Three Tarot Cards Walk Into A Bar...

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 07 Jan 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

dangerdork	07 Jan 2003
Bragging rights to whoever comes up with the best finish...

Jeannette	07 Jan 2003
Okay -- I'll be brave and take a shot at it... Three tarot cards walk into a bar. Each is the "Fool" card from a different tarot deck. They sit down together at the bar, and prepare to order their drinks. The bartender walks up to the first card and says, "What'll ya have, buddy?" In heavily-accented English, the first card replies: "Wine, si vous plais. A nice red from ze Bordeaux region of France, if you have it." As the bartender begins to pour a glass of wine for the first Fool, he hears the third card mutter, "Ridiculous Marseille. Old and stogy, so bound by tradition, can't even get creative enough to put a picture or two on his pips. Hardly better than some two-bit tarock, if you ask me." The bartender isn't quite sure what to think about what he's hearing, so he ignores the third card and asks the second Fool, "Okay, fella -- what'll it be?" With a most proper British accent, the second card replies, "Ale, my good man. A pint of Guinness, if you'd be so kind." As the bartender puts a pint on the bartop and begins to pour, he again hears the third Fool mutter, a little more loudly this time: "Damnable Waite... thinks he's so clever, but he can't even keep his Strength and his Justice straight." Once again, the bartender is somewhat taken aback by the third Fool's griping vis a vis his companions -- but since the card hasn't caused any real trouble, he can't think of an excuse not to serve him. So he asks the third Fool, "Alright -- what's your pleasure?" At this, the third Fool sits straight up, and states in a very loud voice, "What's my pleasure? Why, I take pleasure in everything! An' it harm none -- do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law! TZADDI IS NOT THE STAR!" And with that, the third Fool collapses, his head hitting the bartop with a resounding thud. The bartender, confused, turns to the second Fool and asks, "So, what's his problem?" The second Fool replies, "Crowley? Oh, don't mind him. He's already been hitting the Thoth." [with apologies to those whose regional dialect of english doesn't include the slang term upon which the punchline of this joke hinges.] [and with apologies to everyone else, just on general principle.] -- Jeannette http://www.tarotgarden.com

dangerdork	07 Jan 2003
well THIS yankee got it! that's AWESOME!

rota	07 Jan 2003
Should I post this link? um... okay, I'll post it. http://www.serenapowers.com/tarotjoke.html (good thread, DD!)

allibee	07 Jan 2003
Three tarot cards walk into a bar .... and were taken to hospital with head injuries. ;) allibee

cjtarot	07 Jan 2003
Hi all, Rota Thanks for the link..Had a great laugh.. I love the stories of the 3 cards in a bar..keep them coming Cj

Bings	07 Jan 2003
LOL, wonderful laughs. :-) Dianne

Kazz	07 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by allibee Three tarot cards walk into a bar .... and were taken to hospital with head injuries.;) allibee Oh yes!!!..:laugh: ""Three Tarot cards walk into a bar"".....you think one of them would have seen it! Cheers Kazz :TQC

zorya	07 Jan 2003
ROFLMAO oh, i needed this thread, lol jeannette, that was brilliant :D rota, i had forgotten about that site, thank you. the steven wright joke had me laughing so hard, tears were flowing down my face. kazz, thank you, thank you. it was taking me much to long to get it. :laugh:

Jeannette	08 Jan 2003
Thanks for the nice comments about my joke. However, in all fairness, you probably ought to know that it's probably not in your best interests to encourage me like that. Because it makes me want to give it another shot. Maybe it's not too late, though. Maybe you can still... Oops! Sorry. Here comes another one: Three tarot cards walk into a bar: The Lovers, The World, and The Fool. They sit down at a table in a remote corner, order some drinks, a begin having a quiet convesation among themselves. The presence of this unusual trio does not pass without notice, however. Many of the other bar patrons continue to cast nervous glances in their direction. Finally, one of the bar regulars -- a brutish sort known for having a mean streak when drunk -- walks over to the table where the cards are sitting and clears his throat loudly. The three cards cease their chatting and look up at the large man with curiosity. "You're not welcome here," the bully tells the three in a gruff, threatening voice. "You're bad luck. You'd best be on your way, before there's any trouble." "There must be some mistake. You've got us all wrong," replies The Lovers card, in a sweet, melodious voice. The card then stares intently at the man, who suddenly finds that he can't help but stare back. Slowly, his heart begins to fill with a joy like he has never known. This perfect happiness expands within him, until he feels as if he might burst from the sheer ecstasy. After a few moments that seem like a lifetime, the sensation disappears, and the man's concentration returns to the three strangers at the table. Momentarily speechless, he shakes his head in disbelief. "If you're wondering what just happened," says The Lovers card, "then know that I've provided you with a taste of perfect love. You've experienced love in its purest form, as few people on this earth have ever known it." Now fully returned to his normal, surly self, the bully replies, "Bah! I don't know what you three are up to, but your fancy words and cheap tricks aren't going to make you any friends around here." Now scowling at The World card as he speaks, he continues: "If you're not looking for a fight, you'd best be leaving now." Matching his gaze, The World card furrows her brow for a moment -- and suddenly, the malcontent finds himself blinded by a bright light. Slowly, shapes begin to evolve from the light, forming themselves into a undulating series of the most unbelievably heavenly sights that the man has ever been able to conceive of, let alone ever actually seen. After a few moments, however, the vision fades, and he finds himself face-to-face with The World card once again. The World, sensing his unspoken desire to know what has occurred, explains: "To show that we have nothing but the best of intentions, I have blessed you with a vision of purest beauty. Countless artists, philosophers, and seekers have spent lifetimes in search of such visions, yet very few have ever glimpsed even the smallest portion of what you have just witnessed." Now near rage over the uninvited manipulation exercised upon him by the first two cards, the man looks The Fool card unflinchingly in the eye and growls. The Fool, appearing calm and completely unshaken by the bully's increasing displays of hostility, smiles sweetly and stares back. The man begins to feel an unusual, warm sensation in his toes, which slowly begins to work its way up his leg. Before he can be caught off guard again, the man snaps at The Fool: "So, I suppose you're going to take credit for this 'lovely' warm feeling that's creeping up on me now?" The Fool, still smiling, innocently replies "Me? Oh, no sir. That would be my dog. He's pissing on your shoe." -- Jeannette http://www.tarotgarden.com

bec	08 Jan 2003
ROFLMAO Finally cracked what the heck it is that dog are doing with the fool :D great stories !!!

zander770	08 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Jeannette and/or Lori Thanks for the nice comments about my joke. However, in all fairness, you probably ought to know that it's probably not in your best interests to encourage me like that. Because it makes me want to give it another shot. Maybe it's not too late, though. Maybe you can still... Oops! Sorry. Here comes another one: -- Jeannette http://www.tarotgarden.com HA!!! does your partner know you're so hilarious?!!? great joke, jeannette! ~z~770 :joke:

allibee	08 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Kazz Oh yes!!!..:laugh: ""Three Tarot cards walk into a bar"".....you think one of them would have seen it! That's the one kazz, couldn't remember the line for the life of me :D allibee

dangerdork	08 Jan 2003
OK Jeanette - Why did the Crowley cross the road?

truthsayer	08 Jan 2003
this didn't happen in a bar but... the emperor and empress's son married. since the young lovers had no place to go for their honeymoon, they holed up in his room at the castle of his parents. the emperor and empress sat down to breakfast the morning after the wedding but no lovers showed up for breakfast. so they ate and afterwards the emperor went of the stairs and tapped gently on the door. his son answered. "son, aren't you and your bride going to have breakfast?" the boy got a dreamy look on his face,"no, dad, we're living off the fruits of love..." "okay, son, but..." the door snapped shut behind the son. lunch came and the same thing-no lovers. so the emperor hoists himself up the stairs and knocks a bit more impatiently this time. "son, aren't the 2 of you going to eat lunch with us? your mother the empress had your favorite made." again the glazed dreamy look passed over the boy's face,"sorry dad but we're just going to live off the fruits of love!" then CLICK! the door shut in his father's face. supper came and still no lovers. the emperor went upstairs even more irritated this time. he knocked on the door urgently. "son! open up! you and your bride need to eat something!" the son smiled patiently at his irate father,"sorry dad but we're just going to live off the fruits of love." the emperor snorted,"well, that's just fine and dandy son but could you please stop tossing the peelings out the window? you're choking my ducks!"

Jeannette	08 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by dangerdork OK Jeanette - Why did the Crowley cross the road? Is there a real answer to this, or do I have to try to make one up again? :D (And if it's the latter, are you sure you want to tempt me?) Nice anecdote, Truth! Does this mean we can add to the thread without having to stick with the same opening line? ;) -- Jeannette http://www.tarotgarden.com

Jewel	08 Jan 2003
Jeannette and Truthsayer thank you for the stories and laughs!!! I ENCOURAGE you both to keep this up ... you have no idea how much I needed this today. I figure that if I create a monster by encouraging you at least it will be a funny monster everyone will enjoy *LOL*. Ohhhh and Jeannette, about the Crowley crossing the street thing ... I think you are to provide your own creative answer ;)

dangerdork	08 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Jeannette and/or Lori Is there a real answer to this, or do I have to try to make one up again? :D MY answer was: To get back from the Other Side. But I encourage you to top it. ;) Peace

Jeannette	08 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by dangerdork MY answer was: To get back from the Other Side. But I encourage you to top it. ;) LOL!! I can't top that -- no way! But I'm not afraid to offer an alternative, in any case. So, how about this: Q: Why did Crowley cross the road? A: Actually, he didn't notice the road. He was too busy having sex with the chicken. (What? Don't throw those tomatoes! It was just a joke I tell you -- a joke!!!) -- Jeannette http://www.tarotgarden.com

Jewel	08 Jan 2003
*ROFLMAO* Jeannette you crack me up!

dangerdork	08 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Jeannette and/or Lori Q: Why did Crowley cross the road? A: Actually, he didn't notice the road. He was too busy having sex with the chicken. LOL - Leading to the classic conundrum: Which came first, the chicken or Crowley?

violinlily	08 Jan 2003
Jeannnette!!! very good... erm.... very bad... wait, no, ummmm.....yeah, you get my ideea!!! Let's just say I loved it and keep it coming!!! classic conundrum (chicken or egg, not chicken or Crowley): neither, they were genetically made by ets, and placed on Earth, where they wanted to prosper and wanted to become the dominant species, but were too afraid to cross the road to take over the pig sty.

Pollux	08 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by dangerdork LOL - Leading to the classic conundrum: Which came first, the chicken or Crowley? Oh my Gosh we should censor that! *ROFLMAO* Thanks guys (even though I suspect everyone so far is a lady *LOL*) i needed a lagh - and a kiss for Jeanette and the marvellous gift she shared with us *LOL* :*

MeeWah	08 Jan 2003
DangerDork: Thanks for posting a wonderful thread! I think these Tarot vignettes would make a wonderful Aeclectic Tarot short story collection. Also, I like your new spin on an old joke. Jeanette: Quite simply--WOW!! Truthsayer: Ditto!

truthsayer	08 Jan 2003
did you ever hear the one about the 3 fools who drowned? ********************************************** yeah, they were in the back of a pick up truck and couldn't get the tail gate down! ************************************************ the emperor, empress and their son the fool lived in their castle in tarotland. their happiness would have been complete except for one thing--their beloved son the fool was now 10 years old and had never spoken a word. they had taken him to every magician and alchemist(temperance) from every deck they could find but no one had any ideas why the fool wouldn't speak. the fool came downstairs for breakfast this particular morning. his mom was eating her pancakes and eggs. dad was reading the tarot times and drinking coffee. the fool went to get milk from the refrigerator for his corn flakes. he froze in place. "hey! who drank all the milk?" his mother fainted. his father lept from the table in joy, scooping him into a hug and exclaimed,"son! son! i can't believe my ears! this is truly a miraculous day! i thought i'd never live to hear you speak!" the empress pulled herself up. "son! it is so wonderful to hear your lovely voice. but please you must tell us, why haven't you spoken until now?" the fool's brows knitted and he pouted, "well, gee, mom! everything has been okay until now!" *************************************************** why did the fool bury his mom under the steps? he wanted a stepmother.

Demonesse	09 Jan 2003
Quote: Originally posted by dangerdork LOL - Leading to the classic conundrum: Which came first, the chicken or Crowley? LOL!!! Kudos to Jeanette too! No tomatoes here...*hurls a couple of jackfruit instead (to show her appreciation)*

The Three Tarot Cards Walk Into A Bar... thread was originally posted on 07 Jan 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.