Avoiding "Bad" News?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 06 Dec 2002, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Macavity	06 Dec 2002
MANY years ago - in the 1950's (sic) my mother had a tarot reading when she was first married. From what she says, she must have asked the reader something along the lines of "How many children will I have?". The reader joyously told here there would be TWO children, but then *immediately* corrected herself to say that there would be perhaps ONE child. As that point the reader looked rather anxious/embarrased at her "mistake", but proceeded to document more mundane possibilities. Sadly a few years later, my mother DID loose a child - which would have been a younger sister to me. Don't worry it is MANY years ago and my mother has long since passed away. But the thought occurs to me: As part of the learning process, I would like to have some readings done for ME! :) But it also occurs to me - If there were things respecting my own life that I'd rather *NOT* know about would it be wise to avoid readings? Could this be discussed beforehand? I have to admit to being a sceptic, but have the somewhat uneasy feeling that perhaps my mother was dealing with a genuine psychic? ;) Mac

Kissa	07 Dec 2002
Hi Macavity, If you decide to go for a reading, I'd suppose both that 1) you are going to a real psychic 2) you are ready to take whatever comes from him/her. I don't know what is the readers'/psychics' policy about telling ALL the truth (I hope you'll get answers from experienced readers from this site and I can imagine that there are different opinions on that hot subject) but as Umbrae said in one his thread about The Process, it is YOUR reading, you have to be active about it (it's not all the psychic's work, it's your life) and tarot cards are a mirror held in front of you to help you see things in yourself that you wouldn't be able to see without the reading. My conclusion is : if you cannot handle the mirror yet or deal with what you see in it, wait until you feel you are strong enough. Pardon me for using Umbrae's words out of their original text but I hope not, out of context. Check threads (ordered from the oldest to the newest) : http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?threadid=9409 http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?threadid=9501 http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?threadid=9586 to learn more about one reader's policy and the process of a reading. Hope this helped, Kissa PS : Love your signature. As "Kissa" means "cat" in finnish, I thought for one second you might have discovered my little secret ;-)

Macavity	07 Dec 2002
Thanks Kissa - Interesting reading. I think it's a question perhaps more of ethics. I don't fully know the answer - which is probably as good as THE answer. To maybe put some minds at rest, I KNOW I have a small finite chance of sudden death from a managed condition - perhaps greater than for the average person of my age? But not such an uncommon (sic) problem and presumably so for *many* Querents. As for genuine psychic abilities, well I guess it's a double edged sword (as much for the bearer of these as for anyone else) As may have been illustrated? Perhaps for those so invested, some detachment comes as part of "the package", though doubtless with the usual human limitations... Perhaps it behoves us all to be honest with ourselves about our *own* abilities. (For me it's not difficult! ;)) I might indeed be one to ASK this. As an amusing aside, I have only done a couple of tentative reading for myself. In both cases (to my mind) the cards fell little short of inferring the tarot equivalent of a "lottery win"? :) Sad to report this wasn't the immediate *practical* consequence. As one professional reader wryly remarks on his website if (that) knowledge were possible he wouldn't be scratching out an uncertain living indulging his passion for Tarot. I do subscribe to the benefits of positive thinking as similarly to detriment of a "self-fulfilling" negative prophesy... Mac Ah, "kissa = cat". Interesting how we end up with almost the same word in so many languages. Perhaps another instance of the obvious - At least from a feline perspective? Our secret is safe! :D

Alex	07 Dec 2002
instances when people, upon claiming psychic abilities, predicted things that happened otherwise, for me and others I know. There's a chance of influencing as well. If you think/know you have a small chance of a sudden death and someone "reads" that on you, it might have an effect on your condition, as to make you even more worried about it and perhaps more prone to a sudden death ;=) Psychic powers appart (I'm not known to have any) I can tell people's health problems years before any symptom manifests. Don't know how, but my guess is, there are external cues in people's outlooks that can be subconsciously registered and associated with known maladies by the brains of some of us. I never say a thing, for it's usually someone I don't know well and who hasn't asked me any question. Don't know how I would behave if the situation was/had been different and I'd been requested an advice: "may be you should get yourself a mamogram" when I'm asked for advice on a rel. problem? On the other hand I keep asking myself, may be some would be better off if I'd said what I'd seen, three years ago? May be. I have no answers for you, sorry. Alex.

Macavity	08 Dec 2002
Kinda puts a whole new slant on the supposed Psychic's Greeting: "You're fine, How am I?" ;) I seem to remember an interesting speculation that e.g. Dolphins can tell (via sonar) when a woman is pregnant. There's no keeping SOME secrets - At least (for me) this latter won't be a problem! :D Mac P.S. Dare I add: A notice on a seaside shopfront: "Madame Sosostris (Psychic) - Closed due to UNFORSEEN circumstances!" })

Royal Cat	08 Dec 2002
If you don't feel like hearing the "bad stuff" then why not just tell them that? Ask the reader to tell you only the "good stuff" and to gloss over or ignore the negative. Since it's YOUR reading and you are the one paying for it then you should have control in this matter. Obviously, life isn't always rosy and sweet, but sometimes all we want to eat is the chocolate and to push the broccoli to the side of the plate. Just my 2 cents. running and ducking for cover now. :| Cat

truthsayer	08 Dec 2002
it's been my experience that just b/c someone says s/he wants to hear the truth doesn't mean that person isn't into denial about what s/he really wants to hear. maybe there is a difficult situation going on and the person needs hope that things will improve. a negative reading will only increase the sense of depression and hopelessness experienced. if a reading is too negative, the person will eventually stop hearing what you have to tell. what i do in one of these difficult readings is that i try to balance the negative aspects with options. i engage the person in the reading and ask if what i said was understood. if the only the negative side is understood, i spend a little more time explaining options to the situations. a lot like being a counselor. ;) another thing i emphasize is that the future is not set and what i'm seeing a possible future. the person has the option of rejecting what i say is happening and choose another option. free will is an important thing for someone being crushed by an difficult situation needs to be made aware. often s/he comes in with the idea that the future is predestined and can't be changed. i don't want to be blamed if what i said to a suggestible person led to some bad happening that could be avoided. for example, if a person comes in that i recognize as a potentially suicidal then i tell the truth about what the person is currently feeling but i look deeply into the cards to find hope. i don't see it as my role to continue adding burdens to a person who is already struggling. i offer suggestions and places to go. i give "homework" the person can reasonably do to take control of destiny once again. however, if this is a situation that someone is hanging on to a relationship that has gone sour, i tell the truth and suggest that holding on to what might have been is preventing him/her from receiving new gifts and taking these lessons to a new level in the present. i try to temper questions about new relationships with balance b/c i know the q wants me to give as rosy a report as s/he is feeling. i would not lie about the good things i saw but i would add that it's important to be conscious of the possibility the other is not perfect in order to ease any later pain or disappointments. just a thought. :)

isthmus nekoi	08 Dec 2002
waga hai wa neko de aru ;) But to address the original question, certainly you should be able to discuss your feelings towards the reading beforehand! I think when questioning the ethical side of how much you should reveal in a reading... it all depends on the specifics. There are no hard and fast rules.

Keslynn	08 Dec 2002
I'm a "tough love" kinda person. I firmly believe that bad news should be presented to people when it can be used for personal development. I have had plenty of readings that gave me messages that were hard for me to digest (especially when they punctured my fragile Leo ego), but those were really messages that I needed to hear. Bad news can be broken in such a way that it's useful. The only exception I might make is if the person was deeply depressed and just looking for a strand of hope. In that case, the bad news would be broken in a very gentle way. Though I think it still should be at least hinted at, or the querent might feel betrayed later when the hope doesn't come as soon as the reader had said. :) Kes

paradoxx	10 Dec 2002
It seems that the closer the person is to you the better teh psychic reading for obvious reasons. but it is the familiarity with the psi waves that is most important. I give readings to my friends and co workers (they are usually silent about the issues, and my readings only go so far due to my lack of knowledge and awareness). If the questions are too complicated card after card call to be drawn (I even use multiple decks for equal distribution of energy on more than one occasion). But without me knowing something more my intuition is my limit (and intuition can be pretty vauge sometimes, othertimes frightening) When getting a reading (tarot, oracle, palmistry, psycyic, etc. . . of any kind) prepare to place some input into the psychics reading abilities and guide them a little bit for what you are looking for to achieve maximum output of insight unless you recieve backlash from teh psychic, it will probably turn out for the best.

Alex	10 Dec 2002
there is a right TIME to say the important things. any earlear, any latter, won't make a difference. Someone said once, every single truth on earth has become a platitude in our modern times, aand this one is no different. But what can we do? Truth ought to be spoken "when it's the right time" to speak the truth. Alex.

Trogon	11 Dec 2002
This thread has made me reflect a little bit on just how I address the issue of some of the unpleasant things that can come out during a Tarot reading. I would say that, for that reason alone, this is a good posting... thanks Macavity. I haven't done very many readings where there has been a lot of "bad" news in the cards. But I did learn early on, that when I'm doing a reading for someone for the first time, I need to have a little discussion with them about the "process" of a Tarot reading. One of the things I mention is that a Tarot reading can be personal and sometimes upsetting. During this discussion I usually get a feeling for what the person is both looking for and how deep they might want to go into any negative issues that might come up. I did learn this the hard way... doing a reading for a friend where some rather unpleasant things from their past came up and they weren't quite prepared for it. She might have been a little more ready for it if I'd had my little discussion with her first. In the end, though, she was still grateful for what came out and the end result of the reading. It did end up being a rather long session though...

The Avoiding "Bad" News? thread was originally posted on 06 Dec 2002 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.