed to come out of the closet; my first deck was a gift and I told immediately my parents about it. They just thought that some day that would pass, buy they never had any negative comment about it. This last 3 months I started studying the cards and bying more decks, my fatjer simply said "the way things are in portugal in what comes to jobs, you might as well open a shop and do readings for a living" *lol*. They even ask me to do readings for them. In what comes to my grandparents, my mother parents know and tehy were interested in it, my fathers parents don't know b/c we never talked about it. And that's basically it. I am very fortunate with the family I have :D Anjo

Jewel	27 Nov 2002
Like many here I really did not have a tarot closet. My bookshelves were lined with tarot books and decks and sets ... Packages from Amazon and Tarot Garden arriving almost weekly ... sort of hard to hide even if I would have wanted to *LOL* ... I think what had my mom a bit freaked out was the combination of tarot stuff, vampire novels, and my Millenia Gaia statue *ROFLMAO*. We talked a little about tarot one night, she was wondering what it meant to me ... I told her, that I was fascinated with the art and the study of the symbolism ... I think that eased her concerns. At least I hope it did for her sake. I just have too much stuff to be able to hide it all *LOL*

paradoxx	27 Nov 2002
I would have to say that it has been hard to keep my occultic practices from my parents and loved ones (the three alters in my room and the constant smell of incense are difficult to hide) but for the most part i keep my tarot hobby away from prying eyes for the time being. My father was raised xtian catholic and has some standing ties with that religion, my mother is more concerned that teh decks cost so much, not a concern actaully- i have halted the growth of the collection for now. In general my parents let me do what i want to do because they know that i will not tolerate anything less

Logiatrix	27 Nov 2002
i have found the topic of tarot to be little more than "what Tauni is into", unless someone wants a reading (then it's "Tauni, I need a reading"), which is okay, too. however, i do recall when i first started learning tarot (or maybe i just paid more attention to them then) a lot of horror stories about discrimination, confrontations, and attacks for various involvements with tarot, particularly from family. so, i was careful at first with telling people about my new hobby. i've since found that nobody with whom i associate has trouble with it at all. i have been very fortunate to have such a supportive family, too. in fact, my parents are my best contributors to my collection, because they go abroad fairly often and bring decks back for me! another reason to be thankful this holiday: my wonderful family... :) :) :)

Kath	27 Nov 2002
My first ever tarot deck was given to me as a Christmas present from my brother, so I was never in the closet to start with. My family are supportive, and the only concern my mother has is how much money I'm spending on my ever growing collection :) Back then I just though tarot was a novelity, I changed my mind the day after Christmas when I was giving 'fun' readings and people kept telling me how accurate the information was. I consider myself very luck that I don't have to hide anything from my family, and that they are happy and willing to buy me cards and books for Christmas and birthdays. But this Christmas might be a little different though... I will be visiting my grandparents and family in Budapest, and I have no idea how they feel about tarot. My mun thinks it won't be an issue, but I guess I'll have to play it by ear. The hard part will be deciding what deck to take with me! Needless to say that while I'm in Budapest I have every intention of adding to my tarot collection! ;) Cheers Kath

Eyes of Night	27 Nov 2002
I've never been in the closet. I got my first deck while y mom was with me in the book store. My family is very open, though my brother and sister thought my interest was just a joke. I don't really talk about tarot with anybody, because the subject just never comes up. The friends I've told were fine with it. One of them actually wants to learn, but can't because her parents already thinks she worships satan because she's gothic. I doubt I'm going to tell my mom's family on Christmas about how I've been studying tarot, because I'm only close to one of her brother's family (she has three brothers). I'm closer to my dad's family, and I think some of them already know, but it's not a subject that just pops out. They still think of me as a little kid who can't stay interested in something for more then a week (I'm the third youngest in my generation (he has a lot of brothers and sisters)).

Mystica	27 Nov 2002
SlyR, I dare say you don't speak for "most people" when you say Tarot is "simply a diversion". You are fortunate to be in such a special corner of the world where an interest in Tarot is regarded by those around you to be on the same level as golf, bodybuilding, etc. I have not been so lucky as to be surrounded by such open minded co-workers, neighbors, and friends. DivinerGuy My Thanksgiving celebration this year is very private, just a small, close group, so coming out is not necessary tomorrow. But there are several people I am very close to that don't know about a lot of my interests, and the question of when to "come out" is something I have been considering a lot lately. Interesting thread!

Diana	28 Nov 2002
Quote: Originally posted by paradoxx In general my parents let me do what i want to do because they know that i will not tolerate anything less Well, then your parents can be proud of you. I hope my son will one day say similar words when he is older. I used to rock him to sleep with the reggae song "Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights. Get up, stand up, don't give up the fight." I never hide my beliefs from anyone. If they don't like them, that's their problem, not mine. I have enough problems of my own without taking their narrow-mindedness on my shoulders. I don't know what my parents would have thought of my love of Tarot, because they died before I discovered it. But I think my Dad would have thought I was being my usual unusual self - he had learned to live with that. I think my mother would have started out being rather wary, because she didn't like divination too much. But I'm sure once I had explained the sacred side to it, she would have accepted it, albeit with a bit of difficulty. My in-laws are used to my having different ideas to them, and they have resigned themselves to having me in their family. In fact, I think they even quite like the exotic touch I add to the family reunions. Gives them something to talk about when I'm out of the room. My mother-in-law even asked me for a reading once, but she didn't listen to the advice at all. SlyR: For most Aeclecticians, Tarot is not a diversion, but a way of life. Like being gay, or converting religions.

Teal	28 Nov 2002
Well, I don't worry much about what my mother would think of my interest in tarot. I'm not going to her house for dinner. She's always thought I was teetering on the brink of hell. LOL But I'm 57----turned that yesterday on the 26th and bought myself some books on tarot for my birthday which I'll take to my youngest daughter's with me tomorrow when I go there for dinner along with my favorite deck. My daughter doesn't mind tarot, but her "significant other"'s parents are fundamentalist Christian, so to respect what their feelings might be, I'll keep my books in my bag till I see if they're going to be there. My oldest son is the one who would probably have a fit, but he's not going to be there, so that's not a problem. I can't wait to read for my daughter and her friends in the future. My oldest daughter is also into tarot, as are five of my seven grandkids. My youngest son probably doesn't even know what tarot is, but if he did, he wouldn't care. My friend I'm going to be travelling with is from a Mormon family and I haven't actually brought up tarot with him, but if he doesn't like it, I'll just keep it to myself but I'm not going to stop studying and using my decks and books. I hope that in time, the attitudes about tarot will become more accepting. Why is it considered an occult practice when it's got roots in Christianity and Jewish beliefs? I consider it the next step I was led to on my spiritual path, and there's nothing to fear from it like so many believe.

allibee	28 Nov 2002
Quote: Originally posted by SlyR You're not talking about a huge life decision, like being gay or converting religions. It is, for most people, simply a diversion. Sheesh, make up your mind please! Quote: originally posted by SlyR intolerance rant thread: This very forum exists for the sake of a "book" that was compiled by mere humans that somehow manages to offer sacred counsel. It's called the Tarot. How can you possibly say in one breath that Tarot offers sacred counsel, and in another that its just a diversion, of no more import than cookery or golf? allibee

Jeanette	28 Nov 2002
Everybody in my family knows I read Tarot cards, and a lot ask for readings. Especially at family gatherings! We have a lot of fun with it, some take it seriously and some don't. My sister reads Tarot, too, but she doesn't have as much time to devote to study because she is busy with her little boy. So, we just have to have our "Holiday Argument" tradition carried on with other stuff! :) Happily our arguments are few and far between, and we haven't had a BIG one in a long time (OH NO~does this mean we're due for one???) Blessings to everyone......

lawguy51	28 Nov 2002
I'm too old to care what anybody thinks about anything I choose to do. I don't have a closet. But I can appreciate why some of you are in one.

Kaz	28 Nov 2002
what closet? i dont ever hide what i believe in, so that includes the cards. if peeps dont like it, too bad, not my problem. even though i am in a very christian area here, nobody has ever bothered me about it. so i guess i am lucky compared to others on this board. kaz

Cerulean	28 Nov 2002
The fact that tarot decks are part of a collection depends on if the families are used to card collection and books with pictures as a hobby. In times of togetherness---at least in my family/friends gatherings---there's not time to read by myself or pass long periods of time without socializing. The exception is children who are of school-age and have to do an assigned school text reading. The only time that I'm left to myself in gatherings is when everyone else is watching sports and I've finished helping in the kitchen or playing with the kids. That I pull out a small deck of cards and write notes is no more than a passing glance from the mother/wife---she is looking in the newspaper or online for a movie or comparison shopping. Well, tarot as a card game might be regarded as just a solitary exercise and I know that I will be interrupted at family gatherings. I don't think anyone but the elderly or the very young is curious about the pictures---the elderly use it as a starting point for conversation. The very young want to share picture book stories or their own card decks (Pokemon, movie, baseball). But then again, the tarots that I bring to family gatherings are usually quite elaborately costumed. I'm also likely to give to others as gifts picture books, decks of animal pictures, postcard/stationery stickers, art supplies, so people think it's just an extension of what I'm about. They are more curious and suspicious when I tell them I write poetry. %)

VGimlet	28 Nov 2002
My mother-in-law knows I'm into tarot - they live next door, so it would be hard for her not to, LOL. I haven't really made an issue of it with my brother-in-law and his family. I think I might casually mention that I've done a few readings for my sister recently, and they turned out well, and see if they express any interest. If so, I can walk over and get them in a minute. I wouldn't mind more people to practice on. If they don't like it - I won't read for them. :D Of course, since I've been doing it since I was a kid, my side of the family knows all about it, it's just one of those things I do, like play the piano.

SlyR	28 Nov 2002
"How can you possibly say in one breath that Tarot offers sacred counsel, and in another that its just a diversion, of no more import than cookery or golf?" I said that -for most people- it's a diversion, like daily horoscopes or biorhythms. For the minority, of which we are a part, it's a very serious pursuit. When I made that comment, I was speaking for the type of people you would likely be addressing when confessing an interest in Tarot. I love playing Poker. I feel that it taps into a vital part of the American spirit, and that it keeps me in touch with my competitive, masculine essence, much in the same way hunting or football would for someone else. But to most people, it's just a game. No skin off my back. Btw, I didn't say it in one breath. The two comments you refer to were spread over two different threads and a couple of weeks. They are, in any case, equally sincere. You and I may take Tarot seriously. Others wouldn't, which is why I claim that most people wouldn't react very negatively. It would be like telling someone you're a Trekkie (oops, "Trekker."). Not for most, but not entirely revolting either. Just something that might inspire little more than an "oh, really" and a change of subject. To whoever said I was blessed to be surrounded by people who tolerate it: Yes, I agree. In fact, it was my mother who bought me my first deck when I was 10.

allibee	28 Nov 2002
SlyR, it was Vianne who originally posted that Quote: originally posted by Vianne SlyR, I dare say you don't speak for "most people" when you say Tarot is "simply a diversion"......You are fortunate to be in such a special corner of the world where an interest in Tarot is regarded by those around you to be on the same level as golf, bodybuilding, etc. I have not been so lucky as to be surrounded by such open minded co-workers, neighbors, and friends. If you consider that the huge majority of Tarot readers take Tarot very seriously, and the huge majority that are sitters take Tarot seriously, and another big sector - for fundamental reasons - are so seriously against Tarot..... that in fact leaves a very small minority who are able to see Tarot as simply a diversion. allibee

SlyR	28 Nov 2002
How do you know? The way I see it, telephone psychic readers wouldn't be such a thriving industry if it weren't for the fact that millions of consumers are open-minded enough to try a Tarot experience. Companies offering such services don't bet the bank on a very small minority.

Keslynn	29 Nov 2002
I'm still firmly in my closet and I can't forsee coming out of it anytime soon. I'm a Christian, as are my parents, but I no longer share the exact same beliefs. It was hard enough to intimate that. I've been sort of leaving books about astrology and other occult topics around. They were not happy about my interest in astrology so I'm assuming they would not be happy about tarot. In fact, I got the smaller I Gatti deck to frame and hang in my living room. My mom was okay with that, but then she said, "but I hope you're not getting into that tarot stuff." I took that as my clue that I should keep it to myself. The good thing is that I live on my own and can pretty much do what I want all the time. I just squirrel away all my tarot stuff when my parents comes to visit. Most of my friends are aware of my interest, but they're still pretty distant about it. I do have one friend, though, who likes to have me do readings for her. That's always a nice bonding experience. :) Kes

Kiama	29 Nov 2002
Just to add: Apart from my granparents and famiy members I hardly ever se now, I am not in hte closet. My parents have been aware of my interest in Tarot ever since I bega nat the age of 9. They never really gt bothered, but never really encouraged me either... It wan't until I was 17 that Mum really started showing interest, but not in an active way... I'd come home from a shopping trip, with yet ANOTHER deck ;) and she'd ask which one it was and have a look, and sigh and say 'Stop spending so much money!' My Dad never really says anything about it, though I have sat in the same room as him whilst doing readings and looking throuhg cards etc.. . It used to be (When I was still living at home) that of an evening, it would be me, Mum, and Dad sitting in hte lounge... Mum knitting, Dad watching TV, me Tarot-ing! Now, both my parents think its good that I have found something I can really focus on, and something I am good at and ove... THey are proud of me cuz I am a professional reader (Finally!), and are proud that I am writing reviews of decks and putting my addiction to good use... Kiama

The Coming Out of the Closet thread was originally posted on 27 Nov 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.