blank pieces of white paper

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 21 Jan 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

mrsjvan	21 Jan 2003
Hi all, I have a question for you. I have recently been working really hard on being more intuitive when doing my readings. (i admit I have relied more heavily on books that I would like) and an odd thing has begun to happen. When I read for others it has been coming along pretty well, I can look at the cards and see the story and get a feel for the reading, BUT when I read for myself I may as well be looking at a bunch of white pieces of paper. It's like there's nothing there that makes any sense. What am I doing wrong?Is it possible i'm too closed to readings about myself? I don't feel like I am. And when I look in the books I get a sort of "aha" thing going, Like why didn't I see that in the first place. But for some reason I can't. Sometimes I just get so frustrated I just put the cards away and say forget it. When I do that though, I just feel yucky inside. I know some people don't do readings for themselves but I really don't have a lot of people to practice on around here and I like to use my cards. Besides, I use them for insight into my life to look at things in a different way. Any ideas would be appreciated. I'm starting to get frustrated and I'm afraid that may just make matters worse, you know, like test anxiety.

Umbrae	21 Jan 2003
Hunt down a post called “The Blank Spot” http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=10772 This also may help: http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=8599 …Somplace else in the process posts are references to dealing with the “nothingness” and flashes. You are on the cusp of something very cool…keep working at not working at it… I expect a PM when ‘it’ happens…and you’ll know what I mean when it does…

Alex	21 Jan 2003
There have been some recent threads about reading for oneself where people have expressed the same. I think it's just normal. Alex. Quote: Originally posted by mrsjvan It's like there's nothing there that makes any sense. What am I doing wrong?Is it possible i'm too closed to readings about myself? I don't feel like I am. And when I look in the books I get a sort of "aha" thing going, Like why didn't I see that in the first place. But for some reason I can't. Sometimes I just get so frustrated I just put the cards away and say forget it. When I do that though, I just feel yucky inside.

Umbrae	22 Jan 2003
I had to come back to this after some thought. We have been taught, that we must study – gather information – learn – so that we ‘know the answers’. We are surrounded by the whole culture of ‘know the answer’ (Left-Brain Approach). There is nothing wrong with this approach. Sometimes when you lay down the cards, the Right-Brain asks for stillness…you inner being asks for peace…to hear that which speaks without a voice. Well the Left-Brain goes ape! What does it mean What did the book say what did that other book say what was that thread online you know this what is the answer did Thirteen write about this card I know Polllack and Greer covered it what about Kliegman ohmygawdIcannotremember… …and it snowballs. Those inner voices (the committee) become like the battery toy that just keeps on going… Meanwhile the Right-Brain is waiting patiently… So we sit quiet (like that wacko guy on Aeclectic tells us to do…is he a guy?) and the left brain is still ticking along. It’s like the old trick of, “Think of anything except Pink Elephants!” In “Toothpicks” I mentioned about ‘feeling the wood’…there is a reason…to still the beast… I once asked folks to ‘smell the deck’…there was a reason…to still the beast… So before you spread the cards and read…what do you do, to still the beast, that is the committee, that is your own brain working against you? Oh…and when frustration really kicks in…like it is with you now, which is why I chose to answer in this way at this time… It means that doors are about to open, the cocoon is about to pop… Why don’t you head out and buy a box of toothpicks today – they are very inexpensive…

Cerulean	22 Jan 2003
While I posted this for opinions in another post, I was thinking what if you did a color block study of a favorite deck? Here's a sample of an interesting design: http://www.trigono.com/tarots/tarocco-dei-colori.htm After you see the scans, do you think this design too simple? The Tower being such a rain of colors, the Chariot being someone trying to control two different horses and palettes of colors...does this interest you? Once, when analyzing the ukiyoe tarot, I did a color pencil and then watercolor palette of five major archana cards and then collage color samples. Would working with a tarot, does such analysis of color associations help? For the Ukiyoe, it was actually a sophisticated palette, so I quit after five designs. Other samples of this deck are on Alidastore.com and Tarotgarden, with buying information. A review on Wicce's formerly public page can be viewed if you go to the 'cached' version (www.wicce.com/deicolori.html) Happy colors,

Keslynn	22 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Umbrae So before you spread the cards and read…what do you do, to still the beast, that is the committee, that is your own brain working against you? Oh…and when frustration really kicks in…like it is with you now, which is why I chose to answer in this way at this time… It means that doors are about to open, the cocoon is about to pop… Why don’t you head out and buy a box of toothpicks today – they are very inexpensive… Thank you so much for this post, Umbrae. I've been having the same problem, and I thought it was just because I was too close to the situation. But honestly, I can't make heads or tails of any readings for myself. Guess I'll have to let go... Thanks. :) Kes

Umbrae	22 Jan 2003
This thread got me thinking, and then I got on a roll…and sort went off. Here is what it became… http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=10916

mrsjvan	23 Jan 2003
Ok, I've got my toothpicks. I'm at work though so I can't work with them right now. I'll keep you posted :) I did a reading for happiness last night without using books at all. It's posted in reading exchange. I'm workin on it. :p

Hummingbird	26 Jan 2003
I have never been able to read for myself. i repeat, NEVER!!!

mrsjvan	26 Jan 2003
well, I'm so excited. The toothpicks work. I looked at those damn thing for days before I could see anything. Just about the time I decided that either a. I just can't do or b. Umbae is more than a little loopy, I started getting it. I've now done a few readings without books for myself and it was so different. I turned over the cards and instead of thinking about what they "should" mean, I thought about what they "did" mean to me. It's hard to explain. But, it's really just a different way of going at it. Seems like a small difference but it's huge. I'm just hoping I can keep doing it. lol Have a great day all.

DarkChild	27 Jan 2003
the toothpicks are realy very hard to get, i think, i stoped doing them a few days ago, because they just weren't "clicking" but now i think ill go back to them...ill do it until i get!!! anyway... thats great that you finally got it!!

mrsjvan	27 Jan 2003
Oddly enough, it wasn't until I was super tired that I was able to do it. I was breathing so slowly and deeply, I wasn't sure I was breathing at all. Actually I was so tired I wasn't sure I was awake at all. lol (it had been a really long couple of days). Anyway, my eyes had gone blurry and I couldn't really see the individual toothpicks and was about to go to bed. That's when I started to get it. I was just so relaxed and too tired to think about a whole lot, so it was like my mind was wide open just to receive. Then it was there. So, maybe you just need to exhaust yourself and try again, lol. Good luck, I can't say it's easy, cause it isn't but it is simple. if that makes sense. I have a feeling I've just taken one itsy bitsy step in the direction of beinga good reader, however I did do a pretty good reading on the superbowl if you want to check out that thread :) luvs to all,

Umbrae	28 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by mrsjvan Oddly enough, it wasn't until I was super tired that I was able to do it… I can't say it's easy, cause it isn't but it is simple. … If it was simple, everyone would be doing it. When you are that tired, the thought process starts shutting down… …And the heart is free. That is what it is about. Tarot, divination, Reiki…you can logic it all you want, add reason, justifications, read all the right books, put on the correct music, make sure the correct color candles are lit. Those things are not of or from the heart. They are trappings designed to trick you into thinking you are ‘in the space’. You have not surrendered to you own spirit. Years back, Baba Ram Dass wrote a book called simply, “Be Here Now”. I think the title says it all. To read toothpicks, or blank pieces of paper, or bones or tarot – and to read them from the heart (and not the head), you need to be in the moment – to truly read from the heart, you need to exist only in the moment. Then toothpicks are easy…your thinking takes a backseat and allows your sprirt, your soul, the real you to come forth. You are not what you think, you are not your compact disk collection, you are not your khakis. You are spirit. Do you want to read from the heart? Baba Ram Dass said, “As long as you have certain desires about how it ought to be you can't see how it is.” And, “The quieter you become the more you can hear.” Shhhhhhhhhhhhh :smoker:

DarkChild	28 Jan 2003
thanks for the advise, ill have to remember that for future refrences...hrm...maybe i should try again right know while i feel very tired and "open," i guess you could say....

mrsjvan	28 Jan 2003
[quote]Originally posted by Umbrae If it was simple, everyone would be doing it. please, please, please do not misunderstand me when I say simple. I don't mean simple in the sense that's it's really easy. I certainly would not say that! Just because I'm making progress doesn't mean I don't have a long way to go. I Know I do. What I meant by simple is uncomplicated. That, like you said, Reiki…you can logic it all you want, add reason, justifications, read all the right books, put on the correct music, make sure the correct color candles are lit. Complicate it. When what you need to do is simplify it. Does that make more sense?

Umbrae	28 Jan 2003
I’m sorry, it was a poor attempt at humor. Simplify is the key to all of this…every bit…simplify.

Diana	16 Feb 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Umbrae When you are that tired, the thought process starts shutting down… …And the heart is free. That is what it is about. Tarot, divination, Reiki…you can logic it all you want, add reason, justifications, read all the right books, put on the correct music, make sure the correct color candles are lit. Those things are not of or from the heart. They are trappings designed to trick you into thinking you are ‘in the space’. You have not surrendered to you own spirit. Years back, Baba Ram Dass wrote a book called simply, “Be Here Now”. I think the title says it all. To read toothpicks, or blank pieces of paper, or bones or tarot – and to read them from the heart (and not the head), you need to be in the moment – to truly read from the heart, you need to exist only in the moment . Then toothpicks are easy…your thinking takes a backseat and allows your sprirt, your soul, the real you to come forth. You are not what you think, you are not your compact disk collection, you are not your khakis. You are spirit. Do you want to read from the heart? Baba Ram Dass said, “As long as you have certain desires about how it ought to be you can't see how it is.” And, “The quieter you become the more you can hear.” Shhhhhhhhhhhhh This is the first time (I think) I've ever taken up so much space to quote a whole post. It took me time to get back to this one - the url has been on my list of "things to get back to" for ages. And this morning, I did. And something moved in my heart. Gently. But it definitely moved. Sometimes, I sit and think "I spend too much time on Aeclectic - I should be doing other things". And then I come along posts like this one, and I know that not a second has been wasted. I know it, because of the tears. Not tears of sadness, or happiness, or sentimental stuff like that. Just tears from the heart. Nay, from the soul. You know, the kind needed for fertilising the soil so that the new seeds can grow beautifully.

The blank pieces of white paper thread was originally posted on 21 Jan 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.