Have you ever feel that you should not read for someone?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 09 Jan 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Eowyn	09 Jan 2003
It had happened twice to me, to deeply feel that I dont have to read for someone. Once, I was like "no, sorry, to tired, head ache" just was an impulse. And the second, to a relative. I refused several times to her. Do you think its right? I mean, you can do whatever you want with yourself, but when it comes to an hability, something that you can even charge to do, maybe I should be strong and confident and do the reading. I really want to get some feedback about this, so please tell me what is your experience about this or what you think.

tarotbear	09 Jan 2003
Here is an argument for 'not charging' for a reading (don't know if you are charging your relatives or not). Some readers DO NOT charge for this reason; they feel the exchange of money makes a 'contract' and they are not willing to enter into a contract for it will require them to read when do not want to. To exchange money states ' I paid you I want my reading NOW!' If your psychism is telling you NOT to read for someone- follow your instincts. I have a sad story to relate on this matter. Many years ago some friends and I were out and another friend was doing readings. He got to one of the group and started the reading several times before saying 'The cards are too aggressive tonight' and put them away. The next day, the person he refused to read for's brother had died in his sleep.

dangerdork	09 Jan 2003
I was at a friend's house, whose identical twin was visiting from California. I had only met the twin briefly, on one occasion years ago, whereas his brother is one of my closest friends. The twin has a deep interest in the esoteric and the occult (which my friend does not particularly share), so we had lots to talk about and liked each other immediately. I promised to give him a reading. That afternoon, I overheard a telephone conversation the stranger was having, and saw that he was going through some deeply troubling times in his life, Tower times, trauma and change and shock. Later, when my friend and his wife had gone to bed, I sat up talking to the brother for a long time. Actually, listening mostly. He confided a lot in me that one would usually only confide in their closest friends, or perhaps in a counselor or tarot reader. The point of the story is, this is a situation where I decided NOT to read his cards. This was a person who was very vulnerable and fragile, and although I WAS comfortable offering a non-judgemental ear to his story, and perhaps a bit of good advice, I felt that the time and circumstance was not appropriate to read the cards. If you read tarot cards to help people, you need to trust your instincts. You should also trust your instincts when they tell you that to best help the person, you must delay or avoid reading their cards. That's what I think, and an experience that exemplifies why I think that way.

Keslynn	09 Jan 2003
I agree with what's been said: if you don't feel comfortable reading for a certain person or in a specific situation, then don't do it! Not only will you be sparing yourself, but chances are, if you do give them a reading despite your doubts, it won't be of the same quality as your other readings. I know that I can't fully concentrate when my intuition is telling me I shouldn't be doing something. Usually I have no problems doing readings for my ex-boyfriend. We're friends but I will admit to some lingering feelings. I drew the line when he asked me to read about him and some girl he liked. I knew that I didn't want to know what would happen, and second, that I wouldn't be able to give an unbiased reading. I felt bad for refusing at first, but now I don't feel bad about not reading for people or about certain questions. :) Kes

jema	09 Jan 2003
i tried for two years to do a reading for my aunt. but nope, can't be done. she is a bit disappointed i think but i just can't make heads or tails from the cards. me and my aunt are really close, we are very much alike and she is also interested in the esoteric but with a bit more new-age twist then me. when i lay down the cards for her i only get the cards i want her to have. wishful thinking. like i am trying to protect her in some way. so i decided to give up. however, she does have a deck on her own and i will ask her to do a spread for herself and then i can perhaps help her out with what the cards mean, sort of give her a lil push to interpret her own cards. as for refusing to read and taking money - i really don't see a problem there. i always let the client pay after the reading and if i can't do it i won't charge them. not that i do a lot of paid readings.

Eowyn	09 Jan 2003
mmmhh. thank you all. Im tranquil now that I know is something quite natural to feel. Regards

bec	09 Jan 2003
and I disregarded it once and never again will i do that. One person, my youngest brother, he always asks me "read my cards" and that is just one thing I will never do for him. I cant explain why and I have come to terms that I dont need to either. It is my right to say no. The person I had this feeling with too, I thought, what the heck - if she wants it so badly. I should have listend to my intuition, leave her cards alone !!- when I interpretated her cards out loud for her, she screamed, "that is my dead grandma talking!!" that was so creepy and unexplainable NOT good, 5 years ago,and for some reason my skin still crawls when thinking of it. Always trust your intuition on this, it dont matter what others say - do what FEELS RIGHT.

Teranar	09 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by bec One person, my youngest brother, he always asks me "read my cards" People at my school ask me that all the time, so recently I got a deck of regular playing cards and whenever they ask me hey, man, read my cards! I pull out the regular playing cards, shuffle, deal 5 cards each and act completely natural. :P They usually are not entertained. But all that is a result of the one time I did a reading when something inside me said no, danger. I thought it was some inner fear because she was jewish and I didn't know her opinions on it. She told me she had 2 guys that liked her and she asked which one was better. I delt the cards, a small spread I made up on the spot for each guy (I make spreads up on the spot a lot) and then I started talking, quietly, then loudly, and then yelling like one of those fire and brimstone baptist preachers (The kind of preachers who yell their sermons, which are usually about hell) becuase one guy I absolutely hated just off the reading, the other guy I recommended from the reading. Well, the guy I hated from the reading at first was sweet to her... then it turns out he just wanted to do someone before he moved, and my 'scary' tarot reading left her unconciously cautious around him and she caught him trying to use the 'date rape' drug. The next day the other guy called her... when she next went to school she told everyone and their mother about the reading, then the guys, then what happened... And here I am a year and a half later and people remember I DO read tarot, but get mad when I try to charge (I'm poor!) and want proof if I really read things... (Sighs a big sigh)

Mojo	09 Jan 2003
You guys are just determined to hit all of my hot buttons this week, aren't you? I cannot understand a Tarot reader turning away someone who comes with cash in hand wanting a reading. Makes no sense whatsoever. There is no news so bad that it can't be delivered creatively. There is no message that the cards can serve up which taints the reader. A friend of mine just rang me up this week to tell me he went to a reader who operates at a local bar and she laid out the cards and then told him she wouldn't read for him and didn't give him any explanation. I find this totally unacceptable and any explanation which can be offered up for it is pure poppycock in my opinion. Finding reasons not to read for a paying client is a cop out as far as I'm concerned.

DeLani	09 Jan 2003
I understand Mojo's POV. But I also know that part of being a reader (at least for me), is being a counselor, and sometimes the feelings that I get from people are my own intuition warning me. It's not that I think they have some bad news I don't want to deliver - it's something else (believe me, I can and do deliver bad news when necessary). For example, when I was in Jr. High, just learning the cards, I would read for anyone. One boy wanted a reading, and I just didn't feel right about it. I kept putting him off and he kept pestering me till I finally gave in. After the reading he proceeded to tell the whole school I was a Satanist, channeling demons, etc. I even had a counselor give me a visit. When you live in a place populated with bonafide right-wing nutcases, you have to watch your step. And if Tarot has taught me anything, it's to listen to my intuition. Of course, he wasn't a paying client, just some twerp I went to school with. When I sit at Psychic Fairs, I read anyone who walks up. Part of the job.

Alex	10 Jan 2003
as well would be a good idea? Refusing to read for someone before laying the cards, I guess it is OK; but AFTER the fact could be pretty traumatic. The ex-client-to-be goes home thinking "oh my the reader must have seen my struggle, my death AND God hitting the door at my face afterwards". Good to remember that many people have all kinds of misconceptions about Tarot and an event like that can get people pretty scared. Alex. Quote: Originally posted by Mojo A friend of mine just rang me up this week to tell me he went to a reader who operates at a local bar and she laid out the cards and then told him she wouldn't read for him and didn't give him any explanation. I find this totally unacceptable and any explanation which can be offered up for it is pure poppycock in my opinion.

tarotbear	10 Jan 2003
Delani's story reminds me of an incident a long time ago about Z. Budapest, the only person ever to be arrested for doing a tarot reading. This was during the not-so-long-ago days when tarot was considered witchcraft and strong anti-witchcraft laws were on the books.... Z was contacted to do a reading, and from the first instant she felt that something was not right. Things started going wrong for her in her store. Finally the person came and she heard bells go off, literally. Then she smelled the strong smell of cat poop under her chair. When the client asked why she was so surprised, she replied 'I don't have a cat!'. The client was very insistant, complained about having to make the appointment, etc, etc, so Z finally sat down and reluctantly did the reading. The client then pulled out the fee, along with her badge and arrested Z for reading cards, which was against the law at the time. If your gut reaction says 'don't do a reading' - trust your gut reaction. PS - for the curious - here in Connecticut (USA), the laws against reading cards was not repealed until 1992 - that's 1992 -NOT 1892!

dangerdork	10 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Mojo Finding reasons not to read for a paying client is a cop out as far as I'm concerned. What about reasons not to read for a friend, Mojo?

Mojo	10 Jan 2003
dangerdork Personally, I feel that if you offer readings to someone, you cannot justify reneging on that offer just because you don't like what the cards have to say. As far as not wanting to even lay out the cards for a friend, that is entirely between the two people involved, although if I were your friend and I knew that you did readings for other friends but you wouldn't do one for me, how long do you think I'd still consider you a friend? It's just my nature to do readings anytime, anyplace for anyone. I guess since I'm a total fraud of a Tarot reader, it doesn't matter to me if the cards or the mood is dark or not. I'm just happy to ply my trade and move on.

Eowyn	10 Jan 2003
I agree that you cannot lay the cards, and stand up and say sorry, wont read for you. I think (not telling this is the only truth, just opinion) that when that happens may be because the reader fear something that sees on the layout. I think if you get there, you must finnish what you started, have respect to the querent. I learned that is the first feeling that comes to you that you must hear. So you take your time (probably 2 or 3 seconds) to decide. Its a feeling. Intuition. Im starting to hear it. Also, it is very difficult to understand your own readings. But thats what tarot is about.

dangerdork	10 Jan 2003
I would never lay out the cards and then refuse to tell someone what they said... I was talking more about a matter of timing, especially when it involves someone you care about. There are times when more bad news is the LAST thing someone needs to hear, and if you care about them you'll do what you can to postpone it until they're in a better frame of mind to cope with it. I've done readings for strangers who were at such points in their lives, and those readings were nothing but traumatic experiences for them, and thus for me as well.

tarotbear	10 Jan 2003
I believe the original thrust of this thread was when your gut reaction tells you to NOT read for a particular client PERIOD, before any cards are thrown, not laying them out and then deciding not to read them. Once the cards are thrown, there is no way to change your mind about a reading. Learning to be diplomatic is part of being a reader. Learning to explain something 'not so nice' that is revealed without threatening the Querent or yourself is a craft that has to be learned with time.

Mojo	10 Jan 2003
Quote: [i] There are times when more bad news is the LAST thing someone needs to hear, and if you care about them you'll do what you can to postpone it until they're in a better frame of mind to cope with it [/b] And you are the sole judge of when a person needs to hear things or not? If you told me that you didn't think I needed to hear things right now because you felt that bad news was the "last thing" I needed to hear, you'd be a former friend in an instant. It's quite arrogant of you to make that decision for me. If I asked you for a reading, it's my responsibility how I choose to respond to it. It's not yours to decide whether I can handle it or not. To you this may feel like caring about someone, but to someone under the stress of a situation, this will feel very threatening and judgemental. The road to hell and good intentions and all that....

Hypatia	10 Jan 2003
But if you do tell somebody bad news, aren't you responsible for their actions afterwards, at least to some degree. If a person is going to take your tarot reading seriously then you are in a very responsible position. Tarot is your interpretation of events, not a definete fact. A lot of people might see it as prescriptive and forget they have free will to alter events.

bec	10 Jan 2003
mojo: Personally, I feel that if you offer readings to someone, you cannot justify reneging on that offer just because you don't like what the cards have to say. As far as not wanting to even lay out the cards for a friend, that is entirely between the two people involved, although if I were your friend and I knew that you did readings for other friends but you wouldn't do one for me, how long do you think I'd still consider you a friend? and mojo again: If you told me that you didn't think I needed to hear things right now because you felt that bad news was the "last thing" I needed to hear, you'd be a former friend in an instant. _______________________________________________________ Ever thought if such a friend, not accepting a no because it doesnt feel right, might not be a person worth considering a friend ??? Meaning, and yes I know, totally out of topic, you still have the right to say no, no matter how many 1000's of friends you read for, you still have a right to say no to number 1001 if you feel its not right to do so, whether it is you or the friend, it dont matter - period. if friend 1001 cant deal with that, then f*** him. that's my opinion.

allibee	10 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Hypatia But if you do tell somebody bad news, aren't you responsible for their actions afterwards, at least to some degree. Absolutely not. Quote: If a person is going to take your tarot reading seriously then you are in a very responsible position. Yes, but you have to inform them BEFORE the reading of what you say below: Quote: Tarot is your interpretation of events, not a definete fact. A lot of people might see it as prescriptive and forget they have free will to alter events. One of the biggest practices of the art should be Diplomacy on all fronts :) (.... and whenever I learn some, Aeclectic will be the first to know!!!) allibee

dangerdork	10 Jan 2003
Mojo, Bee, I'm with Hypatia on this one. You DO have a responsibility to those you read for. And maybe I'll get in trouble for saying this, but I think the tarot should reflect your life, not guide it! It's an activity, and there are moments in life when it is not the most appropriate activity. There are times when your friends need to cry on your shoulder, have you hold their hand and tell them everything will be ok, just sit in silence with them so they know that someone is on their side, not judging them, not rejecting them, just caring about them. Maybe there are times when it is not appropriate to ask questions to a deck of cards. And when you DO ask those questions, you still have a responsibility to know when the person is so agitated they may ignore your disclaimers. C'mon, we all do that, don't we? "Smoking may be hazardous to your health." "Some material may not be suitable for minors." If you are going to read someone's cards, I think you DO have a duty to recognize when they are in a state so agitated or traumatized that ANYTHING you say may have a lasting and harmful impact on their self-image, behavior or perception of their problems. Part of diplomacy is knowing when it's not yet time to come to the table. Don't you think so?

bec	10 Jan 2003
hear hear dangerdork

reds97	10 Jan 2003
A little off topic... I saw a psychic once at a fair. We were just about to get married and i convinced my future husband that it would be a fun thing to do. The guy proceeded to do my husbands reading which was fine and dandy.... and then he got to mine.. and the only thing i can remember about the reading is that he told me... (before my wedding.. we were already living together... yaya in sin) was that i would be moving and my hubby would not be moving. And he wouldn't elaborate on it. He was a bad psychic... a very very bad psychic... revoke his cards... Just had to add that in... (took me years to have my cards read again.. and now i am doing it for myself) Sandra

Mojo	10 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by dangerdork Don't you think so? Obviously I don't. You talk like reading Tarot is akin to having access to some secret stash of documents which reveal all there is to know. If that were the case, perhaps you're right... there is a responsibility. But it just ain't so. You are using your right brain in combination with your left brain to interpret some random images on the cards. If you sense your friend is fragile, you interpret these images in as gentle a method as you can. You provide all of your soothing explanations for the scary cards, and you turn the reading into a coaching session rather than a prognosticating one. I think you do more damage to your friend by trying to protect them from themselves... you point out to them that you know they're messed up, which as I said earlier is just not your call to make. Quote: Originally posted by dangerdork And maybe I'll get in trouble for saying this, but I think the tarot should reflect your life, not guide it! It's an activity, and there are moments in life when it is not the most appropriate activity. I absolutely agree with you. Tarot is not to be taken that seriously. It's a card game. It might provide some illumination or some enlightenment, but it's not meant for you to make life altering decisions with.

Mojo	10 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Hypatia But if you do tell somebody bad news, aren't you responsible for their actions afterwards, at least to some degree. If a person is going to take your tarot reading seriously then you are in a very responsible position. Tarot is your interpretation of events, not a definete fact. A lot of people might see it as prescriptive and forget they have free will to alter events. Not only no, but hell no! I am not responsible for what someone does with a reading I give them. We perform a business transaction. They give me money for something of value - my time and talent. When they leave my presence, they're on their own. To follow your logic, if a person goes into a hardware store and buys a hammer and then goes out and kills someone with that hammer, the clerk who sold him the hammer is responsible for the crime. That's just outrageous. Anyone who forgets they have free will over their own life probably shouldn't be walking around without a chaperone anyway.

allibee	10 Jan 2003
Hiya DD, read my post again, and inwardly digest LOL. Especially the bit that says YES we are in a position of responsibility ;) I haven't posted on the main drive of this thread because plenty enough P.O.Vs have been put forward already, but for my 2 cents, you can't back out once the cards are on the table, literally and figuratively. HOWEVER, you can choose to concentrate on only some or even NONE of the cards, just use the space between you and the sitter as a 'decorated' talking area, preferably with them doing the talking. But whatever, the sitter - whether hung up or not - is ultimately responsible for their own actions, not me. But there again, my style of reading doesn't lend itself to sensationalist or doom and destruction interpretations, but more the 'pathfinder' reading. Self Empowerment, from whatever circumstances. allibee

allibee	10 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Mojo Anyone who forgets they have free will over their own life probably shouldn't be walking around without a chaperone anyway. ROFLMAO;)

HudsonGray	10 Jan 2003
I've had a reader lay out the cards (Soul cards) for me without asking if I had a question, look at them, then look up at me, slide them all together again & say, let's put that aside for now, what was your main question? (and then proceeded to do a psychic reading instead). Huh? Well, she was bang on with a few things right off the bat, then petered out. I let the soul card lay she did just slide, didn't push it about what that was all about. As for being responsible, well I think it's up to the reader to present what they 'see', but in such a way as the client isn't stressed out at the end. If the person you're reading for has something that they can get a handle on the problem facing them, either with your adivce or your direction as to where they can best help themselves, then it's totally in their ballpark & the reader has no more connection to what happens afterwards.

The Have you ever feel that you should not read for someone? thread was originally posted on 09 Jan 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.