Mom dilemma

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 05 Feb 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

little	05 Feb 2003
I have a decision to make. Mom's coming to visit this weekend, Friday night. She's a wonderful, wise, loving woman, and I adore her. She's also a fundamentalist Christian, though please don't picture her burning abortion clinics or picketing gay funerals- she's a gentle, sweet lady. I could leave the 22 tarot decks and assorted paraphernalia in the antique hutch in the living room where they stay. It's possible Mom wouldn't even notice them. But if she does, she'll probably be frightened and horrified. But I won't be keeping secrets from her. Or I could box them up and stick them under the bed for the weekend, and save us both from an unpleasant conversation. And I have to decide by Friday. And I'm not sure which way I'm going to go.

patter	05 Feb 2003
I guess it depends how fundemental tarot is to you... random and possible inappropriate examples: Being gay -- must tell mother Have a few porn magazines -- she doesn't need to know If its a big part of what you are, I'd say, let her find out in the non-confrontational way you have outlined. Talk about it only if she raises the topic.

Trogon	05 Feb 2003
Hi Little... Hmm... certainly something one needs to address, just for your own peace of mind. Do you keep it hidden, or come out of the closet? Patter makes a very good observation about how important this is to you. To me it seems that you feel you want to have this out in the open, yes? In any case, the advice I would offer is the first thing that occured to me when I asked "what would I do if I were in this situation?". So... what would I do? I'd do a Tarot reading on it and see what came up in that... That was my thought anyway...

Athara	05 Feb 2003
Doing a Tarot reading was my first thought, too. I'm sure that'll help you work things out. Take the deck that is personally closest to you, that you feel perfectly comfortable with and ask what you should do. My mother is the same way, I wouldn't know how she'd react... Good luck

Umbrae	05 Feb 2003
“He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind…” We all get one mother, and then die orphans. Why tempt trouble? Why display a lack of respect? I’m not saying “Hide everything”…in fact a frank discussion about Tarot ‘from’ a Christian and spiritual perspective (so she can relate) could be interesting…but don’t attempt to make others change sides. Sometimes…you must follow the words of that other wise man… “When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom, let it be…”

Marion	05 Feb 2003
I am with Umbrae on this issue. Mothers traditionally never think their kids know what they are doing. I suggest, since you asked, leave it alone unless you are sure that a discussion would accomplish something useful.

Scorpion	05 Feb 2003
Hi, Little! Yes, that is one big dilemma you face - just how important is it to you that your mother knows about your involvement with Tarot? Not knowing your mother, the non-confrontational option of leaving your decks where they normally "live" sounds perfect if you're extremely keen for her to know. Otherwise, I'd say keep them out of sight as it's only for a weekend. I am lucky - it was my mother who bought me my first ever deck so the question wouldn't arise for me.

HudsonGray	05 Feb 2003
I told my mom just recently (I'm 48), and she asked 'what's tarot? I don't know what that is'. When I said 'fortune telling cards' she got this closed look & blurted out 'you don't want to touch those!' Sort of left me aghast, especially since I've got a deck being designed right now. When I asked 'you don't even know how it works, how can you be against it?' she closed right up & that was the end of discussion. She's heavy Catholic. If you tell her, she may close up on you too & spoil the entire weekend. If you've got an idea of which way she's likely to react, best to just stick them somewhere else for the few days.

RedWood	05 Feb 2003
I would also do a reading..and go with what feels right to you..THis is your mom...Since you said she is a dear sweet lady..She sounds like the type of woman that would atleast consider tarot and probably listen to what you have to say... Or is it..she is a dear sweet lady BUT the mere mention of tarot sends her running from the room screaming in horror..

DarkChild	05 Feb 2003
i don't know if i would leave then in the hutch, but i don't think that you should box them up (unless your mother will react as if shes just been told her child worships the devil or somthing along those lines.) oviusly(sp), you should do what you feel comfortable doing...maybe you could put them in your bedroom or another place shes likely not to venture into, but if she does then it would be out in the open...thats just my opinion...hope it helps

scheherazade	06 Feb 2003
I hide my Tarot cards from my grandmother, who is a straight-up Catholic. She would be offended if she knew her granddaughter was *associating with evil* the way christians tend to believe. So, with your mother... like the others have said, why does she really need to know? No need to cause the both of you grief.

heartsdesire	07 Feb 2003
my mother had her own Tarot deck - which I have been searching my parent's house to find. I wish I could offer you some advice - but about the only thing I can say is, at 36, I wish I still had my mother around to have to worry about such things. You will know what is right in your heart - and your mother will always love you.

lupo138	07 Feb 2003
I think you do not gain anything if you let your mother know about the cards. On the other hand you are avoiding a conflict if you put the cards away and stay silent about them. To be honest i am not able to understand a view that says that cards would be dangerous - but if I was confronted with it I would avoid the conflict. I have been practising Tarot for about 12 years now, and I do not even know if my mother is aware of it. Anyway I am quite sure she is not aware of a lot of other activities of me - and I think it should stay like that. One does not always have to put everything straightforward on the table. (A German phrase - i hope the meaning is obvious in English as well).

sagitarian	07 Feb 2003
I have to agree with heartsdesire. You mother will always love you dearly no matter what your interests are. She may not agree or approve of tarot, but why hide who you are from a sweet lady who gave you life? why exactly are you afraid of her finding out? judgement? lecture? a fight? all of the above? A fight will blow over easily. A lecture is done out of love, she loves you and she will always be your mother, as such, she'll always want to help guide you with her words. If your afraid of judgement, then that's an insecurity inside. Scared of what others (your mom in this case) will think of it. It doesn't matter what others think, least of all your mother. She loves you always, she's the last person that will make judgements on you. She might have her opinions about the cards, but then again, so do you, as we all do.

DarkElectric	07 Feb 2003
Hi Little! This is indeed a dillemma, and it's difficult to decide what to do here, but my advice would be ~ trust your instincts. You know your mom better than other people do, and you would be able to accurately assess her reaction. I know my mom gets freaked out about all sorts of things she needn't bother about, but she loves me and will freak out anyway. As she says "I know you're not a baby, but you'll always be my baby." SO ~ Here is what I'd do. I would move them out of her view. I would also find out how she felt about the whole subject of tarot in conversation somehow. If tarot makes her uncomfortable, my advice would be to keep your interest to yourself. If it doesn't, maybe you can talk about it with her before spilling your guts and risking freaking out your mom. Just because someone is closely related doesn't mean they have to know the details about something which is strictly your business. It's not like you were involved with some horrible guy who was so wrong for you, like in a dangerous way or something. That would be a situation she should be apprised of, and that's real different from card reading. That isn't being deceitful, it's just living your own life. Which is something everyone has to learn to do as we grow up. Sweet, dear Christian ladies can indeed be the nicest people in the world. And in my opinion, terrifying and scaring them is not recommended. Especially when it's your mom.

Athara	07 Feb 2003
Have you decided already? I'm very curious... Whatever you chose, good luck this weekend...

little	08 Feb 2003
Well, after some consideration, I decided to tuck them away in a couple of bags in the storage room. They aren't THAT important to me, certainly not enough to make Mom's visit uncomfortable, and she doesn't need to know right now. I'm not interested in being a Tarot Evangelist at the moment. We've been having a lovely weekend playing scrabble and watching mysteries.

Emily	08 Feb 2003
Hi Little, You probably did the right thing, I had something similar happen on Wednesday, My mom came over and although I've shown her decks in the past that I thought were suitable to show her, she doesn't understand my interest in tarot, so I don't involve her. Unfortunately I had been doing a reading with my Rohrig, beautiful tarot deck but a little more sensual that any of my others and I'd left the cards still in the spread on the table in my dining room - Mom walked in and saw them, I saw her expression change and she walked out again, she didn't say a word . She's not usually a prude but I could tell she didn't like these cards and I wish now that I'd have moved them. She didn't metion them again but it made me feel uncomfortable - even so the Rohrig is fast turning into one of my favourite decks.

The Mom dilemma thread was originally posted on 05 Feb 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.