How to leave your ego at the door.

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 13 Nov 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

lawguy51	13 Nov 2002
Here's a topic I haven't seen so far. I'm curious how each of you deal with your ego when giving readings. Case in point. As many of you know, I've been volunteering readings in the Reading Exchange. And I haven't hestitated in doing general readings for members who I know nothing about and posting very specific readings where I wait and see how accurate or off base I'm going to be. Maybe it's beginner's luck or maybe I'm a quick learner or maybe I have some talent or all or some of the above, but I've had a series of successful readings and favourable feedback. Also, in real time, I've surprised friends and family with their readings. And I'm thinking that maybe I felt TOO good about it. Proud. A couple of days ago I did a reading for Aenox and I really thought I had a handle on the meaning of the reading, and without knowing anything about her, I was pretty sure that she was a creative artist of some kind and it turned out she was a student. And although she still thought it was a good reading and was able to relate to the cards, just factually a bit off base, I was disappointed that I had missed what was really going on. Which made me think, on the one hand, come on, give yourself a break, you've been doing this seriously for all of a month or so. On the other hand, I couldn't help feeling that I had broken a string of successful readings. Which led me to examing what my motivation was. Am I trying to help people or am I trying to prove how intuitive I am? So then I wondered how the rest of you feel about this. How do you feel when you 'miss'? How do you feel when you 'nail' a reading? I know what your answers will be. This isn't baseball. No one is keeping score. You do the best you can. You leave your ego at the door. But how do those of you who give readings deal with your own egos. How does a good reading make you feel? How does a reading that fails to resonate with the querant make you feel? What do you tell yourself? Lawguy51

Keslynn	14 Nov 2002
I'm a Leo so I can talk plenty about ego. ;) I'm mostly kidding. Actually tarot is one of those things that I'm sort of strangely shy about. I'll actively volunteer to do readings for people because I love to help and can use the practice. However, every time I spread out those cards, my mind is wondering "will it work this time?" Thankfully, it has so far. The readings have pleasantly surprised me every single time so far with both their depth and accuracy. This is not to deny that I get a thrill when I lay out the cards and they're perfectly accurate or that I feel powerful for being able to interpret them. There's no reason that you shouldn't, honestly. Why do something if you don't enjoy it to some degree? But at the same time I try to keep the teaching/helping aspect in my mind. This is someone else's life I'm reading about. Not to mention, I always have this lingering fear that it won't work this time. Don't feel bummed if your reading was a little off (one detail?). If your querent was happy, then it was a good and successful reading. It's okay to have pride in your work, as long as it doesn't bleed into arrogance or pomposity. That would just make any reading environment spectacularly uncomfortable. Oh yes, random note, the only times a reading hasn't really "worked" was because I read wrong. The message was clearly there in the cards. I just didn't see it at the time. :) Kes

Teal	14 Nov 2002
Well, I don't think you were necessarily wrong in thinking this person was an artistic type. When I first went to college I had no idea where my real talents lay, even though I was almost 40 and thought I knew. As it turned out, my greatest gifts were in the arts! You could have knocked me over with a feather. So just because this person doesn't consider herself an artist doesn't mean she isn't. You still were probably right in your reading. Only time will tell, and it can take a lot of time for certain things to "come out in the wash" to use an old saying. Also, nothing is ever perfect and you won't always be as right----sometimes you'll hit clinkers for one reason or another-----but the important thing is that it sounds like you're right on most of the time. What more could a person want? Good going!

zander770	14 Nov 2002
. . . what you're saying, of course! i had to take a break; an "exile" from reading, for a few years, because i was "getting so very good" (truely! lots of people experience this: they begin getting Very Psychic. this "tarotholic phrase" tossed about, sometimes, is R.E.A.L., folks). i would say that my "problem," now that i'm reading publicly, again, is the ole "giving of bad news," esp to people whom i (think i) know! but . . . as reader's we ARE "bound by ethics," and . . ."they asked for it," right? right! "leat," to you, lawman! ~Z~770 })

bec	14 Nov 2002
yea I can relate to the ego thing - hardest thing in the world is modesty and being humble if you are not brought up that way. How do I feel when a reading is a homerun ? darn proud, no one can say or do anything negative that day. A bad reading ? dead downer depressingly disapointed I tell you. One bad reading can steel my confidence in the next 2 or 3 readings I am doing, even if they are dead on all of them. My motivation is - hmm- what is my motivation..... I guess it deepest down has something to do with this "save-the-world" syndrom, I *like*! very much to be the one people go to talk with, I like the idea of becoming an ancient old wise lady :) I am searching for that ego that only do readings for own purposes, and you know what ? I really dont think a person like that would be able to do readings with tarot, unless (s)he is this evil by nature caracter trying to rule the world :D Reading for others after just a month is what ? brave and courageous, your self confidence has no flause. Want to test your self in your abilities, do up-date readings for the ones you have already read for - that will show you. My believe is as I have written in a numerous amount of posts :D it is easier to read for a complete stranger at a distance, than it is to read someone you know sitting next to you. Why? Easy - stranger at a distance, you can do a very brought reading and still hit homerun, cause when it comes down to it, our problems, feelings, and main avents in life are very alike. When you know them, deeper details of them, a past reading to look back on, then your theames will be narrowed down to facts of only one person. That is my opinion anywhoo :)

Teal	14 Nov 2002
"(truely! lots of people experience this: they begin getting Very Psychic." Does reading tarot really make one "very psychic" as you say there? It seems to me like I'm getting somewhat psychic, but at my age, I was wondering whether it's tarot or my senility creeping up on me. (just kidding about the senility) But really------does it bring with it more psychic ability?

kreleia	14 Nov 2002
I'm so brand-new to tarot reading that I'm still nervous about it. :D The thing is, all of the readings I've done so far have been really successful. I do my best not to let myself start thinking "Yeah, I'm good." because, the heavens know, I'm not even close to doing big complicated readings yet. The thing I try to do is keep my mind open to the meanings of the cards and how the interpretation all ties together. I really don't focus on whether or not *I'm* the one who's good at it, because, after all, it's the cards that are doing the telling, not me. I'm just telling the person what the cards mean. I suppose that, so far, this has been easier for me since I let the person draw the cards (small 1-suit 5-card readings lend to that nicely ;) ). Still, I would bet that just focusing on the fact that the cards are doing the talking, rather than you, would help some. I hope I'm not being *too* literal. :) kreleia

zander770	14 Nov 2002
Quote: [does reading tarot really make one "very psychic" as you say there? it seems to me like i'm getting somewhat psychic, but at my age, i was wondering whether it's tarot or my senility creeping up on me. [/b] ha! no, really: you ("some") begin feeling as if you're being "bomb-barted" w/these . . . "insights," just while walking down main street, as it were! now, i am not saying that that happened to me (it didn't, exactly; i am referring to others; some good friends). my "self-imposed exile" was do more to "personalities in a certain local group), altho, i DO feel very much more "open" to "things," when activly practicing tarot; am attuned to astrology. that's for damn sure! ~Z~770 })

allibee	14 Nov 2002
Hi Lawguy, I have been watching your readings with some interest since I came on the forum and hoped you'd read for me some day as your insights and interpretation are very good - I couldn't believe it when you said you'd only been doing it for a month! But naturally we all have off days/off readings especially in the case of impersonal internet readings as there is noone there to stop you going up a certain path once you've started. With some immediate input in the form of interactive feedback, the reading could have followed a different path. I don't think your ego got the better of you at all, just maybe the question needed defining more thoroughly for the reasons stated above. It does make you feel 'great' when a reading comes together, but is this ego? or a sense of accomplishment and partnership? I think it would only be ego if it made you feel smug or superior. I am guilty of that - I'll admit it - right at the beginning, but that was down to personal reasons, like saying to my family : see, I'm not a loser, or a waster, I can do something, I can do something noone else you know can. But that didn't last long, thankfully, now I just feel happy when someone goes away with a clearer picture, and a more positive attitude. Like I've helped someone. So, you have to ask if your motives are altruistic, to see whether its an ego thing or not. Does a reading fail? Only if you've been given the wrong or no info, and surely that could not happen in a face to face setting, because it is interactive. I tell my sitters that their reading is for their guidance not mine, I'm not doing a mediumistic reading, and to get the maximum out of their reading, that they should be as interactive as possible. If you are doing a 'blind' general reading over the net, you can't expect the same results, and you will get the odd failure. The failure being a lack of focus, not failure of your abilities. I trust I make myself obscure, lol allibee :D (I love sitters..... but I couldn't eat a whole one !) P.S. Next time you're taking offers for sitters, please put me down ;)

Umbrae	14 Nov 2002
You may want to hunt down some posts for background information before continuing. Find (in Talking Tarot) Umbrae asks; why do you read (by Talisman), Toothpick Reading in Divination, and Reading for Others in the Text section. Issues with ego are related to why do you read. On one hand, if you believe that Tarot is 78 pieces of cardboard with fixed archetypal meanings ascribed to them – and that when you sit with a client, you are speaking in open-ended statements that they colour themselves…if you believe that you are a sidewalk charlatan…(and there is nothing wrong with that – the world needs you – we need you) then ego plays an important role in your reading abilities. On the other hand, when you read, is there a process – a something more than 78 pieces of cardboard going on? Then you best learn to bury your ego…and quick. Ego has a way of turning on you in this realm. On one hand, there is an ability to read. On the other, there is a skill. They are different. It is important that one determines which do you use and why. It is not so important if you only read for yourself and your pet. But once you read for another, check your ego at the door – it is the lives of others we are discussing – not 78 slips of paper products with ink upon them. How do we leave our ego at the door? Remember this: If we read for others – It is not about us (or me), it is all about them. It is about knowing already who I am, and what I am about, and why I read, and why I exist…so that I know…It is all about them. Then…there is no ego. What was it written upon the lentil of the Oracle of Delphi? Know thyself

dangerdork	14 Nov 2002
Quote: Originally posted by Umbrae What was it written upon the lentil of the Oracle of Delphi? Know thyself [/b] LOL Umbrae - I think that's lintel... unless the Oracle wrote on beans... My consideraable ego is kept in check when reading cards because although I do trust my intuitions, I am probably the most skeptical person you'll find reading tarot. I don't consider myself to be psychic at all... but I have no doubt that the cards are right WAY to often to ascribe to coincidence... So my take is, maybe they ARE just pieces of cardboard, but something is going on there... although I have trained myself to observe it, I don't take credit for it.

Jenny-Li	14 Nov 2002
Well... Maybe it's because I'm still just learning, but I always take a bad reading as a little... snap at my ego for getting too cocky! And for getting too close, the ego I mean, when I do the reading...! I did my first "live-readings" a few weeks ago, that is the first face-to-face-readings, and I sucked SO bad! I mentioned to Jema how bad it went, and that I thought it was because I was SO nervous, and she told me a trick to step out of ME and just become an almost anonymous The Reader-character. I haven't dared do any more live-readings since, but what she said made a lot of sense to me. The trick is to leave your outer self (or Ego) completely OUT of it, because it has really nothing to do with any of it. So when I do a good reading (I've made some of those too...! :D) I try to remember (or rather: I try to remind my Ego...) that it really wasn't me, it was the Universe, reading through me, and instead of pride I feel... wonder and joy, for being able to channel that incredible energy though... little old me...!! :) And the pattern I have seen when it comes to my good and my "bad" readings were the extent to which I have "connected" and let go of the Outer Me. The good readings are the ones where I just go ahead and do it, without really paying any attention to the worldly me, except for borrowing my worldly eyes to look at the cards, and my worldly hand to write down what I see. Dunno if this made any sense...! Light and love, Jenny :)

Mojo	14 Nov 2002
As the forum's most outspoken admitted Tarot charlatan (sorry Umbrae, I don't do sidewalks... can I be a coffeehouse charlatan instead?), I shudder at the very thought of trying to detach your ego from your readings. When someone pays me for a reading, they are expecting something for their money. I think most of my clients fully expect a little razzle-dazzle, a little mystery, and a whole lot of confidently expressed prognostication. If I were to approach a reading apologetically or in some way infer that I didn't 100% believe in what I was telling them, I would be doing them a great dis-service. What if I'm wrong? That's easy, I'm never wrong! Even when what I tell them isn't true, I'm not wrong. This is showbiz. My clients get their moneys worth and they leave with something to think about. So how can that be wrong? The actual answers you give them are secondary to their memories of the experience.

lawguy51	14 Nov 2002
Well, I've just read the thread and what a cornucopia of opinion. And I learned something from each of you. Allibee, look out for my next offer, usually posted on Fridays. Would be happy to oblige. Umbrae: I did read the "why do you read" thread. You gave me a "B" on my answer, which unfortunately, was very good for my ego! :cool: I know that when I lose myself, hovering over a spread, the story becomes most clear. Even when I start diving into my books for shades of meaning, my focus is on the answer. But when I start typing the reading, when I see the assumptions I am making, then the ego tends to seep back in. And when I get that return post, and I've made a positive impact, yes I am happy, happy that I've maybe made a little bit of difference, happy that I didn't disappoint, and yes, happy that the reading was successful. Ego gets a bad rap. It is acknowledgement of self. Yes, leave it at the door during a reading, but at some point in the process, self assessment is required, and that's when you let it back in for a moment. The danger is if you depend on your ego to make you happy, because, the ego can never be truly happy, can never make any of us truly happy. Well, that is, imho. Lawguy51

Sea Sprite	14 Nov 2002
I have to agree with Jenny Li that the ego is not responsible for the reading, its the Universe and you are just the vessel. I also think that Aenox may very well be a creative artist, she's just not aware of it yet. Re: motivation; you're doing the readings for practice and that's how one hones his/her skills. Its like school; you study all term long on a subject and you take the test and get a good grade. This pleases you because you've worked hard and this good grade is a sign that you're on your way to becoming proficient in that subject. Being pleased with your performance is not ego. Now after passing that test and you don't prepare for the next one, then you fail it, well, didn't you deserve that F?! Failing to give a reading that resonates with the readee could be due to a number of reasons other than your inability to read accurately. Maybe the readee is not open and blocking it; the Universe does not want the info dispensed; the readee just isn't aware that the reading is accurate yet. Yes, the ego can also be the reason. JMHO :)

DeLani	16 Nov 2002
Well, I suppose this sounds like I have a huge ego...but here goes. When I do the occasional reading where the querent (even me) doesn't seem to understand, or it seems "wrong," I assume that that is because the Q hasn't realized it yet. Maybe this situation or whatever hasn't fully materialized; maybe it is something they are refusing to see. I don't think I'm psychic, just very empathic. When I sit down to do a reading, I have COMPLETE FAITH in my intuition. Otherwise, why not just lay out cards with words on them? This faith in my intuition is also faith in the universe/collective unconscious. So it's not *me* that's so accurate, it's that I can tap into something that is both within and outside of me. Like looking through a window. Perhaps the words I use to describe what I see aren't as clear as they could be sometimes; doesn't change what's there. Does that make sense?

Cerulean	16 Nov 2002
I attended a lecture by an author who was new to me on tarot topics. He was showing some excellent spreads, one being a choice/outcome spread (outcome A to the left; situation in the middle; outcome B on the right). I asked if he was ever given feedback from a client whether A or B or whether a combination of the choices was going to be acted upon. He said that most people in his experience actually knew what they wanted to do or had made up their mind---what he provided was additional reassurance or confirmation or another take on the topic. In other words, this is something the client has been thinking about and is about to act on anyway. Does that help--for you to feel that perhaps what you provided was another thoughtful reflection on a topic the client was interested in? Of course those who enjoy the storytelling entertainment reading might be more likely to regard it as one does a poem or story or interesting drawing/portrait/cartoon interaction---and so the ego does have a play in that outcome. I think that might be different than the original question---but that is just my take. Best wishes, Mari H.

dangerdork	18 Nov 2002
Quote: Originally posted by DeLani I don't think I'm psychic, just very empathic. When I sit down to do a reading, I have COMPLETE FAITH in my intuition. Otherwise, why not just lay out cards with words on them? This faith in my intuition is also faith in the universe/collective unconscious. So it's not *me* that's so accurate, it's that I can tap into something that is both within and outside of me. Like looking through a window. Perhaps the words I use to describe what I see aren't as clear as they could be sometimes; doesn't change what's there. Does that make sense? Makes TOTAL sense DeLani, that's just how I perceive it. You expressed that very well I thought

The How to leave your ego at the door. thread was originally posted on 13 Nov 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.