what is a helpful answer when people just want to know the outcome?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 02 Jul 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

quan_yin	02 Jul 2003
Hi, I have a friend who has started dating a new man. She asked for a reading, and I could use your suggestions on how to phrase my answer to her. The reading is pretty clear that is will be a very intense, significant and emotionally involved relationship. I did 3 different throws. The Star, Empress, Lovers and World have all shown up. But the outcome on all three throws was not positive (5 of cups on one, 10 cups Rx on another, 1 of Swords Rx on a third). What do I say to my friend? I don't want to tell her it won't work because I think this relationship has many good things to be experienced in it. She might be discouraged from giving it a shot if she hears it will end rough. But I can't lie either, and say that it'll work out great. I don't know what is the most helpful thing to say. Thanks.

Trogon	03 Jul 2003
Hmmm... Interesting little dillema there quan_yin. From your subject line, it sounds as though this person came to you and said "is this new relationship going to work out? But don't give me all the mumbo-jumbo, just tell me 'yes or no'." Or something like that? I would be a little hesitant to try to do this without going through all the cards and what they are trying to tell the querrent. If a person approached me this way, I would probably try to explain that the Tarot often doesn't give such direct answers but frequently leads us to examine ourselves and why we may be questioning the situation. Then again, I suppose if a querrent insisted on such an answer, I might give it to them. I would tell him or her what I came up in the cards with appropriate clarifications as I felt necessary. There have been several threads on how to approach telling people the truth when that truth might seem difficult. You don't need to be mean about it, but for me, I need to be honest with the people who come to me. I am a little curious about something though. You mentioned that you did three readings for this person on the same issue, is that correct? I'm wondering why you felt a need to do 3 full readings on the one issue? (No criticism is meant in any way... I am just wondering about it.)

sagitarian	03 Jul 2003
You know...it seems to me that actually, this realtionship will make her self examine herself more closely. 5 of cups is a reflection of the past of what has hurt you, rx ten of swords is dealing with the internal pain (usually reflecting an incident in the past that has yet to have been delt with) and the rx 1 of swords, again, internal thoughts, perhaps going back to what originally started her on the path she's on now. Surprised the hermit didn't come up for goodness sakes! I don't know that this will end "badly" but as the relationship progresses, somehow it will lead her to self examination into areas of her past that she may feel is behind her now. I believe this to be a good thing honestly. Perhaps the person who she is with now will help her find her own internal strength to go into these shadowed realms and fully examine them once and for all to be able to truly move forward into a more serious relationship with him. I do agree though, anyone that came up to me, and say, don't bother with the rest, just tell me if it will work or not, it just doesn't work like that. It doesn't give yes or no answers, it gives you insight for you to work with if you choose to take their advice. Someone like that, I wouldn't read for them personally, no answer is cut and dry.

Lee	03 Jul 2003
I think the important thing to remember is that the querent always has more control over the situation than the cards do. So, even if you interpret those final outcome cards as "bad" cards (and I agree with sagitarian that you don't necessarily have to interpret them that way), you might say something like, "things look like they have a potential of turning out badly, but that's only if you continue on your current course. Now, let's take a look at the prior cards and see where in the past, or in your unconscious attitudes, things started going wrong, and how you might change your attitudes so as to prevent that final outcome from coming about." This places control of the situation back to where it should be, i.e. with the querent and not with the cards. One way to lessen the probability of receiving a "negative" final outcome card is to lay out three cards for that position instead of just one. That way you'll have a mix of influences instead of just one card, allowing for a more interesting and three-dimensional examination of what the final outcome might be. -- Lee

Minos	03 Jul 2003
Tell her it has the potential to burn out (or actually, peter out is more like it), so take things easy and enjoy it. (Edited to put additional emphasis on 'potential').

Original Destiny	04 Jul 2003
Hello, It's always difficult to give this sort of answer without influencing the outcome in some way. I would say that the cards are biased in one way but are only a general guide and personal commitment has a great deal of influence over the outcome. I feel that the person is giving over control of the relationship to you and needs to accept responsibility of their own actions. As a general rule I always encourage clients to make their own choices by asking them to take active control over their own destiny whenever possible. Being a Counsellor, this makes me wonder why that person wants to give up control of the relationship to someone else, and i would persue this line of enquiry.........

quan_yin	06 Jul 2003
Thanks to all for their great thoughts! Yes, I believe she expectss a Yes or No answer, and perhaps she already thinks I might say No. Which is not true, since I think she should go ahead and date this man, as there is a lot there to be experienced. I just don't think it is going to work out in the long run, given the way the energies are RIGHT NOW. I don't want to be so vague and water down the reading to the point that it does not offer much help. But I didn't want to discourage her either! I do like the way the man feels, and I think he is a good guy but I just don't think they are going to be together for the bulk of their lives. But you never know, I could be wrong... P.S. fyi I usually do 3 different throws when people ask about a relationship. One looks at where both people are (spiritually, emotionally, physically) as well as the obstacles and advice and outcome. Spread 2 is a CC for a general look at the relationship. Spread 3 is a Past-Present-Future throw. IT helps me to ask about a relationship in 3 different angles with different questions. Inevitably the throws make sense when compared with each other.

Trogon	07 Jul 2003
Quote: Originally posted by quan_yin P.S. fyi I usually do 3 different throws when people ask about a relationship. One looks at where both people are (spiritually, emotionally, physically) as well as the obstacles and advice and outcome. Spread 2 is a CC for a general look at the relationship. Spread 3 is a Past-Present-Future throw. IT helps me to ask about a relationship in 3 different angles with different questions. Inevitably the throws make sense when compared with each other. Hmmm... this is a very interesting idea... had never thought of doing a reading on a complicated subject in this manner. I can see how it would be helpful. Thanks for sharing the idea.

The what is a helpful answer when people just want to know the outcome? thread was originally posted on 02 Jul 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.