Discovery...

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 08 Feb 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Vita-morte	08 Feb 2003
My mom recently discovered my tarot cards in a drawer. I'm saying this in case it sounds familliar to any of you (I'm sure it does because of all the 'closet' conversations). My parents seem disapointed more because I kept it from them (which means I must see something wrong with it) than that I'm reading the cards. They do seem a little uncomfortable with it and skeptical, but they are after all very cool. :)

firemaiden	08 Feb 2003
It sounds like your Mom felt hurt or something, and I am glad she is cool wth it now, but I am sorry, you are entitled to have your privacy and your secrets. She shouldn't be going through your drawer. What if you had a diary in your drawer?

Dark Inquisitor	08 Feb 2003
Speaking as an old Mom, there are so many worse things that could have been found in a kid's drawers-- I would have just put them back & thanked heaven there was nothing worse (or dead ) in there! I never went through my daughter's stuff though. It didn't seem right to me unless I felt she was losing her mind & so far that hasn't happened. Besides- I have other things to do!! And I don't want her going through my drawers either! Tarotphelia

scheherazade	08 Feb 2003
My mother doesn't approve of my reading Tarot, either - but she doesn't go into my room knocking over my altar or anything. I think most parents understand that this is part of their teen's personal road of self-discovery. She may think it's just a phase - and that'll benefit you - at least she'll let you be. Does it feel better to you, now that it's out in the open?

Mimers	08 Feb 2003
I have a teenage son, he is 16 going on 30. While some times it is tempting, I would not go through his things. I do however understand your parents concern. I am not saying that tarot concerns me, (my son's driving skills do) that would not bother me one bit. But,as I am sure you know parents can't help but worry about there kids expecially when it is something that has been given a bad rap. Try explaining to them the psychological aspects of the symbolism. Mention the famous psychologist Carl Jung and his research into symbolism and synchronicity. This might take some of the bad label that tarot has gotten away and set their minds at ease. I thought you might find it interesting that with my son and I the situation is reversed. He is quite embarrased of my interest in tarot. He is also upset that his little sister is interested in it. He feels I am "corrupting" her. My ex husband also expressed concern, however the Carl Jung conversation put his mind more at ease. Glad to hear you have such cool parents. Wish my son were more at ease. Oh well. Mimers

Minos	08 Feb 2003
Eh. My mom was always doing the same thing. Not with tarot cards (I didn't take that up til college) but I know the drill. I usually found she got bent out of shape the most when she felt like we weren't communicating in other ways, or I was neglecting her somehow. Usually an hour's sit-down three or four times a week - maybe for one of her favorite TV shows (i.e. on of the Law and Orders) - got things going on a more even keel. It can be hard to remember, but parents get lonely too. Hope this helps. :)

Teranar	08 Feb 2003
My parents went through my things one day when I had an asthema attack, and saw my cards. They didn't care. This for some reason really suprised me. Then again, they let me be with my gypsy godmother at the rennasance fair. My dad also goes through our computer's net history, and one day found a lot of links labled Aeclectic Tarot Forum, and later told me he was a bit worried about the kinds of people on here(!) but did nothing.

Kiama	09 Feb 2003
Parents I think get more upset when they think you are hiding hings from them than aboit what you actually DO. I had something like this happen htis week, when I forgot that I had written an article which included info about a miscarriage I had a while ago, which I didn't tell my Mum about because I didn't think she needed to know . I sent a floppy disc full of my more recent articles on it to Mum and Dad, and they read the articles, and I got a phone call from Mum asking me why I hadn't told her I had the miscarriage. She was quite upset, because she thought I could tell her everything. Now, it wasn't that I was afraid to tell her, more that I didn't want her to start worrying! She worries too much. Anyway, maybe you could sit down and talk to your parents about the Tarot thing. Explain that you had heard quite alot about other's experiences of telling their parents, and some of these experiences had been quite bad. You thought it was easier to leave the 'coming out' til you were sure that you really are serious about Tarot, instead of possibly worry your parents over something that was just a phase. And of course, thank them for being so understanding about your interests. My parents have always been okay with my love of Tarot, so I guess I've been lucky. Good luck with your parents, and congrats on them being so cool! Kiama

firemaiden	09 Feb 2003
Agreed Kiama, but as coming from one who has ALWAYS told her beloved mother EVERYTHING (and pretty much still does)...I think it is must be valuable for people to cultivate their own secret garden. It is nice to know how to keep secrets (I'm not good at it!!!) -- mind you, there is a good and a bad side to everything...I am sure as a mother I would be hurt and lonely, to discover my children were keeping secrets from me, but eventually, one must, one has to, let go...and allow an independence of spirit. One cannot own one's childrens souls forever. The balance for me, was that while I am a big blabbermouth and tell my mother every boring detail of my life, until she has to get off the phone to pee, well... ist that she herself would never never dream of prying...I kept a "secret" diary for years (mostly full of the same boring stuff she already knew) but she never never never would dream of going through my drawers or prying. I think a mother who goes through her children's drawers is asking to lose her childrens trust, and begins a downward spiral of prying and hiding... p.s. Kiama, I totally understand why you wouldn't have told your mother about a miscarriage, she probably wouldn't have told HER Mother either....Your mother's empathy for you, her worry, would have made you feel worse! There are tons of things like that I wouldn't have told my mother (like how I was held up at gun point in NY) and neither would she have told her own mother , goodness knows. Although with time, and separation, things can change, SHE has grown so much in the last twenty years that I finally trust her to hear the painful things in my life and to give comfort, rather than to worsen the pain by suffering in empathy!!

firemaiden	09 Feb 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Teranar ...My dad also goes through our computer's net history, and one day found a lot of links labled Aeclectic Tarot Forum, and later told me he was a bit worried about the kinds of people on here(!) but did nothing. Terenar: tell your Pop, you are conversing with a loving, thoughtful, and erudite bunch of professors, practictioners, students and scholars, from AROUND THE WORLD of philosophy, classics and literature , linguistics, archeology, history, art history, psychology, comparitive religion, engineering, biology, opera, writing, painting, rose growing, as well as the occasional werewolf, necromancer, and BIG HAIRY MONSTER..although of course, these categories are not mutually exlusive... ...and to all -- please fill in what I left out!

Vita-morte	11 Feb 2003
I suppose I worded it wrong really...it wasn't really a question of prying in my private space (my mom is very opposed to that). I asked her to get me a t-shirt for work and she opened the wrong drawer. I think my parents are still a little traumatized about my 'coming out' with atheism and don't want me to put my faith in some inanimate (Sp?) object. My grandmother and my mother also had a bad relationship and she often went to palm and tarot readers. I usually don't try to keep a lot from my parents. I don't lie when asked a direct question, but if I think it is something that would be better kept private, as with the cards, I don't bring it up. Thank you all for responding with things so personal to you!

Khatruman	11 Feb 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Vita-morte I think my parents are still a little traumatized about my 'coming out' with atheism and don't want me to put my faith in some inanimate (Sp?) object. I see where there may be a worry about putting faith in an inanimate object. I don't personally see reading tarot as putting faith in an object. I see the tarot, as many others do, as a tool, as a medium of focus. The object, in this case the tarot cards, is not the power here, it is a medium, or channel, to the power inside and around you. This reminds me of an argument I had with my (then) mother-in-law, who is a devout Christian, and saw my interest in tarot cards to be against God. I told her how they were a device, a tool, to see the spirit within and around us. She brought up the Moses thing and the Golden Calf and worshipping false idols. I told her that I do not worship the cards. I pointed to the gold cross around her neck. Why did she where it? Well, as a symbol to the Lord Jesus Christ. It focused her belief in all he stood for. Why did she bow her head to the cross at service, or make a sign to it? Because it stood for, and reflected the spirit she believed in. And that is exactly what I do with the cards. The cards reflect, focus, and express the power that is inside and all around me. Nothing more. I don't attribute power to these pieces of cardboard, but to myself and the world around me. I am not sure what your beliefs are, whether you think we are all isolated individuals or whether you believe some force connects us. It is hard to imagine you are an orthodox atheist, believing in no power outside your own human power, if you also study the tarot. You must see some kind of forces at work. But perhaps explain that the tarot is your tool for making your way and understanding the world and life within and around you. Just a thought. Peace!

Trogon	12 Feb 2003
Hi Vita-morte, Just wanted to jump in here (late as usual ;) ) and say that I'm very glad that this has actually gone fairly smoothly for you. Things like this can so often turn ugly, but it sounds like your parents are pretty understanding and loving people. As Khatruman mentioned, it should help for them to know that you're not placing a religious faith in these cards, rather just using them as a tool. I was lucky when it comes to parents and the Tarot. My mother actually provided me with my first exposure to the Tarot when I was quite young. Though she never went very far with it and has recently given me her old Albano-Waite Tarot, she certainly does not have a problem with my involvement in it. My father is not overly "religious" (in the dogmatic sense), but is very much along the lines of "there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophies..." type of person. In that respect, while he has a healthy skepticism about certain things, doesn't deny the possibility of things beyond his understanding. Anyway... again... very glad this went so well for you.

Vita-morte	13 Feb 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Khatruman I am not sure what your beliefs are, whether you think we are all isolated individuals or whether you believe some force connects us. It is hard to imagine you are an orthodox atheist, believing in no power outside your own human power, if you also study the tarot. You must see some kind of forces at work. I believe basicly that there is some underlying pattern tying people's lives together, but cannot believe that some being exists controlling everything. I can't accept one view of a god because there are so many equally possible possibilities. I suppose you can say that I believe in fate and that people's souls are intertwined for as long as they live, in any number of lives. Would you call this atheist really? Atheist is defined, after all, as one who denies existance of god, and is where I believe I fall. What do you think?

firemaiden	13 Feb 2003
...if you are really an aetheist...there is nothing to deny the existence of...that's what the non-aetheists can't undertand. its about being outside the box all together...

Khatruman	13 Feb 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Vita-morte I believe basicly that there is some underlying pattern tying people's lives together, but cannot believe that some being exists controlling everything. I can't accept one view of a god because there are so many equally possible possibilities. I suppose you can say that I believe in fate and that people's souls are intertwined for as long as they live, in any number of lives. Would you call this atheist really? Atheist is defined, after all, as one who denies existance of god, and is where I believe I fall. What do you think? Well, you deny the existence of God as a characterized being pulling all our strings, which I don't believe in either. I think it is a spiritual force which lies inside all. That webbish connection that you speak about, so I do not consider myself an atheist. An atheist, to me, is one who is basically existential and sees no force outside each individual being. You see a force, a connection or fate, as you say. Perhaps you don't believe in the popularized Christian Father image, which I see as very limiting and disconnecting. I see God in all living beings. Not up over us in the heavens. I remember hearing from a minister that the ancient Hebrews did not even see heaven as a place up in the sky. Heaven existed on the earth, but in a different realm (though I don't think I am explaining it right). In any case, what I have against the Father God image is that I think it unconsciously encourages followers to sin. He is, first of all, often shown as a scolding father: "You do bad and you will be punished." Now, how many of us rebelled as soon as threatening Father was out of sight? And moreso, even though Christians are told that God sees all, if they really deep down perceive him as a separate entity, and above and beyond us, isn't there the feeling, in a moment of weakness, that God just may not be watching at this very moment? I prefer God in me and in all living things. I feel the spirit in me always and am stilled and empowered by that, and also, if I am to sin, how could I ever hide from myself? Make any sense?

DeLani	14 Feb 2003
Quote: Originally posted by firemaiden Terenar: tell your Pop, you are conversing with a loving, thoughtful, and erudite bunch of professors, practictioners, students and scholars, from AROUND THE WORLD of philosophy, classics and literature , linguistics, archeology, history, art history, psychology, comparitive religion, engineering, biology, opera, writing, painting, rose growing, as well as the occasional werewolf, necromancer, and BIG HAIRY MONSTER..although of course, these categories are not mutually exlusive... ...and to all -- please fill in what I left out! OK: and belly dancing Witches. :)

Athara	14 Feb 2003
How about grandparents? While eating at my grandma's place, I asked my dad where a certain place lies (I'm a geographical disaster...). He asked why. Well, a fair. What kind of fair, my grandma asked. Err, some spiritual stuff (I didn't even try to mention Tarot, for I didn't feel like discussing...). 'Well, I wouldn't do that if I were you. What kind of spiritual things. Why? How? Why? Please don't!" And that's only my grandma. My dad is alright with it, he doesn't care much. He isn't a Christian. My grandma is, clearly. My mom is, too. I don't dare to mention it to her, she would be so upset... Luckily (?) my parents are divorced, I live with my dad, so my mom isn't likely to go through my stuff, unless I bring it to her. The funny thing is: I'm a Christian, too. Well, maybe I don't follow the rules like a 'good Christian' (are there any bad Christians? I could discuss this for a long long time...) should. I do not 'worship' Tarot. It's not holy. Like already said, it's a medium. I know there's a spiritual world. I've experienced it, felt it. God (or more: the Higher Being(s)) is (are) a part of that. Wouldn't it be odd if He was against it? No, I believe it brings me closer to nature, to what's inside of me, to Him/Her/It/It All. Too bad the above is hard to explain to some Christians who hold strongly to their current beliefs... Good luck all, in convince you loved once that you really aren't evil. Really! Athara PS, My dad just came by and said he didn't like my Tarot/Spiritual interests. He doesn't feel comfortable in me doing stuff like that. Well, at least he isn't terrified... :S

Vita-morte	14 Feb 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Khatruman Well, you deny the existence of God as a characterized being pulling all our strings, which I don't believe in either. I think it is a spiritual force which lies inside all. That webbish connection that you speak about, so I do not consider myself an atheist. An atheist, to me, is one who is basically existential and sees no force outside each individual being. You see a force, a connection or fate, as you say. Perhaps you don't believe in the popularized Christian Father image, which I see as very limiting and disconnecting. I see God in all living beings. Not up over us in the heavens. Make any sense? It makes tons of sense, Khatruman. I just don't know if that spiritual connection is something that simply came into being through evolution or something that could not, under any circumstances, not exist. You've probably put my ideas into words far better than I could ever do. Thank you all!

firemaiden	14 Feb 2003
Athara, tell them it's art. It IS art. Tell them it is an art fair. Tell them only what they will understand. And if anyone gives you trouble tell them "Hey, IT'S A FREE COUNTRY!!". :) love Firemaiden

The Discovery... thread was originally posted on 08 Feb 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.