felt bad after a pro

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 09 Jun 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

quan_yin	09 Jun 2003
Hi, I recently visited a pro for the first time, because my own readings on myself were getting clouded. I felt really bad afterwards, and I haven't been able to shake it ever since. It was the way she talked to me, rather than the content, that I found upsetting. She fancies herself a blunt, "tough love like Dr. Phil" approach in her readings. Ok. But halfway through, I couldn't help feel like she just liked saying upsetting things to my face. Like being blunt gives her license to say things that make someone else feel bad. I felt mocked and faintly ridiculed when I tried to explain what has been bothering me. She said things like my eyes were like a sad puppy's, all doom and gloom. That I don't know what I want because I had never bothered to make a list. (And I said I DO have a list and it is in my purse right now, but she just talked over that one...) She said I had an attitude problem, that my relationship will probably break up (the Tower showed up contrasted with 2 of cups), and that I was viewing the world with rose colored glasses. And then she finished up by saying she was sorry she could not give me a joyous reading. I found this whole thing upsetting. What can I do to get rid of this awful feeling? And who knows if the reading itself was right or not, since I was so distracted by the way it was delivered.

BoomVoom	09 Jun 2003
i say let the nasty cow burn in hell! }) :) chear up don't let it get to you. disregard it. try another fortune teller. shure she may be a pro, but everybody can be wrong once in a while! do you feal like you'r going to break up? i hate people who read like that. my readings turn out to be more like a psycological sesion. she gave you future with no discution. i think that there should be a distinction between readers who help and those who just throw it at youre face! instead of walowing in sorow over what she told you, i sugest you buck up, go out and proove her wrong! after all, i'm a firm believer in that the future is owers to make. go out and live it! :D a big hug and a kiss! BoomVoom

genna	09 Jun 2003
This woman doesn´t sound a bit empathic.I think you have to be empathic to be useful as a reader. A reading is not set in stone,and if the reader enjoyed saying unpleasant things(it certainly sounds like it),how do you know she read accurately? Forget all about this reading,and find yourself a helpful professional.My reader gives advice.It seems all your reader wanted was making you feel bad about yourself.

Umbrae	09 Jun 2003
Sounds like she was a reader, and not a "Reader". There is a difference...to find the latter - there are a few right here on AT...

baba-prague	09 Jun 2003
I'm not a professional (in that I don't take money for readings) but I often do read for people if they ask me and I would never DREAM of giving a reading like this. I've seen some difficult spreads, but I try to give a rounded, balanced interpretation. If you ruin someone's self-esteem (which is sounds like this reader was trying to do), then how on earth can you expect them to get any good advice about their options?(and useful advice about options is surely one of the main things a querent should expect from a reading). It sounds to me as though this "pro" was just on some sort of power-trip. Ignore her, I'd say, and go talk to someone who actually looks as though they care about what they're doing - and care about you too :-)

Melissa`	09 Jun 2003
oh hon! Just remember there are bad and good readers out there. Just as there are good and bad in lots of things. I know you are upset.. but please don't let that one incident let you down, then keep you down. Come out stronger! Why not try one of the fine folks around here. We do have wonderful readers. Most important.. just toss that experience back behind you and move on. Don't let this one time turn you away. ~ Amaya

Sobeknofret	09 Jun 2003
What a wicked b*$%# ! She sounds like a fraud and a quack, who got into the business because she likes the validation that insulting people gives her. Besides, no one's future is set in stone. The power to do whatever you want and find most pleasing to you, still rests in your hands. To make yourself feel better, I suggest that you get a reading from a real reader. Like Umbrae said, there's lots of good and wonderful readers here on Aeclectic. Hugs, Sobe PS, I've never seen you, but I'll bet your eyes are lovely :)

Baby Owl	09 Jun 2003
What a drag! Like everyone is saying, don't let this person's excuse for an honest reading get you down. She reminds me of my third-grade teacher, who held up a picture I had drawn (to the best of my ability) as an example of something that was NOT good enough to hand in! Fortunately you are a grown-up, not a child. Give that reading the attention it deserves (zero). BabyOwl

Logiatrix	09 Jun 2003
...just kidding! (Unless you DO...? :D ) There's a lesson here, I think. When people behave negatively to me, I let it be a lesson telling me, "Don't be that way." So, quan_yin, don't be that way! No, really... Here was an important step for you toward greater empathy. YOUR querents will walk away from YOUR readings feeling healed and loved. You are on your own way to becoming a great Reader. ;)

allibee	09 Jun 2003
(((((((((quan_yin))))))))))) If I go to the hairdressers and I don't like what they do to my hair, I don't go there again. That hairstyle will only last to the next wash anyway and there are a million more hairdressers out there. How about doing a reading for yourself and posting it for us to look at with you on the 'your readings' section in the meantime? Best wishes A.

Kiama	09 Jun 2003
quan yin: I send you big warm squishy hugs. It wasn't fair what that reader did to you. For me, the whole point of a Tarot reading is not only to look at what migt happen in the future, but to learn how to either make the most of that future, or prevent the bad stuff happening. So, the reader may have been right when she said the relationship may break down, (Tower and 2 of Cups, I'd probably read it the same way) but she was wrong not to give you any advice on how to prevent that breakup. If I had got those cards in a reading, I would have drawn some more cards as 'advice' cards, to let the querent know what they can do to improve the situation. And I certainly would have told them what I saw in the reading in a nice way. Notice the difference between: "You're relationship's gonna break down" and: "There is a chance that your relationship will suffer some setbacks, or possibly breakdown, due to ___ (Fill in blank based on surrounding cards). However, there are ways to prevent this, or even to move on from it if it still happens. Here's what they are...." The second, in my opinion, is the better and more helpful of the two, and it is certainly the reading I'd deliver. Sadly, it sounds like the reader you went to preferred the first reading. It's one thing for a reader to tell the truth in a reading, but that doesn't give them an excuse to bash the querent's confidence to the ground, or to deliver the reading in such a way that it scares the querent/makes them feel bad. I'm not saying make the reading sugar-coated, but I am saying, tell the truth but deliver it in such a way that the querent accepts it, and then we can move further in the reading to exploring what the querent can do to put things right. Maybe you could do yourself a reading to find out what you can do to prevent the bad things the reader said were going to happen? I would also warn other people away from her, to save them going through the same pains as you did. *Hugs* Kiama

HudsonGray	09 Jun 2003
Right. ANY reader that doesn't offer you options or focuses on what to change about something that's causing a problem is not doing their client any favors. It's not a legit reading for you. If she offered NO suggestions, help, refocusing points or pivot points--she didn't do her job. It's a lousy reading & not beneficial to you so toss it away & drop it from mind. Someone here can do a lot better for you.

Red Emma	09 Jun 2003
Quan Yin, that "pro" reader is a pretty sick lady. She belittles others to increase her own feelings of esteem, which must be close to neagtive zilch. I wish there were some way to put people like her out of business. As I read your posting it occurred to me that a registry of qualified readers is needed so that people like her don't destroy others' lives. Does the tarot profession have such a thing? Goddess Bless, Red Emma

Alissa	09 Jun 2003
Quote: Originally posted by allibee If I go to the hairdressers and I don't like what they do to my hair, I don't go there again. That hairstyle will only last to the next wash anyway and there are a million more hairdressers out there. Sings, "I'm gonna wash that reading right outta my hair! Yes I'll wash that reading right outta my hair!" Well, I'm goofing on allibee, but I totally agree in what everyone has expressed. She dumped a load of psychic crap in your lap, and now you have the unfortuante task of having to shake it off again. You will, but it's a nasty load for someone to dump on you like that! Besides, a "pro" wouldn't behave the way this person did. That is NOT professional, regardless of how much the b!tch charged you. (((((((((((quan_yin)))))))))))))

quan_yin	09 Jun 2003
Thanks to everyone who responded. I do feel better after reading what everyone said. You all were so understanding and supportive. This was a lesson for me in terms of how not to be with people. And the wonderful support I got out here because of this incident was part of the lesson as well. Thank you all so very much!!

Cerulean	09 Jun 2003
if you post what you remember about your reading to the 'your readings' area, maybe others can give you alternative feedback. I'll watch for that. Mari

anjocoxo	09 Jun 2003
I believe everything in life has its purpose even though we may not see it imediatly; although this "close encounter" with a so-called pro has let you down, at least you have found out how NOT to behave with your querents and the difference between a good reading and a bunch of crap said by someone who is probably still thinking why the hell the fool looks so happy... and why is the sun so colourful? and why do the couple on this 2 of cups looks so in love? Some people can only be happy by making others feel miserable... don't let someone like that bring you down, she's not worth it, my dear Anjo As it's on my signature "everybody has the right to be stupid, but some people abuse the privilege", apparently that lady over-abused her privilege... :D

Belladonna	09 Jun 2003
Ugh! I'm so mad I don't know where to start! Don't let this hateful, stupid reading find ground in your mind to sprout. I suggest taking a cleansing bath with sea salt and do your best purifying meditation and end with a wonderful shielding bright white energizing and loving bubble surround you! This woman sounds like she has no room in her heart or mind for peace or compassion and so everything she touches is tainted. Actually, perhaps she is the one to be pitied. I think there are many amazingly talented and caring people here at aeclectic more than "qualified" to give you a "professional" reading. I'm thinking of you and sending you cleansing, brilliant energy!!!

Astra	10 Jun 2003
Well, if the replies you've already gotten haven't let you shake the feeling that maybe there was a good reason you were put down (which I suspect is at the crux of the matter) let me add my two cents. You ran into a control freak who uses the cards to give herself legitimacy. They translate "the reading will make a difference" to mean that the person will go out feeling significantly different than when they came in. Since it's much, much easier to get most people to feel worse about themselves than better, that's normally the direction they take. The real kicker here is that if this type of reader can hook in to someone's need for punishment, they can get the person to pay for multiple readings over a long period of time, without having to come up with any real information. A great place to be for someone who is scared of actually reading the cards. Why do I say this? Since the best readings come through when the reader lets go of control, someone who wants to be in control has to find ways to fake around the process and avoid letting the cards do the talking. At the same time, they are scornful of anyone who thinks that readings actually might give them new useful information, and that attitude comes out during the readings. A good professional reading, whether positive or negative, should leave you with more positive options than you came in with. If it didn't, it wasn't.

Page	10 Jun 2003
Hi quan_yin, I work as a pro Clairvoyant and never dream of saying such unethical tosh which could lead someone to do a run and jump. The reader should always stress "Freewill" If and your partner are BOTH happy together then it will work for sure. Don't let this scar your relationship!!! I had the same thing happen to me more than once! and I was full of anger because of the way I was spoken to. If I was you ......write a letter to the cow stating how this has made you feel. It would be interesting to know who,how,where did the reader get such info. Your much stronger than you think hugs

HudsonGray	10 Jun 2003
Umm, better yet, if you know who she is, just give her the URL to this thread.....

quan_yin	10 Jun 2003
Thanks everyone. I would post the throw but she did it really fast and I didn't catch everything (she picked the cards straight off the top of the deck one after the other, rather than having me select cards off the table). I think it was a CC. Many good points have been raised. I was struck by the suggestion that it's much easier to bash someone in the name of "making a difference" for them, rather than be constructive, empathetic or positively encouraging. As I said, I think this lady fancies herself bluntly insightful and full of tarot knowledge or whatever. But I also know that I was left feeling pretty upset and disoriented for days. I went home and wound up getting in the first argument I've ever had with my bf. Talk about a prime example of self fulfilling prophesy of the reading... Or maybe I was supposed to know that this in-your-face approach was "good for me". Oh boy, I feel tougher already! Wow. Big lesson for me!

Rusty Neon	10 Jun 2003
The reader here definitely wasn't into repeat business. :) .... unless, of course, she said you had problems with your karma that she could fix for a hefty price.

oliveoil	11 Jun 2003
Many, many years ago, I had a professional tarot reading performed. The "reader" was terribly negative, but not very specific, she made no connections of pyschological or emotional cause and effect, and merely concluded that I was being followed around by a black cloud of "negative energy". After breaking this horrible news to me, she offered to sell me a crystal for $50 to remove this "curse". Enough said!

sagitarian	11 Jun 2003
Tarot reading helps develope your empathic abilities hon. This person is NOT an empath. She decided to study some cards, and sounds like she studied the book version of everything. Didn't we just go over how the tower can be a good thing, what if it's a sign that you and your boyfriend are going to be taking the relationship further somehow, such as moving in together, or a proposal? Wouldn't that warrant a tower card too with the two of cups? In my home with my kids, we call people bees, b/c the people who are bees sting people maliciously. Even bees are nicer then that, b/c they are defending their territory (or life) usually. That and, as far as adults are concerned, a bee is a shortend way to say another word, but as far as my kids are concerned, I'm calling them bees. But that's what she is in my opinion, just a bee stinging people who knows nothing about tarot or being an empath. Don't you think on it hon! You just ignore that bee and go on with your life. Think about it, if you ignore bees, they don't sting you, if you wave around at them trying to get rid of them, they sting you. Just ignore her, and don't give her the power to sting you. Give your b/f a big big hug and kiss. Meditate on white light washing out her reading/energy.

The felt bad after a pro thread was originally posted on 09 Jun 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.