When a querent only wants a certain answer...???

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 31 Aug 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Logiatrix	31 Aug 2003
I have a friend for whom I do readings on a fairly regular basis. She also goes to a metaphysical shop where she pays for psychic readings (also with tarot) on occasion. Sometimes I get the feeling, based on what she tells me about the paid readings, that the psychics are telling her what she wants to hear. Another possibility is that she CHOOSES to only hear the good stuff and forgets the rest. I don't know for sure, because I have never gone with her to these readings. I've never vocalized my suspicion about this, because it seems to make her happy. However, I recently did a reading for her, and she apparently asked the same questions she asked at the metaphysical store a few days prior. The first spread I did for her seemed to be fine, but on the second spread, she decided it made no sense at all. She even began to argue with me! When I calmed her down and asked her "why?" she said that the psychic at the store said just the opposite about that same issue. I then asked her what exactly her question was, and she told me. The spread actually made a lot of sense as a response to her question. It became clear to me that my friend just didn't like my answer. Initially, I began to doubt my reading ability, compared to a PAID PSYCHIC reader. I don't claim psychic ability, I just interpret the cards as I see them, using knowledge and intuition. Also, I don't currently charge for my readings. Looking back on the reading, I am very sure that I read the cards clearly, intuitively, and without bias. This got me thinking about the possibility of a certain kind of querent who is bound to surface in one's experience as a reader. How does a reader handle a querent who just wants good news? Or is there something else I am missing here? Please help me! :(

Aerin	31 Aug 2003
It sounds to me like your friend may be using Tarot in an unhealthy way, perhaps becoming rather dependent on it to confirm her own views of herself and even perhaps to make her decisions for her. It is very possible that she is only hearing what she wants to hear, it is also possible she is being told what she wats to hear: as you say, it isn't possible to know. Such an extreme sounding reaction to a different take on a question! sounds like you struck a nerve. Asking the same questions of the psychics and you adds to my impression of unhealthiness: unless circumstances have changed and/ or you want a different aspect of an issue brought to light I can't see the point (not a useful one anyway). Perhaps it would be better if you didn't read for her any more, it doesn't sound fair on you or her. Have you done a reading on this issue (e.g. what action you need to take in relation to reading for her) for yourself? It might help you to clarify some things. On the general point, I guess all you can do is to check that the querent is approaching the reading with an open mind. If they just want confirmation of something they 'know', or they just want positives then there is no point in going ahead because they won't hear any advice the cards might have led them to. Best to explain this up front than to argue the toss on a reading later. Aerin

Elle	31 Aug 2003
I know many people like this and I despise reading for them. It is a misuse of tarot, for sure. It is desperation; they are searching only for what they want to see as their future reality, not for what is really there. A pitfall for tarot readers everywhere... Don't worry, says nothing of your reading ability... Warmest, Elle

catlin	01 Sep 2003
I would not read any more for that socalled friend of yours as she only seems to use you and your abilties. She is not interested in the true sense of tarot she just wants to hear what she likes to hear.

bunnyhop	01 Sep 2003
what nerve! i can't believe she argued with you over a free reading. i think she may have had some doubts and wanted to test you and the psychic. i don't read for people like that. like you, i don't charge for my readings (it kind of gives you the upper-hand in situations like these), but some people think a reading is worth as much as you charge for it (even though you are doing the reading out of the kindness of your own heart). when someone gives me grief about a free reading, and i know i've read to the best of my ability (like you do) i tell them to shove it. i don't like to waste my time and energy, and i'm sure you don't either. late :)

Teranar	01 Sep 2003
I avoid answering the question if they won't like my answer. I make like a polititian and just tell them things they can do to improve things. Or I lie through my teeth if it looks like they're gonna hit me, then sneak around to attempt to make what I say true.

Logiatrix	04 Sep 2003
Thank you, all, for your supportive responses and suggestions. I think that this particular experience was an important lesson that I needed to learn. It also made me more grateful for the wonderful network of support I have here on AT. ((((EVERYONE)))) Thanx again! :)

mondk	05 Sep 2003
I don't think I would read for her again. She abused her privilege to receive a free reading by you and then argued with you over it. I have had many querents like her, they filter out the tough stuff and focus instead on the pleasant aspects in the reading. I even had one querent one time who wanted me to shuffle the cards until they said what she wanted. It sounds like your friend may have some psychological issues going on. It would probably be better and less draining for you to not read her again. Just my 2 cents!!! Blessings, Michelle

Trogon	05 Sep 2003
Hi Tauni! No... I don't think you need doubt your reading ability at all. In fact, as Aerin mentioned, it sounds as though you "struck a nerve"... you may have been much closer to the "truth" than the "paid psycic" was. I have had a couple of similar experiences, where the person would have an angry, or other very negative reaction to what I was saying because I was hitting very close to something very difficult for them to deal with. In those instances, I have found that by asking them why they were having such strong reactions to what I was saying can get them talking about the situation and why it's painful for them. In any case, I do stick to my guns. I tell them that these are the things I'm seeing in the cards. They can take them for whatever they might mean to them, or they can discard them if that is what seems best to them. I just pass on what I "see" in the reading, that information is theirs to do with as they feel is right.

divinerguy	05 Sep 2003
Kind of like a baseball umpire, I call 'em as I see 'em. Whether I'm mistaken, or the querent doesn't believe me, or any one of a thousand intervening events, I don't change my readings. I do, however, tell the querent exactly that -- that I may be mistaken, or any one of a thousand intervening events may occur. I let them decide what they want to do with the information, because that's what they'll do anyway. If you're thinking about not giving them a candid reading because of what they might think, you should consider whether to read for them at all.

MeeWah	05 Sep 2003
Divinerguy: Hear, hear! Very well expressed & I concur.

Logiatrix	09 Sep 2003
To mondk, Trogon, divinerguy, and MeeWah, my gratitude for your responses. I am seriously taking heed of the excellent insight shared here... (which by-the-way, mondk, yours is always worth much more than 2 cents! ;) ) Peace, Tauni

The When a querent only wants a certain answer...??? thread was originally posted on 31 Aug 2003 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.