Pressure of face-to-face reading for others

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 17 Apr 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Aoife	17 Apr 2003
Maybe it's just a phase I'm going through or perhaps it's indicative of a terminal decline in grey matter but I am having great difficulty reading for others lately in a face-to-face setting. I find I want time to mull over a spread. I don't like feeling under pressure to speak when such great store is set by what I have to say. I find I no longer trust my first impressions. It's happened a couple of times that when I've 'reviewed' a reading at a later date I see things differently. I wonder whether it's come about because I am trying not to simply 'read' the cards but am focusing much more of the 'space between'. I wonder if I am over-complicating things. I wonder if I am trying wring out every possible 'take' before trusting my intutition to determine the 'right one'. I wonder if my confidence is just low and I'm trying to systematise. I know I've harped on before about feeling paralysed by the responsibility of reading for others. Maybe I'm just finding reasons to get out of doing it. Does anyone else tie themselves in knots like this or am I the only one who should get out more often and enjoy the sunshine?

Umbrae	17 Apr 2003
Sometimes, I have just quit (but only for a while). Sometimes the whole thing gets too much. I remember back in the bar reading days I’d be playing cribbage and some giggley college girls would come and, “Oh there’s that guy who reads cards! Can you read for us?” “Sorry, not tonight – my hearts not in it…besides I’m losing at Cribbage.” “Puuuleeeeeeeze?” Time to find a new bar. Then there is the entire aspect of reading. Second guessing myself. Sometimes I look back on a reading and say to myself, “How could I be so stupid? It was right there in front of me and I said ‘what’?” Some folks around here think I read really well, I get strange compliments – ya know what? I’m just a guy. I screw up. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes my readings are way off. I remember one I did once for Kiama’s father…it blew chunks. Ask her…I dare ya. But I have to look back at some of the other readers I ran into this last weekend…the folks that charge $70.00 for 30 minutes… Some of them sucked. They were fraudulent charlatan’s (that means that they were really bad frauds…I respect a really good charlatan). Second guessing yourself is a good sign. It means you are taking your craft seriously. I question anyone who does not question themselves. Just don’t be too hard on yourself. Realize this: when you no longer question yourself – you know it all…that’s the danger. It simply means you are still learning. The clothes of a student should never wear out. Most folks turn them in, “It’s out of style”. Such are the ones that never learn. Questioning is about learning. Knowing you are A Fool, is the first step on the path to wisdom. If you wanted sunshine, would you live in the UK? One last point. Doctors go to school for years to become very smart…remember the teenage girl they did a transplant on just a bit ago? She died. Remember why? Wrong blood type. How can you screw up something as basic as a blood type? What kind of idiot is that? The point is…it happens every day. People screw up. Have a nice cup of tea, you’ll feel right as rain.

Aoife	17 Apr 2003
Dearest Umbrae, always guaranteed to put a smile back on my face..... I will however have you know, Kind Sir, that the weather in the UK on the past two days has been better than that in the Mediterranean, and more still to come this weekend. I seem to remember you saying it was raining where you are?

Diana	17 Apr 2003
My experience is not the same as yours, Aoife, but your post struck a chord for me. Things are happening to me lately. I did a reading for someone last week, and I knew that there were about a million things in that spread that were there, and all that came out were cliches and badly-expressed ideas. It was like I was tongue-tied. Like I didn't trust myself anymore. And the more I tried to put words to the reading, the less I seemed to see. I put it down to tiredness. But it's nearly a week later now, and the spread is still lying on the table. And each time I pass it, I see so much there. And I try and write down the feelings and I can't. I tried taping them, and they came out as mumble-jumble. And the person is waiting for the reading I promised. And the pressure builds up. Maybe I am tired. Maybe I need a week's holiday somewhere in the mountains. Maybe I need to talk to the trees again, and chat with the sheep and the cows. Or maybe it is time to do some more tooth-pick readings.

bec	17 Apr 2003
>I find I want time to mull over a spread. I don't like feeling under pressure to speak when such great store is set by what I have to say.< Me too, that is exactly how it is sometimes. Me and querent sit and talk for an hour or so, and when the read is done and they are gone I start think it through and through and through, some times i have to stop the urge to give them a phonecall "come back, I got more" But when reading your thread and sitting here responding, i cant help think of Alex's thread once about when you know you did good. I guess there is a time when enough is enough. And another thing just popping to my mind here. When you start the reading for a stranger, they are just that - a stranger - but when they leave you an hour later....... they are no stranger anymore, you got the feel of their personality and mind - maybe that is why it is sometimes easier to see the cards in them after they have left.

lawguy51	17 Apr 2003
Reading your note made me think of something Umbrae said in a thread many months ago. Something about, when he lays out the spread and surveys the cards, that that is 'his time'. When I've had the querent across the table or sitting cross-legged in front of me and I can feel myself freezing, I just look up at the expectant querent and say, 'Relax, this is my time'. It kind of takes the pressure off and shifts my perspective from, 'oh my god, he/she's expecting me to say something relevant' to, 'ok, this part is for me, my time, what do I see, what do I feel, what is the story'. Lawguy51

Ariana	19 Apr 2003
Taking the time to go over a reading, have that minutes of connection with the cards and situation is something I really prefer. A face to face reading sometimes don't give you that cause of the anxiety of the querer and as you well said, one tends to feel under pressure. That's one of the reason I like to do readings over the net, and by email. I have the possibility to connect so deeply with the reading and the querer. Ariana

Umbrae	19 Apr 2003
There’s a whole flip side to this… The pressure. Sometimes…I just adore it…that heavy tactile shadow that begins to lay heavily upon our minds…the silence spreads…the rain sizzles on the window…the sitter squirms a bit, waiting. It’s that time I can feel… Folks are in a rush…go elsewhere. You want a good reading have a seat. The reading itself might not last long, but it will be good. I can’t touch on the net, I can’t feel, it’s a guess, it’s a… And when the silence like darkness falls, that heavy shadow of expectation…Listen…that’s when I surrender to it… Surrender… Surrender is a mechanism of change. It sweeps us into the dynamic. Surrender allows us to listen to the voice of God. That song in our hearts. Surrender takes us out of the static of the intellect and into the dynamic of the heart…the soul… Listen…listen to the darkness…

biddy9	19 Apr 2003
I am very much the same - I much prefer online reading than I do face-to-face. I have time to really expore the cards drawn and I can put a lot more into the interpretation for the client with writing a lengthy paragraph. I am also a bit cautious about face-to-face since I am relatively young - 24. I wonder how people would respond to having their cards read by someone younger? Perhaps this is just a personal hang-up!! However, the benefit of face-to-face is that you can guage your client's reaction and made adjustments where necessary. There's nothing worse than heading down the totally wrong track in an e-mail reading and not knowing it! Biddy http://www.biddytarot.com

HOLMES	19 Apr 2003
i am frankly amazed at how well i can read with no person besides me to give me feedback or as john edwards call it validtation, to help us know what we are reading (those of us who add an inuitive approach ) is on the money. that is i think a eye opener for anyone who has done an absentee reading to know that they can do it, and it gives a person great confidence in their abilities. it can be liken as well to chess players. some excell at mail chess which gives them to examine all the postions, to devise a strategy and to make the best move. or in this the best reading. there is a weakness though that when it comes to live chess playing they miss out some of the skills live chess does. and live chess players who go for speed or in the movie searching for bobby fisher play the opponet with tactics rather then the board. has help me to understand an analogy. read the person , or read the cards. long distance readings help us to read the cards straight. in person , help us to interact with their aura and their energy field. ( i dont' mean cold readings techiques, read their eyes, their body language ) to avoid this when my last client came.. (which reminds me she didnt' pay me as we went to a pow wow ) i look at the card, and look straight ahead while she sat besides me , in retrospect i guess it looked like i was using psychic vision. but in truth i was tryign to read the cards instead of read the person. in a way when we get it wrong or off in email we can go back and find out why , how , what we were thinking, what we missed. and more then half of the time we find out we used our logical mind over our inuitive mind. (but then if no one gives you feedback , one never knows eh ? always try to get feedback )

HOLMES	19 Apr 2003
"I find I want time to mull over a spread. I don't like feeling under pressure to speak when such great store is set by what I have to say." quote of aoife. it might help to avoid the mandala outlook on the spread, and read card by card. it is my method it doesnt' have to be yours but it might help as well. as i said in my other post i just keep the tarot in a pile besides me , and do it by postions and put them in a pile by themselves, (making sure i keep the spread order, but i dont' lay them out ) i started doing it that way when i started to read online here. and to help you do that in a face to face situation put all other cards face down and turn them over one by one, i see it as a dective evidence kind of thin, everyone card builds on the previous. i am not putting together a story per se, as some do , but a case i see it. ( i haven't read that book tarot dective either in case your wondeirng eheh , that book from the reviews is about the colours and symboks in the rider rider deck specificaly ) that might help you get past the spread view, and into a case (my term ) story building ( other terms ) it is all up to you really . the fears you share, i think we all have them, when a death card comes up and someone is asking about a relative how do we put them, it doens't really mean death but it means natural change a natural rebirth. their sick relative comes out but due to the sickness their lives change, we could say.. but suppose the client really dies, and it really did mean death (NOTE this was discussed on a differnt thread and can be reach in by doing search , it is not my intention to turn this into a death discussion when we are talking tarot blocks ) i have those fears when the devil cards come up .. or the five of pentacles come up what do we say ,, i think we have to rely on our hearts, and our wisdom, for that. and trust the universe sent us what we can handle

biddy9	19 Apr 2003
Ha! You know the funny thing, whenever I doubt a reading and the interpretation I have given it, it almost always turns out to be the right interpretation! It's amazing! I had one client who asked about a relationship with her partner - that's all she asked. The cards were telling me he was interested in another man and was no longer being passionate towards her. I dealt the cards once, twice, three times - each time not believing what I read. But I finally sent off the reading, warning my client I might be totally off the mark. What do you know? She told me her partner had been spending a lot of time with another man and she was quite unsure of the nature of their relationship! So, maybe it is a good thing to have the distance and build up the courage to go with one's intuition! Biddy http://www.biddytarot.com

baba-prague	19 Apr 2003
I don't read for many people - a very few who have become "regulars" but beyond that I'm trying not to do much at the moment (all my focus in on our deck, and I can't read if I don't feel I truly am focused on the querent). However, I just thought I'd throw in the idea of offering to follow up with something written when the reading isn't going well. I sometimes do that if I feel the reading is getting nowhere and I need more time. I'll do quite a quick reading in these circumstances (whatever I feel can accurately be said - usually the more obvious stuff) and then say "Look, there is more in this, but I need some time to really work it out" - then write a short report later. Most people are very happy with that - and it certainly makes me feel I've done a better job. Oh - probably all this is obvious and I'm "teaching my grandmother to suck eggs" as the saying goes - most of you are much more experienced readers than me. But it might be a useful thought to bear in mind next time you have trouble with a face-to-face? Karen

divinerguy	19 Apr 2003
Have you considered the idea that an inability to read in a particular situation may be an indicator that you should not read at that time? Perhaps you're being advised to wait before reading. Nothing is worse than forcing a reading when you're not ready. Just relax, have a cup of tea, and wait for the cards to speak to you.

Aoife	23 Apr 2003
So sorry for the delay in returning to thank everyone for their comments. I think Divinerguy hit the nail on the head - and I've taken some time away to ..... well, basically to avoid thinking for a while. But I see the weather here is set to change, and maybe with it, my mood. Many thanks Eve.... waiting and hoping for fresh inspiration.

The Pressure of face-to-face reading for others thread was originally posted on 17 Apr 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.