Memories of a Deck, Old and New

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 17 Jul 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Silverlotus	17 Jul 2003
Several months ago I traded away my Witches Tarot. In a way, I was glad to see it go. I had used it for many years, switching to it from my first deck, the Aquarian Tarot, but I had never really loved it. Recently I had really started to miss my Witches Tarot. The deck I had traded it for, the Mythic Tarot, had long ago been traded off for something else (the Tarot of the Cloisters). Neither felt the same. Truthfully, I don't think I will ever develop the same sort of love/hate relationship with another deck. The correspondences annoyed me, the artwork seemed rushed, and the Cabala spheres were distracting. A couple of weeks ago I noticed someone had the Witches Tarot up for traded. I quickly PM'ed them, and soon I sent them off a copy of the Zerner-Farber Tarot (a smaller version of the Enchanted tarot, which I also once owned, but sold to a used bookstore many years ago) in exchange for a nearly new copy of the Witches Tarot. It arrived a short time later in a pretty blue bag with a book written to accompany the deck. I looked through the deck once, thumbed through the book, and put it all away. Today I sat down with the deck again. I looked through it slowly. Some cards triggered memories, and others showed me details I had never noticed before. It was an odd experience though, since this deck as so new looking and my original one was worn. I knew every mark on it - the way the corner of one card as was a little bent, the way the card stock was coming apart on another, all the dark spots on the faces of the cards from the black backs. Memories of gently folding them into their black scarf, and tieing it with a purple ribbon, after doing a reading in my high school drama class. The cold floor beneath me as I sat in front of my locker, doing a reading for a friend who I have long since lost touch with. This is a new deck, though. I have done none of these things with it. I own other decks now that I get along with much better and who's artwork I prefer (like the Robin Wood or Thoth). Will I bond with this new deck like I did with the original? I doubt it. My original deck was my friend through my difficult teenage years. It held all my jumbled emotions, which faded from it, and from me, as I grew up. It was well seasoned. This new deck is a blank slate. The memories and quirks of the original are still with me, but I have the chance to make this new deck something different. Tonight though, I am going to find my old wooden book with the unicorn picture on the cover (and remember the trip I was on with my parents when I bought it), pull out my black scarf and purple ribbon, and gently put away my new old friend.

MeeWah	17 Jul 2003
SilverLotus~ Thanks for sharing your thoughts on an "old' deck revisited. I especially like the images evoked of the experiences with the earlier deck; seeing through your eyes. I am reminded of my first Tarot deck, a Rider-Waite I purchased when I was 19 that I use as a personal deck. It represents my first experiences with Tarot & though well-used, 'tis the holder of those experiences albeit somewhat faded. It was misplaced months ago & I missed it so much I would have given up newer decks for its return. Had not the inclination to use a far newer duplicate deck I keep for client readings. When I suddenly found the old deck, it was with an incredible feeling of relief--I had wondered if it was lost forever, inadvertently donated with other items to a local Disabled Veterans. Thanks again, & hope to see more of your thoughtful essays.

Little Baron	18 Jul 2003
Silverlotus That was such an interesting post to read. The images were really evocative; a great relationship to have with a deck. I am quite sure that you will have the same kind of relationship again. Maybe it is a good thing. Maybe it needed to be like this so that you could understand how good that deck was. As you said, the new one conjures up ideas you may not have seen in the old one now. Best wishes Yaboot

Alissa	18 Jul 2003
Your story reminds me greatly of the way my sister, sagitarian, talks about her first deck, a Hanson Roberts which she discarded along the way somehow, and only recently has one back. Perhaps she will see this post and share her tale, in any case, I loved reading what you had to share, and so elegantly expressed.

Silverlotus	18 Jul 2003
I would love to hear similar stories about rebonding with a deck long ago put away, or perhaps, reunited with a new old deck. I was hoping to inspire them by posting my rememberences. :)

Cerulean	18 Jul 2003
I have a funny attachment to a nice and reused, old edition of the Inner Child Cards in an Aeclectic trade and a new edition of the Enchanted. It was the first set I gave away to my younger sister, along with the Enchanted. They both are pretty, wistful and gentle enough for me to use them. It's a retelling of old tales that I like---and I can enjoy them instead of wanting the old Hans Christian Anderson book from when my brother and I was young...these are with my nephews...this is a version where the paintings are odd, as most of the characters look Asian, even the Ice Queen story! I may develop the same relationship with Mermaids and Fey. I'm developing interesting relational experiences with my Di Gumppenberg Marseilles style Italian decks...but only because I rotate and take them on trips and read with them. Every once in awhile I take out the Dante to refresh my story slants...Ferarra and Boiardo stories are filling that developing interest. One thing that I notice: the Folchi decks get pulled out every month or so, so the small seal-lock plastic storage case for Folchi style decks stays on top of a childhood desk. The Mithological may be with me this week, with a Di Gumppenberg. They stay in the trunk of my car in a bag, along with art supplies in a carrying case.

Kiama	18 Jul 2003
When I was 12, I finally got my first deck after 3 years of studying Tarot without one. The deck came free with a teenage magazine called 'Sugar', and it went everywhere with me... One day though, it got lost on a camping trip, and for years I thought about it and all the great times and readings I had had with it... As I began to collect decks and understand Tarot a bit more, I understood the lost deck a bit more too. When I was 17, a friend emailed me sending me a link to an ebay auction, with a copy of the lost deck for sale on there... It was a furious battle of computer mice and modems, but eventually I won the auction and got the deck for around £40. *Gasp* I didn't care that it had been free originally: I wanted my old deck back. The fact that it is also a very rare, OOP deck now also helps... You see, because it was a freebie with a magazine, most of the copies got thrown away years ago because nobody really valued them. It's almost impossible to come across a copy nowadays. The day it came to me in the post I just sat there with it in my hands, going through it card by card, and the memories came flooding back. Even the smell of the deck bought back memories! I immediately came onto Aeclectic and ranted and raved about the deck for ages! The deck still sits in my hands when I feel nostalgic for my early days with the Tarot... For anyone interested, here's a link to the images of the deck: http://www.tarotgarden.com/database/images/s-decks/sugarmysticcards.gif Bear in mind it was 1996, and the style of artwork used was very 'in' for teenage girls then. ;p Kiama

Chronata	19 Jul 2003
This is just such a timely story for me....thank you to everyone for sharing thier great memories. I have been reading with a Hanson Roberts deck, pretty much since the day it came on the market. Although I have many (many!) others, this was...and has been for a long time... the one main deck that I used for all queries, for myself, my friends, my family, and clients. It was about two months before I found Aecletic, when I realized my deck was missing. It was like I had lost a best friend...my worn and worldly deck, permanently bowed from so much shuffling...which was so very beautiful to me, was gone. It was about this time, when I began to lose other objects that were very meaningful and precious to me as well. I also began to receive signs that I was going through some sort of transition transformation period in my life, and I also began to see that these losses of my "tools" were in a way teaching me that I no longer really needed these material objects to help me see my spiritual path, or to know that everything I was feeling was right. Eventually, some of the other tools, like my medicine bag and a few other small things returned to me...but not my Hanson Roberts cards. The positive thing to come from this, is that it allowed me to go deep into the back of the bookshelf and withdraw an old antique beaded bag, that within lay another treasure. My original deck. The one I started reading with more than 20 years ago...my (also exteremly worn and wise) Rider Waite. There's something about returning to the place of beginning, and knowing it for the first time.... After I carefully unwrapped the scarf, and let my fingers caress the old card stock, that has the same feel as ancient leather...worn from love and use...I was amazed that even after the many years of studying and scrutinizing the symbolism, I could still notice something more...or different...and look at them in a new light. And shortly after, I found this forum, and was so delighted that I could share wisdom, and recieve even more from everyone here! I found a miniature Hanson Roberts gift deck, that I bought in December with the idea that I was going to give them to someone as a gift. I decided yesterday, that I would give them to myself. My heart gave a little leap...a little thrill, when I opened the tiny box, and thumbed through the very wonderful and familiar images, but the card stock is so sparkling and bright and new, and the size might take a little getting used to. It really made me miss my other cards. On the other hand they slip so easily into the miniscule pouch that I call a purse, and there's still room for other things! (Which is certainly something I could never do with any of my other decks, including the old Hanson Roberts.) I suppose they are an adequate replacement, and I suppose that by keeping them in my bag, and taking them everywhere with me, I can start to wear off some of that shiny new feeling. But I do longingly remember, and still somewhat grieve for, my lost cards...and the energy they held, full of so many years and so many people and so many stories. I still have a little ounce of hope that they may someday return to me.... When I'm ready...

sagitarian	20 Jul 2003
My first deck was bought for me for my 19th birthday by my best friend at the time. That was almost 11 years ago. That was the only deck I used for almost 9 years. One day I put it in my purse as I usually did, just rubberbanded the deck together and off I went (no bag or anything). A few days later I was taking only one of my children out and about with me. I threw into the same purse as my tarot, a banana in case my child wanted a snack later. Sure enough she did, but only ate half the banana. I don't remember where I was, but there was no garbage cans, so I threw the rest of the banana (as covered up as I could with the left over peel) back into my purse. We went home and I put the purse down. Well, this purse is a purse I don't usually use, after I set it down, I completely forgot all about it, the banana, and the tarot cards. A few months later, I wanted to use that purse. I pulled it out and unzipped it to through in it what I needed to take with me. The second I opened it, there was a horrid stench and found a rotten banana inside it that spread through out the purse. The tarot cards were destroyed, there was no saving them. I feel though that they wanted to go, they knew I would never let go of them so my guides never sent me the message of "hey, clean out that banana remember?". It was time for me to move on and learn more but I wanted to rest for a little while longer. I was in no hurry to pick up another deck. Last year, My sister (Alissa) found out that I don't have a deck anymore. As she started exploring her studies in tarot, she really wanted to buy me a deck to begin using again. I felt that it was time to pick it up again, so I agreed. I picked out The Celtic Dragon Tarot, but this deck is a very personal deck for me, and no doubt will later be passed on to my son (he has a dragon spirit). Actually, I believe it was him that persuaded me into getting this beautiful deck cuz you see, I was pregnant with him at the time that I picked it out and they called to me, but really they were calling to him but I heard it. However after doing some meditation with this deck, I came across my own dragon guide that I feel is with me to help guide me into understanding my son in raising him. If he accepts, I don't know when I'll pass it on to him, but it will be his deck when I feel he's ready to own his own deck. He's only 7 months old now. SHortly after picking up this deck and coming to this site, I realized that I still barely knew anything about tarot, so I wanted to get another deck to help go back to the basics, and study the basic tarot. Before, I went off on only my intuition of what the cards told me. So I picked up the Universal Waite deck, and begin studying. THis was completely new to me, so I barely understood anything about it. I ended up picking up the book 78 degrees of wisdom. The more I turned to the book to understand the cards, the more I was relying on the book and forgetting my intuition, books are addicting and causes you to not trust yourself, also I feel it blocks you to opening up and hearing the message in the card. Not always does the card mean the definition in a book. More often then not, the card will have a special message for each individual, and now the only time I rely on traditional/book definitions is when I am at a complete loss or doing a very basic reading. So I learned the basic meanings, symbols, and read up on some of the more difficult cards for me, and regardless, they are still difficult for me. Which brings me to my next phase...I was glancing around here, diving into some of the study forums, and came across the faerie oracle study group. After looking up this deck and seeing a few of the cards, I HAD to have it. Now it's my primary deck I use for reading, but I teach tarot using the universal waite. Then, one day, I saw some pics of my beloved old deck, and I missed them, and thought maybe now is a good time to return them to my collection I have going now. And sure enough, just as I was thinking this, Mimers put up an exchange of the hanson roberts deck for another deck. So I took her up on it. The deck came back to me, and I opened it, it felt so strange. Here were the cards that I remembered so well, my old friends, yet so completely different. And now knowing the relationships that I've built with my other decks, this deck seemed so foreign, yet I remembered all the different meaning I put into the cards. When I looked at them, I still felt those meanings, and yet, that's not what those cards mean to me anymore. Like I said before, I went off on strictly intuition, and now I mix both, not realizing how much I really did mix in both traditional book meanings and my intuition. The cards weren't "right" anymore. I tried doing a few readings with them, but they were turning up gurggle. I just got to the point that I had the deck, but I didn't want to use it, it wasn't "mine". So I decided to part with it as well (poor deck, getting passed around and around). Around this point is when I started working at a metaphysical bookshop. The day I started, I met a wonderful reader who also works there. I recommend her to people too! In any case, we were talking about cards, readings, and the like. She said that she knows she suppose to begin studying tarot, and that she feels that the deck she's suppose to learn from is in the store, but she's looked and it's not, but her guides are telling her it is. The hanson roberts deck was in my purse at the store. I told her, you're suppose to have the hanson roberts deck. Immidiately I got up to get it for her and gave her the deck, she looked at me stunned not believing that I am just handing her this deck. I told her "go on, shuffle the cards and see what comes up" she did so, and pulled temperance. Her face turned white as she was SHOCKED. Later she told me that she dreamed of the temperance card the previous night. She pulled one more card, 8 of pentacles, the card of apprenticeship and studying. I knew right away that this was a perfect match. So she's been working with the deck ever since, and it's been doing some wonderful work in her life, which I'm glad. So it was time for me to just say good bye to my old friend and remember this deck like I remember playing with an old doll that has been long gone thrown away. I still will always have a special place in my heart for that deck, but now I know it's not just any Hanson roberts deck, it was My Hanson roberts deck that was special to me.

The Memories of a Deck, Old and New thread was originally posted on 17 Jul 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.